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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
) I/ j# j$ Y. R. h* P> > Effective January 2007
2 T$ m. H: p& I3 t/ X; b> >
/ a( g! w1 ^5 }' g' |$ L1 ~> > Dress Code# X9 |, S2 I: t S: h
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 C# O0 D2 Z) E* v
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# P6 b/ B1 R) R/ i6 O> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 l/ Z" R0 N9 r1 W6 N. h) H
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( \' K2 A |9 f> > need a pay raise.# s% G. A, x: r+ c
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
- e1 S4 T2 t6 i$ w" Z3 Y: x) z" m> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 A4 o& Z& P3 A R+ r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
t( f$ I6 H, h6 t7 W1 Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% c$ @4 K6 f; n! I+ ?, w> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% d0 m$ K8 h. `" z: L> > raise.: `0 Y# j( v7 T% }
> >
) z+ |' L# U7 d/ q1 W4 d! ~> > Sick Days2 j9 s2 b. E- P) C$ V/ F+ _0 _
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) r* x: {$ [6 E3 F5 X) X1 D
> > proof of sickness.
. W( B$ d2 I! r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' H+ r7 P7 j( d
> > to come to work.
! N2 X; z* [; H! J8 w' e> >
6 Z- e) B0 y9 |8 l7 P3 p# d6 c> > Holiday Days
" W0 d8 F) m" [' n" q9 a( z9 v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 U- x; z: g- F. q; t
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; ^) P3 H" w% g9 y0 z5 J+ T" Y> > b }/ y. x( p0 K5 S# U
> > Compassionate Leave, K+ w: r* A4 P& l5 `. O' X. I
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# P1 F8 j8 s* w% Y7 f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- |! _9 }8 s( {' }" U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( J7 L: S# Z/ T% r- ]: v: T> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 F/ r: l& O" o4 v1 N7 s% {1 [
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 W5 z0 D+ L" S6 e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the x( r8 d1 O4 ]! ]3 Z) V4 S7 J0 T1 O2 k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 V$ j+ H4 i6 m) R4 m/ B* `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' p+ D8 g8 g& a. U1 M6 N% o& V( a> > hour early.2 s# O8 d, ~- d
> >: v2 |% [- I7 t- V6 U3 u
> > Toilet Use
, F2 K% D+ G4 h* Z K> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ p4 i$ n$ j, `$ x: `; ?: @> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* e4 \+ Y: y' s; [0 V% M
> > in the cubicles.
8 Y0 M: `7 v) P5 B! Q O> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 A9 k' X2 A: A; X$ o
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* W( p" Y) Q- {+ Y4 U) b& X5 ` I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ e3 D; d9 A' Z; ^8 l; s8 y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 | B# e: {" t. i$ T( h4 y+ I
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- w% I& Y: Y$ I% G> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 Q( f- Z3 B0 V8 ^" ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 Q1 W+ ]* c P, C; Q- S% H> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; `( i( z C: O l' G" R
> > policy.
) o$ {- i" H# C& Q5 J% ^: X! J> >3 b- p ^# |0 f
> > Lunch Break! Z9 L) t# g& `, h# G0 G0 J
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) V; H1 B7 H# {5 K! S
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
?8 t! g' A! r& d. p n( z; L) a/ s> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. Y5 S# E! y9 M( g! N+ {2 V6 @> > maintain their average figure.
: F: h0 p! h2 w3 l# X> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 V' C, x; J4 j! {0 @! {" \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% s" D7 L1 w5 ?5 j. T+ l n. v> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' Q* s9 i! C$ y4 Y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( D0 a" [; ^5 A9 m$ l5 Y8 ]9 q7 z
> > employment experience.
- E3 ?$ N+ ]& c' r6 ` ~1 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. ^! M7 c& q9 A" [! M: `
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* p; r4 Z o0 R" c% }9 d# I> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ F3 d0 V+ g' g# v+ |
> > directed elsewhere. |
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