HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 Q: a  P8 S1 L; v* M: c7 F
> >                     Effective January 2007
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  D- U2 K# h- D: p8 F/ o2 Q> > Dress Code
: z6 x- s# A8 a% w3 Y: U+ H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& v: u0 L6 v' n& ?) X/ A1 q0 N% C8 j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
$ ]( G# q. u/ Y* t> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  ^2 J9 U6 j2 Z) D  p
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) Y) O% U  a' e> > need a pay raise.7 x9 R2 M8 ]! E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 |3 T9 ]7 n$ ?( N. z, l" A+ _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 \+ r+ k, U: b( }$ u> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 z4 s( h; d2 _( l
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 c- G4 ^5 _% \7 A, a# C2 `> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% v. s6 q+ I* H  A
> > raise.9 t9 S4 E7 j/ \3 n
> >
8 R2 X5 O5 Y( n# e> > Sick Days4 p6 l/ z4 h7 m+ R3 h5 r
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 r1 _/ x% |! j1 {, O- W> > proof of sickness.2 L4 [0 c  U2 J. N
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# k2 w) X3 ?) v/ {0 b, a) z  g! P
> > to come to work.
4 Q3 g4 t0 P9 G' j- g2 `> >
2 Y0 B# I/ ]2 v8 x) t3 Y* v) g> > Holiday Days7 c) ]9 y" Z1 ~/ Q( a& L4 l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, W: u- B. O6 w& \5 n4 v' I, p
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
/ \6 Z8 d& ]. e& t4 ?6 I> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' m$ j  i  _# v1 U4 v$ i- t> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 L9 Z6 N: `& f  H" \: o3 C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% y( h! |4 n  E> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: e+ z' w1 m3 A& Z! ]2 Y) N> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  c8 Z, D1 {. \! I: K* H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- s4 J" f- X; x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 v7 @% Q0 {, z! ^6 L, b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 I8 E2 j8 V) B8 Z- q" {& r
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
( l. k; j( V4 m' V6 a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) z3 k7 t# ]% z4 V8 w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# u8 D7 }! m3 r> > in the cubicles.
* K$ D2 J. h0 z$ V# _9 L  i3 Y5 B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 S8 m5 z/ B5 Y( C
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: W" F6 s. t6 o) _* }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 X1 e! o2 Z0 [$ p& W  x9 D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ S; x8 b2 J. N: V9 R
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ _& o0 u, S+ K: R1 w9 Y7 N> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ @9 l4 i2 j( N; u) t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, D4 a( r; d3 T& o5 s4 d> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 L% D; h1 Y3 f6 ?; V2 K
> > policy.
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+ ]: q2 M3 C4 S. H! |. H6 u> > Lunch Break1 w6 g* k% h- Y9 I
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 N5 X# z# _! h$ E; R+ C> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' \7 L9 ~) R. K/ H# q" _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! t( L5 |- S6 {
> > maintain their average figure.
& N. `8 D9 t, U/ u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 U8 W! w$ W( ?! x8 w8 \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ W- e/ @# Q7 }4 C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* y% S2 d$ g0 D# c% s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! n/ a& W5 O+ i
> > employment experience.
. K, J6 G3 P4 c" ^9 E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# ^4 V7 }+ m0 S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) O; x7 a' ~" Y- P+ p9 P( q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 p* m& D8 h( D. S( [+ F
> > directed elsewhere.