HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 J' U% c: f, _( I2 m+ l& X3 T  u
> >                     Effective January 2007
6 ]: {: W) j/ \' \" d" U8 w> >
0 F5 L3 Y6 ]5 H1 ?- \> > Dress Code. {. A1 n8 Q  w" N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 h1 T7 e7 i) L" X/ `4 b! Y4 p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* n8 z& L- D% y2 s
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 s& C( ]  Z+ Z; l) }. F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# O" {; j; A& m! Q0 \  a
> > need a pay raise.3 q4 h  Y, b& i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" ]& {* F8 P+ \. ?4 j. h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# y) N: d% ~6 q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 c* y3 x+ M" o! a: i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" e- n8 {. g/ p( u5 P
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" I, i; i- l% I$ N; s. B+ m( L: q
> > raise.
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& v" f- }- w1 c/ N. t> > Sick Days
2 [1 N2 B* X! k/ D! L5 _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! `' g0 D0 @* U3 b1 O" f
> > proof of sickness.+ W5 E9 j( |+ R3 {/ L- K
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) c! A+ a. F- n7 c* N2 ^- o5 _
> > to come to work.( ~$ }$ q2 i; a! J4 y. j
> >
" y2 Z7 k5 }  u: X> > Holiday Days. I4 T3 D9 Q. W2 V7 g* r
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" f' K# Y2 D2 V. E7 M1 N. o
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( m8 i0 _' n6 c> >
, l; _) t5 Q" M5 g: g: d& K- V0 e> > Compassionate Leave
6 U+ w' S2 \% F5 T3 |. M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: N9 A6 b5 Z9 j# K" F% Q4 i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 \5 s7 `9 p9 G; J% h
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 k0 X' e2 Z4 {6 o3 s' ?7 S> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ ?9 I4 E  R1 k" Z& s( e& H> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 b! i! l- D- x6 b( Y8 |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 O; x4 z& U( b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ `; u  \1 \& e, _2 \: Y; p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ Y- v% n$ y9 n: O
> > hour early.
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" T) o5 S2 r; m2 C3 x! N> > Toilet Use0 S, G5 k! d) \$ z; W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 B% _$ B9 y5 i' {7 x3 G, y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% B0 {7 C8 A" V2 H8 [7 v% S) l
> > in the cubicles.# t+ m3 S% r. |0 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- N" U% v* Y" E4 s$ y) m/ h
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& {2 k1 v2 n8 w7 t7 Y# Z7 N% h7 X' Y, q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 j6 u# W, z$ y4 U0 n- `* u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 n1 e6 t- S2 r  |0 r- f> > posted on the company notice board under the
" q4 `: R3 m2 L! v) j7 Q1 r6 D8 i2 x> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  S' T" m2 L% M& x* Y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& {: Z9 A0 a  @5 n# `4 x1 ]/ [> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' [8 c) \; w8 Q1 O
> > policy.( @; a8 b7 @: u2 W
> >
$ C6 I* a" W0 o> > Lunch Break
- G& w, w, Q3 L5 B1 u! v; D> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 |8 z" J4 p' `7 L- N. t+ `> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# s$ Q3 h8 b3 @( c
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) `- D  M, e0 o' ]1 i2 R> > maintain their average figure.1 t" s* s! ?  \9 q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( Q# U6 _9 [! ]- a% C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 o6 b; J! `" E; w" f* x, N1 J
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. a. T+ m6 q" E# ~  B0 f4 h: }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& |7 F6 ?0 _/ V+ n' ?- u- `
> > employment experience.1 Q# P2 h* c8 m9 F; `& A3 a  G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," J' [, [, |3 B/ z3 h4 P$ A: q2 r9 m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
0 w. |- \$ d  j; t. ?! _% ^( g> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" R# g' C0 ^2 y' l2 u( q# |> > directed elsewhere.