To all Employees: ' Y8 B4 x; J' z, U6 W> > Effective January 2007 " I( e5 h& P" M/ h$ F9 u) J5 W* _> > . @' R3 [: `% W6 E> > Dress Code8 S. t% ^4 k4 c+ X* [0 N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed y( X* f+ _1 q# U
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ! I4 r- l2 U0 S# a: T( B! g> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume {, ?4 O& v: _- M2 g0 x: n0 ^6 T
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 P% y+ `- p9 t ~$ w6 T0 \0 k
> > need a pay raise. ( E6 [0 Q8 Y+ g5 c$ ^5 e9 E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage a. e8 P3 J I c/ ?9 |5 }, _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 [, j9 R. v& |1 G( ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 5 b2 h g. Z3 H& a5 s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you " c" Q H' z2 X6 c) y$ w/ x! o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 0 E! O; K0 U; A6 a> > raise./ T K, X0 G, k, `4 j- b* Y6 `2 n
> >6 g$ P* x& s) V+ i* P
> > Sick Days : i# |% q5 m% d7 ?/ }+ Q> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 H/ x6 @+ y3 ~: q& ?# X
> > proof of sickness. + Q" y& ]- I* ~3 r7 e> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* h. s" i: K5 H
> > to come to work. 2 L/ M9 X' Y8 y. ?" O> > , Z9 q* i) J v2 o, K$ `2 m> > Holiday Days 9 Y( T: Q; q7 u0 b5 G# C5 m) C9 E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 9 w! [( A7 o3 ]! J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. - A! v) x8 p% v' }& ~> >, l7 T0 L( _0 a) [
> > Compassionate Leave% D5 s) S/ }# E* \+ C" g U) R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 9 f8 x, N3 l) y. M* p) n> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- & Y9 y; B! R2 R2 j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 1 Q! [$ y+ M: ^3 q! Y) S( K> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 k1 W5 b: ^, i# U$ H! ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! F* \/ O) e1 w( `3 n$ n
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the , w9 D; { ]8 s> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work w: ~& W: W0 i( x: d3 n( c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one / l" T+ Q/ p% W> > hour early.1 u# G$ j3 U, u9 e
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> > Toilet Use, j4 n# O/ L: X! N2 y9 g
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, W( H' ]; z% i @- o7 N6 G3 @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 6 k) T# H' K! j& U> > in the cubicles./ B6 _8 x* F3 K2 Y+ C u& _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will * o( x4 f" ?" Y1 v7 ?. F+ d> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ( F" L: c2 D( M8 P( f! p( H, I) }8 I: Z! b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 a- f% L. k# A2 p7 n- \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 4 V- H8 c0 S0 T$ R! w> > posted on the company notice board under the8 g! {% E; W6 s0 L3 R* i9 s& `
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. % ^9 R# y% y9 o- n$ J3 o9 b> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ l9 f/ J1 d1 ~% C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( G: R/ j D; K0 c$ y
> > policy.1 [9 A3 s# L# [
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> > Lunch Break9 p6 @) a: }: f2 q7 ]& m, D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: v3 V: Y$ Q Y( O1 F& L
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ M6 n8 j) T! P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% R! Q- |6 P6 |# ?6 q8 p4 a0 K
> > maintain their average figure. 2 D1 v) U' Y3 N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 6 V9 I* e9 O/ S9 r% w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ; i( C% _9 r6 Z: h7 n> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are % I, p) ]2 a$ u1 L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 x5 l& E: E h! L! M0 T- h$ k+ |3 c r
> > employment experience.# V T* `$ p* i# n) U
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, , e7 w }% T7 d> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 3 H9 F2 |9 ]- S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be % W, M6 E8 a2 {> > directed elsewhere.
