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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:; z; v5 F0 X. T( Q( ^% W
> > Effective January 2007! h& W; J) s! c: x8 ]3 T( v9 Y1 _
> >
$ t' ~/ ^* p, h# w2 x+ h0 K# Y* Y> > Dress Code
9 f* B( {* {; ]; h7 U) s> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& R. O/ w+ G, G; u$ O> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# b' ]9 h" L9 v, A" |* |! |, t
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 L4 h5 s3 w: i$ j" j! ?; N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 B6 q% m( ^) g% M+ M% H' ]3 @% B> > need a pay raise.
- F4 a9 A* ]3 R6 |) ?, B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, d: \. S9 r$ |- x5 `8 E# M" B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( `) v- Q% P. J! ? m; [9 x) w$ E
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& d! h+ }3 n' V. a3 z h> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- p3 d. \# s: p! u, O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" E' ^% r" F. T6 `# z1 |, V5 P> > raise.% t$ c3 M, T5 J2 V
> >
' Q* E2 o7 s; i# E9 W0 |% X> > Sick Days
% i2 M& L; W3 Z6 p, Y* X0 b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& g+ |$ f9 t1 F" P- ^" T> > proof of sickness.
: `, ]. t. G& n `1 o9 s' n, Y> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 s! H( z* f! U% C+ m( j> > to come to work.
. O, E/ {/ [8 @( z, }2 W> >4 N. l! p* y. M" k
> > Holiday Days
% X9 x* p3 R. B* o2 G5 i> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. |' G% U/ {, f> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' g! z7 A2 Z A
> >
. P) v3 k/ w7 m: [> > Compassionate Leave- z3 i7 Z" g8 ^3 M
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" y& d% o- T" N: E$ S5 S
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, h: n+ u1 d1 Q* _7 j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* ^! ~, N( i0 y5 r' X8 o' J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
- w: v t b3 r W( M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 b6 [9 N. m \* o; t# w
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 J! ?+ y# u; V> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. ~) y' D9 u V- f2 d7 `> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: d4 N8 P7 _6 y; g' \5 A6 c> > hour early.
' s$ f# q& G7 L1 t6 Q: W& G+ Y+ f> >
' J1 }7 L3 K, I0 b> > Toilet Use) t) q, \/ |! R6 I& G7 L* {
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ g) b9 @# q( q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# b4 z1 o6 k& }/ R7 Q> > in the cubicles.% s/ n3 S7 B ]0 Q5 u0 M8 ~; {! c
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( Y: A$ h& t! K9 V6 O1 {9 j> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" M' \9 E/ g0 A& I5 j4 t& ]> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: a$ y5 n3 A8 y" y- W- _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' z$ s( J# @. R& O$ N# o
> > posted on the company notice board under the; T: f: E/ ?- M7 g% [4 @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' o* A, Z- p1 G> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. a r' z. U# R7 C, e1 ^7 u; |: h' X> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! Q4 i! d: W U4 c6 Q& x. l> > policy.
$ R1 W; b- r9 y9 `' X; K7 }> >
5 w# k0 _9 K$ ]' |> > Lunch Break
6 i! b. q( \/ A1 X% Z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they N# s( }7 t7 _8 K' g- X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) N' E# |7 A) I$ A1 r* N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 H; p! U, s6 }
> > maintain their average figure. ]6 i5 Y0 L+ m6 e) G$ P: n1 {
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 e- O8 `# _* p3 u9 z& b6 O> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( Q' J B: t# w> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# F$ D6 d3 c0 F: Y5 R0 L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 ?9 M0 M; S' T' }! `( c: r, u> > employment experience.
" n+ n& e% v0 `4 R* @7 f$ h& N7 P3 {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 }, N2 A% t3 G6 [$ f4 L% W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 I7 t0 g2 T! I L, V. Q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' t7 U5 c; ~$ u& ]/ R> > directed elsewhere. |
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