HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* J) O+ ?( r: ]6 N. t
> >                     Effective January 20076 E- ?2 `1 m3 f- m* j* W5 T" O
> >
' \5 R' e# N; z7 F. H/ X> > Dress Code
( K) `! H4 Y  s> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* O, A3 P/ E& |" o! T7 o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) ^. k7 w6 S; p$ U
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% x' M+ L$ i& P> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: P  t/ M- \' p6 {+ l> > need a pay raise.
- U  A2 @3 f- @1 N5 C' L> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 f! i5 W' j% w1 a7 y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 A: R, R- O) B5 q- }& @" z( y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 v: O5 ^' S5 l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, U: @1 D; K  B4 J! O; l: k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: l8 C2 f  X+ f( w9 Q0 k" O+ x> > raise.
! s  Z" L# O& t: v) v8 e7 r> >9 h3 m$ C* ~% P$ u; }9 e7 {
> > Sick Days
5 n8 `; ^- \4 A. s0 N, W> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 k1 t# @; }! ]> > proof of sickness.! q, M1 [; ?4 f5 \( c0 Q, ^
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' h2 R4 O+ T2 I) R* ?' g
> > to come to work.
- o3 Z; M, V, P; f+ e* a  \4 ^. V/ h> >
- d" Y6 i6 o, L# _% c# Q0 W. z> > Holiday Days" x; h2 m2 o2 q$ l& x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, P- B" Y$ q) f, I> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& f3 ^5 M5 u& E  H4 T4 e
> >
. L; _5 M* A1 B7 K6 p> > Compassionate Leave' W$ L9 X2 a9 r4 X% A$ [
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ J. ^, Q: N! a3 H; x. I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 Z7 B+ T& I8 ~7 H> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 G& \0 Y" h. \) F, m& q> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 T3 d( }) i  m: Q. M
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& z% s- X, y! U- s# s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 z# w1 d8 c( W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  ~. ~  R5 l. \4 d$ J: z! n3 C> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) V+ f' b' r" n: {: s4 u> > hour early.  B$ W" x" _( V) h
> >( Z9 {% v, Z4 D) o* t
> > Toilet Use
' |! i. n4 w! l0 y7 s' ?- F; ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 ]) S. I! f* m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 k. |5 a8 [( `  E- Q/ \* R
> > in the cubicles.8 ?. i7 G1 q6 H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  @# \4 d' Y; x- T/ a. N0 P
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, k6 d1 K7 t3 r& ~# t8 K7 n9 D  }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. W: V9 A5 v/ [2 I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 @  {; }/ j( U' z: }> > posted on the company notice board under the" }& B7 t* z4 T4 O8 e4 @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: S, _( q8 J9 s. z3 r5 R> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! C# d& W- t1 o$ I$ [0 S! ?> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 {3 t) D( N6 ~# B
> > policy.
- s" B/ o5 ^, c& A6 S+ A( ~" F: n> >
6 W/ v* ?  @7 G0 p& O/ w7 }1 d* _4 w> > Lunch Break3 o; o8 r6 `/ F
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ m# U4 y# |$ ?/ y4 E> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# m) \1 n: F% o8 b8 l6 T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) ^& I  P( [8 {. p5 ^- N8 _3 @9 }> > maintain their average figure.6 H* m+ X( W) ]3 S, F
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
) W4 c- e* p& n* c1 r# ~1 D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ s6 L  o" R1 b: P8 Q$ y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 F( I# V' Z' |) X- n8 f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  m9 S, `* ?' l7 a3 x; J4 d> > employment experience.
4 J, J; F& C  r0 H5 S> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( ~; l& K* H: @' X' k! X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) X8 X# a) ]5 q1 x# l
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( y% l! T$ A8 C" Y2 ^
> > directed elsewhere.