HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! C- A. r* `5 E- B! ^- ~6 H! E> >                     Effective January 2007- [  V0 x# n& w! K
> >
7 m+ u! i1 T1 O0 [1 s  C2 M> > Dress Code% [; y+ G4 X0 A  S$ w  v6 v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: f# `! U& W0 c6 H( j- E9 a> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, E9 n, {6 r' H+ x* K: H& Z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: T! n8 U/ {$ p3 `
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" m6 W1 W( ]; O
> > need a pay raise.
$ y2 d& ]5 i$ s! a0 n: P6 A3 ?0 r7 r> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# W; [8 E4 k0 {' U+ D+ E: W5 j5 N) |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 S6 q  Z. r1 o1 j/ b7 H; R> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 o0 v( I* k) {4 R
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 Q/ V% \; T4 k2 h7 A5 X& h, F" c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: u" O! b9 A  C$ e2 ?
> > raise.0 Q" b7 ]1 {# l  Y! h7 l
> >
1 n$ y  d9 A; `3 q( W: L) j8 S% T> > Sick Days
5 j/ x. k) V6 L. g3 I5 ~* G: O) [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  w2 o( E/ M7 l5 P; W; ^
> > proof of sickness.
& K! O8 Z7 w! e2 n. B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- n8 Z$ F6 K8 L7 x> > to come to work.
$ z- M$ Z8 t8 K5 ~; {> >
% a! I( `9 Y) G, @- A: J, L4 }> > Holiday Days5 V3 j' w" f5 Z- V" I7 B+ r, b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 n' G& ?+ B' u, a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." O3 v& q+ l8 Q9 F
> >
1 ^# p, y) b1 L4 x! y3 X! v6 X/ U> > Compassionate Leave* d' d+ D$ M0 l8 Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ ?5 `7 C" l8 m' T6 p; d
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 ?# |2 m* s1 o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. P- o  P" c- f! i8 }, U3 K. A, s> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 g$ {8 c; b1 [: y& S& u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 E, ^: H4 [! B* g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) h0 y5 H6 K* J( J1 @> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# W  ?, _0 C8 F. ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ j" u0 _- k! R; r* j% L
> > hour early.! _* c' T. Z8 C+ K
> >8 `3 [7 Q" |1 L6 c) H; F& i3 Q
> > Toilet Use  n  |6 W$ B) [
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ c# B) H' i0 F6 |2 ^* ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ W1 H* A) ?6 w6 V
> > in the cubicles.0 n) A) t; I3 @& e9 D, s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( R; w0 }# p6 D) O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* ~) d7 A4 h+ R$ F# \* z8 f
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 F4 y; `$ I5 ]" m* h  C& ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# ^  R9 E) z  A; \> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 S9 b; B4 W, b' Z) Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ U* R* z) f) y8 ]& z% a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 n2 m8 Y- F/ v( J
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) J* ?; W, |' W* L0 i' K% G! N  b0 B
> > policy.6 B4 `9 I: c# T+ {. T% z1 d- F
> >
9 i9 f. S& p7 P5 U* P3 b> > Lunch Break
& y5 f  u3 l# u0 j$ Y4 P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they  N; H4 \2 V* v2 ?) r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. x8 T6 x& i5 g! @! F% u6 s: u> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: M1 S$ L6 d$ k2 _9 o1 i> > maintain their average figure.
( {5 @8 P& g/ K' _  U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& A- C+ ]  x8 q; D4 ~! o+ X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  H( v) X8 p. H$ G: r- ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 U' x: u$ L" e/ n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 O( j1 J+ Y% H) S> > employment experience.
: v1 b6 i4 F! E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," }7 P8 V2 q$ h) T" O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# d$ Z" ~* F# k' \- [; t: X% i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
; I" `6 I# K4 D1 p> > directed elsewhere.