HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  o  T% C. ^9 l. v. N/ s> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code3 c  d% C* I: L* [5 F
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 w& r+ W2 ?: c9 n6 P! x8 ]
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; x' A) x+ ~# A2 f  q! N2 H5 e5 ~. \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  n* G! q2 n  l: _8 T> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# ]0 R& Q4 P; p1 ~( \1 D
> > need a pay raise.
0 G" E0 n. g1 m* a1 a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 D: K- T# t/ s$ x# P: C9 ~& h  k# j> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& Q( t( J; T% [; l> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- c4 r/ _8 I. Z5 O% y* o- R9 c7 J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 P7 o0 h3 L3 a- {7 `! V, B5 {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ m: X! R9 @- a7 y( k2 h> > raise.- q1 T, \4 u6 O6 P
> >3 M. R9 o8 V# q7 R$ ~; d
> > Sick Days/ ~8 l1 F9 \+ n8 c! @7 a
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# @) H( b6 D5 h& O+ c
> > proof of sickness.
, |/ y) w) B  c' E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ C  y4 `- X: S3 d6 t1 T- g> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days0 F: y# o+ \- X$ i
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. d4 U* R0 ?' p4 d! U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# \# u: d3 }% V/ C- M1 M
> >
9 Q! L1 V! j; F0 \4 ?> > Compassionate Leave3 C( {! t1 S5 @1 Z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 P% m  j1 ^8 N
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& C& r' P' M% r( \) _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: R1 o: a1 H" h6 D; L2 r. F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( w* U" B2 F* `6 o* u> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 _) N7 T  }$ t  T6 R) ?
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% z( T! `  p$ X/ G; `> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* k) f- N2 b1 j1 p6 R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" S0 v* t( C& d  Q# H& Y> > hour early.  R- W  a, ?) o' C5 e  j  x. A
> >2 x2 ^4 m. c; _5 @; S
> > Toilet Use
) {5 e& G' t0 s( X4 X& g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 r# m7 s' S( }* j
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) F; g0 L+ f* O* \& D* q  O
> > in the cubicles.
- `- V5 W, B8 p7 K3 v$ }> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 R6 G: ~' d2 u& _) E
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ [* @" ]& P0 y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" \' P/ u, X; S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# M6 Z( L0 i4 j* t: Q$ l7 O
> > posted on the company notice board under the
: Y3 v0 q9 b* b- n4 ?) }3 K> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 H, _3 Z7 W' \> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- g: Q$ x5 e3 I' p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ [6 ~/ G- T, i8 m5 }> > policy.4 U( h0 e$ H2 e  N/ @
> >5 V. R. V. _! L0 c$ Z* H, ]' L
> > Lunch Break" t8 o6 v- t; P2 u% D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 ~& q/ n, l+ V* V( w. b5 b" M> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( t+ ^4 ?( ]$ Y( \  E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 c9 ^( H; T- q" i4 f  z
> > maintain their average figure.
1 k3 T2 @0 l6 V2 |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" V( O5 A4 k( y0 P$ Q/ J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) m  d  Z9 n3 ^! z' H1 o( t+ I9 Z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 Z. u6 m2 n+ R1 ]: B/ M
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ R: m, p+ n9 F% Q4 @/ T' s5 T
> > employment experience.* k0 I. C: T" ^% P
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 D: u( z3 b; K# R$ L$ L
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, C- ^! k! W2 w- [; x1 q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' x! h& Q- T3 ~
> > directed elsewhere.