HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! l2 |* S( t4 L* L' t6 M$ G4 d/ J
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
' n: ]0 u3 d( S0 d8 M9 g. l- }" H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. K) M; D) f  W. m' H' F
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& K6 W  B: ?1 u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ j0 t2 r2 {) D7 A5 i> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& L! e, U0 c+ y7 d( t% ?
> > need a pay raise.
6 ?; L& r) i3 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 ]4 d" g( C8 X1 N+ p+ g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: y$ P! w# W$ s0 X
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.  N0 G1 H: ~0 r/ M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( Q! {( y. P+ ~3 p1 e
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" j+ u4 z& t- x> > raise.& p; L0 n& Z7 t3 f" C
> >* ?  Y0 n: [0 H% b" ~* U9 o
> > Sick Days8 i; x( h9 S0 L2 H0 N" D, A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. u& s( M: s5 ]& {> > proof of sickness.
5 i  A2 d8 H6 {! G( F6 }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 L- D' P. d' Y8 q$ N# Y/ }> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days: y; E8 O6 d! H
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" v3 C' x$ h6 Z. J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ [  ^" m9 l' v2 n> >
1 }2 P/ w/ d# h> > Compassionate Leave) n: M* n& D7 \5 N* R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) e  i/ U' p5 m% D, T* B> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& {8 w4 |) x$ ]
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 S+ T! s: ~6 a> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 j5 d/ E# m4 a
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# ^9 h) P* V) t5 U! p, z5 a
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& x  a& P5 x5 D3 M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 V2 X6 _; Q! i% Y* H5 o$ H2 s1 q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 U9 R! x2 e+ X  d" V* c: W- m> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use% Y2 B# x4 V+ ?, B% H2 ~5 H
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: v9 Z' n* ~) J5 V7 K& f5 M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 |: c1 F& I  ~- @1 f
> > in the cubicles.
  _# E: f1 p: H> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. d' S7 A% c  l9 B# r$ p, B
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ ], C1 R) U8 @6 d3 `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.% j" S, Z: x+ [2 Y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% z% b6 p, [4 Z8 ~> > posted on the company notice board under the3 R1 S, n$ W+ _" X0 G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 j* Z" M2 N/ h3 c
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  `0 b+ n9 ]% n& H> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: ~8 u3 L8 C9 t! z> > policy.8 a! b- e- R" q: {- |
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> > Lunch Break* A" k9 I  ~) X* M1 s% C
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 o1 E8 g8 l3 f% S, q. w5 J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: r& F  m) x0 [8 k& p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  b8 H( k9 x( h6 ]> > maintain their average figure.1 n5 j; u! ?* G2 x: [; O6 N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 U9 F7 ~$ k. L> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 f) _' N0 j2 I1 i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 S0 H! h) Z8 `0 q3 D
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ _5 ^4 O$ J+ Z  e# A
> > employment experience.( ]  F: _+ o2 D2 ^4 e, ^
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 @; r) S- i4 `6 Y, i4 p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
0 t. S2 ^+ q2 {, `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' a* @+ c5 K9 w3 X. y> > directed elsewhere.