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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
& d; \$ |/ N! u3 r. g; x> > Effective January 2007% }0 [: a4 P* T- j r
> >, o8 [" h# b& v) d
> > Dress Code
. m5 T# h6 F# n0 O$ `" c' Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& ~) e. ]" F0 a9 A8 L2 P4 }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 S e% i7 S+ [' }
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* A- {; j* S: g; f8 F# l" n> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ U8 @7 x: G$ w5 N& L9 }
> > need a pay raise.- G9 K$ A" ~* }, Y
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage1 U& X% T' a$ B2 ?
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 Y2 T7 j6 D! ^1 R" J/ q7 R
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. `1 M5 L$ b5 U8 A+ n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ M8 w- ^7 Y6 s. ~7 F/ m0 d O6 g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! X. l; i" u- ^) J& ?3 ], |0 m, D
> > raise.
7 P2 Z) \2 }1 e" P* x f! Z0 A1 g& \8 r> >
/ b# f! `9 q4 \( f8 w3 l> > Sick Days
2 v( g- i/ n; {4 O; B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 m6 o' X) {) }4 t& d: W; X
> > proof of sickness.
+ X1 f) E% e8 [' w. }0 D% H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! a: ]3 Z( t& q4 |8 H* ?> > to come to work.
' m/ M3 c/ C8 ^$ i& H5 v> >
' ^8 q7 S: C4 ^6 n! z> > Holiday Days
J7 d! m/ w- J) _" B> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 {. b& S: d- b+ \7 R/ z8 \
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- o1 f3 p0 u/ |' J! x4 i; r
> >; P0 Q/ I* a# @# N; P2 J% X
> > Compassionate Leave
$ F- }# D+ Z4 B' C- K+ K8 f' j1 j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ g6 J* j3 s2 o3 h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 `+ B+ \' p! [8 l, Z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 v* G$ m9 H5 d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. {2 L. U4 P! F3 A$ W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* S3 q# z4 i8 q6 `! T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) p D5 S" k7 J3 y u> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& p! D: I z- w( l3 N8 q, `; k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! f% `9 m; l) }3 O$ g, e9 ?0 _> > hour early.
/ F6 A7 r; T6 W, b" W3 J> >
, v' M* i- i# c' K4 \> > Toilet Use
4 I7 j# `5 N$ w" P$ B# J6 p: U" y> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' q$ s+ U' I; k) Q/ R2 Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 B9 m2 e# z3 p. W- k> > in the cubicles.3 E7 e/ z1 }8 q% J' r* w! l
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! [5 ^) T, U7 C> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle+ M6 v3 [. x$ ]3 u; V1 ~: n2 V
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., K9 ^ I ^, R. N+ Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 {! H2 y4 Y/ O4 @" H5 ^3 Q2 s> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 q4 ]6 k" F( w: m> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 H0 L; `, ?! W+ X$ b3 }
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ {0 r7 L8 \) z2 \! M0 ~& P: w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 Y, y- u% }8 M% ^" }
> > policy.' f/ Q+ Z5 h! [+ Q! T* o
> >+ r5 [; s5 }9 P# m6 l, V
> > Lunch Break+ }4 \. n% n+ r$ K0 A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! g$ N0 M+ j5 L' Z5 l. s# X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 @# b. ~' r/ C1 ^> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 l6 g2 g. @6 S. T0 p4 W> > maintain their average figure.
$ k5 y5 x) n7 n& i+ B> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 @1 F- y. D$ l7 _
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; n) f2 y# v& ~' u
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 s' }+ B% j" |0 g4 v" g4 z" {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, H! u! ~4 f9 z> > employment experience.+ v7 W2 a( a4 s. F; }8 U& N
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 h5 ]1 W! T* m; R& _2 U* v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" a6 q0 P* K- y8 c7 r> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: v% t o" ]8 h> > directed elsewhere. |
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