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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
! k4 Y( b( g( `9 c> > Effective January 2007
1 Y6 |, |. [6 {/ a0 X2 v> >
) d6 ~+ `5 w" p> > Dress Code9 P# a5 F% r$ e9 T C7 f# {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# u% c, f4 p2 z B> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
Q2 y8 `* {6 H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ y7 o* V3 Q2 g0 P+ |8 U, r5 s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 t1 C. G. Z! `' X$ O r5 z$ N# O* {
> > need a pay raise.
* {( ?# q3 a: z: y3 i! ]% X6 o> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 r: d% T4 e% \9 f% E+ C
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 Q8 U$ s6 L1 y0 Z4 E6 p
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& Z3 U- h: M) r& P2 Z @7 f1 `. C> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* V3 F7 [; M$ I; D9 e4 g4 T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 X' H5 @0 W) ~& e
> > raise.
q& J! G8 \/ c7 v> >6 T# O- Y- h( |) z# J
> > Sick Days6 e+ x' R0 T: | n5 n
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. G1 e7 K( n( h9 t" |" G> > proof of sickness.
: }$ {8 x5 v$ b1 n0 g7 D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
* y6 I. j0 O9 E/ {. s, [( x> > to come to work.
2 G" a1 E7 X7 g; D9 R6 U> >
" C7 Q: t- c8 L* f. X/ `4 m> > Holiday Days- J9 v) g, j- J1 S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! r& t4 w; f* {0 y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 X' r) f. L9 F7 S# V+ r
> >
0 D7 F( S; K# G! p5 e! `> > Compassionate Leave
" W. G8 G) L$ {. @6 u( g, Q9 G> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- g7 r9 N5 f) q y! v) g
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 c3 t B" ]7 _/ H8 C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 N% L: p$ i( ^6 `5 i' }8 u6 H9 k> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 O+ z3 F+ O( w3 [# o> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: b+ I% Z9 C$ X/ ?; B> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- R! Z* G' J( m% h/ p% ~9 H9 T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 c/ C7 v2 b5 T* a" T3 U! \( m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one" L- y* a3 x4 G* a! q- ~
> > hour early.
; l# [2 W; J8 I> >
4 V) F, u1 @: F4 J1 N P! l& T9 A> > Toilet Use
9 B- e" L) Y' @6 Y S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 Q! ~& U9 k( w# [ j: O9 Z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ C& p$ {2 R) Z9 r5 f> > in the cubicles.+ k, i# n% {( ?/ R/ {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- L+ a' }6 z) D, M" p* C> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( D: K8 n6 o+ W8 F- w
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; ^4 y1 s' U$ x( K) m0 u. R% u, U3 T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) F+ o0 Y; J0 j* N" p- D7 [3 G> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 P8 `( R1 b; `- r% J Y( E& i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
t& r0 b; |1 t( d. I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ Y K' N# }4 f" {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, m8 p/ x# {# z> > policy.
% K& c( l" F$ n8 J9 H* ~2 G1 C% X- _> >
. r5 D0 u# ]# h# \4 d. B> > Lunch Break
5 f( T. u3 Q5 `' e> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ d7 }$ C" B9 R4 X9 b) y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
N9 |9 N9 Q6 L9 q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* Z0 V u- q! R3 v> > maintain their average figure." i0 E' d) o- Z" R( | E, f
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 S( Y2 f& K5 J' e# _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 Y2 I9 a- l! @% S( l; T/ N9 b6 N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. ^3 `$ i0 I" `. j" x+ }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) w# c! X) Z& |, _: h& a3 Z1 C8 x
> > employment experience.
. Z+ z |5 R V* W0 a+ t/ M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* t2 h+ e5 j* ?! w: O1 L% a {
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* p9 b$ h3 t" N: I" h8 ^
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# Q- n$ k& B0 d/ w/ R3 s> > directed elsewhere. |
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