HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
; Z+ m7 A) f- Q' k9 |, S: ]> >                     Effective January 2007) I, g% M/ ?6 u4 C# J
> >
; I* }- y/ |" W- B# ^> > Dress Code
  R& w% p; E7 [* P% u> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 @1 ], A$ j4 i& p- ^. p1 K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; j; c  ~( r) @+ ~1 _0 m1 V* @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 G  x9 A; t+ D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 A. X5 `/ d/ j5 H% h0 a> > need a pay raise.4 ?( N$ g. V" b! }
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage  C# [3 X3 {2 O0 A) R
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 J# D: F3 e6 V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 o6 R; ~; I# X6 s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 y: M2 ^+ \- d- {3 D' V: J
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 f6 G; S" k* f& U1 H$ a, i' H
> > raise.
+ F* W0 U: ^5 ~# b> >
/ v' X7 l4 Q$ k. k& e7 ^" b& G> > Sick Days
+ p  r! i' H3 S# h* k, J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" f( Y# U* i2 z1 Z: ?
> > proof of sickness.# ^7 @: f+ G4 P* [6 Z; a. i" a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( |" b2 ?2 o8 g> > to come to work.' m. ^* r: ?3 ~0 g
> >( m* O3 q7 x3 U& p: d* L  r9 O
> > Holiday Days
5 i4 z+ m, y& D> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' Q+ f$ |" A7 _% F; Q& {" e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, i+ E5 Q2 z6 o> >
4 B& a5 l' y0 o> > Compassionate Leave/ p4 ^" m. A% t  l6 Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% K. u) T9 h9 g6 u: G7 u( _+ ?) K
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  ?* R6 s$ C8 y+ D/ j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: T( C! [- Q7 x
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 K0 C+ P! ]6 W) m> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 R5 [" L+ q8 p; V# L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 u& {8 E" w1 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( E1 j6 l3 x! v# c! W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 z# h  D- E# l% U, A  b# t' p> > hour early.
$ x5 c4 u0 Y; H, ]+ |$ Q6 X" O> >$ k* {& G- @8 p! q6 i
> > Toilet Use
5 m0 q1 B  [  b% u9 r> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" f! z/ m6 f; d( T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; S3 P: d1 E. P> > in the cubicles.& x% ]7 P- l: z# J' U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# z& k5 b' k& v, G. K% v  }; H> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 h- u: P; s( O! u, W> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  V! a6 r4 [" ]. ]1 C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 q7 L) x2 \% Q) M5 ~/ A2 G
> > posted on the company notice board under the# C% N! ^7 `8 R" l3 }: n- ~- E- j
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 K9 P2 s4 i0 s5 V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, u  }7 O/ t8 {$ F1 g# K* C# m> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 P* x9 ^( R5 x/ `- b" }+ V) n> > policy.
7 A. W* `. d( a0 ?1 N# ~" W> >
* W$ E6 r# {: u; N  B> > Lunch Break! N: s1 W/ @+ q' z1 g+ U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& ~1 e8 q  s+ t8 Y7 K6 C
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 Q5 p1 z3 y/ ~  L5 f. V> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 A! s8 Q* `2 p. B) g/ |
> > maintain their average figure.
$ ?6 I0 Q2 H! _$ X8 z1 B> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 x$ }6 l  J0 L! ^0 ?> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." j$ a. K2 {2 Y; O% o5 |6 \( T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ d/ y% I7 C8 C0 w7 l, v> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' Q6 h) {1 q4 }: f- S5 b$ x
> > employment experience.2 r5 O# n" [& B7 h' N# H( `9 s
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ j; ?: ~3 S4 x' v% ]> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 s- Z. [5 {) [8 ~$ V2 t
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- {2 t. _. q- s9 T- i: k> > directed elsewhere.