HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ X0 e/ v$ D0 e/ R+ `+ T9 M
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
0 c" C+ C9 [( f7 ~> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# e. p# [/ k, V+ A1 \# a1 a3 {> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ _; o& D  K1 p2 c1 d* A> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* ]5 D' F- V4 }3 ^7 K4 V& c0 `8 n* D" j> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not: _6 Z3 m7 C$ h& V2 ~
> > need a pay raise.
4 T6 N% M! k! w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. @, k- @. s% A5 C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 k" w" Y; Q  J0 y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 X  [7 ?4 U# M+ n> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ E5 z5 [  Z, F8 N% F( H> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* v) e; y# d  z$ i8 Z7 G; t
> > raise.
0 e5 s% Z9 r- Z' L# E> >
  `0 }, w' d$ i5 x> > Sick Days
$ ]) Y) @' \; I) k> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 |1 B0 T+ T# m, y' g& E4 O
> > proof of sickness.
6 g$ D* E( g+ R  o: @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# Q& m6 X2 B0 C2 v> > to come to work.1 B, ]: r% G# X* J5 z2 m7 J% e
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> > Holiday Days
" r& c* R( Y, m8 v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( U0 S* Q5 B2 f) y( j* V0 y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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8 N- b2 R0 [2 K' q2 |% n8 |, e> > Compassionate Leave' p: b- K" _3 A. j( O
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" b$ W; y9 m+ ^2 x; ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 U+ r" ~5 a# D' k' g7 O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( p$ R; }0 A5 q' M: H. F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
! m/ a! b5 U7 e( p6 f7 {3 b> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) Z0 P& K7 {) H" p+ d0 L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: ?+ h6 u# J' R% ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" F9 o% L2 G1 }2 d; \5 J> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, y8 O( B- I+ ^> > hour early.
" ?$ \$ l/ W7 O> >
/ C/ n8 r+ n4 e3 [$ O7 w> > Toilet Use
3 N! U; E7 Y) A5 @) q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; A! a  Q# [8 L! l; u
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. T: `3 Q# ~$ N, m- P6 Z> > in the cubicles.  {* s7 g4 m- Z6 B3 R% \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! r* b9 k7 i7 O; U6 p  J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 N* d! \9 V0 B" w! x& j% _( S
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; u: ~) ?  A* ~+ i0 ^5 v, h9 J
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! {$ f. U% o, ~% E
> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 i: f) q" J7 T+ }) m> > "Chronic Offenders" category., H3 Y2 R+ E  \8 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; A6 ?( n  Z% @9 Y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  [' U$ m/ V+ I4 [. J3 q) j> > policy.
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& d6 P  d9 y  r$ i> > Lunch Break
: B' H! g: B8 H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. m; r/ u, Z6 ^! I  ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 V2 Z- p% e$ R# F
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 f8 U1 q$ P- i" a2 i( j& Q
> > maintain their average figure.
% c# o* h9 W) g+ t" o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  q- H5 M# I% I/ l. Y6 C9 s( E> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# ?! p2 [' u" q6 G9 g) X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 q) E' L4 S3 T6 P1 h7 t! B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 p/ ]8 l6 c! q* K# Y5 ^7 D
> > employment experience.
* T8 u, Q) q! @: X  w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* i0 n9 B  X. f' k( @$ v  a5 b> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 z5 _. X9 x6 I# v& I7 ^
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& j1 `4 x; q2 o; c
> > directed elsewhere.