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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
0 k5 F3 B. A! h/ Z' l> > Effective January 2007+ A+ U1 K( L4 x1 H$ P4 T4 x
> >
/ h# b; ~6 ]' w f6 L+ q2 f5 {* ~, G> > Dress Code
0 R2 J2 q9 [7 o3 P4 u1 N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: T" N8 z; r y# g! h8 Z! y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 ]) Z# l y# {# ~> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" M1 `; k9 ]% V6 }# P" S% a, O> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 z, h/ Y6 S( S5 d% d1 t# f S> > need a pay raise.
8 p' u1 s8 _& o> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' B- c8 r$ w! ]' S1 p4 r. |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ |, ^# r. M {9 x7 d, m! g; k
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ A9 f+ {6 f8 E w; L9 `. a> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 H& D/ n8 Q! ^; K" l% l. d4 n% O+ ?> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 M x, Q; c5 i& I; c$ {' u: V> > raise.- E7 z( j* C) F: D! D9 P
> >/ `" P- u5 Z; Q
> > Sick Days" `# ?- v7 U# f. |7 O! j8 S9 t8 M
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 P% K) G/ \ g' F7 _$ j0 O
> > proof of sickness.
' H f; |/ D/ Q& [* ]> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# ~" @; ^7 K6 J! A- I# E/ q> > to come to work.
2 O% O$ k4 v! t7 g4 y> >1 Z' r/ V- y% _$ o( S1 u0 _3 Q1 ]
> > Holiday Days
# x1 H/ Z5 b, G# Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a {1 n# P3 _+ E. \3 @
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) t4 \" \- p8 h2 k& V+ M
> >( {* d. E2 P8 G/ T7 X: ?
> > Compassionate Leave- Q1 f* ~# F* O. }5 h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; \! ^( `% O+ ]) p9 H( k) T> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& @- l& P" L/ ^8 R* @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 J4 m! @1 n5 p> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 ]' l J7 U) f6 Q, B# a5 w' K> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ X3 K! A5 l: x1 t> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ @9 s4 j5 v( C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% j# r7 p \3 ?9 C5 f+ b& V> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# [9 `. A; z( m- k4 u# z> > hour early.- S4 e+ \2 d+ F& @0 J- H/ A) a2 d" D* h
> >
2 l! Z$ m2 y: J9 f: ^, V, e9 _4 t6 G4 G> > Toilet Use3 }+ q; E% L! C4 ]/ b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' N' y+ O$ @' r, z$ l> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 d2 J7 z8 A/ w) n' M
> > in the cubicles.
9 A& X) u/ Z( H2 h8 N' d; y5 ^( L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 ^! O" F; C3 \0 K/ U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 Q4 r9 Q- K; v, D& S( Y$ E' F> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. K0 S' y2 U% w0 Q( g8 r# W8 i
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: `) U. V; O/ A) D5 D W
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 k& _; o7 F3 b# w- o
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# c" o3 {- a. r& x4 K2 D9 j2 X3 i% J7 l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 Z6 H. P9 N2 Q( a> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 O( N2 d& J3 ^* [" Z6 h9 e
> > policy.
1 h6 F. [- @) b$ z; |& D* ?3 g> >
9 B H. y: V- m! ~5 P* H> > Lunch Break
6 Z F I' Q5 [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: H9 b. G7 c2 r( w, c8 x' {+ ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ {/ ^/ t$ R1 T1 m H6 l# _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 ~$ v V1 G; q) x' D9 t> > maintain their average figure.
8 I$ m" b; K( F" z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 r f( q2 m: g/ Q" R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& R; r- ? |) ^1 n% e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 \$ I" e, k$ ?! K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 B2 j+ T0 _* P o. o' I> > employment experience.
+ G- x2 i; p) t" ~+ l* N> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* z, F' X; n3 E$ B( h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' a v& K$ ~9 A- e> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: j/ Q, J+ O3 E
> > directed elsewhere. |
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