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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:8 F- _% G L. I7 I$ M, y- L$ T. g6 u
> > Effective January 2007
5 W" }2 ~- A6 t7 ?) z> >
* _; w" E1 r, ]. p" E> > Dress Code
+ ^$ V& z" e) i/ {& T* e" P> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& }, r7 K8 V# \5 _. I
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# {! Y0 E# Z) y9 R& W% P
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 r/ ]4 L6 X* G0 Q7 ~> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 Z2 s$ t; m9 c> > need a pay raise.0 U0 A1 K7 E! X# F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) A ]6 R2 h) h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& P! b: r b9 t c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) {+ T1 d) ^' @9 I; @7 L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ |: ?3 w! Z6 p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 d" c1 K, V$ _% I
> > raise.+ o( q6 m2 }- d* w" X. s' b6 S
> >
; _* V! E4 c$ Y7 i# ]- s: E> > Sick Days2 I F; a. h4 f4 ~" M
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. A/ Z3 x4 u; `# s; N' w: j+ s> > proof of sickness.6 U: T' W1 o& R4 N
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 j: A# f+ i/ |6 w0 n! \ B* R> > to come to work.
! ~, i7 ?* d$ p; p3 \> >
5 D" {3 b6 b6 ]> > Holiday Days' ], J Q1 M: h1 z% n) J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. Q E, Y7 ?: {; u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.$ x- O! v4 \- a0 H
> >
* @& [% ~' x. J, y" q/ j6 n3 `> > Compassionate Leave
]% w5 p( [% X) E K: C+ @/ e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 e! S! f; T6 ]( y, U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& \% z2 `4 \9 b, e: L+ g- [- ?) B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" q$ H% w4 Q0 [2 D5 s" F: _> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. y# |" K2 G. E) ]2 \7 c* K0 P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# D: M+ O; m2 x" ]* `
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 i' A' H2 u" S5 A9 D) G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! Y* }0 o# B; a9 L7 ~) S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 M4 W# N0 P0 L1 [; @, X0 O
> > hour early.
6 X$ o( q$ P3 M0 v> >6 P) s+ t( j2 M( l- m; w
> > Toilet Use2 m5 y5 f9 `5 ]1 U6 T L3 `* Q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* |' X6 `3 C0 x$ `+ S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit7 E! `- E0 `& h# h* x
> > in the cubicles.9 \5 _' `6 M$ ]4 i' @, ~# k# ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 t3 p& \' L1 Q: C6 g4 x9 Y. d> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: K) H1 ?& B# F" h
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 N8 K8 t* U$ `) s# n6 x6 O> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' K9 n* K- {) ~' S R0 y> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 S, K( R, x- M H' c+ o/ I> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 B- @& \ p M* _0 u> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 R9 m _8 L9 u
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! q% M! s: m* G
> > policy.; F: n! o; `2 t2 U! C. t4 O) w [1 N
> >& a1 _+ w: M( O. q% F
> > Lunch Break
* a% O% s% t6 P8 R8 G> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& @# P/ U; g+ n6 z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 U$ D0 a \ u3 @9 N' d2 o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 v& S1 H1 Q- S8 \; S4 k
> > maintain their average figure.# L8 H4 `5 O ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ g! w4 U0 P7 J: O+ p
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. l: I. z" F+ x0 K( `" o7 X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 y* m9 i* D$ _3 C2 I% `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 S, V+ S; R# p7 n> > employment experience.
\ Y! g5 E. h8 J! N) c/ R> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' g# U7 U v3 l4 ~0 i7 |/ U( B/ q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, l5 l% J$ i7 ~; i9 f% [0 w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 O' l+ ~3 g6 n1 V% {> > directed elsewhere. |
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