HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 }% ?: s- G: o6 b; X! H
> >                     Effective January 2007
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0 I0 d! Q5 H6 k6 K> > Dress Code( m! c1 A0 w7 g( f, [# n# s
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 w8 I1 z% w" x/ `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% Z6 e; t" J8 z% h. ~! Y; e  V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume+ ]8 j+ e4 m; Q9 |0 f9 W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, |9 w5 ?2 U( ^> > need a pay raise.& T0 j' R1 R( j) @4 E  @6 {2 W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 B) K) e9 _+ B  U" K9 H: q1 _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 m  l# q/ @3 C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* n! m3 z5 t, Q7 c3 y- i  V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ A" V' @9 Y  D2 V> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 z6 l  x7 I+ X
> > raise.
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' M9 m6 f- {% r! T0 K! s; V! |> > Sick Days, `5 t4 }8 f( {. \
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 j5 N9 u/ ?2 A> > proof of sickness.2 }$ x, c8 R1 I0 I5 F
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) S: I( u2 G$ Y0 g7 i> > to come to work.  l% N7 O6 U1 G( k2 E
> >
6 x$ @' b/ H5 Q> > Holiday Days+ m* w1 R% F* \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& D8 `8 r+ t# {" s2 ]4 s9 t9 o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave9 z, j! D. g% }2 a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 X0 O# a3 @: Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
5 Y/ t4 F4 D' @, I> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, ?- ~- C( f4 [, m& D> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 E# Z  e* x( s# P+ x> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 w6 y  Z% q" s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# ^; o% H' Y3 x( g$ G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; y" j, L7 q+ v. l
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 [( v( g5 K* Y  K; y> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use& q6 Q6 h( V) M2 R& n; b/ p, {" R
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
, h6 ^3 u1 o6 Z5 v" y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 G6 t+ r, Q' U9 I: e0 W: l% D> > in the cubicles.( g: X" N7 `- V9 e1 @* |5 ~/ x
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, c. z5 h: L: k4 @$ q1 O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) }0 M+ j' c& G$ ]  H2 ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# j- }8 [# M: N+ w8 s7 K
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 u% ]: h4 g4 j5 ~9 O1 b* U
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 d6 f6 \( l! W( L, D: A) I
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  c2 @* t* J1 {3 j$ G2 ?7 A+ A
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, B9 H) w* ~$ d8 u
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' W7 M6 f% G9 N/ ^6 Y& x- c9 B
> > policy.8 j0 b1 T1 x4 N! [/ n. \
> >
5 x$ g2 h1 E( H/ R8 t3 G2 `% y! Z> > Lunch Break+ a  g* S* G! l" l& Y- J# D$ T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. u+ d+ z: i, q" v  f4 P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 R6 D( {! Z5 @1 b
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) @( _0 a7 F% ^- z) G> > maintain their average figure.
1 \* a+ N' {5 O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" p( Z( T3 d5 f+ D3 g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 n- e; `3 I" a8 N& X; U5 H> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) H  n$ d. N0 E1 {8 e/ K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 x# O" x# \& d5 N+ u> > employment experience.3 t; Z* r' V/ R( A$ s7 C( T
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: m' T: E9 R* H. U
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* r2 w3 e( ^, U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# T% ^1 n& t# o2 {! @: R
> > directed elsewhere.