HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( \" Z+ }2 p: L- e! v. S7 R# `
> >                     Effective January 2007: K, [2 F0 J8 y  f4 W  }9 ^$ @
> >
- b- A' D7 Z& w> > Dress Code" n" e; u& [! W4 G) }* F: m
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 u! J! _/ S% y9 f. R8 V8 U> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 f3 n. d. V4 B! ^0 d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! S& b1 \, E2 [4 U/ c8 v  A> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% g8 n7 ~, u- C> > need a pay raise.
5 h2 ]7 f+ n* l8 c' b( g8 w) A, G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! b, H% w& g% L: C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 F- ~0 a& S+ }" S+ [( j/ h
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. r. \$ f- X1 t! b+ d$ t6 y* p8 t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& b( ~7 P  S( n3 Q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
( s0 W  G; q. [8 A  c; z" \1 j> > raise.
* @$ U' w7 c* H: Y" y. Y> >
, t5 K$ [+ i8 n/ u" l& t0 y) c> > Sick Days$ F+ M) e# [. X$ m, Z8 D% U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" ~5 \( x9 x" Z9 {% D
> > proof of sickness.0 P/ q+ u) d% S: u4 \4 T7 a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 d0 Z$ ]% K# P1 ^6 e> > to come to work.- [6 [3 q' T; k% U& z1 s2 T) Y' B
> >
. K/ r  A+ g5 f$ M> > Holiday Days
0 P5 B9 _% D. U+ N' L> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. b# g% r; _; M, E# n' C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ ]  @& T' b  b, _( D8 ^. a> >
' U! w. Q8 B+ G" J> > Compassionate Leave5 m& z, d* U3 |! P
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ v  c: j  s8 k) q7 P$ j8 d> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# |3 Y- P; v7 K, ^! q+ C1 F& U
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 H* s: j: I+ G! p) [
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; z9 x" K% t4 S" V; G6 x! U
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 Q; d3 r) o# N2 ^; D3 s" X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) ?0 k1 t7 O! r% n$ V: `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 v0 K. E. Y6 Y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ v/ }6 }8 a% M) z! t& k2 ?  G4 k> > hour early.
, t; t( o2 k, L( [0 S6 Z6 W> >
( y/ l6 M8 Q& l8 A1 F> > Toilet Use
8 ]. ?- x+ M- @- S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 P; F9 x% s. I, D7 U/ ^; T6 o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% x7 E" r: x; R" v: U
> > in the cubicles.: n3 l, C% _% _5 b, r4 y4 y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 m, V# u( L0 h# r8 X- Z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# @4 N  L" U! I6 D
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 K* a& c5 v' Y9 R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% S3 M/ x/ A5 Q: A4 _> > posted on the company notice board under the5 l1 h9 n. d  f) {7 \& X+ f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" T3 K6 |7 J" O7 L) d5 a% I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: Y9 h- p0 p5 {6 R2 s
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 s1 C  o* S/ M5 a/ B. Q
> > policy.
; u; N! R/ q  P6 `0 o> >
8 U( t* |* Z- t2 G& i> > Lunch Break
( m! ~4 M- G' D% x1 p" m' ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& [! t1 _  G/ b7 }  r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) _$ ~$ `7 A+ X( R: X
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- Z+ `$ Y0 G+ i# H2 \
> > maintain their average figure.
- r( p+ c- F/ |# q* H> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: [0 r3 O8 }4 G3 h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% ^2 h% k( r  k$ `/ N0 i. S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& f2 E; I1 @# z  s9 i2 H> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! U. f' ~8 U; S- i5 {8 F> > employment experience., G# l. N! b7 L" e1 ~3 w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: U2 L) S: @: e0 m( c% b' f1 _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ o8 f: e" a1 D" }> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# h$ b% e* f" M6 n  v5 Z> > directed elsewhere.