HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ s9 ]- r7 l9 t& N) n8 r/ l1 }
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code) h% U% ^$ X" U1 [/ R4 E: ~5 p. K
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% Z5 O. A  d, d0 j; @
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 f9 T+ ]4 M' A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) ]# K: x. B( F" t8 E8 V8 d( P" z- e> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: h3 @! m4 ?) @3 ^7 F/ F> > need a pay raise.
0 _! F# c% u1 I  u& Y( Z; E! ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ o7 c/ m  G3 N: e. f0 s+ }
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* w0 V0 P* [) @, }# U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 f% X9 h" R! ~' m7 {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 A" d5 \) c/ L# u4 g
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 I, J: O1 a% m0 W> > raise.- w" g8 \2 Q( p6 j
> >
& ^% @9 a; q: [1 Y, ?9 d2 q! y& |1 m> > Sick Days( H- R! I( R$ E/ V5 z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& A2 _2 S# w! S( H; F4 Q' W> > proof of sickness.
  J1 I2 ?/ ]. e, E) p3 W, D6 D1 u2 l2 X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 p6 c3 c& d% G$ i  a
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days3 f' B' a3 |7 S; o, b3 \1 l8 W
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 I. r" O. X5 B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 Z9 f, k, m# T
> >
/ a& a8 B7 m# n. j1 `. ?. g5 f) G> > Compassionate Leave
0 K9 Z1 P3 O( t$ V> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 n' e; Q8 \! B( [  Z6 E> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, i" h. b# p9 ]2 h$ A6 {* y5 k/ U) |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 G, d* [# ~3 ~  f7 F+ ?> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ n7 ~+ F* n6 V! `6 p
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, P! _* ]) j# H; p+ W9 g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 D% [$ D# E$ d  X/ H& x
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 c  ~6 O7 m7 q/ u- M9 k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& A8 S* u% I- {  _$ K
> > hour early.
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3 E5 @6 H5 M) X( X0 A; H> > Toilet Use. `  W0 l0 N+ q! l
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ n" W' G" L% f% s" q4 F> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 I3 s) _3 k1 _+ O3 [% H( c2 T> > in the cubicles.
0 P! ~6 [+ X: H; w: f1 v, t  S( n> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; g# v( E4 m: ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 M2 _. E8 L( K7 K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# N. I* u$ d4 X/ @. s/ Z  X
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! A5 ^/ a0 g1 _& U/ q4 @  b( E> > posted on the company notice board under the! |  ]( Y+ `: q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ {  @5 ?" U3 W  d5 P8 ]
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ k% I! ~0 O& _2 p  I1 z9 u
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( ~4 `! l- G3 S0 D+ i5 a> > policy.% o. ?% n/ V) x( T) U
> >
4 c7 |: [4 _# c  [' u' ^> > Lunch Break
: f* A  }3 h! o: y0 \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 c! l4 L9 U" P
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* |$ P+ v; B! z/ ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 Z" U$ E! x! M7 e! f# E3 P! G> > maintain their average figure.
  q3 w7 P: z8 I* [- D: i! {) \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" \$ x" a$ p, @& S
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  f' T' T( i1 o
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; I* V6 j! k& J! k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 D- \( P+ @' o% N5 {5 v$ _3 T. U
> > employment experience.& \0 T! ~% ~! s* o) H
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- v# \. k0 V, N5 h% [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ R/ A5 P* Z5 G3 d9 ?> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- ]0 J. k' u" r# W) h
> > directed elsewhere.