HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  ~3 O3 ]: z( p0 T7 L% V1 _" N7 A1 }6 f> >                     Effective January 2007
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% A$ p- d+ z; g> > Dress Code6 o; m/ h; W! K; Q) J7 o
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, K# a. U6 @! n( T( {9 L# l/ ~( ?
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, e9 ]9 _/ k5 W! x0 l2 m% U* e> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: Y4 F# B( s, p4 m6 Q* j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 X( ^7 B1 o. s" P' E3 k
> > need a pay raise.
* P4 f" @  p- b. Y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- w" Z5 d8 O, Z, ]7 X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 f4 Z( y  f5 x* Q# g8 ~$ N! m! f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, ~9 L3 G( m, W> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 j" z$ \& E1 c* G, a2 M> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 r5 ~  l6 c  P& e0 K% a: p> > raise.
; _( z& f  ]  }" g4 X( ?+ x> >
: J# [8 o. @3 a/ O( I+ W' l> > Sick Days
4 t' U2 Y/ u2 X9 p( a> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ y& S. [1 v- b) I, P
> > proof of sickness.
1 S5 ]* z0 X% ~% T5 W> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ ?9 x' w( v. e/ \# v> > to come to work.2 U7 |7 m6 J+ e/ Q8 Q  k
> >* L2 X# e: [8 u- r
> > Holiday Days% a: \+ B7 R' |9 N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 u5 L$ O+ X5 }9 d' h3 a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! L0 m" R) J. C4 }* A$ ~& s
> >
7 n6 v: E. y5 \" d. p> > Compassionate Leave" W" @( F8 Z$ a) v- E, c0 E3 d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) G9 w$ q3 ~3 n# X2 W. j) V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! o5 l4 O3 N  o% o$ Y: e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. u. ?- |9 h: ^2 k> > employees attend to the arrangements.) ]4 ^7 E0 Q. }: d* h% V2 e. h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 l& N& b2 U0 n: ]. X0 Q+ s) M% S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, H; \5 A! h! }* G
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' I1 ]/ j$ M/ ~- x
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, N8 Q8 h' w6 Z7 ]" N> > hour early.
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2 k% T- ^9 ?3 |. G8 V> > Toilet Use
5 _0 n* [4 n' ]1 k% g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 c% B8 m2 l) J8 [7 I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; _) O& {- e2 h1 t/ y' T> > in the cubicles.
0 C" m% H. T+ M% ~' z& ?> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( B! G  ~& i7 b4 S% _> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; x8 `6 g; Y. D: H: V
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 V/ a$ a7 E( |- \> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  @+ u3 [( J3 W# m9 w9 |' C
> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 B0 P% D( a' Y; R9 B& _! N) h2 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ z, J4 k3 x+ r& `1 d) v' N1 ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ l$ G+ T0 y6 i2 K& ?2 Q( Z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. a' v2 X/ |% I
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
/ B% D- c  Y0 w/ j0 E6 f> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( |! ?/ S# C2 ?2 ~8 I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 u8 W# `+ z, g* R. d3 K  [  ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 j! c% _6 U! [$ I, V2 Y
> > maintain their average figure.9 F- K$ w+ C( v/ n* D2 a5 c0 t
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 ?6 B5 S  X& h+ h' A8 X! ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& S( e/ Q9 e$ K. R+ |
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 X+ B. S' G& R. n& h5 k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 `, \" J  Q" V1 c2 j
> > employment experience.
8 M; ]9 J+ ?/ a! G2 z1 b: ?7 E3 v> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 p! U9 O" O8 z9 ?; ~# C4 ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) o8 f2 [4 e1 q7 g4 H& d4 ]> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 e& h- j- D$ X6 c> > directed elsewhere.