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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
4 ?, v6 @* p& x- ]! D> > Effective January 2007
7 _& b& O1 X' n# G> >
6 s& T$ I7 n3 P& h% T) n> > Dress Code
+ Q$ r- [% V! ~; W: u> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 s5 j' @5 L7 D, n& Y$ i. {6 ~, I
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- L( C( p- Y- R& o> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 g+ v: N/ X1 ?8 T5 o# k. V
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ D9 c8 v. c6 B( }7 H9 c- d> > need a pay raise.
# ~4 G7 n& ]9 T1 } P7 n9 }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; w: g) P6 s {1 H$ D: Z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 o( G+ L8 o: ]7 f5 i, N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 m% ], e, X: c4 F& p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. p9 }3 q$ ~8 u1 ?1 d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay G5 V1 ~9 {# z( o* v
> > raise.
1 ^7 J( W& f& n> >; S( C) U& B V, m- t
> > Sick Days
, x; ?+ y$ L3 h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# l& C8 Q" _* B' L- m> > proof of sickness.
7 p( S) k/ D3 q! S> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 F& k: ^( u' j; m6 g0 W9 |
> > to come to work.: H; X; a2 A& O( k$ s- g
> >: h9 x: F$ C; [$ o+ |3 g5 i% j3 ~
> > Holiday Days
' E- i [( P# ]; P) M& v( X> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
7 ^+ B6 J2 T; H, `* I> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ ^) p. @+ t5 Q B% ^> >) K# s' {4 H0 ~; N. c6 @' Q
> > Compassionate Leave) r1 @0 t, ^% V4 d5 u% j" o
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) q" P( A+ z8 a6 L" B
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 Y- p d. |& l5 H$ o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ i; j" t6 n* q3 ]+ e1 u) Q8 S6 `> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 q8 J9 K1 v. @% U2 Y6 l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" L- ]; U: Q# i8 `> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- z: \4 N: e+ E5 X/ s: D# U
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 G+ g9 l! t# s: p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 \# [. y4 A! ~: L! q" e
> > hour early.$ H6 L* P8 U+ ]! b5 g: u1 W
> ># q& e F. k: O2 [
> > Toilet Use
0 ?' P5 I$ }& U/ ~/ F: m* ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 z! X* _$ I5 F) ^
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit b6 e* J9 _4 d) V* m2 |" V" C
> > in the cubicles.4 c% ^7 w( g }# V# Y& x E
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ L! l( C- k" q( ^: n> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) H+ Q& \, l+ D# b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( f* y+ N7 o0 H2 ^
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& V9 B4 W( A" m. Q; W( L$ m> > posted on the company notice board under the- a* j# z! N8 H4 t9 B4 f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ \# Z) G; N/ ?2 L1 z2 O
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" {) M% V( [" B: s, F5 n1 x4 v
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. F0 [. ]4 o* ^7 n" t# R7 L
> > policy.9 t: n: g/ {* ^' L5 \" U# G2 C
> >
# d0 }. k$ Y3 ]> > Lunch Break D+ H% H' h6 ^+ {8 T4 P% E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ j8 q+ ?; g2 Z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 {$ i0 ~- K2 u; S6 _) x" @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 y3 {# L$ m! u3 t: i x> > maintain their average figure.0 \$ y5 } @- X/ N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 J3 w, }( d" t+ s> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 @5 ~* P/ m. N" a> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ o4 s9 { @0 c; [+ u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 d" ~& H r7 C+ l4 x0 I! q0 B: v0 ~# ?> > employment experience.
2 {+ f. r7 E E! l% G- V0 P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 X+ k" }( m* ~1 E' F> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& j u" @+ Y' }9 y+ D: f+ @; j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 R4 K. e3 }2 U( ]" z3 X; P> > directed elsewhere. |
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