HR MEMO

To all Employees:' }+ D! z8 x0 d( P. V. y
> >                   Effective January 2007
> >% }1 l% a/ ^' Z1 K* G
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  M# [8 c" f" d2 ]- p# J! W3 j9 q9 R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! ~# e! Z: l3 V. S
> > need a pay raise.3 }, x2 f% R% P2 `; q% |. n( }
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; ?7 h1 ]) R: d) B1 L2 Q) }/ A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 `) R0 B$ Y$ T
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.7 j9 X' c, {4 J$ N9 O% M0 _0 _) u
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days% q: M' U3 }3 C5 R+ C8 Q/ ~" b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 M) Y) T% Y7 D; S- _
> >5 a3 t% s4 ^7 t1 k2 a% I' ?# w
> > Compassionate Leave# I7 S7 p$ c! N) Y7 U8 s' R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ R$ p- T! y: E$ Y" R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.: W. u. Z3 o7 m# |' U. }0 Y
> >& s0 a0 r$ u$ P' h
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the  V+ Z+ ~. S: \+ ^, x9 D1 D4 M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 k# a+ W; [" D# ]: T
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 F" m- Z! L' s6 y/ w  X. S
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: n: W  w" I6 s# H, E% N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  |4 K8 A9 g# m) m$ h# u
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ e8 |, j8 w/ }! h9 g! \2 t: |& j) j
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break  K* p# X8 @$ b! G8 B8 ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  k4 ~( f) L/ W6 z# J4 S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, o# l2 o0 }" e( t% L
> > maintain their average figure." U6 e  ]& D! q( k) X' ]1 b7 X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 @- _9 i/ S, a; j: Z. f4 J% W# P2 n
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: l, F7 p& ?# l: s
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,  i0 C, ^6 P" v( e& ~+ M& R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.

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