HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" Z8 p1 D  ]% E
> >                     Effective January 2007
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  d% Q" J# Q; U, C> > Dress Code
" w% h/ k( X6 {; S" O) R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' m1 }1 T4 X/ Q# X1 J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% k# R# ]  ^+ j5 \. m" ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& T* g+ k& ?; }5 d1 v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 Q& Y5 N0 r) [: v; t6 o/ ?+ a
> > need a pay raise.
5 i9 X. b# k  ?' m+ }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# ^5 V( y( h5 k( _, {9 k2 \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  I0 b7 f9 x3 p' I: [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& o& g* a+ B/ X  y0 a3 i) A8 d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" G0 z$ Q  c! C7 I+ |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& E4 }9 E7 p. @8 Q/ N> > raise." r! l; s6 \* l( Y, K
> >: m* ]% W1 f+ g# W2 |& `/ Y* w
> > Sick Days
& `" e% J) M" S" q: R1 X& O/ `: l> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- o* x! H- t1 O
> > proof of sickness.2 s, o, @; p4 Z" L) j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) d7 v6 S0 R! {$ b. O3 K
> > to come to work.
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; }: b7 h7 Y# T> > Holiday Days
, d& \# n8 `% v" l8 A9 Q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
  a- e9 r& v) F' ^> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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% _2 ~5 a6 U& `, Z- d; f. x> > Compassionate Leave
7 N1 n" N: n5 y% r5 i4 b( R  I1 B> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 d3 I( U1 ?3 e/ _> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 R$ @" ?7 ~2 G! q( w, U  Y2 V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# \$ ]3 k0 b* @; ]> > employees attend to the arrangements.: v4 f5 q. v! y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! G4 q3 U: Z; h) j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: U9 f8 a8 ]: l- q+ U9 s/ U1 r> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% K  x' s) G# o' I3 d+ t, u> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- q! \: c7 j. {5 B8 {0 N> > hour early.- o1 D5 o' z7 L) J$ \0 w) {
> >- h  V1 n) R6 u. ~5 _
> > Toilet Use
& J) l' S, S# f! F( T9 T: d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. F# Y3 k3 S' q+ j% r
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; n# i: U+ q, ?$ l
> > in the cubicles.9 r7 M; f% _+ c6 F0 S0 r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 ?* ~& c5 q, e% r, u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ {3 c5 x4 G8 W" q( {& Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' i2 P, D5 j1 n3 r# c
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 ]+ h+ q# l; N, Y1 N& H3 r
> > posted on the company notice board under the, T- o( _: {# V# `" |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* M& {3 W8 `: U3 ?9 N/ }> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. f, F; j4 e3 ]# o+ m- F& y; n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: ]4 V8 K* a9 m5 ]
> > policy.9 }2 y" J7 M# U8 {4 p/ ?
> >0 F7 [7 w$ e! A% |6 W
> > Lunch Break4 p+ y1 A5 U$ o. g- p0 K8 a
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; V) I% o9 F9 R9 S* f* n* a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; G* e: s! m0 L! C! c+ s
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" [+ _5 D6 Z  Q0 a0 z> > maintain their average figure.; E4 Y2 r3 j3 N* b# e! Y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% [' c1 v% U6 X2 c$ z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  ]9 a5 w8 e. f" }+ @* D
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 _. f, P6 d8 m; h9 N6 K1 L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' d9 R4 n! B; @0 z/ K> > employment experience.
2 `5 K& ~9 S5 o2 i1 r2 p> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 P$ s. o: ^( v  W
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. b0 m: x, [1 x1 s4 d1 `; B4 G4 O& e! B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 O+ U! g' p% }8 U
> > directed elsewhere.