HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; k: S3 h) X9 \2 I+ b% U7 K) v+ i
> >                     Effective January 2007( [. B- n7 ?+ N4 p. I- Q4 |! a
> >
9 E5 ^+ [$ r% a  c( K> > Dress Code
+ a# e6 O& }! @2 i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 I  G; \! ^- J& Z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  Y+ e) n3 f1 }' k6 A9 l
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ B' Y2 ]- ^& r8 m+ [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 ?3 ~3 j+ z1 P7 n9 d+ g
> > need a pay raise.! n) C; J4 X+ g1 M
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 Y. Q4 p6 E& F8 Z, j1 I8 G  E3 H5 g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. h' I' m4 \: C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- B* a/ j; C( k- n0 L$ p+ [4 n) @
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* l$ V+ _2 C4 ^> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 q% p+ l7 `, L6 Q2 o) u> > raise.0 x& e$ W& I) c" d" k" b4 P
> >
& p- ]5 F; U) I. m! O; {> > Sick Days
) }2 V6 I1 W* O" C! u& G. E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, O) Q0 H: k' O% m
> > proof of sickness.
) K/ B" W3 o! B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 |9 v2 O; @7 L' W/ o! o, D# a
> > to come to work.3 S! O# Y7 Y" r; b  p0 I; e- r% R
> >$ e' N7 V% M5 B0 \9 t& v* d
> > Holiday Days
9 Q6 z& N& i+ `  j+ G5 {. C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ A3 K8 l8 j. L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
6 i% c8 R9 r% C9 l0 _> >, L  p& S! A. L* N6 E
> > Compassionate Leave: I; _9 T/ h/ _3 k- u  }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 l. H2 R! M2 Z3 {6 u- [( @
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% E! f& z! r5 A  b+ ~1 P* J
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. w) G/ {) c+ ?6 I- _) y, Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
4 x' N. D! {7 T) x( y' s: |  P9 P2 F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 [( A  `  X8 a& f) f3 K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' A1 ~1 P1 x7 x+ ~* Y6 G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# w2 a, n2 x6 S- n4 l5 d" p* u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' V. X4 x; R/ Y$ e1 w5 B> > hour early.$ p9 l. V  ^8 H6 C
> >4 U4 K/ S; |; Z3 @
> > Toilet Use+ @) A) Z" h# g- C6 t, b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 p/ f) |, b" t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! N, P, W) N$ f( V5 m( E) r$ O# C> > in the cubicles.
) ^0 x* B9 n7 T( a( b2 T! X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 P( z% K) j$ R0 G
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 K" o: [3 z5 O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. |4 h; R1 n# W+ V. b/ n8 `/ F
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 U, m4 d. o  k8 W$ s3 M* g2 Z
> > posted on the company notice board under the
" C) _' s0 ]- ^$ n3 W# P( e* @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( _7 ?) E& P# C
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 _. c/ @$ I- I, k1 ~7 |7 Q% f0 `> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 P! o" @9 o7 l2 ]( D+ f
> > policy.2 v) [& ?) h  k* z
> >- N- z% ~" K( e
> > Lunch Break! l0 L' U$ H0 O! J% ~, G
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* k' G! A/ u) I) V4 q; q- S  a> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 }; y. D! {3 p) ]! J7 u  V> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" w* G  G' h7 ~. |> > maintain their average figure.' _) ~. M" h: Q! W) z; n
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, _  a/ x3 O& {* D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., _0 W+ O6 |+ v; u( Z, v9 r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# e* E/ ~- Z0 v, ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 ?4 _; s* e7 D+ Y: V9 \; d9 P5 |9 G
> > employment experience.
* c5 b: u1 d- {& D- [' x/ [9 O> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! v  V3 k+ Q4 a% W/ u7 R7 R2 L> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
0 Z4 ~: L9 y6 p% c> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 q& d. n/ S. z1 k# p( f> > directed elsewhere.