HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: h/ i' \) x% ^, g8 y> >                     Effective January 2007
5 {# \3 r' W& K& C- _6 V2 G) T> >; N9 j! e4 n5 e; K+ H' K  C' u
> > Dress Code
$ j& G( Q: ^. [* _- z, y% U> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ }, {* _8 q3 f9 q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 \  k8 n( d2 J- l1 h. W> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- ?$ `2 q+ y. A- p/ ^* R! S> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, y+ t+ h7 x/ `7 E7 Y! c> > need a pay raise.) z; j/ ^6 D  w) m# B! A
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ `7 P' D6 x! G! d0 B3 s> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
# B9 y4 l% y+ c% h/ N> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 I  o5 C1 n+ g% ?' C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
' |! M6 B  E0 ?! z) f/ [4 W8 B: B> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- F1 H# e2 Q6 O  J+ b> > raise.1 W3 M$ b+ j# ~0 v8 ^! `+ C8 [0 ]
> >5 y5 b5 H1 `( z# @) W5 F
> > Sick Days; k+ H+ A. I" |" f7 V8 c- U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# H+ ?; s7 [; t: W! U: T1 w
> > proof of sickness.8 @) ~4 M9 I! x& t7 o% d
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 p8 v) @" u/ |! p  S; t+ V! ~+ l> > to come to work.
' q. G# Y# a' c& J5 y> >  |" ^  O( A" T9 {7 |
> > Holiday Days
: b, m3 ?% X  ~1 s! Q; F; c' `> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# b( N; j- o8 }> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' ^; }& a" G4 P. C3 V* D
> >
9 Q6 x; ~* j5 ?! {3 _> > Compassionate Leave
% }8 |% B! w2 X/ ]( C7 T- D> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) `3 _' A1 v) b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ H- J/ K- ?) |- D' m. K> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) p+ V  B' _0 b3 n3 {7 X' d9 e
> > employees attend to the arrangements.) T% d! G4 i6 ]: |
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% u3 ?1 ~5 D; w& @> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) z+ g5 W3 Z6 T+ Y/ V> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  y5 o& H: w3 H5 L# B# G+ g5 f# N> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! u' z6 Y' t# o, |
> > hour early.  B% A( G9 y4 Q& @1 m$ y! `
> >
8 {7 x' F9 J4 t% \4 B3 ]* J5 A> > Toilet Use
8 u  l6 f$ S0 m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) u1 ]& [" O, h6 P' c7 f3 M3 Z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) ]9 l! h' B0 r6 I; e> > in the cubicles.# {. T! e& c& t  K& m; M
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" s& p0 e" ?' S: y9 S
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 A$ \  h$ n7 `+ ~8 U* {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.% M% e6 E0 |" @  |7 ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" }" G; j2 \% |# R) T+ S0 F
> > posted on the company notice board under the; @: g# }+ Z; g7 Q& _; L
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 |7 _2 e& T' W. A' [0 q8 e# Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- }3 a0 h. \) K/ T> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 \) f2 y: `! e; \( _& M) Q> > policy.
' _7 W6 {% l) ^( `> >
- \7 p( _7 ~  `. Z2 C9 G> > Lunch Break
& _1 h( m, e8 F  k( I, T8 T0 b> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 Y( w$ b& k! P- h! P9 W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* ]& x' p$ D- g- D
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: }+ j+ r1 J: g. _- \' A# M% g
> > maintain their average figure.
* B/ w) y& {9 k" _" ~0 j. z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 l$ U$ ?5 x; Y% V> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- X) o1 l6 Q$ `. @' m. b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, ^1 Z1 J- ]# P# L; p, @8 F3 d) z  B4 i> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. n* t4 g. X, r( B> > employment experience.2 }: h4 E1 q" S5 [/ }; G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* E  [8 k0 K% u* B
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ Y! h# H/ ^+ K6 |4 @1 X; n' F' u> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ f0 O- ?3 O% b) k- q# H% v> > directed elsewhere.