HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" }5 L" y$ ^! C1 Y
> >                     Effective January 2007$ e) A# e: \9 H" y
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> > Dress Code
9 A* h  J, o0 `' v& f. Z+ @> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, i0 F$ \9 c9 V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' \. }* g0 l2 D4 n) `' c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# V! K: `3 M. W9 P
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 g0 s. C6 s4 p0 N6 q
> > need a pay raise.
+ {8 a+ p4 J, C9 m% @> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% D1 P4 C+ z' z9 J. \' a, A# ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 ?. b! b& ?8 K7 n& t& b2 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% r% C' B  b% T1 z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( x5 W! H! h5 O  y9 m/ L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: }- A4 R: ]( l4 _. `
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days# D  y5 ~1 ]( R1 h& W
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 p; q+ ^# a9 C2 f> > proof of sickness., z" |/ v: i% s( @0 z) u; @* D
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  |6 e; b" x% m- h6 l> > to come to work.6 s- U) z. F) D. {8 w
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> > Holiday Days2 l  K/ L; j& ?& D/ x6 T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# j0 j! u$ j/ w3 Q7 x
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave& ^' M- ~7 S% G6 \- L) l
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ B: R! m) r( N% }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) R' I3 P5 r- o! _2 E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 g/ B0 |* t( I! F+ K" m> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 U3 ]* c8 d$ u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ C0 T  T+ q6 _. E9 M0 i+ V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; `3 z, m/ ~. w- _# ?> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( o6 |1 {" u- v7 L! S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 z5 m0 t* v$ F
> > hour early.2 A- E" e$ ?) j* u( C" e- v
> >" V6 Y# J" g7 A" }/ E% g
> > Toilet Use
* T) j# `" r- {9 O& {> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 g( e4 W6 u# ~* U% v5 r( y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ C" ?3 l. i5 G3 x! c$ T> > in the cubicles.
- c# K% I- J' u8 X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& v4 w0 p6 G) t. p( W1 l
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% x7 l( h: ~' M7 F# [> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& p; O# d  l- u; q% o* a> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& D. i' _0 h, C+ e5 o- Z! K
> > posted on the company notice board under the! `& A* q3 Q4 ]9 p! p
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  o* U% ^( G* a, P# W$ M& z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, q. S, Y  K8 H& \3 Z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 m! _  K) N2 y, @! t' H
> > policy.4 K2 A# ?% }& T( }- D
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> > Lunch Break
! ~/ j1 B/ D0 p# G2 `, L" z4 T- h2 ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- [6 f3 E* N0 B3 d& @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ w5 h+ D! |9 f2 _$ F; Z6 r0 {0 q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ [/ Y/ g5 \3 Y. U> > maintain their average figure.! A0 \4 J( c0 b, \4 j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 e- D& k2 l( q" V; T9 s: P> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! @) x( \; }. F. h> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
5 Y) X& k5 D2 }# y( @% u% a" r> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* w: ~3 {/ i# U' b  W/ o/ q. G0 x
> > employment experience.5 b& [; V8 ~) M$ T/ I' S! }
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
; y6 g! ?1 \' ?/ d! a5 a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 |0 ^$ ]7 ~6 W' }. V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ y, V; K6 w$ k# V  F0 v0 S
> > directed elsewhere.