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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
. L }4 U# d: ?- ?> > Effective January 2007
. P/ E) L- ^ R> >
7 K' {. k7 |1 z) [0 D. g/ c> > Dress Code
6 Q* l7 q' g4 K> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" H ~2 f R. I3 d> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing }( \8 _) R- @7 ?+ K( |' ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! Q7 I, [; {. e. d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& k1 S8 e2 A( @" C: b5 h$ F, f% I> > need a pay raise.
: W' L& F% w" ^( c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 Z: w! ^: `" R$ o
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 v }2 M3 G0 `$ l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 _9 B6 c: j2 t" {: i p3 ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% C1 B9 r6 f- t. L' a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay$ W" u/ ?7 q/ N
> > raise.7 p2 i* N/ k/ |% V" ]) b, ~
> >/ f; ~# `" E- l
> > Sick Days
/ {% Y; I6 C @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% ?! g7 u% T8 h; i) {, s7 ?+ p> > proof of sickness.
) L: U; m* @7 T* m> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" o' z3 v/ y8 a> > to come to work.
! l; A1 M3 e9 U, n7 r8 Q> >4 \5 `! w/ `$ o3 x* q0 D
> > Holiday Days0 z" {* V* ?. t3 e* q. g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& ~* g6 C9 h# V K q. r% U9 H9 A9 H6 c
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
* o, E( }" v$ z* z6 V> >
: k# t+ e; _7 d: v- q- k4 x> > Compassionate Leave
% H4 U6 F0 a7 D% K0 g; X: m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 Y0 s" D) `9 n) o- S' `6 c> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. @# W3 i0 O( {> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 M3 ?% z8 e; x. ~, o" q> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 h8 i( D; q' w> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 @ q1 d Z4 h3 s6 q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& Z* z7 G7 |, s6 @" ^! u
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( n* Y& Q* ?9 h+ i0 c> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 a5 a5 l% n0 G: ?
> > hour early.
9 Z8 }$ o+ A; G7 i x> >
* e: G7 X" V+ v* Y& _> > Toilet Use
3 Y- s" ~6 ]' E) W2 ^/ p/ ~& r> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
F1 a% e% b4 K9 P7 P3 [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: e! v7 H/ C7 l0 p> > in the cubicles.4 t' P( v0 D( Y7 ~7 j
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: W$ ?7 t1 S2 p7 H/ M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 Q/ u3 K- Z& |' p; G& X& x3 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 C( R7 N/ {0 H4 l& I2 c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 d' E, k3 C8 i
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, z' o' H; @% W5 n> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' p) E% P; k" X: j5 N* q0 ]! }5 i" k
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ @: A) Z" U: u, {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& C% j. K6 k) i! a
> > policy.- j: `; @# l X; p' N! t0 {8 U
> >0 G* f+ u, o1 v$ L9 E8 i0 y6 h
> > Lunch Break
- [4 A5 ?! B/ F& K, M1 x$ H3 u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) u0 N" r9 L- y5 Y! }) G& F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 A3 ^ O- p. n2 S4 h7 L; R& t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. T/ P* F0 E: a- X3 s! e7 w
> > maintain their average figure.; s* D: ~4 v' S ]$ I) K
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# F( v9 m$ D% H6 j+ X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# l; B* F) w) g$ L> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- d# a2 K( b5 P# |# _5 e, I- m
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, Y1 l( O/ V; }6 O4 C5 w
> > employment experience.$ { L8 B8 g7 w! h6 s9 @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% h: D; a" G" k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 d. ?8 Q( h0 \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
?8 z/ L9 T7 {6 w5 ?( h) s0 K> > directed elsewhere. |
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