HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) D: G, n# }9 U$ X, S0 l: Y7 a/ }: F
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code+ d5 e* e* v0 F8 W8 J5 a# V
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 e. G5 T6 |6 u
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" n- j$ Q# p( v& R& w7 ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- d3 t0 b1 B% g0 O. Z1 s* j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. J* k; H# t$ X2 X
> > need a pay raise.
( {8 ]1 \0 _; E3 L6 z5 c- s> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! M1 p8 z$ f$ @) h> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ R+ Z7 H( a- _; A- w& r
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% O. w5 o* m) K
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! f& W) y+ J, Z2 x  J, O5 `! x# `: `
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& U* [/ ~5 p: _3 m& L* A> > raise.1 _5 a2 w9 }: w, u4 V
> >  U2 h7 d) K2 u7 J; \2 e$ @9 `) p
> > Sick Days- A+ w3 f4 [! C4 l: P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) [! L- R* i. K  H8 X+ |% J> > proof of sickness.
) U. k( ^4 m9 @9 i# ]> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 E. A, V" f7 h1 l, x! ~" z
> > to come to work.7 W5 @% {& i% s0 ^, I" X6 z
> >
6 @" }/ c: o/ q/ N. r> > Holiday Days; x3 w* y- B1 _" O6 }' |
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ V0 C, I' f. X; K> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& x/ h' V% o3 d% c$ _
> >
/ B0 Y1 O6 [, r# s' r1 i> > Compassionate Leave) g% n* x9 O( u8 F) {
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 |5 i7 K+ l# G4 T# t
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 @" A" }5 D. o) Y$ r) T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 @( u8 e" R: m2 @. x
> > employees attend to the arrangements.( T, N1 K) ^6 m3 j6 B1 N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 ^9 W( W; w8 M, k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, w; B, P6 }+ V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 m! K: e- X% |; F% i! x: w> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' r1 a4 _' j/ F( R/ e> > hour early.# |5 \* c- f8 K, a6 {& j
> >- c% e9 U+ A" L' ?
> > Toilet Use
, l* Y$ y  W$ Z6 X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 Y0 @& W! u' a! k9 d( v& p> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; m6 l: [5 O; P/ \- A5 H$ M5 j> > in the cubicles.
9 W3 O% X: R3 H& Q( |> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( Z4 R0 ~' Y+ E- O! e/ A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 L' e  A& B8 [* C0 D0 e5 k> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# s1 g7 z9 E+ E0 E: y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* s/ ?" P' G8 f
> > posted on the company notice board under the
( t6 }% x7 s/ h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: Y- V' n( @8 f. D6 r, J- o* a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 K+ p6 F7 o0 \+ w2 i! U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ [+ c6 o7 ?" r/ g- t  M! U2 Z/ A& u
> > policy.; ], |' F+ ^! J; a2 v# O
> >
- y2 @: D( R! B* Z> > Lunch Break! z$ z, m/ `7 ~# U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. F3 U* l6 s  A% j) O. y' E> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ p1 J4 a, F5 F% K8 C; f
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' i* \7 j' w0 B% }' L3 o: n* C> > maintain their average figure.
& a2 F* L1 _+ S/ Y* K7 k6 ]% R# V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& K3 ]$ ^' @7 n* m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 u0 g7 k0 _4 a) H; ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ f. W- _$ `, U# X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 ?9 }6 D5 i! z, p> > employment experience.
2 W! w7 J0 V6 [0 d) R> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 `$ R. Q5 w% G* l> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  G) J4 }9 G6 D7 q3 h* X1 F
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. }4 a) V5 W, C> > directed elsewhere.