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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:; ~- N8 b0 V! l
> > Effective January 2007: s, Y+ L( a# b# j2 P0 p
> >
! }2 p; \) d; u* \) I> > Dress Code
! F: {" B" z" U. b3 R% i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
% g8 h' m( ? B> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 w/ W4 V2 o9 m7 y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# y+ Q! u' G0 U5 H
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- W! s6 i, X1 q. A r% z: u$ U
> > need a pay raise.
( M& |- B# Q3 |) r7 R> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& [9 L) E. o+ f' u* O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ B& j4 F2 z" y/ J, y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- H2 V* H1 p+ T T> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& E! p+ N! ~3 l/ h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 j( J0 n5 k! K+ ` [/ c- q> > raise.4 m5 d; n3 x$ i$ x
> >
9 r" R7 `4 f4 Y# W" y8 [8 a/ j> > Sick Days
. i6 a/ D$ N% a/ O l; M0 z' r) Q0 ~> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as3 S2 Y# {: ^% i, D
> > proof of sickness., ~4 b2 ~9 i% ?' V/ W- J: T
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) t P N& o# u
> > to come to work.
8 }' l, C3 {/ b> ># D0 m! n! G* p, x' b/ x% |
> > Holiday Days
& J/ d: E) ^( `! M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: T `4 K( E+ {8 {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2 q: f7 _! g6 b) r# s5 o# y> >" h4 H; o# y% P2 D0 B
> > Compassionate Leave
$ p1 f) J: V8 z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 h! c2 n! \2 }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-6 R9 J; X9 |/ d, j! f W# [
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ Y) W0 S0 T) u. s+ m5 H; ~6 j: M4 ~- z> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ V* o. v0 z5 Q' f4 s L# c
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 b/ k1 q3 R* k' c+ M1 x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 h8 U+ D: M v, t! N+ u
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
p r. L7 z! c> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# [0 {: }; h# M$ X> > hour early., y; G+ p& p' j4 k7 I% o6 H
> >
' i& B# I& ?# z) h3 _# L7 U& ?$ q> > Toilet Use
5 f1 N: W0 s$ d1 R> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 C/ y, s6 t9 L" x' q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) `0 N" V( ~( \5 M: l) R> > in the cubicles.: C1 L9 \2 p" P4 M) C) ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# z( R- I2 i" ^" K# w+ V2 `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) C* j; d$ e8 a( G/ a0 \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 Q0 L) _: N! m8 }7 ?! _& \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 t3 u! ~5 K: E1 M" q> > posted on the company notice board under the8 j; J2 a4 L; i* p
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ H Z2 i' {0 D- r q> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- c* A$ c% \9 F6 t' m2 V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! W0 k- V O: l> > policy.
3 t' Q( b$ B( T) `$ v- M> >% @9 e8 Y7 b- t: O5 T4 u8 ?& a* Z
> > Lunch Break `0 p! U3 w4 D1 n, J% n* L. \+ r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 d. B1 L3 I* K- x
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ _, U# _4 c/ t- e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! I3 n4 R2 ^! x
> > maintain their average figure.
- r# x$ U4 A: _+ U5 d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 p( a5 |! ^5 G1 J W2 Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 u! o j! f9 t3 t0 t' _, Q' I4 r5 K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are H3 u( |6 w6 n# u: k4 c( t) `
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 D. C+ Q* w( v' S' I> > employment experience.1 V' I! n' N7 i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,' ]2 @) Y( T0 ]8 e6 x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 Y. `) O5 M# T, L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
* Y. _$ |; b7 ?( w1 I> > directed elsewhere. |
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