HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 Z" n; ~/ c2 T% i9 q3 \% S6 [
> >                     Effective January 2007
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6 _& m  W0 ^7 F, V" S" S> > Dress Code
. w; E# A( D; V5 W, Z  x> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  `7 }0 ]( J! t$ a" S> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 H3 J! Q* Y! H! C1 F4 N9 k
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! ^; R3 e4 A% \+ C5 n> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- O% w3 G" D, D9 E/ _0 n, W% o
> > need a pay raise.
; M* j5 {. [) I. y. u0 {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 A! c0 o  N) ]) A! Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 |' @' F6 ?7 B+ Q: P5 l/ z7 E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 W3 Z+ F' M) a% g
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- J3 B) k, n2 h4 C: j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& g  C: N0 Q/ q: \. d> > raise.
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6 c. `2 w: p6 S# q0 O8 b6 L> > Sick Days/ a7 K) t( P# t: U9 |1 Q' f
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; N- V4 ^1 @/ g- F- h* O
> > proof of sickness.7 i1 R! i" e% V. P
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# s2 C# Z, L9 y% e" E, L( C' K
> > to come to work.1 K( ]( i  _' ^% z6 q
> >" D6 L7 n5 k+ t/ l% \
> > Holiday Days) S; d* j& e6 n6 B; T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 W6 p' I2 W0 k) `) B& G
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 q0 S/ R; ^! b
> >3 T- D! I0 U/ t. R; b: R
> > Compassionate Leave
) x' ~; Z7 s& b' }. q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 i1 J$ P) X) s+ Q7 y/ f! I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 E) A8 q" h) s2 e9 [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ V$ Z2 ]! A. i( Z, F' h5 H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; M: m# [, q9 F& I4 P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ _3 O( D+ A8 I- E/ _4 d$ c* `7 W> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 i; h( M3 T$ j, ~  R6 P) ]
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ t+ W3 W/ K6 _, d/ |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 y- D; A" @6 F4 v> > hour early.2 x, [, b6 R3 s4 n4 {
> >
! \7 ]' L$ s2 |, \> > Toilet Use
- D% @2 b1 E: `; A' v> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 M; v( J( m" g' g4 O$ w: Z1 G0 \! G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& w2 U0 K  a/ [6 F7 ]
> > in the cubicles.
) J$ K5 x" q, ^6 t0 u' K$ M> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* z- O) ~  B' z- O/ ?. k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  D4 @. [+ |) K, ]. u
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ i& f+ {* A! d' n
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 N4 ~! K; k9 R3 y+ g+ p> > posted on the company notice board under the+ \/ {2 j: B* H& z! x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) ^3 ^/ u% h, C# v> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% b" b4 U0 B' T: p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ d9 t! ~  T! \: T
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
1 @4 B$ o/ T( n) O9 P: S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! c: p& F' s3 W* ]: q6 P
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- Q/ z2 s5 v. a1 j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, e" {9 E' \6 H
> > maintain their average figure.
1 |$ M4 C. t0 S: ]+ f% o5 `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
! k8 ^  r2 P; ~> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 ~) Z- O8 H" w$ N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 ?5 W& @5 z7 G> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& c/ O/ ~( F+ N% k$ ]> > employment experience.
* D  f# W/ B  d, F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( r$ ?, K4 c( b  F8 [> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 \$ K! p  B/ `  S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 e9 }3 [! _$ _! U" J# a3 v
> > directed elsewhere.