To all Employees: 4 `( Z" \1 P) j' x: V: H) C> > Effective January 2007" h! [0 S# K X, p; W
> > ( m' a& m, T8 M0 [# d> > Dress Code 4 s! H& M% P& _9 R7 i7 F> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- J! s! F/ R$ o8 s/ }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' h' @: q5 D) M1 @: @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. g5 N9 ]7 X" G$ o5 K! q5 Y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 6 `. H- D" }3 V, U, R. @% B> > need a pay raise., G; D* N! x' W0 i8 }8 @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 2 v- O# U: [( o$ _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! L6 ]- u6 x$ L7 j) j) k: @9 W( n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. # n+ u# }' q6 X0 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 J5 s0 x3 z0 j E8 z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ) F4 X. A- U) `0 T3 K/ c. u! E: G> > raise. 9 d" o) b/ H$ Z. e* M. c> > % J) j1 g9 h% ~. r0 E+ J* f> > Sick Days ) E7 D* R6 }8 i/ ]& f2 i> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as $ B2 D+ U; t( @> > proof of sickness.+ k8 a+ [& t7 Z1 N
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 w9 X; b" l* `% g* s! z, ?
> > to come to work. 5 `- a- V- {$ B8 x> >3 m) A4 P; k0 w; j O# F
> > Holiday Days 9 Q3 O$ {' O0 t% ^# F4 z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 7 G7 }9 `7 L7 q/ y0 @> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 B9 H+ ~; a2 N* w( |
> > ]5 C: C9 H. K- |
> > Compassionate Leave# y' u. h% ?! l2 S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 _2 p& j8 q- v% X
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 3 H1 _2 V ~" m: A9 {4 X3 O8 w> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 7 ] I! e, K' y) m( q, N> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 O& U3 g' T# o7 {; g4 z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is , k9 g; t; K2 H> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 7 N9 M/ a: {& |! m& q- ]' z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work & V& K6 [2 G9 L" I- x2 j8 y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& t4 D6 R e; {$ }, \5 H8 D7 c7 c% j. ?
> > hour early. * r' |0 l: Z& s> >. l, s1 v g2 a* t
> > Toilet Use & r5 z% U9 O. X4 d6 N0 Y5 `> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 8 }! j4 D# r8 Q4 { [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit " g1 \! `5 y" i- m> > in the cubicles.1 J4 U2 F) _) ?
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ L# K/ X n" V+ n$ C4 R& r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle 3 V: A9 H0 X% i2 E- ?5 c. [> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) Z( U' D4 Y B: a5 s. j, }1 z" L
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 E- D# T1 @3 W, A& }) j6 x% J- J; t
> > posted on the company notice board under the 6 G$ ~7 D( b j* Z% \3 u! s> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( j) d" L4 m1 r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! ~# X8 D i$ w! B7 `3 e* G
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health - L9 G q# ?) {> > policy. 3 w( A7 M: T9 E3 f! T: x> > : Q v$ K, z% [/ ]> > Lunch Break4 F h: F1 Y- E3 \5 Y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 e4 ?+ D4 `& h- c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. : h e4 u1 Y# R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to ) ?: \* O' i! \: h& p8 Y1 f> > maintain their average figure. ! x; f1 B$ \" x" i4 v) M2 e> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! E! p/ W' o+ i y2 j* m2 ^
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ I8 i" ^- m& o2 ]
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are 2 a$ Z& ]6 e; i: ^9 C. }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive + l9 _, _1 s, I4 u- Y> > employment experience. 5 k+ h4 a: H/ K9 I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ S# o o* l M& ?3 [: E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ) g% x. `' t/ ~3 j, T$ l9 ?2 h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be0 I* v# V* c% L: u; E
> > directed elsewhere.
