HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:# g7 h/ Z; O4 U4 v" L+ {) }
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
4 q; X* e: Q+ T4 t- C* B5 E/ t7 J> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& g7 ]' y% }0 y, U, r+ X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 S9 J1 J5 E# H" h: z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ e6 l9 t6 K  A1 f) {> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, P# k+ d& ~$ N) ~" ^* _
> > need a pay raise.
: V# L2 r# R% o+ Q; Z, a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 Y, U. Q; t7 e% T% K. G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: ]2 w. f  a- s; K
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' q1 `2 k+ v1 x/ I3 U- Z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) a. A% \5 |5 d; ?* F> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 d5 @$ d* c; X% u, X) w( z& w> > raise.+ B* Q8 d) q% x! _+ E7 t: V
> >
6 e3 ]2 Z2 p' `& s; \0 m" A% y3 G> > Sick Days
9 _8 z) @# p+ w( S$ E/ f4 Q9 @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- G, `$ C5 ]: h> > proof of sickness.
: ~( B, ]" t4 _$ D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ l7 X1 Q! P; v9 v
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days$ r  f$ z" b5 m! D6 a2 E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 @8 x2 {8 z* W$ F" x6 j- O
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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# }2 `$ D; V# W/ h8 ]" k6 l> > Compassionate Leave! q3 u& d6 |* L" i9 Y: J$ g, n5 M
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  G! C. i9 p. o6 [# A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! ~3 E/ a: G  B6 x4 J) f: |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& |# P5 D/ X* b% C7 I& ^0 P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# e4 j' t+ r! U; b% o& o" V& B> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 R+ f6 H1 L/ q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* l  J7 v0 l! S% O> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ ~& @# h+ H* b0 Z& y, k- j
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 h! ?" A2 G7 |. U% \4 V: L> > hour early.
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8 s  }# L( \9 P0 x/ ]+ D> > Toilet Use+ u, H9 O9 i% t/ M# \
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ G/ N) d, n) Q2 _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 [* ]. L/ ?0 m" }5 i6 J6 o
> > in the cubicles.
6 l2 I/ o' U" Z# g; H# g> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 V8 J- X$ _" C. ~+ f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( I$ I# J5 V7 d9 F, G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 I4 Y' j/ h, r" G. Z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  M, j, `$ S# [+ R  W9 O) y
> > posted on the company notice board under the: _6 s$ Z8 r: ]% u' l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 j4 e# @2 u# |8 y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 a4 c% [0 P8 n) U5 P* C) P* k
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: N" W; r6 |$ K2 m- B> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break  n  z8 t6 p- M6 B2 z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 e; V% x5 o' t. E/ ^" P( ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 X" p: k. d0 E7 b8 \9 ]. K2 ^( N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" w' J0 C# i2 E( s- _+ w> > maintain their average figure.$ e3 e3 m! W$ \4 J! f! }+ a
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 X- C2 n  K! r( N' U- z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ \& Z- A7 O6 }% @; \& |4 k, ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. F& U1 l3 v6 @: w- I" y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 M7 s- @9 A0 @- c
> > employment experience.8 Q' C1 D4 @7 z- Q: C
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 o5 R9 F+ [, C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' {% K4 r3 n' {: Y' P) {
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; B( v$ ^( t3 K) K7 F3 f
> > directed elsewhere.