HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
( K5 q1 r. ?' R7 E  W6 Q> >                     Effective January 2007* K, C/ S0 B. w8 ?; G
> >
" c' l; s- i9 t6 t5 k. d6 v! _> > Dress Code& M( i; @- @4 J# s% ?
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ h& U: g, b' B* O" u, G. F5 L; y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ ~! P& {2 ?5 n0 @) L2 k0 v# A2 o> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 }* I0 d' U0 x; }* N. u) s+ C> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% C2 V" ^0 g, g, r0 d1 r9 V4 Z> > need a pay raise.
4 y, t" F- E- f* \7 l! v$ f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. S! E8 L3 H% D6 p8 ~* o# T" e
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 M( ~5 X9 M: m0 \" m  a+ A" v> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 e; {* F' e% b6 w: i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; _& i" v* J4 i9 f
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* h" \3 o5 ^1 t> > raise.( Y! Z5 R) d. W! ]- e4 c
> >2 {& j) N  w( U9 f- K$ ?$ D
> > Sick Days+ p' O/ o% }/ }: U& y: c
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 A) w& m2 [& F" p5 D
> > proof of sickness.- G; A! O, v/ n5 {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- x7 l$ I7 N0 _6 p% M3 Y8 l
> > to come to work.1 x! w0 k+ t) p7 w
> >' j( V* [( _' j$ u
> > Holiday Days. c- K+ _0 }) i6 d) U" L
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 b: L  t+ l5 a8 c* S& |, T/ T  X" u> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ ^$ [2 m5 P# q! v; R  n' z, {4 P> >
. `0 U% [7 h2 a. }> > Compassionate Leave' |" C* {6 w( e! A- u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- P. M& L3 h2 D" L> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 {% |8 Y. F8 r7 @& W6 e5 n8 J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% U# @5 G8 ?, s: }( [; p. E> > employees attend to the arrangements.# q, E6 Y/ P  D- F8 x9 O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. N, |- ?$ ~* X: _3 q1 l6 M> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: X8 b  S2 H* j
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% @, X5 g* z3 R' G1 j' |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
2 i, l. {% t6 u> > hour early.
2 A0 f# f( v$ E& ^1 {> >9 x3 k1 t% p1 z2 W
> > Toilet Use  i4 I& z/ K, H7 ]) I5 U
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& [9 `6 |. Y) b* Q1 R3 N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) f% Y. J* V. ^. b6 ~> > in the cubicles.  v3 a. q0 B) r( G1 z' |$ w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; [/ O2 `6 A$ x& D7 {( Y5 P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ m0 a+ @+ |6 d" M8 D4 S
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 ?1 G) \' h* c9 d$ l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; ?( P7 @  z. ?2 @% {
> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ K# Y% l7 e& W; M$ K% f: A. L4 Z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; y3 h- g4 l8 O% m  u& ^: }$ w# g
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% h8 O0 V4 ]5 J9 d# P> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( \: d" e" Y  p, H> > policy.
; P: h: Q) v" d/ Y$ Z+ ]  @> >
9 Q) B0 W3 F, V3 }* P> > Lunch Break( Q& q1 j0 X, |0 N/ b8 ]6 i$ \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* x  v" H; A6 i0 Q/ N) l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  H# N3 _% ^2 {: }9 X  t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# G' Y2 z& N$ R, |' O* c+ G> > maintain their average figure.6 ~5 I! D% v) h! Q- z" p3 x: o) }3 N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# g- u( [" q2 T6 u
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( ]6 ~2 {: e* i; Q) x. O- P* _4 E2 ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ T4 a+ ^- J& Q0 G: D" y) |& a, y7 i
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' d4 C4 r0 W3 x: S6 x+ n0 Y; d' ?+ S> > employment experience.  B+ E7 J3 |; A. A. k
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 ?7 i: v  H3 A0 Z1 u- w% s" J- m; f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& K7 r7 d0 o. v' ^( p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, S, N, `6 d! I7 m3 t5 T
> > directed elsewhere.