HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( p. M3 ?% |5 k' `/ H& z
> >                     Effective January 2007
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7 L% s* s8 W# }> > Dress Code
5 v6 \% r( W$ T2 z0 r> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ y) S& ]4 R5 g) _
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# N* ]. H7 O1 |" W+ D> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, ^, B' \, d- d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
3 B% X  N8 H8 Q3 F; y> > need a pay raise.
/ v2 u+ D+ f/ r> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 }* Q! T0 O# z# }/ ?; B. j> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* ^- t" T; v2 V: i% N+ _3 Q8 ^
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% K% `1 _' |/ K* _
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; C# g  a+ L' x> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 C* t5 ]. f" W' H1 D  ^> > raise.
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" t8 h$ L5 p% l# t0 u) X1 W> > Sick Days' Z6 H3 ~  E' K" D* ^. T5 I" n
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( P. p# e- T6 R; [> > proof of sickness.1 [6 D" S- w7 I! o& e+ j9 _! `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 V5 ^  t0 f# c3 F4 P6 P  {> > to come to work.) y! M6 r/ r/ X) A( G! l
> >: }$ C1 ^+ d3 a
> > Holiday Days4 O  K+ z- @1 ~
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& }3 ]$ c3 c5 w* j! X! W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' }, ]* A' @, r$ f; r
> >
" p0 U! H5 c' Q1 I- O$ z( O7 f" C> > Compassionate Leave; s8 ?  K1 R2 }1 u$ N% Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) {: u) X0 x4 _# ?3 v> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& U; w4 Q$ K/ N$ I$ X/ n, g/ U! f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( z7 Z9 |. n4 e2 q  Z- m
> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 f! x9 O5 W# p3 n/ b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# y- a3 }0 }. W, _: A9 |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 ^! K/ ?& i. d( }9 A) e: i
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 [& a% b! X, c- s9 m> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 L% Q% Z% t' t2 V- O9 C. ~> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
9 s: I9 x$ S& a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 N' i$ L  G# |( ]
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ A" E6 r3 ^  p; C" f! u> > in the cubicles.
: D1 s. [1 i0 m> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* b- ~4 ~2 t' c2 d! Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ @  s4 h  G5 \" y7 b1 r
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& Y% [; K$ @& u# P3 D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* y. R  ?$ \) u# @# n7 n> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ @; J0 `8 D8 N& ]1 [% T> > "Chronic Offenders" category.) k, o& j6 B$ \; q  ~8 l" W6 e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: i2 U) s4 l& i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 Y' X& @- c2 ^5 c: T> > policy., ~, ]4 F& K6 T& |
> >2 ^1 U. V" o' I
> > Lunch Break
4 Q9 w! \7 g) `& Q/ L: P% D> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 F! g1 d5 h3 f0 T" V( `, H& S3 L> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* L( J$ p3 I  A* r/ b% F> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 ]; c8 I+ Q% R! s> > maintain their average figure.
' g& G1 n3 i& @+ D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% m6 s3 n6 g" q8 ^6 C" p2 v; J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; U) S  s6 h; g' j9 ]
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- a8 {8 D: z; j. V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 x8 a1 r5 F5 X( @( l> > employment experience.
2 E0 k" D* V2 O/ @% h2 |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," c0 O( i, A; `2 x  m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% \# V- Z+ \# D> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& M7 d+ s9 E5 P6 a. a! f! K> > directed elsewhere.