HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ y' z: ~* e- z6 W4 @8 e8 k8 ~
> >                     Effective January 20072 }2 u, Q, |3 F1 S( R
> >: ?& ^( K; R& G- l! T$ i1 X
> > Dress Code
; L" t( R9 z0 F! ^5 j3 c3 r> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( h5 h) j% j( X+ T! [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# T- x, @2 S, [8 C) N> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# a/ B6 o9 D9 |5 Q' u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# R1 I# Z5 D) Q> > need a pay raise.% R3 Z* Z# E9 Q1 [% Z( D
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  M9 h- f7 ~) }$ D> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ e1 R! a. I. e- ?) C  G  k> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 F/ f8 N& B. \0 L! d- G0 g1 p5 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 e* k6 s" o/ b% q: d9 s" A; O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 k) O( ~+ n' }0 X/ L% b! {2 B
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days8 i) a% \8 H8 K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( A$ |" y" h* K: h/ F, l> > proof of sickness.
) m3 A9 }1 p6 D# \( Z  G/ t> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ i5 I" P7 h4 R' V, s/ b  t) N. o
> > to come to work.' R! ^' I' m  S. N
> >$ R4 [; L3 f6 L$ D; s
> > Holiday Days7 P7 D& `9 w6 `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 H' h" V( E7 T, L/ ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( |4 X9 y' k0 j9 \> >
3 t% e% H+ \3 \0 Y> > Compassionate Leave
; n' N/ ?! Q7 Z* E6 o> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 U& D5 Y1 g6 A! |$ i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% _6 c) M, N. D5 s5 G" f8 S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# x# h9 V5 _& A# W# k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.' b  Z$ Q3 F4 E8 ~8 \8 l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; t1 j! z4 P: U# R* i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 q- @& A5 |. t7 y5 L3 Q! Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' R6 K3 y. s/ B" Y% d; p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( c' ]# @/ ?" p" d
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
8 n5 [" K! @7 E! h& T3 }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
! |5 s- y' x* U7 i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. y" ]/ p8 q7 Z. }
> > in the cubicles.. \! }8 ~/ ?4 w% b) r2 p7 c
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ B  {, e: j5 p. e. N1 M: g> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ Y/ O- l9 g: P9 H- s# ^4 v; o+ r
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& j% p+ E' s9 |. A' v9 u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 T( B7 b" T" Z/ M3 i
> > posted on the company notice board under the* ^5 w. O( z, B9 q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 E* n, c6 v) z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 i: y6 h* |# H% z. H( H2 m( i0 b
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 \7 S2 G+ v- t' O) L> > policy.7 s5 k. n. Y: y: R: \
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> > Lunch Break+ [  L  F) _% q2 c. f9 C9 d, S" n* E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ E, h  u0 V* [9 x" @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& V1 Z; q/ w: S3 m/ d" V; V$ t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* s& }9 B4 y' w/ L
> > maintain their average figure.
6 Q+ W: ~' v) Y! o, c# d) z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, e$ @1 j. }# f+ a
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., Y/ U- }+ l" Y8 @
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- I& B8 z' J" L: m1 T: U" o- }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ U- R. z+ Y9 w& r0 D
> > employment experience.& E7 p; Y/ Q/ h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ p9 U; o* V- F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 V, Z: k5 V( H2 \: h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! H8 i- e# a( z
> > directed elsewhere.