HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ T3 Y8 f1 y7 m+ G) T; H( q> >                     Effective January 2007  ?( N, y$ C( o: L# I0 c" w
> >  X0 s/ g- B; J& G# W* y, C
> > Dress Code
$ `3 A) V* G, f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ C. c+ u* T; l" l5 P8 m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! V* F6 ?2 `( U- F- R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ T( Y/ [* K& E) N' u& r( k( b. V( |
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- z9 |; y# g  q# Q5 I> > need a pay raise.. B5 L8 h  J* i# o4 a; z) Y) p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& ~# u1 P0 r0 V+ ]4 Y8 U> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 v$ _! q  i: G4 V3 Y+ l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 s- S/ U" t6 ~  z1 |> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ d; B; v% j6 S1 p% }- X* t  h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 P. H; j; A6 W9 E
> > raise.
. @2 f% B6 s8 c> >
) ~( A! ?' X& {6 \5 d; ~8 _> > Sick Days! L) x0 |6 F7 l3 g! i
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 W+ p: A* X# d
> > proof of sickness.0 v" g* B4 l4 i8 U& ^6 M* n
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 u/ d+ T- q5 b% f> > to come to work.
7 Q9 H3 T* `( D9 g( r> >( M) x3 o/ L0 R( ]3 x- F
> > Holiday Days
# S* L2 a+ t5 q5 Q  H> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 V6 b7 d# ^! p1 Z+ y* E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  @3 I% U6 L9 M5 m5 b
> >- t( t: s. J5 ?  b
> > Compassionate Leave
5 X# Q  p$ o; o/ e6 C% u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 U, f. K" Q9 T# m2 W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! z7 c/ |, u# m7 ~- `/ P: o& J
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( h8 q9 v7 j# e; y  }> > employees attend to the arrangements." D2 E- D3 \4 ^' Z: q% s( N/ g# r
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ E  C! ?3 L% Z: {> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* u9 E% p$ c9 K$ Z# Z5 J  c> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 a# B' x8 G) M
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 P) W" o5 U5 q; i! a* w> > hour early.: S) L3 y* p, t' [
> >2 a& w) H  S* i) h
> > Toilet Use
0 S+ t6 \' H& e6 f. Q8 ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: s4 I" F) }' x4 d3 z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ I- ]; R4 _# C/ S3 ]( N> > in the cubicles.3 n1 K+ T- x& [/ S2 Z6 N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ y: S# H2 c: [8 z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) q1 V* S" O3 ], k- o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' v' W* _; ^+ q: T, R# `+ ?& n- c* i  C
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 T& U8 f) j5 r; ]+ B
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 c, b* y8 j% T2 H4 q& c2 x! \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 z7 i/ a5 ?+ S  }* ~1 S
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ J' N: h8 `, G, |' Q( R- S; p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 |5 y( {! v0 P
> > policy.
' d; p$ E" G9 D4 I  F& g> >
' L1 H! s7 }9 o; |8 k> > Lunch Break
  L7 x# @9 F. |4 {> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 F3 Z% \% P2 e  q+ ~* B5 p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  o9 w0 E7 E4 E2 \& b4 X5 B2 Z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' {/ T5 {( M7 }) V/ H1 V- a> > maintain their average figure.# M; b$ ]6 b2 ~# b- R+ I. A2 h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; b% X* a4 c4 f5 s  {> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& S- [' n/ m+ t. ]& A
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; [+ H& [( ~% c0 k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* [. |6 t, h4 O# y/ v' L' P, I  j
> > employment experience.
2 I0 {* e- \$ R4 ]" @> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 X9 R# y) b; k! v" P# b> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 K/ [1 T+ ?3 j; f7 v+ O& o4 b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' j9 d# e) P& Q' M" e; i
> > directed elsewhere.