To all Employees:% H5 g4 L5 U# g" `$ ~; {
> > Effective January 2007. D3 u9 Y; S( R2 w
> > ) s$ T" X" K: y6 Y: D* u6 X; k2 V4 M> > Dress Code 4 _0 K, P: C) Y/ B> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 0 l- U# I; @6 }& L4 }" ?7 w> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' M$ S# m5 f+ n/ P! l1 f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. q0 K% E; m, H4 U) W+ H
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ \. S7 T: C% s% E
> > need a pay raise. @/ ^8 ` V8 B5 i/ j2 M% Y9 U> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 o" _, _2 h0 B; ?* c$ J y. {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer # w5 J: G- y3 [* P- r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.# c$ s* X& o& \& |
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- t% I2 Q6 K! h9 _. _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. n2 b2 I: e# P$ l; |2 t
> > raise. 7 U0 [7 X0 m; M3 f$ C( z& l5 P> > # D% \) r$ ]* |; M- C: y9 ?> > Sick Days & K* \9 q( _: J! S$ c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 ~ r9 |! t8 ~5 Z4 ?# |0 m
> > proof of sickness., B+ A# L/ `9 R) F& l( O2 d J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 6 r% M0 L9 [: {4 m& }2 U> > to come to work. " x+ g8 O+ A" F6 U0 _% H0 m0 k) ^ \> > & D8 h$ @- O: h> > Holiday Days8 A- g1 B/ y1 N2 G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ) T5 ^9 y( z9 W# T# f> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. : W, V; T3 ^0 f7 c. ?$ X$ r" T. M. V> >/ P+ v y2 W8 m8 R2 ^9 A
> > Compassionate Leave/ @$ T: `% M1 J% [! U; z7 r$ R# K
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 0 D8 T7 m/ u* n9 d3 N6 ]* D% V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: F7 x( {1 ]1 Y$ R, ^
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- # g* O" n: R- Y) L2 \- ]> > employees attend to the arrangements. 2 P' O! ^2 C! I* g+ M+ v> > In rare cases where employee involvement is $ d4 e0 r& I$ h0 {' Z* d) i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% c9 W9 j. _- q+ ?1 ~. l ?0 A2 z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% g# W' p% R2 ?# [" @$ h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 E* e- a, X- v( N9 V
> > hour early. ; |6 \1 W) B" R: t! V" b> > 6 S G7 x1 _" @5 ^( i5 h# u9 Z> > Toilet Use! G/ o. |; A$ G5 l- x
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 7 C& X" K+ G" R9 ^1 W> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit ) Z5 w4 ?3 I" u; X* c> > in the cubicles. ( r+ M4 ~+ C6 r* k- \! ~> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will # a4 D' W+ L: d$ T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle % A4 B: O8 d: [5 C" d> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. u% W0 G* \" r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 ]: @+ \* Z" t1 K7 c1 U
> > posted on the company notice board under the $ }& Z, ]5 Z# B" K8 v> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 8 ]# W! m9 b. [ I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be A: C n- j; U2 R6 Q( `3 _/ Y4 h _/ N! ?
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health ?: E. M5 R" t: p1 i0 v, j# }6 a
> > policy. ) M) O2 ?7 w5 z> > $ i" A3 \8 y; e: B; A> > Lunch Break $ Y9 l/ T2 H" {1 |$ X* M# b! y4 G* d> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 S, P2 u, w: @5 o3 P; a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., @1 G3 O+ k$ Q% H
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 8 Q. a9 h2 Z r% x> > maintain their average figure. * R/ S( W+ `$ `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* `! [4 O3 H# Y1 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 B/ f* B7 J1 F5 ]1 g8 h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are + T6 y3 P2 n7 v/ _1 V/ {# A> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: H; D1 X' s4 `
> > employment experience.1 [+ S5 ?, g5 t' \
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ b: V2 m7 ], c4 j3 m x, L3 @
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ( ?$ ]. }4 J$ u( [* P9 V; b1 p' ]" U3 h4 v> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, C9 L m! d9 S2 M* _$ T
> > directed elsewhere.
