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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:* R' i" Z- W+ Q$ q9 g
> > Effective January 2007
4 A. Q- M) |, j; c. l6 N> >
h+ s- `2 t, @> > Dress Code
( B% q R6 M2 W1 L2 N* }& C> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" s" ~8 G. u, _ v* n6 G% j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- @' a, T1 B9 {> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 _/ {. ? L- [; _# z* \8 I
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 M2 d3 W) q2 s) C
> > need a pay raise.
: G, q+ F' j8 M+ Q> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage1 ]/ m+ q( O3 K' v) q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" A8 ~% V2 r3 F s a2 g$ l/ C> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 L2 g- ]# K* T8 x& @1 W5 n2 u. S> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
' B+ G; d* r- l& @> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 y/ T) E( S @8 n
> > raise.
3 \" f& ^/ _( d> >
" w' V8 c. I. l> > Sick Days. R" J# m! ]. B; n) t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ w- E: p+ z2 v' T' v> > proof of sickness.
: E6 U a% G. H* g7 p: ?7 o5 j; z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- @1 B# R5 V, x& k0 E, Q
> > to come to work.; v3 `& g$ S* Y7 [. U' B) c
> >, l" u3 c# U4 o( x/ V8 P
> > Holiday Days5 \$ y4 I1 G+ j7 Q4 f6 h) S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( b" p! J6 i& P1 E# V" I$ b' X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ ` p/ r1 U) \& @
> >% f, W5 ]: [! N% A1 P! N
> > Compassionate Leave
$ h7 T4 c9 r6 f" x T* c: j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ O! v: T7 K) @5 K) F> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
o. C1 Y1 e C$ @% k/ T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# A6 e9 k7 [9 K* \" `! y> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 j" `% l3 D7 o0 j+ }4 t' A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 }! n$ |) b; s% ?, \4 {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 s8 V$ {3 D. S; c6 f' t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 g/ T! B/ n; M- i% Z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# p8 a- N! _# Q( m. n; Z) x5 t> > hour early.
- u8 W* n4 q: F- M g; U> >
$ ~4 ^2 g4 Z5 d> > Toilet Use
; v( N; ]0 I* g$ v2 X2 ]4 L> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; B( V" K; E k) s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) e% C: r( T F3 V
> > in the cubicles.
2 x# b6 y$ T7 O" l: Y" N+ \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
* c! H0 _- n0 O$ E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle W6 K- }/ D& O3 I ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 j! s( i& j( K9 ^' O+ B) z2 Z- `. ~> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 i8 c% A5 x# M b% \ x
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% `+ V" |, `# z/ j> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ f1 R7 n/ p2 B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 s& ?$ N# J1 e& ]0 U) R. B
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 \. J# T( z, S& `5 Y, v> > policy.
' f, \) S' S! V& R; o- h% s> ># F, b" q6 q6 U2 o
> > Lunch Break; P0 ]; P8 J$ d* h/ u
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 P) m& G8 n4 V" n1 r# J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 q) I& {4 k' h0 I4 ~0 G9 \7 F
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 N/ q4 Q& X- [5 E
> > maintain their average figure.
$ j9 ~3 e4 y7 ~7 L/ u8 w/ r$ x S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 d2 p% w- V6 F# T' k
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 E' D j9 z4 e# r, ]8 y% K& k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 t( n7 M) ^; @> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) e; G- g0 Y U; e# W% X> > employment experience.
/ T1 Q$ k1 r4 G. j) S& | {$ C> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ m6 I6 X6 f* |. k6 e P# D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 ~ x, V! G1 u! b' K0 R$ {1 O9 k( Y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. \: @' J1 N A' C> > directed elsewhere. |
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