HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) J8 l% y+ Z( X
> >                     Effective January 2007
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$ d/ ?6 m- c0 e) k/ z# ?> > Dress Code) N* Y- `2 E, `: }1 v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 Q% S% i+ M, \" b1 |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( v( Z  v* L; V5 J> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, t) r% n" M- l( F/ Y  H! T> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% V( O) ?: @# E$ w. J: u> > need a pay raise.
7 Y3 ]' c( d  B0 q% y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 I. Y/ ]  R6 `1 G% I$ r$ O- I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, E! A8 D, I/ M; S" j: w2 i1 b5 c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." P* Q0 y5 z# v" U4 v
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; f& q+ [* J! y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 F/ G% g! q. z( \: {
> > raise.
5 L& g/ y. R) {8 E> >
1 H% U+ j3 a1 s> > Sick Days
; u8 @9 k% j( t3 [2 a) `9 n4 x> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) I& G* q0 }1 d% V. k! s> > proof of sickness.+ D+ N/ O* V# Y. Q" @" n9 O0 J! V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 _4 }4 {  b- c1 a7 m, q
> > to come to work." b) Q7 t. K9 J0 H" X
> >+ X7 G6 T+ n- Z9 t" o
> > Holiday Days% V8 H, e# W5 G# a5 N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& `; e# n/ L' r' J5 _
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
4 w" c. w9 C; \$ s) q0 S; A> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 d7 e8 a( i$ Z. E
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% T& ^0 B9 ~& ~9 B0 m0 B1 q* N> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; W  ^+ y0 |; ], q( q5 N$ T# _
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; ?4 z4 c; {' }' h> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) S  \2 V1 F( |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 a7 i4 W6 O1 n, ~9 h2 Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( k! n3 H. C- Y  [- s8 e# f
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! W/ ?% x7 I0 u" U> > hour early.
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8 I5 x( l" z" ^$ m8 B> > Toilet Use
1 U" ^* Q& D. P( K! G& N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* L8 C9 P% _; e$ x( _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ G& D: H  _% T
> > in the cubicles.
* i) m8 j; n3 J5 U7 f> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% [. p7 [  \. |: h3 c% {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" V# }  W2 ]* Q3 V4 W. F6 X8 x> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 C8 S  `! [3 W- c/ V* P, X
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 S) j5 x$ `" H! ~3 S- u% t' n( C9 U
> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 z5 H* W4 j6 G+ q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, U3 \- ^( d: t% @1 g4 U" ^: |> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* P+ b$ f1 S9 B: s+ m/ T9 J. W4 ]4 D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 {/ j5 t4 s6 C  b8 u3 J: g+ D/ N> > policy.* w; H3 W, k, s3 s7 E5 U2 Q: D
> >
! g1 B2 A" |8 h( y> > Lunch Break. X. l" W* C. X3 ^4 E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" V2 l  n. n2 Y; H, g$ f> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 P' z" |5 l! E5 G$ N4 S) ~2 u; p, c> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: ^( Y' j6 W2 @' s  y
> > maintain their average figure.: @- a" c6 z# C5 l
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 x, |) j* H4 D! ]: ^% X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ ?* L/ U# D& f" J> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 D9 f  R7 l/ s& I# s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ b% z5 ?" e! R$ g
> > employment experience.5 G2 y" M2 N5 v; ~5 J( ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& @( n2 j5 H# A, v8 ~
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& u0 m# E: G& Y& p) z2 D7 f; s* P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  s- R/ `7 b  d, t/ Y- G
> > directed elsewhere.