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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
& p" i8 y, _) A( Y3 z1 P> > Effective January 2007( A6 I' j3 I4 w2 f! `) ~7 a
> >! R' I- W& W! u, [
> > Dress Code- J; J# }. ] ~9 {$ c2 l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" ?5 f: i) W7 q0 `2 g9 Q/ u
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 ` M- w) l) A0 D8 T( ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 w: P4 y* }8 H8 L) _9 o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 F& X# l+ `+ d, V/ ]' M
> > need a pay raise.
8 f# m" v1 _% k; {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% e4 v0 V! Q1 Z8 ~% c) b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 ?% E- L( {5 U6 N8 [5 T1 X0 c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% K3 P* R/ t/ A/ `- g8 \0 M/ U# B( ` C> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& H3 L u/ R7 R c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 M5 z- Y6 L7 j( S) E! J n. E; _> > raise.
! N1 _, Y8 Y1 a- I7 J> >% \( P# G8 I6 a( {, S: ]
> > Sick Days/ Y+ E; f# a6 f( E; ]. k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ Z7 z9 I- i7 L8 \: [6 W5 }' a
> > proof of sickness.' r* i* M! o# K2 N2 W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, g3 g9 }" X9 y% j/ @; V
> > to come to work.( a% Q9 M4 R2 q1 W0 ^- k
> >8 T1 k& ]+ \5 A4 t, p
> > Holiday Days8 x# x) `, i! A: g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ m1 C& i) Z. c$ l( Y1 l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: v* i) ^' J$ c8 | J2 Z9 r; S
> >
6 ^4 Y$ _2 Z* g8 R4 F+ C5 H: y> > Compassionate Leave' D: `1 f1 `4 T. U( Z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( k1 B, x8 s( r3 z, L
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: o+ `! n* G5 V t. s> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 }. A1 O! j+ E) d, ?' p8 M+ y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& O' t, X9 e/ R8 U- R3 \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* m, t1 S) ~. n1 z) |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- S- [" N$ F0 H: ~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 I1 }2 r; U2 W! R2 M3 }8 C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 @, f2 O$ o3 U6 M/ x
> > hour early.- r4 Y" ]1 W+ z/ K* ^& `- \
> >
; x2 p+ y; o1 t% T4 k$ w> > Toilet Use
- O% o! K$ D( `/ T5 \> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ ^" M$ t# p6 p! F> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) J a) `2 {) m; L4 ~! ]8 b
> > in the cubicles.0 u5 p, B* F6 |8 A1 y$ p, R
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% E5 w: G' B- Q1 U5 O- L
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
9 [# r- \% r$ @) W> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 n) ` e! h" i& b> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ _5 \5 p0 x! t0 l# i> > posted on the company notice board under the8 i$ J- m7 L. x" R
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; X9 p9 W& d: C1 x" |
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ c8 V n3 q$ E, O' v6 P7 e: s
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 }! e& Z! w9 K- g8 T> > policy.
. ?* E3 P% f7 ?# a+ G3 R7 a> >
/ o1 }) e! |) T' o: k& Y> > Lunch Break8 ]! N$ x7 _- }" @
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 M. b* h/ w) Y$ E4 V$ Z* r> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. M9 x1 `# t! s+ d& v/ ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 l' G- g) c- Z( i$ u, q2 D' K9 A
> > maintain their average figure.
" L% ?1 H! { h3 C$ w# y; ?, {3 f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 X( }9 V7 C5 K* e> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" f0 s; a2 v" b/ M( F8 d5 j> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! Q1 ]4 w& Q0 y, D* H4 G) n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 q$ ?$ B1 y+ W M* A
> > employment experience.# [5 G' c. J% p% j R" D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! e f5 E' N; M1 E> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 @0 J$ E' `% ~9 Y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 s& U Z g) O+ ?% I+ Y; ^% \> > directed elsewhere. |
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