To all Employees:; r8 S& }& b; [! ]% a% } L
> > Effective January 2007 8 ]3 ~8 O! _2 [* w9 T# M! I> >! ?' ]2 z9 p: W# `: a
> > Dress Code ! [5 W. V$ @9 l8 l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed $ Y& k$ h# x" {2 \4 a9 u# R$ T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 4 F! z! L! _5 S: E! O/ l> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume ; Y1 E4 K6 P9 ^6 N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 5 R( o8 m5 f( ?5 G q2 w> > need a pay raise." H3 l2 U; _* n1 `9 J" p( }
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, \( X) b6 o8 L. A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 7 Y2 X+ x3 H7 ?" g> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 l, R- _4 T$ D+ v6 J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- q0 {# e9 k9 ^+ X
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 `. a- Z) }/ M% H/ c# U* h( Q
> > raise. 9 T6 D. C8 x7 y2 ~6 @" p {2 x, F> >; M2 N( b$ D8 c4 }
> > Sick Days 2 b( _& u' y, E( M> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as - c. q1 i% }7 r> > proof of sickness.9 }$ P" ~) A! p* A `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 9 k. Y8 s- \. K3 L& R7 u3 E> > to come to work.8 e+ l% l8 ^$ l! {" C: u8 J. X+ i! ~- r
> > 4 [9 X1 X+ B9 @# g6 i3 E> > Holiday Days ! O7 j2 d/ x4 R, d- @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 D# [2 t) b& K+ g' w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; g2 O7 l( E2 x9 X5 D/ c! X: R
> >0 G2 }" P' |( ]8 x# L9 W# R
> > Compassionate Leave G6 i. G: e0 X" i, J! X> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& Y6 I$ V3 ]0 {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: m( H2 j* @5 f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( @# D& Z+ X+ L- G" ^" ]2 ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& l8 B% A2 }" b3 T* K, t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 ?2 D% E# B* }( |! t J3 F9 J" Y5 O# R
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the ! s) L/ i1 w+ y$ K> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work " i- L% y6 M/ \. f1 N> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one / N4 U5 L; M/ L; R> > hour early. + C- n3 J Y1 j+ J> >1 W% y6 ~, A, T
> > Toilet Use . u4 Y1 w$ i) t" G> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the $ r8 j M6 k. l' _! i- R( W+ v> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) i# _& U4 y. G
> > in the cubicles. ) Q. b: G$ R2 s& H' {4 M+ ?9 C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" t0 G3 W8 Q$ E# O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ) D+ ~! X/ [2 i> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 g: h, P S9 J' V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* U4 a4 Y4 S* m G' U( ~* c* e. d% W; D
> > posted on the company notice board under the # d1 ]+ c& _ @1 t9 U> > "Chronic Offenders" category. / l/ k* y) x$ F! H# G4 G> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ; `6 b+ h9 `; W1 j& `, S+ u ]> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: W) O& [+ L. P3 r; u) { \
> > policy.* _0 C! M1 i6 w+ t/ |
> >. I0 Z0 }6 u8 W( X
> > Lunch Break5 n3 j9 x' B _( `' p2 j
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they * M- h; V0 x1 d8 H) ~% A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ f1 O# L" c* [) u* t1 @& L1 v! ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 7 a. P: f( U! P# i' l> > maintain their average figure. 9 e. M1 z* P: ]* r5 @/ M> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 v1 ?- X- W) A% s; b, {: W& i9 ]! ~9 J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 d, D, \7 h& J, ?/ j7 R. j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ A& Z! i) {. T6 ~7 d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive " s# u( o+ C, D8 c1 W> > employment experience. 1 H. q; x0 o5 M! _* o$ v, D# Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 {- ^. z3 l) v" M2 ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ F+ f% D! W; K! z* w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be. n) _% l1 S' B1 R
> > directed elsewhere.
