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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" v* ?& C$ o! s* ]! j5 Q> > Effective January 2007
, v8 [5 }' E* p1 h% E" O) T. C> > t4 d! d( _( l7 `8 g" g
> > Dress Code
! U3 ` y9 z* _, u3 J- n6 f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! Y2 d& Q0 }2 t+ o; s: ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* s3 U- w; d. ` }9 {> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' H8 r! G0 u) k" P z; E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& @; e! k% m- O4 `$ K0 |! R
> > need a pay raise.. Z p! l: j+ L' {. Q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( @3 D; t5 w: X8 ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 ]% Y6 M) \1 ^" V0 E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 l0 }$ j$ m4 `0 d) r& H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! o6 ^$ d, R4 x# `, ]3 K3 U% Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 v7 X9 m3 q! T3 T0 f) @
> > raise.1 K) ~& i. @( d. T! X$ Z: U
> >5 q7 [$ @7 t$ J9 f" \9 A0 F
> > Sick Days: U% Z, c1 A4 a; C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 H: i, y! B# R# @7 ?5 ^
> > proof of sickness. F8 Z' \. i* W# y3 n; i
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 z( i) V' ?2 E/ ]4 Q1 \
> > to come to work.# C4 H4 B0 |; m* u' H
> >* U: { ~( ?# @7 R& f
> > Holiday Days# V, F$ K" v3 k9 T, w# X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 I, R5 L% n) A+ o5 m. Q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 I; B: Z6 j8 n/ w7 O+ |& ^6 \, y" e
> >
% j3 d5 B- z i. `: G" \) V> > Compassionate Leave
: `- d1 N# f/ v7 z! s) B# K% t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* k& X1 H" N+ O4 { @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% q4 B3 U0 h: J. k; [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 |6 Z* r# C7 t5 x. G l& x> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 }$ U! f8 p- t: i4 K> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 o2 h; ?! T1 J; D4 I' O; x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 d4 x. o; @0 }> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ `1 {" \ V+ @% O0 A( R) Y- k1 m) E> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% H3 q) f+ X. y( z1 j$ P
> > hour early. Z4 D0 E& q' ? s, h
> >
* C d4 c9 \2 c1 q( I3 {9 Y% @> > Toilet Use5 }, M6 W {2 B, K! u. L
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* I, ?* l4 F; Z' {/ O' J, d$ V$ l4 E
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 a$ l1 D8 ?! S5 `- u$ X> > in the cubicles.8 k* L* f; m# r+ _$ j; {3 e& B
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 W. p! Y: Z# j' ]5 o
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 _. g* n: d& h2 I' V. g1 O0 `0 V
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 d2 R0 ]+ ^5 U" q x> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# r. Q- ?' X @
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ s" f4 S; ]" J3 l; O/ m9 N> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ C* ^1 K% H9 a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' m3 |; j+ ]; s; Z; m% Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 e/ |0 C! |9 Y. m, b% u. }> > policy.
8 x9 Z6 ]! F* f/ C/ o. H7 s& f> >+ O, M- v% @5 D& ~8 b8 ~( R
> > Lunch Break% X# M0 W* m: V) G: P0 \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ t! \* B1 p6 {> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 d- Z1 a) M" p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- M. B; Y3 j* q) k% W# H5 J |> > maintain their average figure.
8 p& l, P, [# ~; l, [* l> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 a& r1 i: y6 W9 c+ \" i9 D
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
2 G6 m0 j- v3 \1 E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 r/ l, W9 A J" R' q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; ?! t4 Z: h2 ~) X& `) L# p7 @> > employment experience.
5 Z u5 J5 n& G> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
y3 I4 s4 C$ K% a/ v$ t+ P9 R> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 P- c$ Q3 x2 m. g
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 A" F# [4 Y) F0 t: w O# }
> > directed elsewhere. |
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