HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 G* F$ c* w2 P
> >                     Effective January 2007) c' t1 `' J( E- m4 y
> >9 ^* S/ A* x* g) E
> > Dress Code* j, \& f; P# l& N. G! |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) D1 k' p5 k% F1 u> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 j0 g& v% x5 y2 F1 X7 o$ C# I' q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 p0 @  _+ _4 i- w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 ?1 u3 i; r& [5 ], n
> > need a pay raise.
! s! }: X0 j8 z> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 @3 l; ^6 i; m( L% C$ D! ?! C- k) T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 U! ?4 z/ ]8 ~& O3 E7 k, a8 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ B! k& y* h. D) C( x
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# v' J* ^5 z6 B9 Y! b% k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 l- u: p8 M0 ?9 w
> > raise.% L7 U7 Q6 P6 b' o( Z( r6 Z
> >5 l# A% c5 Z3 E
> > Sick Days: _8 q/ C  w, _
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# n8 w) x& Q$ K( \9 |+ x> > proof of sickness.
3 }0 O0 c* ?/ _' S8 ~; p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 N" l4 J9 Y  ~5 N1 w: v> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
9 H; _# p& f6 c( i9 o' p# V. ~> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ e5 H& V9 ]- \2 |> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) O4 ~, _0 C% w% h0 R- q2 E
> >
$ L& k  J1 U$ ]; K, ?> > Compassionate Leave& l5 A, R3 r' a4 c) W: y3 Z9 n
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ J1 p- `8 `- ], _" ~3 `: b0 ^( a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# L2 `) o: [5 w' C. R> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* E/ A% M) a# `3 B
> > employees attend to the arrangements.% f' E7 E+ t( {; K, V5 Z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* |. \' S( o4 g$ Z9 z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 F; }" |2 I4 Z8 i1 r# N2 k8 \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
: `; d/ p4 f% n1 C7 S+ k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one" ~, ?1 _" g/ c/ N' J, t
> > hour early.2 `+ e9 ^8 b' c/ Z3 E  \0 z
> >
) V( W* u- @/ _& v, u0 n> > Toilet Use4 G3 G. ^" Q5 f" w; F' i3 F- c2 S
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) ~  t# r- x6 H> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 J7 Q9 d4 }. n
> > in the cubicles.
3 y: {2 C- X$ U5 `8 P> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 {" |2 h; B' Y" ?3 F: r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 Y' t, u1 c7 x/ X5 L/ f> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 Q0 Y/ D4 v% ]7 @" {# C0 l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 E- x! v* A* {- O> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ E- Y: P3 u  r> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& b$ }0 L7 @+ S& \: M* z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, L5 ^7 {# r1 q: P9 Q7 }/ u7 A> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 ?$ U( r: w1 y& f" e2 n+ M/ l> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break6 r* I1 p+ w. @0 g" X+ ]
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' B/ d! F# |- L( u& f9 G" e( A% r: ^
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) k8 r- S5 S9 u9 n> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 {/ }3 m4 T) u( U  E
> > maintain their average figure.
9 \6 \, J. k$ o- e% j& @, h7 J> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' H$ g- ^7 q- Z4 I! ?$ T> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: B5 w: B! B1 l, H9 b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& y/ O' n5 o3 b$ b+ [- E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! y/ b7 n" }  j) _- p> > employment experience.$ ^1 M* X- C: w6 x
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( x2 y8 B8 P" t5 k, @
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 g; j7 _4 F* k( m$ h
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! O2 `( p7 ]  I5 C  y0 b. }' C( g$ m> > directed elsewhere.