HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 d7 |$ @6 V. A3 z) n0 Y> >                     Effective January 2007
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5 b. @0 `! O$ U> > Dress Code$ s# _. P$ b6 f" u  h3 L1 l- p
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 X3 T3 o3 R, ^( r+ |6 B
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 o* c6 K8 T  \: L4 j
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 r  r3 Y' I7 S+ I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 @6 r- N# V4 e1 Q
> > need a pay raise.
" ?% U5 v  x$ X4 n/ r" P: D6 e6 N' s+ A; y. m> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. l# G# a: {( M. X" e/ l  I/ p0 D5 ?( k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: O( K* p% |+ i3 E
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" x( _6 z3 t6 _0 L) |- V' b> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 e' v. P5 ^+ _6 k> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 y$ ]% v8 O' @  b4 p: d
> > raise.
3 K& |7 `% q  S> >; R: i( ?2 P9 B
> > Sick Days
! J) k& i4 l( F2 L# R! f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( ]3 B' |) k( e" x6 M% ]% O> > proof of sickness.
6 N" z2 a% q# g4 ?2 @" [* j9 A8 n8 B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 |( M. u; t: X: G, m9 o; L> > to come to work.
1 _+ S0 U! e( ~+ m+ ?0 g* p! ]> >
0 f, j  P8 [, ?( {> > Holiday Days; m& m- ?8 r$ L8 |, r0 }
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# z/ u7 e( V' Y; a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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% O" F+ o; ^4 m3 U, N# {' P> > Compassionate Leave2 ~( M) H1 o1 M( ]# J# a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ G3 N( b6 F$ l> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 _) M2 a1 \. M! a$ z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# l9 O$ E) c9 N  t0 b. ^. z: I& c8 g
> > employees attend to the arrangements.% F7 l5 G2 u4 H/ |3 K) n' ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. H! u5 b# \! \7 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- Y$ I' j- a. T3 Q2 Y% c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 j6 y+ R/ n" [5 Z+ W# G" ^
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' u& _- ?6 j: h& |$ J: V1 [/ e: ?> > hour early., T/ w) W' {0 ]2 f  r" L
> >
* @6 L0 n) b5 ]> > Toilet Use# K5 I# f0 }6 D! t
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 P+ N2 B* G! t& d( i+ z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ |7 S! ?: h3 E> > in the cubicles./ ~& `4 v: ?! [& K! s# }
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ W. G$ R& J+ M+ o+ Y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  T" x  f) H* s/ {7 ~- w: |> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 \% Q1 h* g, W" N& u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ D( C# n6 @0 L7 U# W$ r> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 B5 _4 g! f2 `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 q( F8 I% v  [( }0 P: V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# f9 ^* V1 x; K
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# p% q1 y$ l. }+ P> > policy.$ x" h- D* I6 L$ o. u
> >
. \* U( t5 x$ N: d) ^4 h> > Lunch Break! y8 C1 s' W' O0 @* k8 y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ J* Z! f  H) C/ m( Q: }5 X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 T4 {" X3 q3 d' k) t
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, c9 S; D( ]1 G; K7 E: ?> > maintain their average figure.
  G/ t; u! e3 q2 z, l4 `& I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& {/ I! c+ @# S8 t! _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( M- N5 h7 g# Q9 Q, f- F5 n: v> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 C/ d& q0 ]+ p* o0 R> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 p4 C6 ?0 r& ]4 v% ^$ d+ b) ?# ?> > employment experience.
! r; w8 j' \7 T+ [> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, V+ \  ~% n. H5 g3 o2 x. g1 A
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  V+ N8 g7 N9 l> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  d$ \9 C3 }- t8 w
> > directed elsewhere.