HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 U& h$ B& K- \# C  R6 b! p> >                     Effective January 2007
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# r/ w2 T7 M" b) d> > Dress Code
+ i/ D' U& {$ z- Y: m" }+ M> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" X. z3 t; X+ F1 H( m' l* ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% D3 s; J. S7 A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; }6 B6 E  E; ]8 j/ h> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& W% u! b+ H- J> > need a pay raise.
' m/ k0 @; R  R& c; R: k9 W6 p> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 c4 x: `* R8 T; Z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 i: A3 Z: {8 k5 x  U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ Z( x8 A* r3 k; M2 \> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 h- M; O- ~3 }- L, Q/ t# l9 D$ D8 G> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 ~: O4 i4 P" N6 z5 }> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
- Y) U: K6 W) U6 z1 p7 W5 A1 [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# \8 g5 A5 Q5 T. i
> > proof of sickness.
4 C/ @, @5 \. R- Y, t: p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. T4 i, R! G0 w! t/ E; ~3 U
> > to come to work.1 C2 l  q4 {( W# p, a; i( q, W, o
> >6 ~' l8 |2 \6 ?
> > Holiday Days  C- x* X1 ?& v6 h8 K& p4 @# v. o' Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 z6 K9 O) t3 e# _+ }4 k- w3 M> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
$ b3 s7 F# J% g3 z# m4 ]7 Y  P> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! W! _  B( e$ o- \9 o5 N5 x4 ?6 w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# u2 J5 X' I9 k0 I3 r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  _3 J- S( G& R! Y7 G5 D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ [" t( J1 H( ?+ e) J' Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; j1 l8 V2 A; i3 V# f1 Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& n; |! {- ^( N3 I& G* c5 @/ t> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) V1 c8 x* O. h2 c6 U4 r+ [; v7 H> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ H. o) g3 |% f> > hour early./ f$ W% I) a9 b
> >. \% z6 }" v  \! E
> > Toilet Use
- Q# p/ C5 N% V' ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
4 h" T  V8 h8 S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 Q# J( w: D  V& {
> > in the cubicles.
! }3 Q  b4 M8 Y$ ^8 e) p# L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 K" W2 G- w: ^0 W' ?> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& r1 K. Z) h' P! g! p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. }6 f& }7 F5 n9 p9 O+ r. ~7 y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. B% t  H5 {+ D$ F
> > posted on the company notice board under the$ v& S8 l& [- O- g6 F& C
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" f' l' A7 j0 O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# l8 e: O$ b( Q. Z9 |( V9 k* G> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- g4 m/ D+ J; N$ w
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
& D/ {8 e. u! m+ I> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 O) H' M3 ^$ v0 a. U6 K3 J> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 x; H) v% l, p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) ?7 @) G/ ]$ K
> > maintain their average figure.
. g3 Q! S# t; f- |, ^3 x. v> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ {( y# E  f, B9 `+ G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." B& z& B  Q0 _1 k$ E; B
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- W0 Y' Q$ R; b! E+ U, d% Y7 `! \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& p. z5 J7 p% V, e
> > employment experience.5 J. C3 K0 [& a8 U: ]2 J# ~0 c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% d  i7 Y/ Z. Q  i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 z$ q. X, Z) P  K" a& |) m$ P- @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# @) m% S8 i+ \) T; P% h
> > directed elsewhere.