To all Employees: ' K6 C! e m( j> > Effective January 2007. a3 q0 ~' O- z3 O! C* X
> > 0 x8 ]; A9 w$ V2 j. ?> > Dress Code0 n% A& I! ?# ?0 _( }9 p
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 3 X( w0 l) i. X+ v" M> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; Y2 H/ [0 G4 q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- S7 D ]! c! R6 R7 o
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 O4 k, X4 ^) N7 {
> > need a pay raise. _$ o1 U. C! [2 a" `! a
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' j; M- K' I! I. s* h; D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) O. }8 }7 m1 l$ n! Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. L6 Y' s* o7 A" k" \2 f, F
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 I& i% H+ M1 v" r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 B! O6 A5 s: b1 ?6 C+ x
> > raise. e4 u4 g; b/ t6 g4 B$ F' y+ p
> >6 t* p$ Z3 o- [/ K
> > Sick Days% _- z# K; j) x. M
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 K& j1 L$ t2 R. f' l
> > proof of sickness. + y% ^; `: q( X. H0 s> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able & j2 h7 P0 v! l7 z1 K' H1 E$ p> > to come to work. 1 d" l& Y6 ]" N6 T' q> > : A2 q' y: G( r' i> > Holiday Days( g7 P8 i4 l; M8 u- Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" U$ Z4 Z: u& ]7 E8 H( a/ ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. + R& D3 Q1 ~$ t8 l$ @> > : [5 y7 t6 m/ ]$ `> > Compassionate Leave : G& h* f, q. Z4 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ) l6 V5 O3 K) S* u% u a: X> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, Z3 U0 ~) h2 Q+ K, J
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ! q. ?. M# b5 }+ h) }> > employees attend to the arrangements. ( ^& E5 Q( v9 f! m: J: {( D9 W6 s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is - `7 h- b8 n% |6 V3 |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 5 W- N3 H1 Z- H7 _0 n> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work / Y& N% @( a$ e8 Z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ n. ~: G# s* U4 y1 f
> > hour early.- _; B9 v) j# k, ^' [$ m d( a! [
> > 2 i5 b M0 A! n> > Toilet Use5 h1 K( y. u: B6 E& q4 s2 p
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the D( {; l- ]7 {! w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit ! G4 I! B8 D; ~2 I' m> > in the cubicles. ( O3 _9 m3 B G/ [; n> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ ^$ m1 ~( w* p- I1 P2 }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' a- \- K( I4 o$ R0 |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; [5 D9 v5 v; X. v0 L$ b W" Y4 t- e' `
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be & s' B, |6 e8 M1 a+ D% L0 ~> > posted on the company notice board under the& J& j% w4 ^3 Y& ~6 S; e, ^1 V+ C
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 Y, }% B0 F% J! g8 U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be . n* L+ @9 `5 P8 j7 ~* v2 R8 F> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: w/ J) Z3 z$ u2 d
> > policy. 8 b+ o. v) ^+ @' P& g> ># N/ H0 v" C, c4 p4 h
> > Lunch Break 4 J2 r7 ~6 E# g1 w3 V( d" @9 ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 N V% _2 Y: E0 W( C( a6 R
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 d1 ], L" [/ R! A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to / m3 c! J9 ^" t> > maintain their average figure. 7 s3 @# G4 |: H0 \ `6 {1 @) V9 V# y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 x" t9 u4 k" [
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. " I, h" E3 W5 ?1 m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ }0 O1 n) { l% ]5 C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive : Q! h" e2 z5 K6 y7 i> > employment experience.: z; q# }2 A. k
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) l+ _( O( w) z: v# y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, : e. n6 w- E" P3 U. o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 6 ~' E1 ~ I! S- t2 Q> > directed elsewhere.
