HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& l* F0 [( y1 B9 W
> >                     Effective January 2007* F8 ^# f6 q9 s; w) a2 q
> >0 d5 j; F( f# v0 H" Q# o
> > Dress Code
4 i0 [, T0 r' R. c> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 a/ n! y, N  [9 m+ x) E5 O
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# O# l/ J0 Q- @2 K
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 x3 k, y1 p; G! L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 R* {" x4 x% G0 Y# k/ x( x, Y& O" M
> > need a pay raise.' l. C9 j0 N0 @, K! o
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: y5 z( @* t1 i6 D! @, q" T
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, S1 _" z( N% q; ?( n) ^0 b
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- D8 I9 ~( X% i% e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 W# ?$ I( j$ R: T$ j7 M4 Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ I; K) D" \- p8 ~, r; j
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days" j" q; C: _0 A0 u& ]
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. ^) N9 J! B& M% k, k
> > proof of sickness.$ \$ f; F9 h* i6 G
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 \. X1 c/ o/ \2 s4 p* S> > to come to work.
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% G) \1 j7 U/ C& L> > Holiday Days! S1 w! Q  e- h- r) V
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% q( n. o, `+ ]  Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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( e- @8 e2 d8 p7 K1 l> > Compassionate Leave3 V2 a* e8 X* I# m! Q" O! @+ ?# [; L
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& k: O  I, g, m- {0 C1 f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; `6 z/ u* v: u5 H4 C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  }# x0 J+ ]* q2 J> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 T3 |' C1 f; g% l& E; D! b# s$ C
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 J2 [6 a- h, n& ]; K+ z" H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' s* _# X$ V) I* W' ~+ d7 S- l2 W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 J$ k) c1 \0 C3 \" i% p0 F
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 Z. m+ M7 P! k( L( ^+ q  P( ~5 e> > hour early.
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4 g5 X$ q6 Y* y- t> > Toilet Use5 h6 Z0 h1 C7 S; E9 H0 U8 H1 l
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the% ^2 v+ x# B$ g( j' W8 @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& o; B- K3 W6 D% k9 w* Y# ]: @$ f
> > in the cubicles.) e' P5 L+ d  s% U; I- N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ I- H% r# i0 H) _- M, y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: Y8 k4 p+ C* }/ O5 B2 G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ W; |( Z) z( y/ M. @> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) A+ c# p# N8 B( \* n% }> > posted on the company notice board under the
% H( P9 {; E% c& a0 f8 C$ T* j& w0 v> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 C$ t  _( P8 @. U" i! F> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 B! p- b3 [/ A3 F0 @7 s
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 C2 O: j7 [5 E$ g9 T+ C4 p5 U
> > policy.( T6 \# Z4 i4 o9 |. a
> >" G6 q( y+ G/ q/ ~% q
> > Lunch Break
# q. a. |: C1 o- `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! H9 `0 _( `& Q( J9 @3 ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." y/ M6 X6 d, o
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 ]: k( H7 i' C' ]$ Y
> > maintain their average figure.7 m3 C" I3 Y& d* h, N  B
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% w2 D" V. w" e( y+ c1 }
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) t# u8 x* d9 z4 A4 F" N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# n1 h6 _# f4 n* d# o0 f$ C8 ^, x; ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* Q& h. ^5 l/ z% i5 R8 r* n, F
> > employment experience.0 ~! U, {. \. [$ Z6 z* z7 Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- v: W! l+ O9 [9 i9 N% b  q4 @' b5 G> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ [2 F. D- i8 h/ L8 L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* o+ w. M' K; R4 D0 g3 a
> > directed elsewhere.