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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
! Q* G% e9 B# S4 K0 L9 a6 j> > Effective January 2007
5 A: B) @$ H+ A: H7 \> >3 j+ a" l c, u
> > Dress Code& S. l" S: z6 b2 b; P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 h( k! m8 F( j& p4 r> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 d% A' K% J1 C* M
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- L @# o4 L9 x, V' L+ s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 } Q: D# f% g. ?; u
> > need a pay raise.) E, d% o5 l* Z& i; f
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage E1 q& Q, x% L; I& R; u W) R; r
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 S: ~) B e2 Z: X& M> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 B' C& l. ?! s* I6 e) u5 d- L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
' e r0 F, P! K/ s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ y2 a; }( R: o2 s v/ p> > raise.
4 I) w8 g4 r1 V9 w2 i> >
8 t- _) g& l1 Y) P6 V1 p+ T; S9 T> > Sick Days
% U% C6 K0 X" B6 Q, f' I> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ n \8 l4 g: Y. }, J( G> > proof of sickness.
X3 r1 _# Y7 u1 M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ m& I( n- U/ `0 Q2 C# R$ t
> > to come to work.: t) F. |1 Y2 j, I, d/ @" s
> >+ a1 v. V$ \. i" o+ `. g4 k
> > Holiday Days! a0 s% N# @" v. u9 J( \6 f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* s" ^: C& M0 q; x% Z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 `7 u! [9 _$ y. O+ j
> >
: n: r9 O: @; L9 v! }> > Compassionate Leave
" I5 ?6 y( I: _3 T$ Y$ t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, A* e0 A4 N+ v* D$ C' D> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. V* `/ k4 Q; {' I- ^1 V6 P> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; X9 g+ I* G. h2 g> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 h6 w+ N/ j- f M
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 W+ E& r7 t4 x: t. B9 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) r$ n, v ]7 j$ S8 l T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- v- T1 A3 N& ?6 {( R2 D) K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 v( w8 ]# u/ D. L0 ]$ U5 B
> > hour early.$ k3 b1 j" V6 e/ {. |: V9 W
> > A4 o) v6 T! O' Q v
> > Toilet Use
, C( b S# ]4 d$ S( R: C! _& q$ L4 l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( Z% r3 g8 M5 K/ X7 `6 C> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ |- n8 `! ^. }9 J# K. F! j> > in the cubicles.
8 H/ {+ y0 b$ T1 |1 `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 G9 i6 [; {3 L s% }; d) V1 g: A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ ?$ E2 }" \0 f+ w> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% \9 ` e- T- c& _) Q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 `! h7 V9 Y {% B
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* x$ w6 x, T; W1 Z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
C% q( P t& g& r) k6 T0 h! A$ o> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 t7 S( i' N$ v+ H> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 D9 H! {5 o7 q2 \
> > policy.
~8 H/ B k6 C, r> >
: I4 O+ X$ }# q; z> > Lunch Break) }$ M# F/ {- L4 E. B
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: c' O: R( F( @ s( H L
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, v1 h8 [' Y+ F) I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 y+ e8 O! V- X- g: l. o
> > maintain their average figure.
8 h! @$ Z6 {; `: t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# E c6 t$ Q0 D' Y& G8 m) ^4 e> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& i. M! e1 b% c( B1 {# S( i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( ]+ \8 H1 a+ f* S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! v4 D* O) V3 I" `2 A8 I
> > employment experience.
- k9 Q) w; q/ T! E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' C' I* i7 N2 L1 |> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, s! \- G% m8 U4 W; Z$ ~; |2 h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 i: @& E0 A4 @2 k
> > directed elsewhere. |
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