HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:4 X6 D) D# e( b* M/ y
> >                     Effective January 2007
7 l  _' g, Q9 y( I( B> >
& t( q. M) ?' l( Y8 T> > Dress Code
9 J! e; g, ]; p  B' J9 E, ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" ?- u; k1 s0 y; Z" M( o, \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 K: X/ Q. d( m1 b
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 n( G9 |! U! R0 F) x/ V0 O
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 E% t! U+ b, D1 d: u> > need a pay raise.$ v' I! I* ]  B, ?% k
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ J$ J# a5 b2 ~5 g5 N6 P
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ U# A( t- n0 G, b+ \8 M> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: R; l$ f7 \% J7 X1 Y  m8 ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 C# e# L7 [' l5 I
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& I1 g  E" B/ G9 y; o% a9 }2 L> > raise.$ n+ U+ n5 E3 q) M  D* r  @
> >* |+ @7 Q  @4 F3 }# D/ K8 h9 |
> > Sick Days- g% F: t; |$ S2 ]4 Q4 }, q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 V# M. K6 y4 c2 k. v/ M> > proof of sickness.
5 P7 V$ T5 E* V: ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- Q9 e2 e  Y  C, e1 N3 R' [> > to come to work.$ J) `) a+ F. p) h( x( F
> >8 u# T8 _% v$ b, y% S7 O/ b4 C
> > Holiday Days: P9 J0 \$ M! K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 |$ _# l, F5 M7 o8 e" m( ?- P0 j> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 i; L  O5 W8 N9 c) g' Q
> >
7 t( E  R6 f* u/ l  j& @4 }. D* d> > Compassionate Leave
, k2 ~/ r5 t- U4 s5 W* }> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  Z6 v+ Z0 h- I% Z9 f4 D
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; n; \% x# _  o1 e( F& F  s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' t9 v1 l3 l: W6 [> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( M! _4 R; J. A4 a; n- G> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' H  e, B$ r# i! Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" J! t8 x9 e* r" O- \
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 w# a7 z4 n" {5 T, u> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ K/ @1 M! ~4 U. Y% J- T
> > hour early.
0 P, h$ u2 u+ Q% M* \8 ?9 x- y& M1 C> >& K+ h. |4 Y( w- k! ]6 s2 O
> > Toilet Use
2 o" Q; y- X' ^- A> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 o2 U% A5 p' _+ v& ^, X6 ?, s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, `& T; c0 B& j& A# i
> > in the cubicles.
& C% @& p" F4 U4 ?; ~3 i2 [- J7 p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! M/ ?: P1 X- A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 k& q% M$ M8 l; p
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: ]5 A; X1 D  R  j% s, q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# s2 F& @9 Y! w9 M> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ }3 q* F8 t% g, I, ~5 S. T% r0 ?3 Z; r> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* S$ U9 {1 {. m+ O. t3 E8 g  p# I7 z4 |* r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; F; ^$ ^+ u) T7 s8 K' ]5 ?& K> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 C# k' p0 b- q9 E7 `$ _
> > policy./ r) d5 I, O3 i! j+ S& O
> ># h" A$ }  G7 ?' ]
> > Lunch Break1 m( \; K. m8 w2 {
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 |, \% r4 V, Z8 E& `> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." W. z4 Z; z9 X3 P- I
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( d+ d8 s3 n( A% Z1 q> > maintain their average figure.
. r3 a* J6 A  j! X> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 M% h0 F' v1 m2 m- f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% c4 E1 H, L; D" d+ t. ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  ^* \; p/ \# I! a: Y/ O' ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 y5 Q& N1 ?* l2 d0 g
> > employment experience./ F2 Y9 Y0 L: m, `# C# ?* {, B0 L
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ k# [' h1 j; m: k
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 Q3 z% S9 M1 f2 M* _, Z* l. n
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ q# T3 S2 X& Q, d* V! H
> > directed elsewhere.