HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
# q1 ?) V1 e5 b: N7 E5 ^3 F> >                     Effective January 2007
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  j, O. n7 E( t6 l" k> > Dress Code2 [: c# {* W1 i& Q% J) ^( c: P7 z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; N, w- r' ^* J2 E* y6 m- }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 `7 a& F3 d2 ~* `% }" j8 H, n8 v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& z6 y& E* h! M5 Y! z0 K" X1 W* p- g> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' O3 g& A% ?4 j: h; j> > need a pay raise.
, a! ?$ t* s  t; c# O+ J) {' M> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' v) B% s- x+ s  r) n) m: e+ J
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 r# A8 g  a$ ]8 x# G
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; W3 o" q, O% Y/ ~8 i9 H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% x$ K' o8 h) I* I& ^5 ~, u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! J$ g) d* H# F7 e% s1 l
> > raise.& @" L- s5 x( Q: }5 h
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> > Sick Days
; |1 H4 M* f2 p8 y# w> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 R/ `: u" T* y$ Q1 q4 S& F9 D. S> > proof of sickness.! F1 E7 m& e8 W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ t& P; M* N$ p6 J
> > to come to work.8 ]8 D& W' c, x  H3 r, M4 G
> >
. A4 o6 Q' u; F* g) p! F> > Holiday Days: A( f2 t0 ^  i$ X% P& @+ {, \% H+ e* q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* Z: f- ?" u  t7 j; s
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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9 h! o0 J% z. t" M$ \% g> > Compassionate Leave
6 v: v4 m; f2 B> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! z: x8 A: U6 ]% W9 W0 m" d% t1 r* K
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! P6 L5 J* Q- W! c
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 t+ Z7 M: ^% b0 ?* u
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 a3 S' L( D' Y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 n3 d  {8 w( q- @- B* j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# U; j9 Z$ T0 A5 S- q+ v* O( m5 i0 z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. X) H2 D1 C$ o5 i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( h3 l; h/ V4 @6 G) R
> > hour early.
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( U7 ~  U" u2 G: A  O7 V> > Toilet Use
3 h0 B! I7 ]( T) ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ }/ @1 S# w; |; k. t; d' N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 _$ F$ U: b5 @6 z. n" @4 t
> > in the cubicles.9 j" e9 j  ~, }4 n" ~- }
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 r% D$ X4 R% @' J  F* w  Y1 ~! R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" }6 l0 q; |) r  B: E8 U4 \) r
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% E* \1 `+ S# V0 i+ e7 k) a/ z% E, a> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% O9 m+ q, T+ x: z> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 [5 ^6 W/ m; H' ]> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 H* \4 J. E2 i- E( N5 U- _
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. E; g/ }0 y3 C4 t/ ~, @, n
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 B7 }9 V+ s% N/ A7 |+ [( i2 _> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
% L; n6 J! z/ q% L  z! \0 i> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 G9 e( H, d' I  U$ y0 W) I+ L
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# Q  F2 t+ r! w8 C& b
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 i% r8 G9 t. b1 |+ D, y, C
> > maintain their average figure.
3 m2 p4 p, [# |7 c3 Y' ?8 _> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( z* S7 S5 U8 [* l& F) i" |+ d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 s1 L+ z- P+ b2 T& n$ ?7 }& V
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( P" u/ E5 s9 Y9 u( F) s, l
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 ~4 X+ }" v7 a( G) v9 j+ L+ E$ s# K> > employment experience.8 Y9 S, |  _+ U! z0 E' K/ d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' W% s# }; W5 I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 N/ m2 \7 ~' ]* g; z5 \> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
* \9 O+ y2 w* S. d3 P) ~0 U2 t3 F> > directed elsewhere.