HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, d9 o+ ^" Y3 \, {> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code$ x6 u( K" R/ B; f, l5 C' \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; H- K3 R% u1 [4 ^6 e1 u( A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- u9 O* ^% A9 F> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, ?$ O9 j0 I' l/ e3 U> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* {5 w( R% B7 L. [6 t; B8 L! ]> > need a pay raise.
' c7 F, P- Y* F, {+ j& ]  L> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ J# _) ~( G) J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: }7 \/ y2 `& ^5 o" B7 O% |> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
! L0 v$ ^! I; P7 H0 O5 {> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 f7 d. R; K3 L5 B* h! z9 k: o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  V& F  _% m  c) k; a3 @> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
9 L" [7 N) c: I- s# ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 N3 A+ O2 `: E0 B) ~> > proof of sickness.7 u) f  r) L. F
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 l4 n3 h# v) Z3 K0 p& N> > to come to work.. i) s. M. s  t  E! g& W# P* J/ D
> >1 ^+ c2 f% o% {0 o, @
> > Holiday Days. j! x8 P; n. a. a4 R) J# ~# h- F
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% k' B" A* N4 Z; G) D) Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ M- O! m5 T  ]+ f- ^- K6 g4 }+ r
> >
- a8 U0 e. h& O" ^$ W2 ?$ n> > Compassionate Leave
" s  e6 Y% F# B- s; o7 ^5 _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ s- r  \) R3 K4 h> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- R8 r/ U( y; G- Y- l4 X
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 I3 r% p! @9 p9 V! J$ E> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 V4 x1 d, c3 K2 b> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 p1 U1 u3 H1 ?9 P0 ^, s* G> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* l8 v! s$ Y+ {" p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 H9 C" f5 p. O8 ~
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 ~0 [" [1 B+ j9 h6 Y, i- z, Z9 M
> > hour early.+ K( ^" S/ _& v. I  S
> >
! s# T- Z. y, F. W; j: w> > Toilet Use
1 ?% a5 j* r" [% U% r& `> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; [" f* q* a- ?5 r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; h4 p8 n, D9 F# L2 g8 V% Y> > in the cubicles.
+ `# T) v7 G* `0 F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, B2 ~. Y" T8 r( Y3 @0 J( w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& X. [4 @/ I" p. w4 q! M" d7 e9 j
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- {! \5 s, a1 h
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 \1 x& V. `2 [+ @$ t
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 l$ s# v, n% g0 e) A
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ ]' P* L& ~# F$ S& {  G/ @4 a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) x  X4 t* B3 b: o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( Y. e; D1 E* |- S) r5 `$ g6 x! G> > policy.% M/ K( v% ^; o
> >
2 S" f) J9 ?" z* }5 N" ?  g$ V> > Lunch Break! e' e0 }( M) l1 F$ I4 j0 ~
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& p& V/ `# q5 y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 p. x" i7 _1 e9 q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ P, `( }  d" t' S- B# g> > maintain their average figure.; Y% w/ u7 S3 X" s1 x7 c
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 O4 o) l. g5 _8 `* J) b
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ k/ _3 x' L* ?$ i( k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 O1 t: Y: y+ T' m- o- F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 ^- [2 _2 E3 e' R) Z9 e' t> > employment experience.
" [( i" \8 m* `' G4 R0 o> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 O  f" M' C9 C. P9 h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 G$ K* t  t: [4 ]$ z  i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 B+ Z. i+ j* m: O& V> > directed elsewhere.