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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:: ~0 b2 u u* W! Q% G
> > Effective January 2007
7 K6 K% a; l) z, A1 \2 E: K9 O> >
$ J) ^# w' K8 y: f2 n9 B$ }> > Dress Code }2 G( f7 ~2 g- f4 Q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
T0 _$ D; p( u9 k4 }: q4 f2 |( o8 V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 N% C! v5 a2 E8 z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% L6 d% A! j. a* v, n9 d( @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( v: o& ?6 d2 K8 R6 Q0 d> > need a pay raise.
4 s8 p9 M) H7 H' g> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
- b2 I b$ {3 r" n9 `. V$ t) k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 n1 Z0 c6 G5 u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- Y. r9 \) q& l% m- z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
f' M* r4 t9 n+ G! d# J> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
x0 m# y; i' X& c" a6 ~( P ^- q+ N> > raise.% q* {% M$ v8 n5 ] S
> >$ a y3 u# j y. a/ O, Y
> > Sick Days+ p7 Z' G5 i% m3 a
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# H- f: ^& P! T9 i. f$ ]6 a> > proof of sickness.
) X4 z# L. {! v> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" v& _+ [2 ?0 n$ ~! ]( i
> > to come to work./ c! n6 c: Y+ u. t" [
> >- o" N8 t! V6 G
> > Holiday Days
6 o* ~& y2 V. Y' H> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 w2 {8 U# T3 C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.8 A% Z1 @/ y1 p6 U6 g
> >. l/ _0 j; O/ u
> > Compassionate Leave
4 ?3 J% L* l/ `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: |. H1 I- q1 N% W$ @2 |
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ V% |) o* t! N$ z* l2 s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 M4 f& a4 ], `& j. Y5 v/ h$ F' F> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: m" P J$ s. C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 Q. N+ ]3 P) K$ D& H3 B( @9 i
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' V9 i# S& l4 |+ s) A% u+ F
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% \1 O1 l9 {/ J6 t3 o) D. f
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ d8 }$ n, n$ y7 j& w- Y4 Y* `> > hour early.: x7 w8 v1 `" F6 V, k; ~
> >2 i4 e# a6 X6 U8 V+ ~8 ?
> > Toilet Use
% w3 }" _* d7 t2 z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 U( R+ q7 {- `) d" o" w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; N+ ]1 G- P' C: q6 s! Q: a! P
> > in the cubicles.
* L% K( v, b' `. J: b7 L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! G# Z* F: t4 t7 Y9 O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 r8 ?& i. J" H0 L> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ o9 u3 f; P- a6 r' A( ~> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 p4 n5 Z# J; w' s( a5 w o, m0 i
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 g( A n; \6 @5 m( l$ F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 A. ^# v2 ~ _$ ?* k8 r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: h) ^2 S! G. P3 c( K N( S, Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ r' ~5 n) R% `! k5 o7 e> > policy.
6 o9 s6 R2 O4 p7 \4 |! Y3 j> >
" y4 a& o' V" F7 c> > Lunch Break8 E f7 e4 |- X4 H( o
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. A) Z) R" _3 |3 Q6 Z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 B" {2 w* I! T" o8 h6 ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* I- ?8 {' M2 }# H7 y9 M
> > maintain their average figure.
0 p8 ]% |- D& `+ Y' l/ s# R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* _6 `* ~1 W) R# I5 J1 b8 K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 L2 {5 | H% W _% R- n3 T0 ]0 V> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ z6 D' H9 `8 u1 c$ L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
c. c. x# P8 E: w1 Y> > employment experience.
5 ~ E$ [# \7 c8 M2 l, ]3 F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- C. C6 O. G* }" d5 w+ ` l1 D5 H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 l* m, {! S+ d: ^! Q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 _& b+ b: g) S( F/ w$ Y2 }* ~* _" S/ q> > directed elsewhere. |
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