To all Employees:+ X1 f' {' {1 q3 s4 M8 b+ z
> > Effective January 2007: Y( T/ \( K" K6 S
> > 3 [) i5 [: |0 ^. x' Y> > Dress Code- q$ ^" e2 U% a- v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed : {0 r+ q$ y9 T9 u1 Y! r2 A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) d/ C# R5 I X- N, T) ?& i4 K
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 V' E, J! J; [6 a, \3 a7 ~ c+ a2 }0 E
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not + R; `! p/ _/ Z> > need a pay raise./ f/ O4 e8 q& }7 G0 }5 g$ H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ D: }8 a2 Q* l8 f9 J* Q) i$ a
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer - Z6 c+ {2 w+ t" g& P2 e! ?. r# K> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 4 ^/ b# y+ O6 g3 }" y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you : O% h' G$ Q0 D& ?5 v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay : X, t* j/ T! R9 m+ Z% ^> > raise.4 m5 d$ }) [3 X2 I7 i
> >% G1 i3 U& {5 _5 Y' N3 Z
> > Sick Days' Z% j s8 a) F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- V7 a8 D* Z( U- l- G
> > proof of sickness. : c1 h) L8 C2 O. l4 g! ~8 M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able " K1 z% X0 y7 }> > to come to work., @$ D* L$ T3 U# _2 i0 O
> > ! u6 \3 m: u3 u; b> > Holiday Days" T; `1 a$ G, [% t
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a % |$ ?% `- k) i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. P6 Z$ N1 s" K! w; p( @
> > 4 V; A! O2 I* \9 W> > Compassionate Leave 0 m9 ~# ?. b0 C/ ?> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 0 l! R5 \) a7 Q( r# W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- % D! x' f6 X* {6 R! L- y+ L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- * v z7 g& U$ u7 l> > employees attend to the arrangements. ' ^9 D* Y5 F4 a" Z0 G4 Z+ i> > In rare cases where employee involvement is & i& V) ]+ ~5 c# i7 f1 S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 2 Z/ w' ?2 f4 n( G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 C0 h2 h# T4 d- F$ D3 v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one" u' y5 I i# `- ~2 E8 p
> > hour early. 3 P( F+ J1 O4 F3 r: w> >' H+ R1 l4 U3 \
> > Toilet Use+ u( U/ ?" D+ H$ P% w+ C$ C; I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) `# C. ~( s2 ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit & Z0 i! R( L& E; L+ y> > in the cubicles. 1 ?* n6 Z+ T: _6 E> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& W# E* g& C" i6 y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ! S. |) Q$ t1 |% B; H0 D. z) e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 2 L) g4 Y0 d1 X3 X1 {) \> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 1 W/ G5 x: l. p8 ]% e) y/ u$ V> > posted on the company notice board under the 7 B9 a! L0 ~$ F' ]/ Q. L. T/ v9 H3 [> > "Chronic Offenders" category. + a6 S' B1 ~1 K> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" x+ t" }3 t( h @; ?: [3 `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' r6 F J& f4 h Q, S- G
> > policy. 9 W4 g" L4 l! N8 _> >+ E9 q/ {2 q9 o$ P
> > Lunch Break 9 A; g- e1 X. O5 B6 n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 6 o# c* @4 m. [! N" | P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 3 v( ^0 v9 B# g! ^> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to R* k% j2 l" Y8 O9 T
> > maintain their average figure.. I( ~/ X* C% S6 c+ Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 k2 V# R x* a! P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 m8 Q% G" K% N1 F- D# }. }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. F8 y8 [+ F$ r0 a
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" L: Y5 b& q+ H- J5 `. u
> > employment experience. 8 x, u2 r" g& U$ Z$ }> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, % D( v* G' r5 b3 f) z% {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, . f* |8 n2 I. c( q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 5 I5 n- }8 Z6 r: t; A* Z> > directed elsewhere.
