HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! |/ k# X: F- f! Z7 I
> >                     Effective January 2007/ u) X* O! F; i1 U% g7 H6 o' R, e0 Y; [
> >
, _7 s" j4 n6 g& V- o! q4 }> > Dress Code) {2 `  [' n$ I+ ^
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% t1 l0 ~5 X' a- ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 b  E$ ^5 T" M( _4 U# \3 r7 b: `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: q' v; }9 W! V- ^> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 b: Y3 O- ~6 T3 l( o; T5 x> > need a pay raise.
/ I* Q: w! _. D% \" M# O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, ?/ p# N* b& p- P, z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ c! u( C% a+ L6 H- s1 ^: n> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ i7 {) O" E& `4 S+ y
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ l8 _7 p, b# A> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" W1 {& d( C, h
> > raise.
3 J. \# L. b) |6 i6 r. S> >
8 R, w! y7 }% d' B$ ]& R> > Sick Days
0 L1 w7 I, I: {# e6 B, P1 B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) j1 _% D6 j! w* r% d! \: Z> > proof of sickness.
, Z( T! |$ H0 K1 {! A, D, h1 ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
: {+ y9 V4 Y- h# B0 d* o> > to come to work.4 v/ ^8 r* n" s9 `$ X! B" ]
> ># P8 o/ {5 t  @& m" P: x) X0 W
> > Holiday Days
) t' T4 k- s/ h2 M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 S" e) {* l8 j; t/ `; H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# a  G' \* y# v2 Z4 ^, o/ U% V! O> >, j+ I- R. n) h! i
> > Compassionate Leave
7 T3 g$ w. W% [8 r0 a& L0 S> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' i/ r' ~# G' O- a> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% }) m% u% H0 q8 Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  X+ k! F% P. r2 f( e> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. q- D6 y( G( f> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' ^$ A6 `. ?4 |* e) T# D
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 @3 _# s, h. T5 \5 p$ v2 Q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 |- q/ ?2 J# {# }) s7 T0 I8 F> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 X3 ]! r& R# e$ m) M> > hour early.
3 ]$ n/ X# w- F6 v! q9 b> >
  _- ]& {# q/ H$ q: ^. R9 T> > Toilet Use6 [' U. X3 N4 F( C! H- u* T- `7 n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 k0 X; d( T5 \$ p> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ q+ Y/ s" a: G9 A5 O
> > in the cubicles.- a' e; f, T' d- L6 F- b6 o& }2 j9 Y' m
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 Z. Q& ?4 I0 u4 `& M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* z& y9 N+ [/ y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; z6 t2 I* ^# C8 k; U9 d9 s$ a2 n> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
: d# k  o2 H; S5 z5 }> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ _# X" _6 x% v> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 x5 Z2 G: L$ T' d0 H) s. s
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 v$ B* g$ I6 R2 f* Y% e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 b- L! F2 j2 r! ^9 {) F, [+ \> > policy.8 B9 h- {) R4 M! M
> >' w  Z/ `9 w7 c$ p- O3 [
> > Lunch Break3 p4 W6 A$ u9 C) s" C
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ r0 I! P2 |3 ^' B6 Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# X7 L7 i. Q7 z2 R& x+ ^5 I2 R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% V$ E: \( q6 _% P8 H0 ]2 l( n3 g2 v> > maintain their average figure.
& `2 E0 z9 Y0 }9 s( S0 \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, C( C7 D2 b" n* e5 M8 L; ?8 t( @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, b; j  _2 y. C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' `7 y9 y+ \0 Z. L9 M3 R7 S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; g: `) s  V, [4 A" `
> > employment experience.$ P. m5 o$ `; e, t. D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! a2 A( a2 u9 j9 q. m, E- |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 H6 p* q  w8 }( F> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- c" Q9 g+ \- h! E3 a( Y# ]* O
> > directed elsewhere.