HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 }* g) Q5 Z8 k( z# ^# ]) @9 k> >                     Effective January 2007# Z  [* x7 q: O6 I7 z
> >
  V0 m' d- }6 D7 j# ^& J> > Dress Code
* w6 p5 O. H1 l; @> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 V) r& S3 [8 R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! t3 k: E' \5 a  v) S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" b0 h3 N$ C( |1 {
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) B  ^" Y% ~: v# |( B
> > need a pay raise.( N& N, s- B' r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. ?' p" x8 P9 U> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, e9 u9 F+ @. P. ^> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ J& O3 O1 F% T$ v* R1 g; @> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: q8 O. Q$ e8 b" h$ t8 y! ~* |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" C' ?3 o/ W7 `& \3 z. J( M9 @
> > raise./ c$ \# D0 D1 ^* e4 b
> >
+ X1 S$ o1 q2 c+ K1 N1 [: m> > Sick Days
# x, F1 ^: {7 t+ s: B1 b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 U5 N( G2 [% n3 k
> > proof of sickness.- s7 N- l9 e# b# L4 X
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  o7 s' S! Y) E
> > to come to work.
2 G  h3 W( ]8 H5 a+ o0 S> >
  M1 G" I8 O+ P6 r( s7 C> > Holiday Days, d# w) r+ |# n9 c7 ~$ k2 d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 A/ ^% k4 [/ X! z0 D9 m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ U% k7 m' t; |> >) o3 B/ ]8 P) |
> > Compassionate Leave' n5 u4 ?5 o6 d8 l: x0 Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 m1 c1 [/ K/ C. S. g- C> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( @& e, }# Q4 h0 c  T/ ]  Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  K4 {. s( C  u> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* o% X$ Q$ q3 D6 c! p> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) K5 G# D! j8 p) G> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. i" v! V  n/ T: p1 T  f/ Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- o+ C  @# `2 f9 }/ W2 H0 Q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ Z* J' m* V. [+ i1 V> > hour early.
' ?: P' f1 U+ E$ i, |* o$ f! u( `' d> >
/ P* E" R; c4 c: M8 n> > Toilet Use$ c9 K, L# p# U2 P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- u7 h! o" ?3 d3 [/ R> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' y, ^- d; V$ z( [. e5 [
> > in the cubicles.* @# g6 p) G3 B( U. M( L7 A0 ?8 H' ^
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 g! K+ W6 i$ s0 r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ H  x# v" D) k5 s4 j6 J
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 l2 d0 {( G( S4 A; ]  w  n& w: N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ q# u9 }5 n+ a) M) }% q# |> > posted on the company notice board under the, h! k, q7 l9 _  r
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# B% ~: A8 Y# F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ g  B7 @6 i6 g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: L: v# V  y3 w  I
> > policy.8 L0 L9 N4 x: L8 ^+ L- f1 s. Y
> >9 l( Q# m( }' \" O
> > Lunch Break
0 c/ y0 K& W* a0 t" y! s; ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# T- I4 n6 w' s& t. t% ]
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., }- t( d! q1 ]" {4 R2 m5 ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ |8 S* [% p* J$ A
> > maintain their average figure.
2 B2 G, ?- `, h8 V: d, m5 v7 a: N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 t7 N& Z8 p/ M! p> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 y. @4 q% Q% X! t4 X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 x: b7 i; `7 g, p) y* I1 E1 Z# B> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ k: ?5 g, B; T% f
> > employment experience./ e$ b- q8 V' F8 r3 r* H# c2 M
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! T) _6 O  c, c3 y  \- X  B: L
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& V3 y( t) c+ c  y3 v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" {; `7 I6 v0 Y: a$ V) J> > directed elsewhere.