To all Employees: ! P+ H5 _ X _6 D> > Effective January 2007& p2 Q$ O+ E8 n- q! [
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> > Dress Code % V9 p( U o& _. u9 P> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed # E; _5 t2 |" x% }> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing $ O/ p6 g4 i5 x6 A- G& W> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume + a5 U" g8 l! m) P. _2 m R> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 6 O- d, \: W( o; S* a) n* ?) J$ w> > need a pay raise.% u1 l: t7 E! O7 s: e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 z" k, N3 `7 l5 J3 y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 z5 @6 {5 C7 X9 d1 t/ g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. - {5 X: Z2 K1 z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 {' ?0 B5 k5 x. g( ?7 D: n! u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 D3 A+ K6 n3 W* C } ?
> > raise. 3 m# ? a7 b( F; n7 `* \> > ) \( |' b: V( } f3 y3 C> > Sick Days1 `+ l9 J* o, N' p
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 6 v0 u# r- f4 R% X; z3 K! S- _> > proof of sickness.0 C4 J9 `! { E# S4 w3 r/ q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; y; A5 H% S) I4 @* t
> > to come to work. + @5 k% k4 a. f3 s; o2 \: @> >! x$ Q& y% y/ v) g; t+ l6 a3 H
> > Holiday Days 6 ~& `1 H/ r4 ^+ O8 z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 B0 P7 I7 H1 K" `; a4 j, l% T1 w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 x9 t$ s% r( c# ~+ Q8 a
> >5 J; g. h2 A% z5 e9 I/ n7 N
> > Compassionate Leave5 V/ |0 N" h6 ~0 U4 P$ r
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing , m$ n, S2 E h> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( d& |, h* @! X0 ?# A# S% [
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; U" V- o9 _1 q9 `! b; X
> > employees attend to the arrangements., t; x5 \3 a3 f7 {1 b1 i. b& T$ w
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, F; C5 v/ P0 ^8 Z# n
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 M% G( ^5 n& X& S6 }1 t5 o5 `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( C {1 K2 S! L7 \+ S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 M+ |7 n- ?/ Z9 ^6 d
> > hour early. 7 L% {7 O# }& h> > ! @2 L: h9 r e1 f2 l, E6 M M> > Toilet Use. v G$ B( M) s. }" s, A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, E% d' ?- |- r7 R+ k x
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: X9 n# l. n F2 u9 ^3 B2 @
> > in the cubicles. & z' N6 X9 W% x. r: C1 W0 {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: N# | c8 Y8 r5 G9 j
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 D# D+ F* J6 G5 [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 0 [4 g. z$ F. ]+ A) a. Z' ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) j& E( ]4 I q" C+ b& V3 R, M. w
> > posted on the company notice board under the& d- r) u) z" f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 f+ f+ g1 p8 h+ q- j* ]
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be }8 O& L* ~% X/ Z7 C5 A, @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 d/ B8 z- M4 }, Z$ [4 t0 Q
> > policy.+ ~7 {2 k9 P4 ?6 x+ v
> > " u; ?. l1 A% P- t5 ?> > Lunch Break 0 X9 l$ w4 v* t> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 1 W) ?, h# o) T+ r1 u* J, U8 @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.9 a5 y4 u6 l) u: L! _9 j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to . b7 l. f! _' Y% E+ h/ R. y> > maintain their average figure. - {7 {5 `6 I% x) Q3 a> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 1 [4 l- ?9 \( x7 q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ U2 `% R# W& G* X+ n% U
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 {4 Q P8 d- Z6 J j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ x/ _0 a% ~7 h- t) W
> > employment experience. 7 f: |8 g! O, k> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ L( n4 Q! r: b- d3 G
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 Z- j9 U$ q8 k: d6 j6 X
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 }" g, ]/ A9 n4 {: o
> > directed elsewhere.
