HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( E1 w% T1 k0 ]! }# Q
> >                     Effective January 2007- A- }6 X- Y9 j, K
> >
# f' z! ]  e+ U% o* s( J) @8 F> > Dress Code  g8 a5 Q+ S! y' R
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& I, Y% d* d+ Y$ P  ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& Z) O- O- \; ]6 \( p, p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" k; \& T. f) H2 A. R+ `
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- {; K  h9 Z6 T2 H> > need a pay raise.
/ p* a9 G! p' b) Q; c: ]- d> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ k8 p" ^+ Y6 P) D+ u) U) g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% X, m/ {" v( `5 [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ u( N3 W$ ^2 X# ?, j% @3 f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) o4 Q  Z# s# a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 R% |- f2 @/ K  ^. J> > raise.; k9 |: O6 y/ R6 w
> >' O+ r2 p" q' C. b8 }+ B4 I0 d! O
> > Sick Days4 P: k" e( I; w4 z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& o3 L+ T+ k1 e- T" A% m> > proof of sickness.. I$ W1 q; S& v6 h1 O& g
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 Z$ w! q( C4 m8 ^6 M- I
> > to come to work.2 t- ^/ L/ D8 J# _
> >
/ N) Y! u+ U! k, Q7 e3 y> > Holiday Days3 d6 w) f0 ~: k8 n  B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& w2 R( D1 M; J  l# _' m
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' x( W; y* X. B) i6 I
> >
& f( A/ A. ^% Q> > Compassionate Leave
! [6 D4 @- X: K2 m/ e/ `) ~> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! E1 ~! L' F1 a2 ^1 i- W
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 C7 p" @* v, V5 U! D> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, X5 d- ^. c' _
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% \! d1 O; R4 x& H- e; t1 F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  p8 p, r: Z  ]/ o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 f: d! Z& Y# @9 f> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  b  i2 [! G. V, T8 W- V. p0 g6 a& D
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 f4 ]: ]( u) Z; z) U> > hour early.4 K  E8 |& c5 X5 ^- T( \& D
> >
$ U% D2 S' |0 f5 o9 q, D% M0 e> > Toilet Use
; O2 [) @/ x& N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: w" o* ?$ d) x! S+ @2 t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! G8 x: L9 s' p6 E) U
> > in the cubicles.
: {" o- G; _3 E. \, D  u, ^, \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" T/ l$ W6 |. T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ \8 [; a3 |. M; }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 i4 i9 x( M7 F' Q8 m. @4 [> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ h* }: y5 p) X; l> > posted on the company notice board under the
' `, }; b6 {4 T3 j7 l> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 E/ y( @* a6 f! z" r8 K( Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 q( m7 n; w4 d* I8 T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% l, n  h1 N2 g* c
> > policy.
$ {; E  o4 _# u5 m! C% P5 S> >3 s% ~* m  A- `& u7 r( V, M
> > Lunch Break
4 _& I9 y. O0 T, H% A9 l+ k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ T0 B0 o/ P! N> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ a3 X( {- b" q/ a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# J4 ]3 @3 P5 {* |% `6 V! J
> > maintain their average figure.
8 q# P' h/ L0 X9 G$ t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, d& I- U3 Y; T5 h, o' k: Y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ T6 O7 T+ U! r9 ^: n, D, x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 E/ l  Y, y7 }/ L) e# R
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. t. n- A' G5 r" Q6 t! a. s> > employment experience.
( I* a" }* g  z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) Q3 _) _4 \3 a$ P> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 Z, j* B4 H: x3 s7 A> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 G0 o  x3 v6 d) a+ T
> > directed elsewhere.