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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
3 M" ]- ~" n. p0 c" K> > Effective January 2007' M8 r0 k, n$ z
> >
, Y; |) e! I% h. d$ ?( ]2 V0 R- P> > Dress Code
0 P. W, e. V2 r+ r3 f% u; Z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- a8 C$ l0 D8 [" s$ V' \6 P9 p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 C7 k i+ ]. l, L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: r, l4 T5 h7 L, S D1 m7 T
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) v* B( x( A: c& R @> > need a pay raise.' s# f' M0 w. Z4 D$ B1 u6 K5 ^
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' j, E3 {# W8 R, B- `; M& L! v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 K8 w: q7 D# ]+ E; p- \> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" U9 N1 V& @0 Y6 J; d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 }; n' ^; z4 M: k( K1 g) m3 l) Z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* p/ w1 P' p' v; ?5 B, a, c+ B/ t> > raise.
/ n7 e1 {0 R% {$ J" l& {> >
! m' |' a! C$ Q8 F, z4 @> > Sick Days# W1 `. n5 s) Q2 `0 c4 S7 t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 Y1 i4 |. K" ?* P1 ?> > proof of sickness.
1 Q5 [) P# s4 \: }6 Y/ Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 M _9 j0 S/ U$ ?/ G" Q. q> > to come to work.2 P5 p" w4 T @2 Z
> >
, c. {" N1 W- H3 y1 m# U1 b> > Holiday Days9 L7 A4 O2 _. r; G$ ~. B# C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" y7 f3 E: n0 F- f' _7 m# ^+ G
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' E- @! _0 f) n% I( e( Q1 F! e! d# T
> >
& r( ]' n) ]2 b1 C> > Compassionate Leave* h0 z( a. M$ g [/ t
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 I3 S! V1 ?" h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 b9 A k, I+ N. |. S$ d> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% G, t, q/ @# j! ~% d; }, [> > employees attend to the arrangements.; b5 m$ t, Q7 S: m a l% E3 b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 K1 }7 Y! x1 w5 Q# m, y' o" M7 t
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) K) d9 H# D# t! i0 d7 m$ M+ }! ^6 p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* ^' D; c5 s" H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 Q$ e& Q/ l ^/ j, C) i- [
> > hour early.
7 n2 H) L% I$ ]: X> >
4 E5 i+ [, `$ f5 v* ^. r> > Toilet Use
8 q( ^& m R! @# `. p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& l# W, k6 M0 p" k+ H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 b+ m8 X; e+ G ~> > in the cubicles.4 Q6 B% ?! B- S9 A. P/ x4 m/ [4 @( ?
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 m- _/ K& h$ p5 w; F/ [7 p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, V/ c2 g! B) V- P2 {! c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 n( W1 h" Z- Z, H
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 Y6 j: t8 i, a* V2 K, \2 o9 |9 {
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 m0 o5 C! q5 o/ g3 d3 R3 ]
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 l$ K$ m4 d" U3 V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 e6 Y: A8 m0 a# x. {! O6 f> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ d+ T+ u4 Y& N# E> > policy.
- U; ~1 r6 v f, I0 s. ?9 B' |1 @> >
1 I( h' R+ S. j4 X n1 V* P" v> > Lunch Break5 ]7 U. s% m$ X7 U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; q1 I3 T7 w/ X9 L> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
V+ {9 Y; R* S n8 i# B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 b. e1 q2 W0 k
> > maintain their average figure.8 o. ?2 ]8 [3 p1 ~( p6 W
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* e" m+ c$ d. d- b1 S' h9 n> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( r) `$ {4 R9 o> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are N; _1 C/ W+ ]; E* u8 T
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' v7 ~* l1 b5 [3 h! Y' l) P4 W> > employment experience.# p: z! z9 [7 \+ C
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& D T; e. f- r3 L2 G. u( M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 W! Z9 C; }( ]> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ B- f2 f8 b6 n! e0 l2 _
> > directed elsewhere. |
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