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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
, ~( I" \1 B& p, H> > Effective January 2007: |% \; T" `2 {/ R. `/ {
> >
2 h8 E+ l4 R0 `4 D' q; U> > Dress Code2 d+ g8 ~, g s Y4 I
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ \# e+ l* [) ?- K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 R% U' }/ x1 n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 \8 Y0 P9 ^6 J( I
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( S/ M0 M) F% r/ J3 r, X, c> > need a pay raise.6 @# L% P$ b4 D9 l* ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, {& o# x1 `2 _0 a5 J9 K/ u' ~8 I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* Y/ f3 U" Y$ P& f: ^" q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& x. y& Y$ m! O" r' I5 O* O Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ l3 C4 y% x' u9 s k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) [3 L0 J: X0 Q5 { v* v* ]9 x> > raise.
- T' U! _8 S1 ~1 ? T9 G> >! T* H/ k! ~8 D5 r0 C; A$ q( j" \
> > Sick Days* w- u' s1 f1 C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 `7 y: N% S; d- O> > proof of sickness.& ^! {* s, F! l& n) W! B
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( E) N8 \4 a) r> > to come to work.
) i3 e, x6 S4 {7 k% {9 e0 j> >7 O0 r( t8 s4 u; J, e+ {
> > Holiday Days
/ ^0 e: \2 @7 W- ]> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# F- ~1 }' q! z: f/ }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
8 b, ~4 x' e, H5 N( q1 r4 m+ B> >& j% ^0 m' \1 D1 @: f2 W" Q
> > Compassionate Leave
( P3 v7 b5 e' ?. C: Y) I8 V3 x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& G9 W% D4 \/ |! C
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: t7 H1 O$ ?( R3 L z) V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, D5 i3 z# m; M$ J3 r& r
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, y" r# n# |$ S; n' w Y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 l% U3 S6 ^# R
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
3 j3 t! n/ s( R5 Y6 a0 y3 l> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; ]/ x, W+ I* e7 b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 R2 K& f0 d2 e> > hour early.! A8 {: ^0 }$ `
> >
( U2 z8 z1 E; W: k+ n6 c1 r> > Toilet Use }. X- ]8 ^. a
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( H# z% V ~* W$ m6 t" v, a5 h
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; f. C/ A4 |7 q; ?- }8 Q2 r- W
> > in the cubicles.
% r0 w7 R9 j/ R; `& R. B! d> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ @" |- S0 k) F4 I i: B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" t+ D$ S; H1 g1 X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- E0 d2 p# b% |' s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 b% j1 @: r5 J+ ?8 e; x
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 e& m$ W6 Y1 z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 d9 j; |' M1 w> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 M' D2 Z" [" m( y7 l) ~& M' H8 X
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 N8 R9 H3 v& |6 r9 Z* y( `1 @> > policy.
. V5 k4 a$ w3 g! ] ^" |; j0 h> >& e6 O3 B6 l! Z1 A8 \
> > Lunch Break
' d4 Z1 m. H3 Z5 Q# m' m> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 i5 O, i y x( |, z; U1 [> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
! k# Q8 o2 R$ x$ v& g; O> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 T; o2 y1 U. V1 f> > maintain their average figure.
* R& U( ]0 ^+ T3 a: @+ ^% I/ H* b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) N( G- E6 k: h4 N
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. D& x z! G) l% M
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 k. G4 S0 b( `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 A+ L/ `$ J% L9 t5 H> > employment experience.
. V7 r5 z9 O" [( ~: ?6 E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
; n/ a8 p1 ~$ C7 [1 Z* m+ j+ w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 A7 A: ]' J1 m: K> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! c7 o4 l+ i7 s6 F/ P# t> > directed elsewhere. |
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