HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
. R, j5 Q- k3 E+ |9 ~/ {> >                     Effective January 2007) E0 X) N0 G( \* m8 }6 K: M- l+ }5 Z
> >' w2 d4 W/ K8 [! p
> > Dress Code' T0 ], F  U% l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
% y& V& F' F; U' ?. c' y  l4 p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ Q' D! `/ j" r0 h* M
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# p( B" T' \: Y4 X3 X5 I
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& i+ Y8 w- h$ a# k" s0 G4 G* G% E- \> > need a pay raise.' d0 A) [8 I+ D( _( K& ^; w
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' }6 B( g( }, X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ v# t$ N9 o  Q0 P. {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 P, t8 F& L: u2 H* K# }
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& ?, m( H6 |- [  I5 e) l- v5 d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' R2 l( l$ t( {
> > raise.
, |- {% ?* {) D; A0 M> >* ^3 n/ Z/ E/ m  t/ [
> > Sick Days
" F4 G) r% g; f! q% r6 |> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( ?9 Y; D' j& Y> > proof of sickness.
7 u- Q, v3 z0 Z8 @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' N$ m0 u9 r% I
> > to come to work.
# K% p' f) G8 k; K> >) E6 ^" y9 n0 J# y7 X8 [8 o
> > Holiday Days
- I  B. K. H  B( t/ t( {1 I3 I> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" u2 ]9 u; m" ]  Q4 o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% J) P7 h) [! ]! o* }- D! W> >
8 `: R2 g  t( E3 W9 s/ S3 a+ O* S7 I> > Compassionate Leave
: H3 u! S" Z# ^) C+ G- x: j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 w( l- P$ k) L) V/ f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ ]3 i+ J/ j! z* |* I> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 \1 U" E4 {. z7 b> > employees attend to the arrangements.: L( U" w% T1 ?, V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 b* N. @; I9 E8 L7 Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% G8 \4 y; p# f) d. C3 I2 }* z) P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ {! f+ \; s/ z% d$ R! c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 a, m& b* G" j4 R0 H; R& P7 Z! y" c> > hour early.
, `  u- ?! E: w+ D0 p7 b> >1 F8 ~% r& K: {: A
> > Toilet Use1 C0 U* z, H6 E7 N8 R$ h; M  h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  P' G& `7 E1 H. H# k9 J8 ^$ f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 L4 h( w3 }* U$ n$ F3 ~> > in the cubicles.
: F0 a% m5 I; d% o" A9 z, M> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% c9 T8 j2 P- y% q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 E3 B  C( C( j8 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( E& m; N% D) ^; E! B> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 O, N/ m4 u. b, T0 n" v> > posted on the company notice board under the
; l7 U* O. W; t7 w. H> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 h6 L( Y6 z8 i* B- `; N0 T
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ j" b- e0 N+ ]: d# E$ }4 V9 ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: a6 D  Q2 _- ^" n+ O# y8 g
> > policy., `8 \- H) p) F& ^
> >
+ G% L# g( S! T& E4 E> > Lunch Break
6 r& l# J0 m0 n% c0 d4 m> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 _, N% D' @; h6 X- u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' e$ x2 B- e: N- K* v& \9 `& y/ _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 Y/ L/ _) u8 w) Q2 ?
> > maintain their average figure.
0 O- F( `# u. Y, s7 k> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 ^+ G' ]+ q& }0 A
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 A" m) p5 C6 w6 t, n0 E3 {
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 g( t4 H8 ]$ `/ r3 M; E> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* n9 N2 D4 L6 S( R7 s! r1 c. d> > employment experience.9 y1 C/ G) V; [  e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 F% U4 h* _% b' A! g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! U/ ]. z# T7 m: g# x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 U0 _! j4 c* W+ ?- K2 n3 x> > directed elsewhere.