HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" f3 D  H- [# F# ~# w3 _7 e
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
8 C( G% G* ]/ r0 j0 X> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, s4 g3 A! [: |; i0 m> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; m3 c/ Y5 K8 |% V8 A& ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 y, u( H! L! W0 S0 C> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& S0 Z: g4 W# D6 n4 u- l8 b# V* C> > need a pay raise.
0 p# M6 e1 M+ f+ W$ _> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% x3 Y( H5 a" J9 G3 H, I> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  M2 w& W9 m" ?2 F8 w7 \7 L6 {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 W+ I. H: N0 s5 G> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- {, j5 a. L9 _( L% s* P4 |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) x( U: Z" H4 r( ~
> > raise.0 V5 K2 N& h: N8 U
> >
) s# {& y9 ^$ C9 T- _> > Sick Days
+ }6 d9 D/ x8 @! s4 [7 N/ L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# f, k/ g& `; l# I6 ~> > proof of sickness.9 I7 B0 F4 _! x* O5 @* {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, x+ @- ~& g2 t6 u2 i2 y5 Y
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days  }) w6 c: {$ I7 A9 d# z2 `) ]
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 X4 }% f9 K2 v" s& @  I( `
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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+ R0 W" T& ^$ s8 R; M( Y> > Compassionate Leave
  g4 p) G' {7 F. \4 M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 i" b0 k- y, \' R
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 m1 k* J% Y  S/ M) L3 W& \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' m# N0 L$ n' k/ L  V> > employees attend to the arrangements.* C$ b8 t$ w7 W( Q% ^+ G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) l# H2 v2 h: H! Z; ~2 s$ {( \> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; i* j* n, e/ V) R2 ?: @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ }0 B. G' L( `; t: y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* e1 Q, _( B) ]: v7 O' P, _
> > hour early.
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8 o( P- B# U  \$ U4 w4 V0 o> > Toilet Use
7 x& ^, F5 u, Z& q4 v2 ?- x1 w> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 M' a2 ?$ e; Q& ~0 L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* g0 U" G3 c& y# ?# G' G! u
> > in the cubicles.
7 \9 Z, \$ ]% M+ W> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, B0 G+ b% g/ }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, d  b/ n8 W/ x: g$ y' E8 t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ i  s3 F/ U" M7 e# i& u5 f
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
/ e' V" u5 h: ]; b$ N0 `+ T> > posted on the company notice board under the1 e# z2 L7 ?6 u: n9 v2 A& m
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 G3 C% b; s6 c% I0 {5 h' k3 X
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% N1 R, `  `4 L9 d" Y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" ^  i" h2 a- p+ `9 Z2 b2 B> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break" @& V0 i9 u1 R4 t* L% ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 R7 ]7 I. t. N8 A. p; H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! q% C. K: S- }& b3 w, d  W
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 E/ n- Z$ y; ^7 z7 ~9 V7 F
> > maintain their average figure.5 c6 R/ ^9 `5 j' |4 w
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& `% |( B6 F; c6 q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; p9 `  }4 V6 v, x6 r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# V$ G& c$ U6 H: }, n) d6 T& L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! a8 c2 Z) Q' R( k# M> > employment experience.- G. z! w, U/ U
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! G$ p( X7 g6 U' V$ `' k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- m1 o, W) D: D) s> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, e) J: S: w1 d; a$ a! T
> > directed elsewhere.