HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! S7 }3 ^& }; |; u2 t1 R
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
  Y8 \7 {$ r+ q9 R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, r, D0 j' X- b, L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 b8 O7 a, S. s$ B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* ^" |, B0 Z" |0 e# E
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ ]9 N% k$ Q9 O: O1 x4 s% D
> > need a pay raise.1 n! e0 }, X4 M) q0 K
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; _/ ~' K* V( ]" f4 t9 d- V
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" ~( }: ]5 U$ k6 D> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 V0 O  c/ o3 t  B1 w
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 Q# A' e  \9 r9 o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* \" _7 b: U' Q, D. e> > raise.
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> > Sick Days- u2 ?9 ]: B4 m; A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% C. X* |) i- o& `4 d3 v> > proof of sickness.* m# ~  p, R4 G  H; @% n" @
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, N9 A3 \" {3 Q- S2 L
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
2 @2 ~; }7 ?3 v, u" {7 E8 B2 S> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ R/ j! H4 g1 M# i% |# b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  b9 x/ z+ x/ B( |4 j% ^
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> > Compassionate Leave8 L& [' p; I! b% a. @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* W/ s* E: P/ s$ J0 ~& u3 |# ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 [5 \( V7 y* ]5 Q3 T- V/ ~& u7 A
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 I2 N1 M' T9 I% p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
3 n( ?! K0 J- Q. }5 q  [+ z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( M; T' n6 I) ~# q) G6 F> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( T- s9 e0 F  f6 h7 @2 a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# I) G% p( ~* ]1 c! S9 d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ s: i5 H0 F' i- _3 I7 _
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
( r2 |7 i$ y3 K+ Z1 }' e, z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" B4 I( [# P/ v- O% z9 t
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, g7 }5 C" J$ U& v3 b" w> > in the cubicles.2 e* y4 c' @8 p! v: F1 A- f! S
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 ~$ y: R" t. _2 w> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& q# n! S) C; O" l7 [+ {7 p4 g' \
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 @* |" ]7 w" L  R& Y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% p' Z5 f( K+ i1 M
> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 B# ~. c: Z* D1 S> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 y# z) ]& F8 ?5 i' }1 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" R- B, r$ D6 b' h3 w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: ?/ J" g* }4 W2 o% R' _& }> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
5 f  I- S% \: a" ~4 ?$ o> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 U* I  D  a, S> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# k/ |0 n) M3 a, V, r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% y" g: w4 K7 W2 `/ R> > maintain their average figure.
- z9 |% E* e: }! @> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. R" {1 V" v- l9 x0 }1 _8 n> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 H( H1 {1 x7 n1 [$ X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 f3 |: c* N. \$ Q5 v: V2 U8 ?( o: {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' @0 ^  q3 L& W  {
> > employment experience.$ a1 K. j" i1 i0 y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ p8 X" y9 F0 A; h  W8 S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" K% B. ]/ i7 u5 i' R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ \' q6 Q0 q0 Y$ w- N& N* b> > directed elsewhere.