HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
8 R/ X! u! T) t% p> >                     Effective January 2007
; Z; E) ~6 S/ r8 N2 T5 b> >2 }3 `/ i1 U* U+ N4 l
> > Dress Code
: M7 B' ~. P; Q& H( a> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ x. P4 q3 C; o# j( D0 Y7 B7 Q4 K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 I& c3 X: t% g' k# W> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) u" K: j/ \, p  v> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; C) G: @# f5 h/ B! F; b> > need a pay raise.8 q" p: r+ j1 X* _: n1 K$ F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  k1 W0 k1 K- P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 ]- r! K' \, f+ t5 \
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
! H% ^# p$ Z$ c  v/ @! s2 a$ H> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ {$ X. I1 @0 a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 T. W1 C* `3 T> > raise.0 m/ l( N! O( z( _' ]
> >3 i' r" A/ _# w% n/ l9 ?4 h* t
> > Sick Days
2 I9 [5 i7 ^1 |8 p  R> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- c" P6 H2 _! j( q  n> > proof of sickness.2 d+ _6 p: Q% _9 Z  x2 _; ~
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 J; o2 P: v" E2 }
> > to come to work.
$ J* ]/ J8 r4 B+ @> >- t" e- h# m0 E. }% G
> > Holiday Days5 T, i" N" l% N! @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* c# G' U) Y8 Y, a+ f8 v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 j, Y9 i0 v; m% _) C( g. t: p8 S
> ># \: `) `3 x' G$ g6 G. Q
> > Compassionate Leave
/ G0 |3 q0 Q1 {% \- l> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 h" b8 D6 t4 L$ v> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' i6 U. E5 I3 E; u> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! L0 A( C! q# F0 ~6 `; Z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 C- C' E8 x4 z  O, @8 h* ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# h) Y( P& ^' f3 Q& Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: N& U8 W0 B9 @# ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" h" S( B/ b- G9 C5 P; [9 j$ X
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 w5 `1 q& l% B9 U( U
> > hour early.3 d" k$ D" r. C4 ^. k
> >
% O( N/ K" {) U4 l> > Toilet Use1 O4 Y$ ]& E' I# A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# ~4 V6 E8 L" u# `9 ~8 r! @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 f7 [4 A4 e) p8 Q- Y. {> > in the cubicles.
& R# [; v* Z9 m' k> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& o/ e/ [- r( Q: U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 m# L9 J4 u1 Q2 v7 e1 i> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." X3 Z7 Y/ ?- X" U2 i6 d7 V7 _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 S* U, M/ {3 F, l/ H1 [6 ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 W) k, ~  L+ R. U# h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 C0 A( R2 V& S$ e  `& L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- m" ^' L- d5 q1 ?) x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# @/ a4 ]3 k6 h- z
> > policy.
4 v6 |* ^0 e4 y$ c4 i4 A> >
7 D, w3 v3 q8 d3 p) h/ p7 C> > Lunch Break7 U, G& w- q& O) h' U! p  w! ^9 G
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( x2 l: @, o$ f, J7 L9 v3 f> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 N' v1 t3 _) n1 H' S* \+ I
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 g2 w: R) k( \& d- F8 `> > maintain their average figure.
# }: ^3 h% n! H8 n  ~* s- s% ]2 a2 B> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; M$ Q% G1 Q  w4 D4 T  v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 n5 A6 u2 V- v2 c9 L' |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 n$ M$ q3 Z) Y7 R. M  v0 {) z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 H. ~! a0 i$ u) \; D' i) K
> > employment experience.
! ~) W" m5 ?. L  |6 L> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. H: u0 V5 n. B( i; [6 R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 U! @6 Z, E5 W  X6 Y+ n; L% b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) e  Z+ u3 q/ X1 w& u> > directed elsewhere.