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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
$ f6 q9 B9 {; w% a> > Effective January 2007' F9 h, ? K4 s' Q
> >
# R& |1 T& m, i+ D: c1 {. m2 O& M> > Dress Code
" R, A1 @' Z% @( q& o! E> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ g5 C+ E2 @$ u5 Q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: t6 t6 G$ a4 j8 q# _> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& N4 M& o8 g: R- ^$ x2 u8 Z( k: @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! c. O( X6 z2 H6 p/ f9 j0 i1 L4 F
> > need a pay raise.
7 k- t" @. G1 A" B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' ^6 a% o( V+ D1 w+ p$ W8 Z0 w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 C; r6 }% }+ X0 `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 P# ?8 e! o" S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& _' w6 g/ x7 e) n' F8 Q( R/ _1 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) y, k @; L5 [
> > raise.
& n( _ \& u3 H4 _" p' K- v! j> >
+ }; m6 w. c( ]8 D+ ^- I> > Sick Days
: ^3 o7 `3 B, R9 }> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ l3 U: `+ L% X3 a# A6 \* q) A/ s! T> > proof of sickness.
; Q! N' l6 f; r2 F! p: K( M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
t; N4 [3 T( g8 f) F* Y& z> > to come to work.% K3 I- @- L; e/ L/ T' H
> >. g2 h+ z1 p2 m$ ^0 v
> > Holiday Days
& e# D( d8 L- \5 |8 r: N> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 q* n k4 w9 \8 {
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, X( u4 U+ }" ~> >% t; ?, x" J1 Q: n) j
> > Compassionate Leave
* h: t+ f; o, h1 o- d% m* U> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ Z: @- `( D, Z; p. w+ i0 S: \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
x1 L! x! l9 \7 b/ a3 ?> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ t G! X2 B+ w8 F$ J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 K& \8 |$ z5 q* ~9 R6 X p> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( p3 i1 ]7 D$ M+ r7 i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& r: z: _: o. A
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. o1 g; j' i" j> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 |( {/ `4 W, F7 q8 z
> > hour early.
, I9 F, K( t. }> >8 F. Y \6 w- Z5 l# Y8 l! ]' y8 l, H2 n
> > Toilet Use4 j2 _3 b4 I3 M% U+ {! t
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, Q" W1 K# X# Q0 |2 F
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% E, r( s4 L0 R8 T& V$ I8 ~
> > in the cubicles.
0 }! o1 a& V+ F9 X I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 q {; W4 R) \1 k& ~: l> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- n0 ?; u: _% t& I> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 C6 b2 x3 u K3 ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 Q- A% J; Z4 G4 v9 n ^! [- R> > posted on the company notice board under the, K1 E$ c1 |2 T1 j' P
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( m3 q# M/ G# R- U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- s( d F; ? `0 u9 k$ C8 B> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ h' ]6 O0 l7 R> > policy.. t1 a# `5 c U* `
> >
. o6 i- k3 Y+ J* c> > Lunch Break
- y& E! `+ ?1 f1 h1 g> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ E3 Z/ w8 ~# ~4 b6 N( _
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ T( I8 j# `: L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( F8 k) l) t' [, N/ X
> > maintain their average figure.
1 z- ]% R+ k, E; r, C, y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 c% }* R5 |* K7 x; y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 }6 u8 `; [) H6 D7 T# l- g) D
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 Q, y5 d0 O, S, D; T+ S4 e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" X, \6 U: Y- C& \! k# Y
> > employment experience.) Z1 R/ L/ ?6 V, ?" h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% {3 H1 k, f# J+ D/ _# _> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 m0 {* l$ b( Y+ O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 u8 `" e$ W! \6 {- }> > directed elsewhere. |
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