HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! g; e, s% N9 G, X+ ?. D* ^  p> >                     Effective January 2007
: a# Y, N, h8 m" Y> >
- v- w7 P9 k" {3 N% Z. b! G> > Dress Code
0 h5 j3 j6 p! d" ^' r& W1 y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' Q" ]- \1 T* V0 V. g
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. V7 Y* L, K" R4 H% E6 d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( }3 q9 J/ i+ _" \7 C3 O> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( Z: M; I0 w; k5 t$ b7 e> > need a pay raise.
) l2 [8 h1 j4 c& d+ r> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 |0 G/ j7 O4 Q9 ^% ^( I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* Z8 ]- m7 _5 W' Q+ B/ Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 y& @; ^) _5 C, C" g> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 c* t( B- m' k2 l> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ n3 O7 r9 {) z( w& g
> > raise.# s' G' _; z) C) D
> >
8 s" f3 F, k# M4 l% {> > Sick Days/ Q9 t" @$ p# C3 U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* p9 L# c5 D: z0 g' d/ h4 ]( C$ E2 R> > proof of sickness.
& F; v7 d* U6 O: U+ U. @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. Z# @% N+ I0 Y
> > to come to work.
5 _9 S2 n3 L3 E3 `* T$ i$ H> >
* J" d" Z+ a& N+ H5 c2 N  J/ l> > Holiday Days
  _0 t4 v3 j( B  ]* w' T* J> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) _" b9 Z( J9 r( s9 Y& R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 `5 I9 i: T' ]- Z9 L7 K' i
> >; F5 m; i5 }/ k) ]9 J6 J
> > Compassionate Leave/ Y2 [! Q' w3 H, I
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 @6 Z( S  N' x, Y. _> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( ?# \' G; i. W9 ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' l* \5 ^+ S$ r> > employees attend to the arrangements.. ]. N+ f" z) ?# q& e, W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ L% l: J* U6 l4 w: F0 V$ T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 n! h8 e3 l5 ~, R+ A$ B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
0 p, d# h6 A, n3 M1 i> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 S0 J. l: H, }. [
> > hour early.2 i* {2 u5 }1 L5 P) y# Y& ^% b1 m- p$ ]
> >
* Q! {- r! S2 R! C; {: b8 B> > Toilet Use
6 t* F7 {$ P! t  e  [, u! }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ o1 g% E: p: a7 n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 H& u( K: H" C/ B9 L6 B1 f
> > in the cubicles.
% n/ O7 W0 k- b0 X1 T& T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; f. _( f1 c. J! X) a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  v  S! K; S& F
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# n$ E; C/ q) B) k- X7 B+ Q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 H; {7 f, T! Q4 |0 O" r: m> > posted on the company notice board under the0 Y' ~  t2 a. Y2 M! O; |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  }8 u- X0 p% \# R' z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: v8 ~8 f( _" l' M# F
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 m9 p  t  Z% B> > policy.3 c! [. u0 g" b8 O0 s
> >
. s1 m' T# [5 j; `; t( \> > Lunch Break
/ V  _/ N$ ]% E: c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' `+ C% v  T( k) j4 t8 g! `: {
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- C7 W0 p2 F4 _* b# ^8 Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ g; g( K4 c8 c4 A# L+ I> > maintain their average figure.
) x; \% r% X4 n2 ^# w> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 X1 y2 B' A, `' y" C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 B+ u+ s! s5 f2 D0 U4 d4 K% R; M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  q: v/ o; Z/ R8 M% l; u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: @5 W6 ?$ M/ F. V2 C$ K
> > employment experience.
# w4 _4 p: V8 c! {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* ]5 o: _; R0 V% |7 B% |; r
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 W9 k- {' e$ y' l  D
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be. O. e( e: E: M) A+ b% [; [8 Z" V8 V3 O" M
> > directed elsewhere.