HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 i! W0 {9 z7 b+ B; k/ F> >                     Effective January 2007
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! S9 S' T4 x5 J: Z> > Dress Code8 x" e9 \9 Q6 O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
5 H" D5 e! n/ n; D3 }6 I# p7 O! I> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 p0 T- S5 \/ m/ z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( ~' X+ {# k( R6 o
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
! \9 s  h# l' k6 g* N& E> > need a pay raise.
0 t& P8 V; z# g/ O4 N; c0 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) M" N5 ^" H/ I( e4 x, ^
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 |9 P; [. ^$ L/ t; ~4 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 ]: j5 s, K: {  G, K
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: E  k. {# H, p4 H' h( Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 j( M% G4 M5 H. i- k& G
> > raise.( o; a! g7 _, G1 e
> >
4 S7 ^( l" b+ l. i& |" |> > Sick Days
0 f5 }& z4 T& R& l- L4 B/ W$ T> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" q* o& I6 _) Z" u! [+ R% u. k) r
> > proof of sickness.; \& n8 L( L9 t& j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ Z, P" I3 N* H( G! e8 r> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days$ @# C( l  j  T$ _2 U' b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* V/ J0 r) Q6 t& W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
# C9 M% e0 y0 O9 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 ]" Q. S0 L# ^3 F6 @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: W# A5 I/ H) c1 D* F- c) I) D> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" \+ _  o4 _% a  y2 U" N> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' g; ~; e( l5 y+ N1 T" ?2 b> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 W1 y9 B$ o9 T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' x; m3 L. M- a5 g# L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- a* w9 ?* K$ B% J" R9 d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 i3 Z3 I5 g0 c# i" z
> > hour early.
. {! l0 K  D4 |% e+ b+ W> >
/ E* b3 F$ N( X> > Toilet Use
1 ~  w4 w8 {3 N) M4 K> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 r' Z$ j9 f$ q6 p, t) G  _
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 `; p+ T' w$ Z
> > in the cubicles.
: M' K* A+ S3 g> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* ~, z: i9 C& I
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 k3 P- _) A0 l: d3 X0 [. E$ t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: C8 N. Z, Q0 r' t. o% v) c
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 ?1 m% ^" m: i- Q# ~/ N3 w1 }> > posted on the company notice board under the
, I  s* Q" m  i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* y+ t  p1 Y0 l8 U: h& C* ^1 I0 W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 J' w) M- T) W+ B, K4 P% _) |
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 A8 F9 q! e, R
> > policy.
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+ G$ u9 @9 L9 T" |& f+ A& X- S> > Lunch Break
- I/ y0 E7 v3 R% F; }5 F> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% c( S9 ]( V. b% w8 B8 e5 C
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 p% a1 h0 N% M, e0 n; V9 S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; K( c0 m) ]# \$ J  h
> > maintain their average figure.
( P" T% r# n0 M, ]) }7 q4 w> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  n1 K2 f( y$ k( n6 X7 \9 ~$ c. e- {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., u4 U% b" X2 }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; G% }) W% p$ K
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" z( u6 I0 R; z& I- B; n
> > employment experience.
( E: C: e3 w  I1 }9 r% q$ _# T. Q> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- z/ ^* h0 t5 ^! T' @% \- E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  O, I$ t, A* }" M
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 _: v3 K! r; [- \2 L
> > directed elsewhere.