HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 S* H' Y$ \8 t5 K2 b1 k
> >                     Effective January 2007# ^8 P' s2 }1 h" s
> >
9 V  X% K" K) e! _" i  T) p# M> > Dress Code- U/ v: q" g$ o' i  g1 {; ~  y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ V- V* h1 Y, F5 N/ k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# N5 K( Z3 f1 \" }& L2 o5 V> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 Q0 {- U4 G# B( n6 C( p  o
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, n3 S, n- O: e: b5 b  V
> > need a pay raise.( ]$ k% f: |4 A2 ^
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 a0 x/ @& E9 h$ v1 T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 a. [4 z/ {8 [" n> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 [; e9 {1 @0 r+ N# R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ _( k5 Q; W  j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 d; p; G; A7 h> > raise.+ A, Z! Z# L/ d4 }
> >. J0 D! ^1 G1 g2 l1 h
> > Sick Days1 }/ P2 u! k( [9 y* D) ^& m  n1 R2 a3 X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, k7 U7 w! b8 @' ^1 {0 l
> > proof of sickness.
1 f, i7 o3 O/ {+ U> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 Z- \& p% W! g# w( @* s> > to come to work.1 |- h8 v2 {4 W7 g0 v
> >! `& ^9 l- O' I3 p1 Z  V5 @, K7 N
> > Holiday Days% r6 D- P) Y, {, p; ?* D- a$ {+ X7 K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 n+ t4 o; d6 q0 L" x! K3 T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ U* A, c$ Y2 ~  q9 z4 s& i> ># i% s$ d% [+ I+ w7 N8 [: e
> > Compassionate Leave
9 S8 i# V+ h6 x+ m  ]2 n0 N> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
( d) l: m6 D1 `2 N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 c8 w: W9 C& K# P6 m> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 \/ [1 E  |% g1 ]1 A5 ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ p: X+ \1 X; f6 g1 E> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 o5 K6 A0 T0 E1 ~1 F4 C1 v0 C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, \3 _. [1 x+ ?, U: i  R$ s; e
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; v2 k, [$ ?& P% {( v+ K> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ V0 X: S$ x1 w5 q# h( k; G
> > hour early.
4 t4 Z# j& F9 {  N1 `% @6 V> >
9 I. x8 j9 O; w2 ?% d> > Toilet Use
) f2 n4 A3 n; `) c> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
4 F; Y2 Q  f# T% O/ ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 Z. S$ u9 k) X3 f$ z; X> > in the cubicles.2 O/ {  E6 E. o' N8 z" X9 @- @
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% d0 }" m6 U, N$ {& T' u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: U/ F# G1 r+ m: p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ q4 h8 s2 V; d9 I7 m/ B9 o
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. @( o% h) H% ?( i4 l, {
> > posted on the company notice board under the
' J, s& U  c. _7 s. V7 b) o7 O> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- ~& z2 I5 I* e  h2 t* {! ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! I5 A; S1 j2 I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ I! Q6 `7 r3 S/ l> > policy.; K; E8 F4 t% ]. o1 V8 g) m% F, P
> >
0 {: i. @4 F# [; [: @3 j> > Lunch Break
0 h2 O9 ?2 E+ @& p2 m* S) t$ y> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 ?- R% H2 J; R# S; _  @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ R# d  U6 j6 N: ^: E9 t
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 I7 d' ~) |; N. x( P/ ~> > maintain their average figure.
/ C- `, C$ x. i- {0 ~! T& e) g> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 w$ E5 f7 @4 j9 S# h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# c, Q, g3 ^; C0 W" ?, X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 }& y: M& R; ]/ }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% |' z$ `$ @) v. a% v& k$ o> > employment experience.1 s5 n; }1 E& w. `
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& i0 y/ f; G  r  t' J$ b
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ k0 m% p% _% x+ A# {3 V8 I9 G> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( I( e- s+ o6 K6 B4 I3 |2 u> > directed elsewhere.