HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  d- ]- E9 k0 b2 |9 f; U
> >                     Effective January 2007# V: E! e" e4 m$ p% C1 ~
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> > Dress Code
0 g- }$ c8 W. h> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. ?7 l5 G( `9 k% v% g& T* k3 K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' o, b" |, u: H6 ^) o6 u0 C> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: q, m* s$ g% y* A( C" T> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ G4 A& }9 P/ d9 e0 c" K; o( ?$ q> > need a pay raise.
$ t8 O: v: X5 k> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ b, `# G  O) k4 `" ~, g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" \" }" p/ R, z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ S7 L8 {. z( v* ^  ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% b! |: _! q' t$ _7 F5 i9 Y% m, a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ [/ h" a& }" s: ]' c- ^2 x$ |> > raise.
$ a% t+ b" j  {3 U> >+ |+ T% L) J7 @& {
> > Sick Days
+ o* y7 A# {  Y# G( X9 C4 t> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 h; B- _, H% X; H* l  P> > proof of sickness.
  d8 w; B+ R5 y2 ]7 p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 w6 l+ J- u6 R; p: c> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
$ r) U0 q$ [/ V> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 ?/ [" \2 e* n2 |  `( r% b8 ?> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave  i+ E, X5 I" p
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ w. O$ D1 @3 V/ B7 a% M
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 O1 Q) Y0 S8 L4 L* c9 N2 l> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 _% y  E* ?" z/ k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ ^3 [- A2 ^) x1 {( P
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 r+ R+ ~& H. D" B0 K' m% E4 I! K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 S: O) S. D0 I2 t7 s' }/ v> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 r% `8 Y: r  e8 Q& b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 o* {( l7 S' c/ O( r3 k3 g
> > hour early.5 e, R4 h# R/ @! D
> >3 S, F7 J" R. T3 g' Y* D9 h4 [
> > Toilet Use
8 d1 V6 I1 a) N# m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; T. l: p2 {. N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& Q5 ^+ k5 F( }) A- Y
> > in the cubicles.
# O2 X' x9 L, d! f2 G> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ }9 J) G! Q4 B8 h# R7 V
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: G5 q8 ^& ~% T$ Y: k$ Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. U) `* ?& v- N
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 g4 H. d  c4 p8 m
> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 x  v7 ^1 s5 W4 }> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% V! j+ B0 t1 U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 r( T# y" N; {  ]( _) v7 `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' ?8 M  P; A7 z5 j1 k  _> > policy.
# l* v0 L$ g$ o> >
  B6 O' d6 i) N4 z# D4 u> > Lunch Break! u' n- j) h/ I7 n0 X. j
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 z' g1 r! F! T/ t# H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.9 m/ {( w) f' `, A; ^% [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! t& n7 d+ p9 E+ B+ f
> > maintain their average figure.
9 b, B" }# V7 x% b+ r; A. z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; I6 ]/ X( o+ O+ S
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) D% ]& t( F. h' d. w0 Y' C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 G5 z( h3 S# X, F, e+ k
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 z1 A+ b* ]- c$ n5 b) g. B& z> > employment experience.5 @# y" g  M. @/ ?6 Q+ i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& Q. q6 o7 l4 T/ M% ?
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) z! C2 J! ^! _7 I2 o0 q6 Y+ [, p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 _8 i  O4 F8 C% H6 T% u$ `8 _> > directed elsewhere.