HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& H: h0 v) x( l" N" X+ y1 V
> >                     Effective January 2007
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' `1 _( q' I( J: b. M& o> > Dress Code* p2 l0 _! D2 H4 i6 O7 O& t/ [
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 }0 ~! N, L1 \% ~- \. Q7 a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( ]; `! Z+ H+ L. P! v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) G2 u2 m. V! l$ T3 `
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 q$ J1 H- v$ w' o& d
> > need a pay raise.
: I" @3 m0 R+ Z$ |1 a! M+ A- T7 l  }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 [2 A9 l) j5 |7 a! R: n9 D> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" l4 Z% j2 `( c- E" U> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* H1 H- f/ |' g- {. \& n( i" M> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, _/ l# _: N9 v1 Y' R> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) }7 \% e0 p+ x3 u- T' b  s0 ]* A
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
9 H" f9 O- |2 z> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) `# {1 T7 _! a3 ~9 e" b> > proof of sickness.1 F2 n3 W5 G1 X6 U( U0 W' w
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 h. v( Q4 j! ~; O  z/ b> > to come to work.
6 G% Z$ x7 r. }5 I$ e3 k4 t& `> >
- w& G6 ~' h0 ^! M> > Holiday Days
0 H% V6 {' X6 B6 r/ X2 m) f> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 H. m5 Q' v' C# c, S7 x5 U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
3 t8 r  |" q4 p: R6 [2 q( |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 g  j0 A9 _( }' s3 i4 I2 g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: ]4 z( N0 f* _5 Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 a! j# j. u8 l+ F> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; j+ V& b5 k  c) `> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) }2 f3 j2 i% h' v  M( f9 D6 T
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% L% [2 ?7 |. }- I/ s# D. \1 R$ {> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 p5 v9 O; {0 C1 T5 H; p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 m; s' d, p6 o* c( J' V
> > hour early.
6 ~8 l6 M! n) _) h! A( R$ F. ^> >
4 W5 Q( y$ U: s- k9 B$ o' B6 e$ X> > Toilet Use1 x) v# y  o" T8 L
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ z; `  G5 ?' S, m/ s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 T, _! |9 i+ T: H3 n' ^' R. k> > in the cubicles.+ H  X% ~8 q& V: n
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% H' w. d8 Z0 D& ?2 |' v- R8 [6 s, c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( `' M% i8 O0 U0 _8 s- X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 n; a! h' W& l) }> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
0 T( k1 F1 L& {% Z% B> > posted on the company notice board under the. M8 Y1 H- a' u) H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% ^  t/ B3 Q# ^! d. e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- B" R! C% n8 R% z4 J% r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 c3 i( ?8 G# o6 x7 r
> > policy." ?8 ]8 p8 I9 v% T* k6 j
> >9 k3 ^4 E8 U& T% D& ]
> > Lunch Break0 {4 h! O. w0 y7 t* o4 |* T2 O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. v6 _. V) Z, Y' z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 J4 e6 G- O  U+ p' b& ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to5 n  b  G7 D! Y- t5 D, h
> > maintain their average figure.4 Y) _' T5 V+ h# V6 ?
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 G7 m* ~8 ^4 a4 }1 D5 E$ {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ q  x4 w  e5 U/ A! r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, Q+ f: H2 w6 K" G5 j8 C) O% q* j> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
( `5 q' t- d" q" L- R/ |: Q& R% D! P> > employment experience.$ ~  J7 L0 U; W4 x- i7 E" x
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- q! ?  `' _0 l' w: v! V" X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' d" {- d  p/ e6 B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% \; j/ w" V; e9 Q, F' v> > directed elsewhere.