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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:% m* c$ ^/ T7 ]% G3 A
> > Effective January 2007
) ?# h- G- V+ S& m> >
: B* V ^) r2 m, d: ?4 M> > Dress Code/ L4 o# P# U+ e0 a' ]! w
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 D* \- W" f* ~1 b5 j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% E. f: e) q" x2 r# G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 K5 {! v' i" E7 r4 y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 P% e+ x* X6 [+ e& g$ Q/ ~> > need a pay raise.
1 @& i: f8 K; |* k; `0 `> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
U0 A; e$ C+ f n. F3 U1 \0 E> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 \/ y& P% S5 ^& W% _0 o4 M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. t& }/ `, l5 ? E9 A> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 o4 B/ D, \. K) A+ ~> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 I |# i0 [ y1 C& K3 M3 ^% u* n> > raise./ h8 P/ G: y/ O) C: ~5 I' P& t, L
> >
* z" U' C( L& ?0 @> > Sick Days
/ _ g" C" {' ~5 s* |> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' p* i7 B7 `' m# p0 U/ J* U6 z5 u
> > proof of sickness.& l% E, t m- K4 b1 z0 V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 O4 f4 J0 p/ ?( X- O" x> > to come to work.
7 v- E% m+ C _. s7 U5 s> >, W1 _2 B$ Y: u2 k* T: R7 ~
> > Holiday Days
k! G% V2 Z+ _3 X# D> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( t1 G* C& R8 e" ~* f( R" [& l. ]3 g
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
I$ C# K- Q6 r! ^1 ]+ k2 R> >
# x: |' M# N4 r> > Compassionate Leave2 C4 @. K- D! @6 S5 D2 p, Y# M0 H( N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! |# w+ w9 [8 d! g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. f8 O! J/ ?: w+ R> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 j/ I& L: @: R- ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements." Z+ ? r) W" {' P1 }. G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 [$ a0 _6 n/ ]' @# \: R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, G) H0 p9 f" l* ]# _
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; |2 e; _& R! O+ f( Q9 @
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 O$ s/ D$ a4 z0 c# c> > hour early.
2 C& H& O: C r5 R3 @> >
6 S/ U! M, |4 W+ F! ?> > Toilet Use
! Y* d4 r u/ H) u( v2 ], C: r> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& G* l6 e; m) d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 v, Y! Z) m# p. t$ M2 L. q> > in the cubicles.& c+ x6 ~) a, u+ H+ u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 e* `. t& n* b2 `0 P5 r+ T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! g. J( s6 |, v8 `+ _" p8 n0 v8 j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* w5 l( a/ i L% b! G> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- O7 s/ L/ o) O0 R
> > posted on the company notice board under the" o! G# F" Q0 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# b6 V9 n8 D( n: }. q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 w# p) Z( G) D2 t/ J9 y- J> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- V7 @/ j7 u7 i6 Y, z> > policy.
' A- z* x* E! D! B+ g9 S> >. {& @* a# B5 q w
> > Lunch Break3 B! s6 R& V& ^, q t+ \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 r- ~4 O2 Z) ^, p+ j* I- D: U% [% q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) d& k2 Q5 G% U( |# h
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 Y1 t5 t8 H% `8 o> > maintain their average figure.
& |% r7 c8 d' N( g& y3 L6 o' z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
- u7 r- E2 @1 f/ @# w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) u$ O2 x1 Y; Y# ~2 e( t> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are H: t5 G& h! X/ v( F
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 K7 M1 a% r2 q6 x# N" A; u6 U
> > employment experience.
1 t1 G' [6 w% J: R> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," f( O8 y& G' w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& t$ p" J5 I1 t' j
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! {; i. B/ O& y- \: M> > directed elsewhere. |
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