HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 L3 d0 f+ z- u, M6 G3 n
> >                     Effective January 2007/ g! R! a. Y. l' f
> >
- g- z3 x! d+ k( X) P% n> > Dress Code7 r6 \1 M5 g6 [! S+ }
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 Y8 O/ `! Y0 N4 R) f" q5 g> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 L5 C/ v& @( Z( u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 D5 k1 G1 ?; z; ]$ D. p8 x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 |7 i* r1 H* t' ~7 y$ ^
> > need a pay raise./ s7 S+ t/ ^5 e$ j+ U3 `
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ E/ t) W4 j4 w$ i1 \, y& t" u3 l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ X" M) J5 G' M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: e9 \5 J0 i* o" W( L0 Q9 f1 n2 ^1 i
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( Q4 n/ }# v; Z& X) N1 M& p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" W' v  m& u) a/ W. {+ M) y
> > raise.& U/ K& T' j7 z3 X1 a. g
> >; C! ^! i" H  W# Q9 t. ]+ ~
> > Sick Days& R2 q, Y7 G5 X5 }% J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 i3 e) p  v: I
> > proof of sickness.
0 q$ E' N5 Z; b0 g& i/ g0 ^& V; \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# E) i- b% Z, C1 V6 o
> > to come to work.6 `' @1 A0 w6 g2 z0 i" F
> >
- s2 `5 n; Y5 U- V( u6 V> > Holiday Days, v& l- w/ V4 |* Y0 f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! {( x  ]- U; c
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" {4 D: g- _" X, h( K9 z1 ^> >; l7 p* q, e9 R0 d. I% l: C2 Y& R
> > Compassionate Leave
5 m8 h4 w7 G: y5 G' Y& i# {> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. n' v# Z# x/ z6 p3 t
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% B8 B3 M5 B. d$ K+ F" ~' J' w" I> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 i+ T  G) S& i4 ]# r7 p> > employees attend to the arrangements.# K- ]  e6 ^" ~; `# P& y- ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, J4 N! i2 l$ U$ L' R9 |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  j  {8 h! w0 s: E8 f; {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 f. a: y/ X8 V# X
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  }. M  E9 `3 S> > hour early.! i! d% ^) j( H' h6 c  S
> >
- G2 ^4 a8 @  j; e> > Toilet Use
6 w1 p2 c. `% w& T0 N  c* ]* U/ x/ x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 j9 U  l, x6 `: P% ~0 {0 i; t" n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 T3 p, l7 e8 a. }
> > in the cubicles.
: c. H/ B+ g5 _5 s( `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- v2 }7 r, ]' J* z0 O. z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ Q: F5 _5 J7 k
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, Y' W5 R6 Q0 d2 ]& _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 H6 W1 C2 ?2 q; w8 ?
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. W. f' h6 S( B9 u* I* t6 h> > "Chronic Offenders" category." V. M1 h) ^+ t6 J
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 t$ a+ f8 N2 C6 P0 P
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 ]2 Y# o* ]9 }
> > policy.
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  P& I7 @! T0 e3 E) Q> > Lunch Break0 S1 y* |9 I' T% Q4 H# N7 m2 f' ]
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 M. ^7 ?; ^4 {2 i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( N$ ^: b  V1 Z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; J) F0 l! X* T> > maintain their average figure.& A* ]1 e' Z' w: y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 D" m6 n: s& X# L" s, i& @5 m- K" D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., S$ Z  a: b. v% q' [
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) C  Y$ S3 B! b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ M- z+ s% X8 H' z
> > employment experience.
  ~/ g! t. E1 E. V  U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- y& t  d) O) s, {' P3 }. I5 i
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! q6 A  u5 {: @8 s. N> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 Y/ A  i: u/ H$ H: s9 ?1 s
> > directed elsewhere.