HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) n! S+ v; U  ?+ c, c> >                     Effective January 2007
: l9 K5 {/ G2 E, d2 ~. J# S! m> >
* [5 H! E' b  ?7 ]& d$ ]> > Dress Code
+ x) G! h$ k. C' I> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 I% Y, U5 ]' U& G# g+ V2 F6 y8 O> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 s/ G: Q! O- s- C3 k' W" q+ z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" Y% n/ Q6 u/ }% k$ P3 W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 E. p/ F5 r: p& ^& P$ l> > need a pay raise.
" S8 W8 Z$ |% S- u* ~: {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! ]8 ~: Q3 r' U5 t* {% Q* w( @2 D  w' y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  X2 b9 v( {5 J/ H> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 ]/ Z3 x7 {1 i- O
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ y' F, U$ g& F! m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 ]( F/ H- I% o4 E7 ^> > raise.; a9 R& i  m( F% t; W: a4 r
> >
' T, I9 \8 Q/ O$ j6 y1 L" b" y  g> > Sick Days2 t  ^- H- |7 |) p6 E1 X+ N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# L! L+ ^6 |: }0 i# q$ A$ A> > proof of sickness.' f# N9 @) ]2 {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ ]- ]' c- u1 t2 |> > to come to work.
8 j+ ?6 \+ y0 ]0 R> >
. m! Y- U4 _8 F# w> > Holiday Days' s: c  L0 B% o9 C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& r( V8 f4 g, R( A: S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( o- q1 ?+ }# C' F! k> >
$ G: v% X8 W; Q! |7 g+ p> > Compassionate Leave3 M) m3 h6 Y" k" \& \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- v! ~2 a9 N" @# Y$ G! ]> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 S8 z/ v! q0 T
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 ?. X! w7 s. ~* g/ S, J. ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& `; J7 G* y' b4 H. m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ `& _  {) y9 [! ]6 d$ A8 @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. ~7 R8 ]% M+ z( y1 V( i> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. e2 Z/ ^: y' J  q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! r! k, w7 z- h0 w' E  ~
> > hour early.
) R7 }1 h! f( X9 @/ Q/ f> >
4 S% R/ _5 Z! t( q7 Z3 d> > Toilet Use4 |3 \8 r3 p) O7 F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* W5 @9 D3 C# G9 ]# f1 r' m% I( C> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; L6 e- X& `* m> > in the cubicles.; A; C1 t3 y  a6 K" w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 v) q( E9 A5 n. E9 g9 j
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: s$ x, C5 g/ z5 J5 @9 e; G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) |7 T2 S* P9 M> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 e. a# z( I' L+ O+ [2 m
> > posted on the company notice board under the, s( n& G+ p$ h8 k% S
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; S3 J8 H7 h. r% r) Z) {2 V* i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ M: |  d1 z  z  k3 m9 W% N> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ L; A4 k1 a& r' B7 B9 Y  w0 i0 D> > policy.5 I* x: Z& E" N* ]) r# k9 ~
> >  B  \- B$ N/ `! L( N
> > Lunch Break
0 _) f; |: `* `( G6 N> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# ^$ c- [3 W: F1 k2 ^
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) f: C$ x- R% G
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" x: X' y$ l3 g8 ?: h
> > maintain their average figure." N4 c: ~! Y9 W2 P" B
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 r, i1 W' {5 I* A6 ?% g> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# k# _, S' E# X0 f7 _. f# F
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! q2 g& E. f/ g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 Y7 |% v# T. c: Y4 Y
> > employment experience.
2 d  i6 B2 n+ Z, p$ P# E  B> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 N: n, Q  R0 p- A- M6 p' e> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 ^' p/ u9 t( m1 k> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- `1 m' t7 h4 A# R> > directed elsewhere.