HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
8 M: c; o* s- z> >                     Effective January 2007( [: f2 ?) z0 }, Y* d4 e& u
> >
/ Q+ s4 V7 d$ u> > Dress Code5 s9 v" p6 \/ G) n' p
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! Y4 U* a1 A& _8 j4 a% T
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: Z/ }7 B6 [9 j3 T
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ x5 c6 H2 ~7 v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ f; e4 D3 N4 r  w> > need a pay raise.
" R6 q2 R" b4 Y: `) b> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 C% P. Y7 c) n0 p1 j0 u. n- u1 K> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 }$ k* C  A% D6 T> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 v2 B) }5 [: c. j4 Z8 F6 [$ k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 h; i& L2 W2 E( ]> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 E8 Y/ s- L# Z4 b2 H' J# T7 u> > raise./ J, z; I0 A9 B2 ?
> >
# `9 L# x% Z2 I; m1 L4 \6 h* d> > Sick Days
0 y+ w6 B  V& k- j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ R2 _$ d( S% r# ?0 @; [0 u> > proof of sickness.
6 a6 W' z6 r; X$ J! X+ Q% M& @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) ^9 s5 @7 B0 y. |
> > to come to work.
9 r. m' h4 C3 S1 W( _% _> >
  u) g4 b) a, ~1 N1 I. y' D) B( |> > Holiday Days) I2 p. k- g8 |. W
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% N4 p: K# F0 W' A( P$ d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( z2 g$ [: k% y- p$ V5 w9 a. L
> >* Z- [, C8 V: B2 s, g2 t
> > Compassionate Leave
9 t. Q3 _" ^' x2 |; `2 D" M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
& D0 L7 T" N+ s- R) {6 D# g; b8 [0 t> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- a0 G$ [% y) [/ l7 j7 B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% Z& N5 }8 j3 c) [5 N* E
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* E$ |; R  {5 S, L4 [7 H7 x5 Y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 R; D! S* Y0 ?5 q7 h& Y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& N- e! z3 m' o& U% [> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ I3 s0 f2 m  v# M4 ~
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: D& q( S. V4 \& @5 M6 `9 x4 A- c> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
3 J4 g" @3 f( |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& S. a# V) @! i' C1 H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) B4 f) ]& `3 c6 j. U
> > in the cubicles.+ s, ~1 X) u3 I3 o
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; T8 b6 }- Y: U
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- ^$ U% {4 ^6 e; P8 @+ H. M> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ s- z$ h; q) R1 O$ g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" W( p7 |& d4 u: t& H' Q
> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ g  N. V# G3 ~& F8 I> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 l4 x4 A) ?( C> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 n# E  P& b% _  F  @6 r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 f8 n" Z+ C) ?8 ^" N: X
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
6 t8 V, j, _# }$ @# P" G8 k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 ]5 r* U3 s+ k" A5 D> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: {/ D) k# G- P- E$ A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* _4 U2 _2 V, q2 C/ O* p. z' v> > maintain their average figure.8 B; K$ W# ?- i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 C% U$ ?- \. Q7 |> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" v, N9 G9 l( F  c2 G1 l> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& k! G0 M6 ^5 }7 }1 E  t> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: n" _' ?( `1 f
> > employment experience.9 S/ f7 {7 K; D1 i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 M6 {4 Y4 m; x  x' g5 d> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, O: ?* U$ e. o/ q* X
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- |; B( J6 i3 B6 K. Z> > directed elsewhere.