HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 A7 c  I! ^7 m- u: O5 Z
> >                     Effective January 20071 u( Q- |# |8 H& ~/ a
> >
$ p+ [6 W- T: f5 G> > Dress Code7 [! Q9 m! a! B1 Z4 C8 f4 P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) M- g. {' h" K2 y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! x9 c& t- k/ E( E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& f5 ^+ H" f2 c# ~' |; l% V
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( N$ m; r, `$ x! T+ q> > need a pay raise.
1 k, K' V  @+ g! k> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 h$ s5 l8 y  S: [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 B: ~0 U3 v0 W# S" }) C% b$ @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 P. e  d9 V" R' x$ P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 e! t8 l, q- b% o& o$ a& _5 W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" q6 a. ~, _& t5 w2 Y
> > raise.3 _+ ?' h, u% I) Z
> >
% ]0 T4 R% `% L9 h> > Sick Days2 w- Z" ^% {) \3 w
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 ^1 a* e' E5 f( y* O6 B* e3 h- ?
> > proof of sickness.
7 T% v2 {/ Z7 V> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! k  m2 s* o, ]4 I* Q) a. v) p, }  b
> > to come to work.
! G5 {. V" X# Q; Q: s2 ~/ K" |, u> >  E; `8 x+ s0 B' t4 h
> > Holiday Days1 N' W5 Z. o' x& v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, c" M4 B' }. {) B> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; s! t) U7 [$ x# P% a/ s
> >
$ [" Z. a* @8 q, Q9 M6 C: a. d: v: @' n> > Compassionate Leave# a% A" a& D4 S/ v
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  `: c" A  V4 Q! W* `* |> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! m+ U6 b: @8 S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' ]( c# V/ \; p- [1 ?7 w1 x, |1 Y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. q/ w- K4 x) h" g+ s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* K$ m% h, B# c: H> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* @4 j; ~3 \* [, o5 l/ b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 p. A/ u7 Y8 R  ~/ p8 P, x> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 c# o/ H/ X( U7 K* n" N# h> > hour early.- q  d& m- X6 X5 S2 H" C" `) R! P- V
> >
+ m: O% r, R4 r$ V3 u" y> > Toilet Use
0 C% A$ }7 `" J9 `> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 v. \( g8 J6 L- r) l7 w, \> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 T' Q$ v- U& Y. J, r: d" v
> > in the cubicles.! _9 J6 {* s0 K5 M7 i
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" o* X" P; Y/ I- T- e
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; C+ @7 q5 y, o; Y0 a0 `4 x> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& a/ P/ T& z8 z% Y6 n+ p3 G1 I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! N; M( O5 z& }, T, _> > posted on the company notice board under the" U) q/ U1 a( h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* k- x+ }2 }+ W) C1 \> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 n% w+ v1 ?, B9 B! L> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) l8 J6 }. b) ?7 t' W) l/ i# V$ {> > policy.4 L; D" G' b' i" H- J! _0 E1 M1 k
> >
8 a3 o0 e2 U7 p6 v+ C5 H> > Lunch Break
# ~) H9 c2 M9 M! K" e: s* K( z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 k1 P8 T& @3 X7 [  T. j> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 d& b4 c$ G) ~, D2 X8 _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; d. t: w+ D$ W" r7 i) O> > maintain their average figure.
) }6 ]+ j& g  v! {/ T) g> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
$ c6 C$ u8 @# f4 I6 u$ I! o/ t9 r> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& e& `- u6 b! Z" {" C4 o
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 t6 i; ]% N$ {% V+ q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 ~% s* A* ^6 I
> > employment experience.* Y( m! }0 H4 C% j1 A" E
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. U7 ^7 ~2 d6 D0 U' \/ B; B8 Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) O& R( G7 y0 M: Q* w+ ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 q* g" x4 n* f' c& k1 [
> > directed elsewhere.