HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
. s$ Q$ D1 T7 H: w, P$ A> >                     Effective January 2007$ W9 \% M% T! P
> >3 \, [0 o+ D: t# |
> > Dress Code
" s- B$ v3 x) }4 V> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ b4 r2 r' C# B( l; _) ?7 x% d> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ ^) I1 M' b- ^) q2 v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! F- q  W  P9 s5 [2 }
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  x" i/ F' @+ N: W( G
> > need a pay raise.2 {5 P8 b1 Q# y* P
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ D* D$ P2 l! i$ m) ~! W
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ r4 k) [, Z- F$ A( k- f8 M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 `4 r2 ~+ u2 w* B2 F0 e6 B> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# [* D- y0 E, \. j5 T% ]" _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- N) H0 U# f$ v0 f- _
> > raise.& E7 [9 \# b, o5 d4 f) Z$ p
> >
, Y6 U, F8 N; l0 ~  t> > Sick Days* z5 F; d) E6 X3 c5 r
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% N9 |/ V: p6 T! {, R* C
> > proof of sickness.& U3 C% B, a9 B. M# k& t( Y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ S; ~( e7 L% L7 n> > to come to work.; S# P, e  a5 V* i! s, F, K5 d# K2 W( q
> >4 u3 j  h; y; D7 Z  b9 b8 ~
> > Holiday Days4 W; F" @: l: q  O3 d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) W1 O) Y; y! a$ U; q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 c5 e1 \* R9 X6 ~  ?
> >
9 d+ a0 t' @: G2 `+ b5 U) y> > Compassionate Leave/ z: u6 s3 V# C$ c+ u( `
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
: Y! e5 v( P7 p0 T# Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* |  w- o4 z& K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ A% C) s- R. i* ~" v; U& E* M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 U/ C0 k  k' R2 N5 D
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 j) E0 j! l- M/ j- A6 K0 C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# r  V' E7 J5 U! Q: V> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
/ e8 G' M3 A5 ~$ s3 F2 A; X> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 A+ `, @  I" d5 u
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
' N' g* {. e$ w# g! M> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ d- U  p. G6 N" P2 u' X> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ i2 g- T3 G2 E% b5 O0 X- e
> > in the cubicles.
- e. r- o; s8 M' q5 f" l> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. L4 ~% Y4 b  W" S> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" L/ C1 S4 s- N4 h/ n7 K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 G4 t/ N8 X) Q7 L/ ^* D
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 G( e' s7 L2 M9 j9 ~- Q( |2 j
> > posted on the company notice board under the. _' F9 q: ^/ a  b9 `' P( k8 m6 K
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- W  i0 p6 M$ i2 V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ X7 l. ^. }9 D6 s* j8 k> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& Q4 Z9 _' {3 D
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break0 Y3 ]% E! u5 B1 Q( ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 Q4 \! O0 {' {6 A/ X4 Q: O2 U, l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& N( ^9 }. S6 B+ k( S: \& Q  i+ q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" Y, P/ A! M7 _
> > maintain their average figure.
8 T& J" Q5 f5 W/ }: Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( Q* O8 j* o$ {2 i( Q! E  w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 _/ @& V6 k: Q# k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) E2 Z- L8 C4 ?# g+ q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 Z0 Q: K% ^/ q> > employment experience.
7 x: M" t6 Y- W' t. M' s: e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ k- k: R5 ?4 Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; n) t! v: }2 H; ~9 `$ _  r/ y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- }; z) a0 r2 O8 n2 u
> > directed elsewhere.