To all Employees:1 U; e& E4 o7 E8 K0 s( c! i2 L! F" X/ r
> > Effective January 2007( f; ?2 J/ u, W( \7 n9 z
> > 3 s2 W, t% O( o0 \; U0 X> > Dress Code+ c' C$ J6 i2 p; L5 \" e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 9 t7 t" c- h$ e5 q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 6 f1 _; q8 T* ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 I9 w O7 e6 W9 ^; A6 m
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not - \" e# j2 N( T> > need a pay raise. % s2 |4 U9 z7 P6 P: s3 A+ a8 `> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 9 @2 U, ^( t H9 h ^+ J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer C$ _' J6 j4 d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. # t( \8 A1 V! v; r6 N/ N/ y: b> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 @3 ]1 d# o# C3 B$ }( Z0 p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' \# u; f( u& }8 U
> > raise.! K; Q& ?4 z- M1 x
> >0 n4 @) B5 t( y8 s
> > Sick Days 0 K4 b7 {! K/ e9 P; f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 O+ D7 f4 ?; ]* ]- \, N# X
> > proof of sickness. 2 m' P; b6 @! q% e* C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ F8 o+ H/ t1 e9 T* _4 `$ z
> > to come to work.! E" c$ z8 x( i: ]2 ~
> >( z$ i7 `9 l' S3 }/ Y
> > Holiday Days , {# s" p0 }+ T2 P/ s> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! p" n# |* u/ R. ~( P
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: Z( i6 ^. G& Y9 q: g( a0 t
> > ! s$ D; `5 S3 M' B0 M; h9 X> > Compassionate Leave5 K: R* I+ m6 `* S5 B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) `0 A8 Y) c1 H3 _, ~
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 X! H9 V" E1 \ e
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- T3 L& t- e5 C1 S
> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 P+ b; j7 o, H. Z3 Z( i* {& h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is : u/ t* v. o( y4 m2 O* \" C4 \& h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 S% Q4 L& M* x' K t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 }0 \, H/ c- W) W9 C, o8 C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' v- O! F8 c7 }4 T, J( ]# j' `9 L* F
> > hour early.+ d% W" A" K+ Y* |9 f
> > % S. |! J& y0 T4 p# I> > Toilet Use " W7 Q4 G9 t% i9 _5 b3 u> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ O$ c% E# F, n! A7 ^- L, N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit / K/ ?$ o' F/ c5 E: h+ Y! e* e" p, U> > in the cubicles.0 W& X2 V2 s: K& P9 r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will a% ?( `* `4 @0 U3 q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; ?2 }) h+ s. E! c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; ?- D T% Y2 Q3 L4 B
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 q" H2 G$ d1 v1 A5 F5 e
> > posted on the company notice board under the ; i/ [) ~+ g7 ]> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 }8 v% G( t# r$ }6 M! U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be l: [7 F/ w/ K/ h/ o- ~. @! i3 ~7 r
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 3 V( Q& V+ A7 v8 j, N* J8 q> > policy.3 }; b2 O+ | m- D. E0 T
> > / ^$ N) x' c5 e( j8 V3 S/ z& p> > Lunch Break+ c3 B# w2 Q4 z( x% G$ y7 m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ! `7 h4 j$ Y Z- j' x& k> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ F/ [: X P! O: h8 R0 E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 5 R+ L! q. b. ]# i, V+ q- t( y> > maintain their average figure. % L s# \3 l& f" K5 V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! d$ g# u3 r+ O$ ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., y) U t' K6 t0 y% m
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are # ]3 e' N' G8 W, S% Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ m, A' _: ^, O* d, n5 L- d# ^
> > employment experience. 0 H0 ~1 x1 C3 B9 i> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ ?' g+ `5 b+ d! Q0 Y1 R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, x4 L5 z C- V( @( k+ e7 L9 Q4 h
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be + P2 \* e: y/ O9 `3 H) z; _> > directed elsewhere.
