HR MEMO
To all Employees:7@ Y F.dA%R> > Effective January 2007*Ts){ i/t;s9K
> >3q:Ls:rSH7j+g8p
> > Dress CodeZ}#mXkA
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not,L t&@;K/zX0]
> > need a pay raise.Kq}:kpk#i&|)M`
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manageU tq yS3D-z`h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.:{p8| v1E*Qs k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay*hZKPJ2u
> > raise. A%]p%z$xS/p}6G
> >
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness. @(u-HR ii2WW
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.l5yl fO"R$x
> >
> > Holiday Days_ N+S0]6J^k1F A
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.m4g1Zz`yR0N
> > r8V&[Q$vsm
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-!E!p5e1|5G {'b
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is A @.`.w j o(z [x
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the"g lD V8D T-OHP%~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave oneP.p1z[ m D
> > hour early.XG X,X{4c?;vV
> >
> > Toilet Usex#_&nm6{|,L(a8u
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles."R3Ds+Z$Q z-]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will Xd0xa#Q H D a|
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be!F U6u o {.vm g
> > posted on the company notice board under theX&S eBuyW
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.v8O G2i7l7b
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/\(v D/f EI r/Xs
> > policy.
> >b1QU&s7DX'f
> > Lunch BreakGa8N6CP @
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they sPG%Ah!}u-~+H}
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to%{a n!j&O#?n)W,H3V
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0s R `VA#F
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience. v4|'^K h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.
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