HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& w8 t$ M$ a' n( a/ y7 R> >                     Effective January 2007
  a  s: n# a% G> >
3 A/ m/ |2 M/ ]* M> > Dress Code0 ^7 @* ~+ w" ^8 e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) A/ |$ W5 ]0 j$ O$ r6 m6 n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! A3 @+ C) @4 i> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 Q5 |9 X0 c: `7 d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 P& ]; C' f) z; T9 p; a
> > need a pay raise.' J: P2 I3 a. f, M* P( n: X( T
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# }! ^6 J1 E( J; T! Z$ h* ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- {) y* P- o2 _1 q; L( B7 L> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( |. }9 M4 g3 \7 f" G
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) N3 `4 d% G1 _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  {5 r' _4 ~& Q" y# J/ ~: g2 A> > raise.: r/ h" z2 R. m$ v
> >
' ]7 x: D& o. f! j: C" `0 c> > Sick Days
6 ~( h  ]! T  u- v> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# Q2 ^- U& p/ W& b$ b> > proof of sickness.
# A0 e7 Z. c, C( B: J> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; ?/ m1 i( j, U" p; {% ?  H> > to come to work.
: I, M# T, n5 g; K$ H> >
& b2 G, v/ `& r. x: I& M8 m> > Holiday Days! p7 P) i5 [5 [. p+ T* }; N' s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ O+ B6 F( d% u' F& |
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  _5 v' Y# E" J# e
> ># }( m" ]& N9 K* }
> > Compassionate Leave
: r4 d9 B: L; r: M5 }* ~4 w$ e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 \. x! E" l- Z+ e& k( l, y! s> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 W6 v& G6 h- P+ j6 f! b" U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  z1 o9 a, G) W% e4 W3 _7 l9 Q  P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 D5 `+ |/ `/ `( m2 L4 `
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% t! o8 X$ w1 i  p* ]7 f> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. O1 M" C' \* L2 c& A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 ~6 c$ I+ k. o6 v! N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& E3 K0 f& V& r0 M
> > hour early.
  }+ b% P: v8 W- T; n9 }4 x> >
8 C2 j/ O! C9 q/ i# E> > Toilet Use' E" n  r* X) o7 r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- x3 t6 a$ u5 O! A6 z7 ~; V% V4 u
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# \5 V# V. g4 |6 c+ r4 v3 U% t
> > in the cubicles.
" o3 m6 O: I" }) l( N) E+ c> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ E6 F( B' ~9 s5 p; ?! N2 s1 H> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% b7 ~  ?5 B9 x; y1 T7 N! U' @
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ D' z/ _9 J, x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 K5 D' `0 ]% ?
> > posted on the company notice board under the
; R. C: I8 m6 i) [/ Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ {5 J* o2 l6 J6 i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 C6 |- \. x' ?3 h6 w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* U& b; B' d2 x8 }9 _8 }: }> > policy.
+ P" K. U: D2 [> >- x' k& K2 e- Y& _9 w( S2 Q. O* r4 M
> > Lunch Break3 A$ B+ P3 P+ `/ p  ?* p
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: Y' l; j9 P, G  g( H) }
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! D% W; @# @) a, o
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ S3 T  a  d  C0 d6 Z> > maintain their average figure.
; s8 D( k: ~6 p+ A  v> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: n* u) ~! F7 K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* B2 F8 v$ O( {2 X, V
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( Q3 A( `8 E/ [5 [0 l2 ~  }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 |& m) o0 S; z3 n3 F9 ~> > employment experience./ i1 L2 ]5 T2 E
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
; H6 v  |9 \) ?) Z! m> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," l0 Q* I* W* \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 ?; l4 @( I2 O" N9 b) r
> > directed elsewhere.