HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
. d. J3 N) m- k+ t. W# K> >                     Effective January 2007& w- h$ s- c3 c0 ?. n
> >: _8 v8 x' m2 I4 r) b# f  \) y
> > Dress Code
# }& @# D! z4 U. |8 K. b> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& u+ K( ^& ^: j- U  D, ^; w/ u* X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- R, `* Q; z0 P# c6 f5 S
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 y; x5 @9 P- X8 c. U
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ K# e6 P4 h! v+ {" g% C- f
> > need a pay raise.
* `2 x' w' r: k9 ]% _( S> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! e% a* d& R7 n5 l4 t; U* W, E> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 E5 x' S. _& Z) |7 ?' T> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 s3 p) y8 m: t8 L. x> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 g  ~2 `* \4 T* p% p+ f4 @> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 P- K/ r0 n) n& x6 B> > raise.
; ~- j! ~: H# J) x> >. F$ p0 X, f2 j9 ]4 f8 L; Z
> > Sick Days
0 y& l1 a. q" _5 K3 j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! S/ |; k' m' c1 ?' ~> > proof of sickness.' |" o6 C& o# _3 H6 E8 u# o) j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- u4 l! w1 a" Q7 B0 X# |
> > to come to work.
( O# k0 m! n! {, {' k( Y> >
! ~) X1 U/ T* S4 k6 W1 m> > Holiday Days3 d& z: v* x4 a6 ~/ Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 ^! b& r1 c. l: c* O# U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. g+ z1 v9 E5 o3 Y3 u
> >6 k( ]( m7 H/ M+ I
> > Compassionate Leave
+ ?. b$ W# N% v) ]+ d7 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" S0 ~" h, M! B5 X* V; J* Q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" [7 z  k  ^5 q/ r* `' B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- R) f+ `. h& F( a( }; p6 j  d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 w3 c  z4 C( y# I5 n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& H3 G1 ]: G  A; R$ s% g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! _  j2 _5 C, N& i& i* O
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 J6 W8 V4 C2 }. ?# u> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' q9 g& U  u  Z# U% B8 X9 |( ~
> > hour early.
$ V9 `6 m8 v+ P+ _% _> >
  Z& |5 S/ \- i  C) v> > Toilet Use/ K4 t. D+ d& u8 G% W% X
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  G8 p: h3 U% r$ [( h3 t" \> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: `" R4 @% \$ ~7 h9 u
> > in the cubicles.
) N- C  M$ }' ]9 W* c4 C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- x0 B, H6 G& E6 o9 }& l> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 U$ v6 m( l1 \+ d  k& x: M5 ^7 W
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." s, s5 H9 X& q6 W) E$ u* p1 f; K9 p
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 S$ u2 e: ~$ M4 e> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 o) X+ G, _6 [1 L. ~! p- `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( C8 ~7 N) U& F' V) n
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! u! K8 X5 W3 Y( h+ Y( J" `+ ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( P  c. F( p1 g7 X% C; M, ?> > policy.0 ~, \# F$ W0 v& T7 }, B
> >
- i; I" y- K9 z& S5 E8 W3 ?> > Lunch Break& u7 q( |5 k/ H2 Q# H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 \! C" e$ B8 Z; N2 i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( s9 _; Q" K, @4 @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% U( ?. [6 D( O, q) N5 J; G, ~
> > maintain their average figure.
/ b! ]2 I8 c- x5 G, G5 a> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' }2 m2 i- @1 f* p/ \  Y& i> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! ^; N6 W+ J; T# X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- z9 T- p& N* L7 g1 c> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. m9 [9 v3 K1 X) ^
> > employment experience.
1 Q4 M! Z& L: i- f% ?% {% W> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& Y* s$ H0 p: c. _4 g4 q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 E5 @' n7 }" S4 R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 i0 V4 S# q! r7 ^1 F' z1 p
> > directed elsewhere.