HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) C! r5 T% Y4 j5 B8 |$ s- b
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
8 [2 X# q7 x5 K6 n# }9 h> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; `- E* c$ U, m( T* L% w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ P! d" f: g2 g/ d& y8 H2 r' N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 B9 V4 j$ M: ?" B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 ~( n$ [: D. w
> > need a pay raise.
0 \5 B  B) A7 \2 z' j. h+ a: g> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ u3 N: t! k/ }9 F1 [0 h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. w3 e1 f% d- I- C8 u% _* ]
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' E7 P2 M$ g1 E, ^$ x> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, g! c6 g# G; Y4 o" q$ l
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 l8 A) R1 p0 q4 q> > raise.8 B# _6 H1 P  T
> >
( r, c- j; n8 q4 h0 F) |( E> > Sick Days
# D, a# t% U, j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ `0 ~7 ?3 ?* W8 s1 S( C  N5 J
> > proof of sickness.& D; c1 D/ Y8 ?( I" v
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
, a( K" D, {9 Y5 b/ q. p7 F> > to come to work.% J. V! d( A7 P& \3 Z1 N9 Z. _
> >1 U0 W6 O' H# I: e1 B) p- i
> > Holiday Days! K1 b6 L# G' g+ ^7 a. |) T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 S2 r* O6 Y! M/ P: }- B9 d, A
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 {, \/ I9 q$ n( m6 q. s% x& O
> >4 b3 G7 a$ Q2 ?0 s3 D" A
> > Compassionate Leave$ S& [8 T2 o* J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 e$ i8 v! E! B$ z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ F. Q3 ~6 o+ s> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# v! X) y/ }  S) Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& a( u+ Q# T7 m9 w! G) [9 S> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 L6 H. w4 d8 q( U2 z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. A  K1 ]4 N$ o; ]; X: N% A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% S. n" u4 X: p# ^$ _> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ o5 Q6 q6 e9 k: ?7 n> > hour early.+ z+ S6 _) P. L: W
> >
* Y2 H. g+ T, V& y* ^: q> > Toilet Use
( Z4 i5 ]9 M( z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" f7 z, L7 Y4 Q# c; [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: X, @* D; Y9 Q8 ^
> > in the cubicles.3 q/ [& _! \: Q1 N4 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 I" Z' Y/ m0 k2 H7 X; U' O5 b> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# d0 F. L4 |. ]: Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  p7 o1 V* s7 h
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 r1 h7 k. l+ U
> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ s2 f$ t& ^, _( _> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  C9 m9 P+ t2 Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ P6 B& {9 D  V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& I) z3 n4 r: p7 @3 W  t> > policy./ v# S( Z: c6 f1 b% A
> >
' ~' t) N5 h5 @6 l/ G# d0 R1 G> > Lunch Break' A6 O2 x2 V0 v5 J
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 r& \/ S2 M3 m- r( X> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 E, q- K- s4 d  s# c6 H, f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. \& s" R8 d1 M5 D& h! v. M
> > maintain their average figure.
: E8 Q* Y& I0 S* D+ w! _3 X1 V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) x( Z1 ^3 F2 ?  ^. N. ]0 r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ q& C/ R8 e  l  s/ h' D& S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
5 U/ K5 [  [# c3 e. C; `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& r$ v) f9 }* [# ?> > employment experience.1 K, L5 k' ~  S# Q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- }$ k8 k( `4 J- k% f> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# D  A, _% f5 q- H$ r> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 ]" l" ]* Q5 s& ]- T> > directed elsewhere.