To all Employees: $ v/ @. G5 _, E> > Effective January 20074 j3 x. S* D3 }; B
> > w% W) J0 T% ^. R> > Dress Code 4 C# b& c( U# R0 ~5 x3 l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed W* }0 ?, H" n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% d; s, G! I5 w5 o* E+ n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 r: `/ Y1 p7 ^$ |6 f* e+ j6 _
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& @3 b" [# \: l; L
> > need a pay raise. 2 V9 r6 t/ I+ E- y' B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: j% D+ z, Q9 Q! h/ k5 [
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ I3 o; T; C" V6 N5 U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 @- Q2 U. G6 u' ?/ S; V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you t, l. A6 |. X3 r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ! \; b0 y; q W( H& M, k' m- s. ]> > raise.3 M. n7 }& `1 N; _; A/ I# u
> >+ T& p) c5 c+ _7 Y1 Y
> > Sick Days- a4 }1 c9 ?1 o# A) Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. u+ v; b/ s( x: w, A
> > proof of sickness.3 X. d- X0 u0 \# H+ O# [- @( k
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; \" y, l* `5 H) y0 y, Q
> > to come to work. C0 r8 c7 e" i+ V( [
> >) q5 _1 Z$ j9 T! d" ~' {* P: i2 u
> > Holiday Days* L: |" T. p* y& u5 D; J. B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ e+ N4 E3 Y% x
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. & n: z, E. N1 O' `5 {> > : j$ T5 F5 g# @- ~" ]& X> > Compassionate Leave3 ~% D4 W$ t+ \6 A
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 d x7 w- G( r3 x) t
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 Y) @$ G" _8 |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- y; S, Z2 ^. t, j> > employees attend to the arrangements. 7 T- @* d- E6 M* a% @, v1 s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 4 d3 |) s3 [( Z. S- V, G g1 c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ k4 R0 o6 Y$ z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' Y1 _8 K' ]* W" r" \* ?& i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one _# f% B: k# h5 U6 N; o2 H
> > hour early. 7 \' s* K* F" F, {, O, r8 k> > 6 h6 I5 A) T# \+ F> > Toilet Use 2 n7 H# n1 F9 X" t0 J6 K+ D1 |5 w> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the ' L, r7 A* ?" c i" [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( h& \" M, L( K' I+ C
> > in the cubicles. 6 z9 N& i" G7 ?( a& w! b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 0 o( ]" B, p2 x7 p1 b* f8 t> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle 0 J/ P( B: _# F$ R0 h+ m> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 t( p9 ^2 G6 o$ x1 s1 I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 ^; L" C1 p: z/ r$ P0 X
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 w' ^. W% G5 ~
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 H, G' P) \" X
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be h& } I% Z- I- p& N% o, [ j+ h
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 c; t: [- R4 l: r! \
> > policy. + \5 [1 y4 y+ A% E* a> > ! z% l/ V$ o4 G4 Q- Z: `1 g6 q8 Q> > Lunch Break& q& i6 Y+ Z' K+ a/ M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 8 u z( X: F( V3 m; x> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ( y' z- t6 U2 p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ A* C8 e) y: v: G$ ~8 r8 q0 Q$ J
> > maintain their average figure. : x# c( W& f% r2 v- g! A> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time % Y" x% O; ?( e; ~, I9 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ {& ?5 N2 p7 ^6 V W8 ?: ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( }( C1 W5 f2 J F0 J" j: d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive , ~: e7 k6 q7 U* S. R/ m> > employment experience. # v" ? n, N! C s# u9 ?! u9 Y/ Z2 H> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, . m& O+ b* S0 |' E9 I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, - `* F* \2 D9 B> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& Z: @$ m) |& n$ ~7 v/ p; O+ Z
> > directed elsewhere.
