To all Employees: |* R2 `4 v9 _; C
> > Effective January 20077 K6 d5 D: T1 `! L. m
> > . }3 |* g/ R; Q" Q3 x6 x> > Dress Code9 X3 ~; c# O: N9 u/ k+ n8 m# {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 7 \! `) P4 l, b* U! b& |3 r+ [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 3 J" a M; _( `0 R, ^) ~> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume : [; b+ `" R7 I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not - L7 ~$ _7 L; E& w) M; ?) }& s( B> > need a pay raise.* e% f" ^& h7 O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 p5 w% B( O; u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( Z, g+ Y2 {; U8 l" ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 M; l* O0 I0 B: ~ i5 l& ^" P
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ D# v9 B G. s+ d6 I) y/ C0 a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ) c9 |% Y$ t# k5 T% o7 X w> > raise. . `( [% T( X$ k6 I7 c _> > ' m! K2 @, e0 W, r/ S> > Sick Days ! h9 f- d5 J, r- B6 A8 ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; N8 k% c7 D& R6 k* v" D
> > proof of sickness. " C2 y' z/ x6 T; q( U> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able0 {# }# b$ y5 M& n
> > to come to work.- ` f) \3 @$ e: Y& _) l0 W t
> > $ A6 @/ s v6 Q8 a# b7 R$ t> > Holiday Days& r+ X& Z% {9 E/ e5 x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a : p |( z9 ] e, ?> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 1 d0 [& Z) j* F+ s> >5 ?5 n9 V$ r3 V" w6 |
> > Compassionate Leave 6 C" N' O+ R( U* C. R9 t9 X& _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ! v' u+ U: J' M9 [ Y2 Z2 U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 6 p+ t ~ D8 L8 E* D> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 9 u+ R5 x4 Q& H> > employees attend to the arrangements.' _! M/ ~' E- c+ K5 e# ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ _& s6 }. b: s. p$ N7 G
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ _( e" a+ }: Y5 Q- ?
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 f7 D% ?9 G& q3 v, }
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one M7 o# J" m8 B v$ l> > hour early./ |# V1 }. }& d+ j4 ?' i
> > 9 @% x2 B: h9 G' Q( m! Z9 f> > Toilet Use) \8 Z3 Q7 r5 w" |# u1 N; R! }9 o
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 V* H$ t' B9 k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 C; Q( D% b3 Q
> > in the cubicles. , e7 o2 d' B# Q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" S* L1 E7 L. r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 o. b: T0 _/ Q- o; j/ @' t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 Z* F2 d2 `% q9 |. A
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 s# A7 Q# p, D1 G6 }% h) `; q( Q
> > posted on the company notice board under the ! R& K% v! o! }) T9 [4 x) y> > "Chronic Offenders" category. ^$ d5 }: e- n; w9 \" G> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. m$ ~ J6 D4 c
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health # K6 U# F, \; i; T3 ~& m> > policy. Q: |+ z6 N4 A/ O C3 p
> > % ~' V2 D8 N" O0 @2 _$ h, I- a> > Lunch Break 2 I" V+ u7 a/ V3 ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they + X5 S; Y- @, E0 r3 P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' U- x* Y6 h7 e' E- d% |- @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% r3 j/ X$ e- f1 f9 d: e! V
> > maintain their average figure.+ J- U; M6 _2 }8 b; C' v
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" V5 e+ H; F( `9 M
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. D8 M7 M$ X) a( @& y: {3 a> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are D6 Y- `9 a4 ^: M7 n8 \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive r0 l4 F$ K' v# ]
> > employment experience. . h$ C) J1 C/ c' x8 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 8 f2 D1 L- P2 R: P# x/ _1 W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," ?* b: n. r+ J: c5 v/ i2 \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be + O* j% v# m+ s% C; k( ?2 T8 _* Z> > directed elsewhere.
