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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:2 \- l% h4 S# w3 R3 m- @7 ], d- ^
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
$ ], v& s) m& r0 Z# a7 V D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) M$ @2 u' {* _0 Y2 U) u/ Y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ X: z4 w# O; G% ?. M( A6 p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 n" w& Q" i8 L$ x$ `1 Y# y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: d, c' P4 \- q8 z! n5 E> > need a pay raise.$ {* g Q- }' h* m K% L2 i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 V$ l0 i. W3 ~) V9 k9 l' ~4 I> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 r0 K& |0 F3 L% \
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: w' Y/ p. l9 r" l/ b" E1 a d+ o> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* I0 r* [* f9 a& n8 A0 y# s' k6 Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) c M7 l. A3 N7 O. S4 v> > raise.
. t1 G8 @) O8 U/ s5 C0 }! P5 f. f> >
4 ~. c% g! a3 \; o* \/ k> > Sick Days# |; N7 ]) `/ }, j( O( v) S# d6 W, l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% H: o/ O& u! Q) P/ h
> > proof of sickness.
5 B. |: v# F8 [8 v- }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 _; O q+ g9 M! {! u H% i> > to come to work.
2 p3 h( N3 o2 b* C: T* B5 X> >! _. z. L9 |% M$ a, f' @; X
> > Holiday Days# M: X5 W/ ]3 s, s1 }; x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 d" r3 @- j1 `' P2 E9 H4 [1 m$ ]> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 c) w( t% C( e& M1 q! N6 y
> >
/ x2 `& ~5 [8 I) k8 c* y> > Compassionate Leave" U2 @" L [/ c! Y* X
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& F5 i/ B* H7 N) o
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" @# M8 H9 ~$ B) S" G3 ?> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 R( n. g% @$ B9 ?/ X/ W> > employees attend to the arrangements.) I1 L' K# m6 E" O3 x2 s" T: W" J+ W3 q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 W6 K- y1 j8 x) b. V9 {* R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: ?3 J+ ]4 L1 H" a' C, C
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
e9 [) Q- w$ g4 t> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- B: f& m2 B: d; W
> > hour early.
! G( s/ x4 o8 M% O. q. m8 u' D& X> >
4 C. O; B' J. N' u5 `% J9 e% h l> > Toilet Use
+ L( D8 a4 ^1 K2 }9 \> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; Q$ I. X7 O, x; C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. Q# t- y: N) A- T> > in the cubicles.) {- ~/ J$ U- ^& |
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 S% j- N* h! f0 y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ C1 ~, ~3 Q0 e1 V/ l; ^+ W> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 p, W: x' m2 O/ k1 d> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% g6 o0 v9 U" e9 O7 ~
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 A2 H5 j- F3 \ k( i$ Y6 e
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 e$ `* E5 ~ B4 v* a; a4 S3 m> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, e$ z3 n, \; B
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 R" f2 \6 O5 Y) m8 w8 C; h: I> > policy.
, o j8 F* q, w/ ]/ O8 Z/ ~( L> >
$ }% ~5 V0 S+ Q" |: U) y5 W6 L> > Lunch Break# J7 B* Y4 k, l+ @0 ]5 _
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 J( P0 c5 U, O8 v# }
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ F6 r' j; D( l$ A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 T: {# L. I# E5 a+ U
> > maintain their average figure.2 K9 w: z% V8 a$ m; g* O3 M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, T2 [; T6 ~0 K) R0 @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." M: ~9 V, U3 _) n
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ k5 w. Y- Y# y/ r+ j1 A> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) f d, `' B7 x! b6 C# }0 r> > employment experience.3 d; C! l$ x& i0 h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ _% ]- P! _/ n z ?* |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 |& r0 v% ?$ H0 N3 ]. P
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' \- f8 F* r3 B+ o% p6 u2 k
> > directed elsewhere. |
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