HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% U1 k( b$ b" z% e5 @" O> >                     Effective January 2007( q$ m  x) E5 [# l) _' F  E
> >9 |* Q  w2 O. e- a
> > Dress Code  V, P+ l% c; ?  H: ^
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: _' U1 D1 C' X% p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* z2 }% r0 B( u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) v9 k0 G4 e. r
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 |. c8 g3 |6 I( p) {" A* b! v5 G
> > need a pay raise.- @& L5 l* T5 z* m$ b! W, Z+ b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* o# r3 Z/ C: [$ a. n9 p& f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 C9 H7 C, c7 R> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' n  W  F" m4 C& S' u
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ {0 Y/ j3 M; p1 q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) P8 q4 ?: C6 c& ~5 T; w7 B
> > raise.
2 w# b9 p; u: l2 E8 u> >
4 u6 @9 Q1 f% h5 v/ F2 a! j> > Sick Days
; p7 w* Y# A# |/ V- _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) E( W$ A) H; v& |5 y5 Z$ Y$ e
> > proof of sickness.# l1 T8 D4 R. a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  F3 e9 ^7 M. y1 O0 M> > to come to work.
6 v6 ?# m8 D6 f  q2 Y6 Y> >
2 a( g2 @) z% @, @( f. J0 T. M2 M> > Holiday Days
. Y* P1 u* C  d" Q: B- @  u> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- V1 F/ j% `% o9 L: y5 F> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ }, h% X" h% r' V4 H  q> >
' K5 }' M! x/ W$ i% u: c) o> > Compassionate Leave
/ t. A! e5 u% X; p> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. b/ U: G0 t0 m) L5 S8 Y8 r! f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 k. Y+ c; Q0 o2 `
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# y0 b8 i  i8 A3 D0 H% S# h, s- T> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 c' \' ]1 J$ ?& Z1 A$ {, u$ Y0 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: z/ J7 P* W: U6 b8 u& z! x
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) |1 L) q5 Y0 }& Z$ n6 u2 S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  Y" b7 c* \; r
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 ~7 L/ I( W% W# f$ z- t: V
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
0 b# i# ]( d0 F2 h/ v$ k* P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
! R5 \' I: k& d1 A  f; K' t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% D2 V7 b: k* `9 ]5 J* i# x
> > in the cubicles.6 N1 L: R+ X. j8 O8 \. o2 h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, b  G. {  w7 m. ^0 u# s0 Z# \  x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" U! P3 S" W8 b. m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. B5 w; [+ U# d5 y( _# n& q4 S
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 \* X+ N: S' [: b> > posted on the company notice board under the7 h& X0 ?4 A8 a, a% Z* ]# a2 M  O
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; G6 S1 G3 c% l3 d$ T: e; v# {> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 h7 l! Q& ~  J. R0 d% D> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# p0 r" H% g/ V5 N> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break+ k7 R8 ~/ }3 X
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 }/ F& ?5 T) N' J6 c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. k) [- Z# |3 W& N) a) \> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: `3 ~; o  j! v% a5 o1 G> > maintain their average figure.
* }6 f& v2 d* U4 |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 p( x) b1 E7 R6 d4 N! n7 {$ {> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. b9 H& a7 S5 b- b> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 p2 S' b! L& ?- x% m& x
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 y9 G+ F6 p/ P" P' Y. G9 F> > employment experience.
) I: r) I9 |  l7 F- |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 i- v* I0 T. `0 L> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 ]5 N: d* m6 N; ?5 H3 t3 k
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 q0 b& ]: _4 F3 c> > directed elsewhere.