HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" }% N4 T9 r. k% ]4 C
> >                     Effective January 2007
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7 D* {; C+ Z1 M1 D> > Dress Code; @' F7 Y+ r3 I6 r
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& T/ p8 U/ R$ t$ q0 P; i> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 I$ V$ s* ~( i! d& C+ X' }
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 C& `9 a2 m8 ^$ v1 S
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, G9 w' T  _1 T6 U# F> > need a pay raise.
9 }  E1 h, @+ i1 o1 o2 C- t> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 S) q7 b7 ~; ^: R) o: G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* U7 V" `, B- r6 c1 Y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
! S. Q4 d# U* s0 R7 }4 Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 C- v% T; [7 i! Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" V' ^/ }- p" r  _
> > raise.: Z* }# d4 Z6 a) C
> >6 w. M! p  h) P' f3 P3 ]4 I
> > Sick Days
8 @( L2 ~$ D8 V+ `7 x> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 {- T3 c. B. ~9 a
> > proof of sickness.0 s+ D2 h% j4 \+ b9 {$ L& N# U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 u( i( [2 Z  g( q
> > to come to work.4 [2 V$ i- P0 y
> >( d8 T/ p  m: w7 K* F3 d3 D
> > Holiday Days, a- O# l  ^. I8 I- A
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; f& ]8 [. E. v> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: T( d+ a3 K7 D
> >
+ _' r8 G- {1 V> > Compassionate Leave
/ l3 _0 C% f8 o1 d' E% ]# ~+ {> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  z& i! W2 q9 }9 A/ l1 O
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ Y: q6 D& M/ y: o" B  v
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-" s3 ]+ g# b9 S/ k. k. ~7 ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 M) O5 v: A/ Q( v> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ ]! V, ~" K% v( @% R' L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- B& N8 B  T, D1 O, C0 B4 R: R8 l
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# }; W: F. f3 P7 L3 x* M" W0 B. k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* d8 M* _1 J2 e6 y> > hour early.
5 a4 s: r: ?1 h: ]+ m) ]# G> >6 ^) Q  J; {$ k) ]5 H
> > Toilet Use
0 g( y7 O! x7 W> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* C4 F* y6 H* b) ]: H> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ E, o( k7 @7 ?: Y& A
> > in the cubicles.
+ @, K4 h3 x: ?! W) S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% _5 t6 E4 V, m8 f& f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
. r' \! Z  f9 ?" A  h> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; d! o, X1 p) A: y  K$ i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 c( V: E( O9 n> > posted on the company notice board under the2 _5 e% R" _9 X" g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 \/ K$ O+ [9 }! f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& j2 i5 G$ R5 b/ _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  ~4 J. M1 U7 |  y, t> > policy.* {, {3 j1 s# E2 k5 E( R8 W
> >
+ m( V1 D3 K0 Y5 k! _, {; v5 u> > Lunch Break" p6 z; P/ u" ?* {& ]
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 S- _) P8 A3 R. A
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# W' [4 ]* {$ v. A  T0 W1 [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 n! k' `, q' l8 R8 [
> > maintain their average figure.
4 {9 @: v1 u2 r3 G' N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ g; E) Y. b# s> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 W" R  l$ X& \4 {6 @  x1 e) Q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- u# p/ G/ L' n, \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
/ z* p. K* d5 {> > employment experience.
: k) {# @( G6 N5 J% d6 ?* G> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 M: }6 i$ j) [, D> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 w2 _; Y2 c% ~5 ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" g8 v  ]8 ?% |+ h> > directed elsewhere.