HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. O4 r6 `3 f% V3 q4 L
> >                     Effective January 2007! t9 g& T1 ]( t* g
> >4 k* D( @1 n9 N8 M, P
> > Dress Code$ C% H" a0 M* u% h! R6 Q' i
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# e8 f5 T/ _$ q. s$ g: Z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% N3 ]$ ~/ p7 p4 j
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  ?- `; I. B7 e+ t. U, D4 d7 V
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not' \! q( v/ O9 S3 X
> > need a pay raise.: t4 a9 a4 f! k5 G" Q) I3 J" V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# G# I* B' k) V7 [9 d
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- Y/ Z" |+ J* t$ b4 m6 x; t3 Y9 A! v> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ x# _5 z& F; K/ q6 g0 \; R
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ Y0 i3 i/ ]. i6 h. d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* r, U% w( L7 T  t> > raise.
. b7 m8 v+ T- m& t9 b> >
! D; L# M8 L, R. I+ h$ q& t- l* u> > Sick Days
+ S! |% S6 X; @+ _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 _  U7 t& E& N9 h9 A
> > proof of sickness.
; O6 n, \! S' a' W6 f> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& @% C$ U! g( u9 r
> > to come to work.' X8 w2 y6 L6 p1 @
> >
2 C( O  |8 Q5 `! _) s, u> > Holiday Days
: Z' C3 I' ]' \* F3 l) |> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- |- B4 b8 T$ y' a. E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., a  y; G$ v$ _  I, S* p2 p
> >
6 [$ `4 L( g  L! c1 k> > Compassionate Leave
* D  U1 V" A9 @7 B> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, _% d" K3 I! F& W* ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ M& a; W+ P' Y& |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ m1 M0 S1 z" k% G, R# [
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 r. W* i7 h7 {: ~2 m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 G& q! O/ L, K5 h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. ~, O1 g( l0 Q9 ?9 j
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 B: i* ^% @( G5 R: e% L! c: U0 v+ z3 }
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 z4 Q  Q* W) Q& d  v+ d> > hour early." J, O6 L" P/ S% N
> >
" T5 P3 g: e6 l; E, r* l1 P> > Toilet Use* b! e4 F7 x1 M! Z3 T6 J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" P* B: p3 [' J
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 c( ^1 t* [/ t+ q0 L& [
> > in the cubicles.
( }. ~- S9 E# v) z3 K$ a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. W% Y4 l3 m1 y" z( |> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& P2 y) S( J3 A; s( B8 I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 q* p; n3 I& I3 L. Z8 _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! U3 j' Q$ P- A6 f; ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ J8 }; Y' D5 c6 X4 R> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: l; \" l6 q8 G* W* @: o& ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 F% J. `. A8 i/ c5 {" O
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 ^1 q) P! W: U> > policy.6 E% r! i; J& k: z9 k
> >! ^" _  C7 c5 G. I2 l- L  B. A
> > Lunch Break7 `2 L4 l+ g+ g' l" S
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' o' Q. N! x6 T% U: Q( i7 f3 c! V
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' ~7 K5 p. S' O: D
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) t: x. ~6 D$ x3 q$ M> > maintain their average figure.
+ L; t. k1 d4 i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. f' c3 _" v2 u. u> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.9 k' Z: I* t2 }+ X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 \; o2 g/ U1 L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 E2 P) l; c) G( c> > employment experience.( d' r) u! k0 f( v( J, f
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 q+ Q6 k; D# W3 N: f' \+ P( i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. X# ?: z( M5 n% m9 r
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! U7 _! N0 s6 d4 F% V> > directed elsewhere.