HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' p% f1 E3 C4 t8 @) B' C) s& v> >                     Effective January 2007
7 D, q! m/ C2 v; P4 l' S+ [. x% T> >
/ _; o1 D! n% e6 u2 S> > Dress Code- C0 p; A) d6 C+ V. b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" A0 x+ A$ [+ u% u# E. x+ r8 ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 T& L) i" J& U: k9 }  U) e( L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 F: |; b0 ~1 \$ ^
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- `8 u$ j& T, Z1 J; G
> > need a pay raise.
% m* y  K# P" G. L* m/ [1 H> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# v3 ^. m% g; ^3 K( x9 ]1 k* H
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 V) b# T' J- Z( y( L4 A> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., ]9 D' F2 R6 V  [9 P2 M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 {2 V# ]4 `! j6 Z0 T( E) y! v
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! r$ I) J4 M- j8 B: \) t. A
> > raise.* n! H3 K8 ?; t6 i  F
> >* d+ g$ f4 }& ~! @) z5 h0 _8 v
> > Sick Days
- n- K; _! t" d1 S; U6 H> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 [' F9 g" B' z/ F> > proof of sickness.
2 n7 M; d8 v1 x/ I" L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% h0 q, ]* A9 F; }> > to come to work.
& Y) L1 i) v/ m& U# V> >8 P! d3 L" J& h: T3 F  Q. I
> > Holiday Days
2 j1 \0 D+ |, |* Y4 M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 U+ Q/ H5 g5 _3 U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 n5 e0 K+ r* `% R
> >
5 I7 O1 i, U0 N/ }+ e" K> > Compassionate Leave
; U/ N: Y1 z1 s- n8 \> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ V5 a8 T* M- I9 c
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 f- J+ B$ ?: v" H
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 F/ `+ `6 l0 y* G, [- I1 z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" s, c5 j9 E* F/ {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 L4 |) }  i' j3 x0 @& v/ a9 C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, ]# ?! E6 f5 q4 W' \) m4 D> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! u) p) X, C1 `. y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 d. r3 S( Y" k! @' D' N> > hour early.
$ \) `7 }8 {& l4 o0 \4 C> >3 E. ]" v% q! v, b9 b
> > Toilet Use; T( h' o; U% B9 ?: O* H
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 ^7 w- {" U& J- W# e% P
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& w) G9 \9 M3 ~- _
> > in the cubicles.
3 _: O" g0 L; ?+ W3 Z& D> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 V: F3 D- j: `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, \# R( ?: K6 S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 ]2 R2 V" I$ t! Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 h# p0 D2 x- h$ N+ Q) Q, C
> > posted on the company notice board under the& j* Z, I; [6 @2 n/ l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& ]; o- R/ o/ b& K9 B2 W$ S> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; w4 T8 V( T  }' ]0 a) x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" b2 C+ u4 o1 S5 R$ F0 g/ ]> > policy.
, _8 V  n6 [/ Y% M> >$ q7 L- v  N* c& d0 ^. k5 _6 p
> > Lunch Break" h# J# ^2 f9 V. P
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! j' c- Z/ O4 i( w> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( `) ]( V% `; y6 n- J5 `2 y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ D! R! P# R7 s
> > maintain their average figure.
0 x6 ?8 r0 I; |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. k% U: v# A( D8 J, Y1 H' S* \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; R; N! R% ]# F/ H9 `> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, Y5 }# l" f3 F. k1 N
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 m( I( {1 _/ _' g
> > employment experience.
* T9 |; Q' C) r1 N0 l/ o7 N8 q> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 C3 n9 l" V: l3 }& ~/ H& F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ j& q, r# t4 W5 O( k> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 \- \$ h6 N# t" s/ C> > directed elsewhere.