HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! P8 r# L1 P  q/ u
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
" q' _7 T' ^- \1 f( Y; u; f. X3 a> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ m9 Y/ u' Q& [4 o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# Y( P7 F. U5 r" E  d! x; Q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 k8 `4 v9 L; y( G0 A
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 l+ _  {( h/ {5 S* X8 f
> > need a pay raise.
- w4 p$ C: j1 H* B) S> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" U3 a% D& u  x9 b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 _$ ]1 h$ W/ N& h" f
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 }0 d$ n; Z' M$ C( Q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 q6 o/ a$ E- F( Z3 y) L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* J4 R2 k& N# B9 D' |6 u  ~9 l7 O/ E' ^; j
> > raise.- w: I; a$ ?# p7 @
> >; G0 n* @4 T" z
> > Sick Days& k5 u' b6 M) G% g; F0 `$ w* v
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 r$ A: L  E( S1 {1 j  p# d" v. a
> > proof of sickness.2 u' `) v+ Z# `$ i$ `2 {' g' c
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% C  k' p' T5 V# O1 h> > to come to work.3 D7 m* B& ?; e; K3 L7 k8 D" H1 s
> >
1 a. q2 b% |; |: f9 C- ?7 x$ k) H> > Holiday Days
+ T' D1 P- f" S0 j; L* C) Y0 N> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% v4 l7 o2 d0 _; Q/ J9 F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
! G, c* o/ O: ]+ t> >
% B- e$ L4 X  P4 N4 a& n& s( Z> > Compassionate Leave$ `0 O& W8 D! E2 h! u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 S$ J, E3 ?5 H6 U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 f, D. V8 b' N
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 n. Z/ d4 ^: D# Y* w; v9 s
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. n. P% ^1 a, f7 |7 L
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ }/ D4 z0 E9 n4 q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
( H* U' o- ?/ B5 U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 h1 D6 S  e( O> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) V& Q( }- y8 Y, n# j7 U5 y
> > hour early.
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: r3 D- @. |# S" B8 I7 V2 M> > Toilet Use
5 T2 `+ R* x' Y- r: m( n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 S* }! r! [3 h: u> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. x( N# X3 V* L
> > in the cubicles.; j9 X  c9 a3 C* ]3 r* \/ m
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! D$ ^" E: x+ A- o* x* i* b6 ?, O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* ^( p! ?0 |2 g' j) ~5 |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., u! i5 w) G" P
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) w( f8 X6 S9 v0 x; f
> > posted on the company notice board under the! Z9 O9 C. W% `( i& v
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' Z# i! J7 d* f5 g> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 F5 g$ `2 z6 o. G& a$ q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; a4 L3 S: K0 u7 d+ q* m> > policy.  J* H8 ]! ?  X; \2 f7 y* g
> >
* H% y) A. K7 d. t1 ]> > Lunch Break; n" \* J. y  j( o
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 A4 A% o) f; {7 a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 I& _/ ]* [, N) P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- J% }( P4 y$ U' C& z& t- Y' s
> > maintain their average figure.
( t2 b# k8 n  y3 H2 b! P> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  U1 n/ P- A, W0 e8 N# V3 `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: F2 \6 O; [. P+ q  [$ C4 I* l
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# A7 M0 v; J8 P1 Q4 v1 r
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ |1 \& L1 F# j0 m# _9 T0 U( y; V> > employment experience.
+ l& c9 k& F3 V> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 r% ^6 u3 y% v' h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, [, `, B% ~4 f7 i6 p) H7 C9 g# \; b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- N3 L# S3 B* T& r
> > directed elsewhere.