HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 r* Q2 p$ T1 `9 k2 O& l* \: k
> >                     Effective January 2007* U: k: T$ j% j9 Z$ j
> >' I2 }+ F" E7 M% o& z% f
> > Dress Code8 u8 t0 z. b2 q7 S" o# z0 ?) A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) D& T" v5 S% O5 i3 N0 h- c> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. s, T2 i& b2 p5 i2 U1 k
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- L: y, O* U' q: i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 l3 I$ m% i. ^' w0 f
> > need a pay raise.  s7 S- V. M5 Y# E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) T2 d) B4 I* @* @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( L3 k3 E/ V1 b. B3 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% Z3 j; F3 Y3 ~' F% W" L5 J> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you1 @+ a* J) V, K
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  u5 X4 ]& D/ s# v0 H! J2 V9 L
> > raise.' w% L, E$ D+ z# C$ N
> >' e8 E3 P; v* E# r
> > Sick Days* u: f! j+ O" y& H" E- t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  q* a% B- O$ H( W> > proof of sickness.
' d: i6 W* E$ ^  @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; ~$ @& g6 |( a5 k+ C% U2 I: U+ T> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days$ y+ m; B$ N3 [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) {/ [$ w) m8 R( z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# s4 c0 Y: [( R7 i
> >2 p) D3 c6 ^8 Z2 \- @% y' `+ D% J
> > Compassionate Leave
# e" d0 D/ s8 U0 ~> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 z' z! V! F; p> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 o8 F0 d8 Y" N: }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ |# s# _) r6 p7 r- g
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ [! O$ |1 [4 B9 e* r
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. |" ?; H& t' [* w: F& f> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. j: r! i. D* P: k> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, b0 Q6 V9 E# B8 ]( O' A: V> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ e$ L4 l! ?9 c  U0 q9 y: ?
> > hour early.) J; i& M: [3 V; [) G1 G
> >
2 u6 C1 |( r  l# c> > Toilet Use6 v4 E* f0 N8 c/ l8 o% b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 n: o, f- Z6 L* w& I- o9 C5 ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 V' G: _+ Z6 Z> > in the cubicles.$ T' U# j" Y( }5 G! k8 d/ E# [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 O9 L: Q* ^9 p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 Q% c( C! S- @; {# g; I/ t& f> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ F" B: k  |, [' m6 S/ Q2 p4 J
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 B7 e, A& l; Y7 S+ H" R
> > posted on the company notice board under the( Y6 U* L6 W% [. L' M7 O  B4 i) `$ [
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; e( m' c# d5 y1 e+ V- J5 E7 o+ {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 s: i! b- I3 a- P# g0 z$ j3 d
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 r( S2 `# {1 r4 b  k> > policy.3 V7 M( n& v: ?6 _$ `$ W/ C
> >/ r  x7 }7 |# `6 ~7 C
> > Lunch Break) s1 w8 Q0 M! j1 {6 `
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 C/ l" T+ e3 F1 T! R! S/ ^# |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ D7 v4 v) e4 F5 s7 i2 h> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 f' o0 l* J- \6 _1 Y
> > maintain their average figure.) t" `+ y  {2 w7 Q0 x" e2 ^
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
+ k% |  J2 P% o3 R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. \: q" D+ k( O' t4 d$ J9 K> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 y$ O% x8 P: ^3 N5 x> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
- |( q( P  N( U6 S- ~> > employment experience.: X/ p$ ^$ `/ Y0 C& t
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 l# K# N6 I. `! w! V5 l9 L+ w! U( o6 l
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 l# {# Z- }/ f3 h
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be$ H5 X2 L; k) j3 R
> > directed elsewhere.