HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007% B( h8 ^+ ]! }" L# \$ U
> >
> > Dress Code9 N0 V# H6 Y) p) j$ f: [& y% H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" A3 G9 [# e7 L  ]' v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 _  Z2 h1 ~& S0 H/ Y5 Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; E* @" g! }4 k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! E% S3 ~9 \+ }# O
> > raise.! V$ y: U8 k# D7 L4 w4 |
> >
> > Sick Days8 L5 u" {  o8 \8 D, |: Z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >( n9 i* ~% d& \  }  ?
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* R1 o, J; ]7 d7 y; C
> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ z, A7 @: T9 J+ n1 l* T
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* U& F5 u, e2 ]" V3 N5 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  u  b4 e2 V" o" S# F: d6 J( D
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' B) M2 v& m/ b/ Z' n9 B
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.
> >/ @4 o4 X- I( P0 b& {- e
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, v, k! o6 S* Y7 T5 v$ z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ O5 ~  Q, z+ B, o9 ]5 L* D: {. F
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 T4 X' O8 B5 |2 I: _
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& P1 B( o- D8 {+ J. a
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  `4 X% v6 q* O& |2 E0 t
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 r" E; Y% J: d: @) l& L3 @, k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! c8 U8 \; K2 ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 z' U# }1 r& F5 g( g6 H
> > policy.5 e. \6 `& ~/ n) P/ e: S7 g+ E! O+ U
> >" I9 i0 u& T% H% m7 B
> > Lunch Break' C! i. M$ {  E& b* \) M: @9 d) x
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& H9 {9 b  L+ I
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) J  J  f2 a/ e4 V' k' C
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.) f. U$ C  \" G/ ^+ d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- P8 A" J7 b) L1 `/ ^: g6 |$ f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; F$ a" Q1 Q2 @. w, m6 i$ @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 x  ~  J) V& Q. b% H9 t
> > directed elsewhere.

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