HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
2 f- q6 F; \& A  M5 Q> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
4 ]( X, @: ]2 G! @, V4 t1 n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 Q& c$ }$ b, a) H
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" n0 U" P6 _/ |7 j> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 q* U: s) _9 F, \> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; c' M$ }2 Y8 B( Y0 `
> > need a pay raise.3 d" ~+ h9 S1 i# X
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- @: X7 m6 O2 L$ g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 K# P3 @( x  V, E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& s2 H& F( L& q( U" P; ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! |6 \8 E/ H% n$ {/ w! W! ~+ R# I> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 c! Q& ~7 n5 J/ \/ D
> > raise.
9 |+ A- K. E% D> >
7 J* h2 H4 |3 H; ?( x6 W* k, n> > Sick Days9 d+ [4 n3 [5 K  y; a
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. T) v% k% ?& z+ v> > proof of sickness.' T" D: T. j, e5 T
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 S! V/ v/ I# f% M; w' W: F* w. m
> > to come to work.) F# D2 N% Y- T% K& ?! [  Q/ o
> >; y) d& R* k1 a8 ~+ {9 `
> > Holiday Days
& A/ T5 S  f* \) U. W! d) h> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, y4 G5 P# V5 i' ]9 [$ J  V> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave9 {: [  l9 E9 q& r: i1 }% e# w* K7 V
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 z6 Z& t  m8 b. C$ \8 R
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 h8 B( [. k9 g! B$ v
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ z) V2 p6 x; P6 e( ?> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( q9 q1 m: K1 W& M1 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; u. ~9 n/ v/ u3 }2 R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 v- O& F# O  G& Y/ ~4 T> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. g+ g4 v+ c0 M" Z/ F8 Y1 H! q) l1 g> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% H* X, t, t- L
> > hour early.
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! Y% L& C( [5 z* |  S; o> > Toilet Use# B) A1 Q( E3 u  j' R0 i9 F# j3 r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( n& r7 E: ?6 p5 ^& N5 z$ B. K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. O; S% o& o: o7 ]8 @
> > in the cubicles.
  M2 t+ j  ]& u$ h) ?9 P- o2 |- I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) k; s" X! A9 x  F% P0 U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 W- h/ N& [: m# n6 k
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' y! m! x4 \- c4 Z5 T' U- s' s' }> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' K" c  t% J/ X& `# D, z> > posted on the company notice board under the' n% }5 g! r2 \! A& F/ r7 C
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 e3 C6 x. n  l5 o5 Q- j$ G> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ M& _8 q$ o, ]  |, Y. n
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 [/ u$ b+ k) J) d% k$ h> > policy.9 t. @0 m3 c6 Z3 X
> >
3 w; ?7 g) G5 B; T> > Lunch Break
* O: ?% O+ t/ m, O. o! V- `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* k/ l# m: j6 Q+ F& b0 D! w> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 j+ S7 [7 d$ H$ O2 P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, r4 b  Z% T! w
> > maintain their average figure.% h7 }8 X5 I; p( `, q+ C
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( U! F' {/ E5 M. J1 e% d; ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. X, x/ Y5 r) p+ I$ K5 Y  g
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" H8 ^3 J# K7 Y) {) y( N8 F
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. r8 x: G+ \1 I) s1 x# ?. B: B4 T! P
> > employment experience.
7 i  u# z' L2 C8 }0 E& ~' w: X) s6 |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" O  k+ y2 t0 m) E$ Z* R> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 G% j; z% j  W4 d) d1 S' x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) l8 l( y4 ]5 w/ m> > directed elsewhere.