HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ g2 \0 t1 K2 ^& M, k. c3 n
> >                     Effective January 2007/ [2 \2 ]: p/ _8 [
> ># ~& E$ X; G  y$ s$ O2 Q) w
> > Dress Code2 c4 j7 P+ z  s3 Z! x+ y/ K
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 U& v: W; O& |$ |/ q5 m6 [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" [# \$ q* }0 c) {+ t% _5 g> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# u7 W. U0 y" ?& x2 r7 {
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 M) k" ]5 [8 k8 ~7 n0 Y
> > need a pay raise.* L& t# j% _+ E1 n; U- ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. G8 ~$ `8 b4 _/ O  ~, P3 u> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" }! n" }" b( @0 v8 I& |+ H' L+ q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ U  Y5 r1 g" a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 `/ p$ p2 o! T3 G' h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 h7 D& e- l- b) o
> > raise.
( Q( ^6 [$ c) P0 I> >
" W- \! x7 A! U7 t  X( X9 f# I> > Sick Days4 K, ~5 A( [1 r9 n7 m, t- X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& p8 m; j1 S9 ^) O; B
> > proof of sickness.
8 C2 U- g5 [" s, R+ X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; U0 r5 b# v  j
> > to come to work.
9 r4 u+ o0 _. q& [& N> >
. g" \% Y$ E" d+ h* e> > Holiday Days
0 M! W. G; F7 c1 M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 k3 m' _' J2 i8 v9 X) C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.4 E: T6 V4 v% l* _" U
> ># X# Y6 n$ S, G3 A8 F
> > Compassionate Leave# {) r/ S! }+ a1 s) H
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 b  y! f' t. R- T6 i% f8 I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( o3 `, u2 w2 G  Q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' C  Q- p; \0 l- o8 L4 j
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 P5 ]0 h% ^; m5 R
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ B, |- Y  C& m% p9 Z7 }7 u+ P0 N- @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 j7 E; x5 z# L" t7 |3 F
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 `$ z( x" \8 k. T/ P& N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 ~$ k# Y4 p  @, C; v7 u
> > hour early.9 a9 ~* s; u4 j) `
> >
7 W+ G& [& x8 b> > Toilet Use
( X# J$ ^1 S! R  I! X$ f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. Y( T' D7 J" V4 m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' T+ s5 C: l7 P& W0 Q
> > in the cubicles.  E; [' s" i" ^9 u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( Q% J  M$ _# u% H8 X  a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 r* C. @$ y( N+ p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! l: L' q* S) x" K9 r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 g8 u" g) _! R+ T3 |1 h> > posted on the company notice board under the
! W2 ]9 H! d, }4 ~2 g1 N" i1 n. f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
% `: V4 r3 d3 R> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ W9 W- W+ I# \% h$ Q6 l> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ z* d- ?* }9 N2 F3 Z+ Z> > policy.
7 r1 i# q) d5 D% J> >6 Z  g+ e9 l# s8 ^
> > Lunch Break, }  W) R# J) P' e9 d+ [
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 y% d7 B, R+ [& ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 Y' K, r0 g% V2 q5 N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' W3 H3 L" p7 m  ?) `" A4 m
> > maintain their average figure.
" f0 A& S9 h0 _; s$ n+ i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ O" n0 e; \5 N6 u$ f0 R+ R5 r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- Z/ \* z7 u! Z& J* O% k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ n! O2 t8 _, }$ o* k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. ^8 r3 x( r' k9 [: H
> > employment experience.
' M( }- g5 J0 H% A/ I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: M* y5 V4 q: ^& V4 [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( E9 H8 {/ ?  k2 s$ [
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& I/ R: w* J% n& d, f3 u
> > directed elsewhere.