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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:4 x+ I" g. \0 N2 u, m
> > Effective January 2007# Z3 W. X& b+ E! {, |$ h# H2 J
> >; V- w* N9 ~/ m3 G C( ?
> > Dress Code" v) k7 N$ N$ A! O5 }( n1 Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 a+ \, X* { i V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: g2 N9 Q1 S& s- v& H
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& M2 {$ F/ G1 O5 z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; r, @6 [- Z+ L( |
> > need a pay raise.
Y; {2 f0 C1 U/ t8 D F6 E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& v. g3 I& _ T" K1 N
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* r1 R5 Z4 n# S& F3 h3 f9 a. y- O> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: O' U* o0 y4 W Y( P7 ~, n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" W9 E! m1 }( ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ P6 c5 X( O) q* X @) ?* o> > raise.: H- _+ `& I. V7 ^3 n: \5 c
> >* C. D- R G* {- p- \ H# d
> > Sick Days8 r3 i7 Y9 |7 R. j7 m
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 V. ]/ m3 i- M( |: R2 ^
> > proof of sickness.
* a& E' G. o/ g" v: Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 ~& U v: e3 W0 r* ^' h* g
> > to come to work.: B" v3 S6 A1 K3 B" q4 x9 v! m
> >/ f# P/ S1 |/ l4 `' G
> > Holiday Days
5 c2 @* P9 p- Y* H$ L+ z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) ?3 q1 O, D5 b7 O3 m
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 i5 ~' w6 @$ f* w0 ^
> >
1 O8 D( m& {) X, D5 W9 U> > Compassionate Leave
, b! q7 L8 w1 v: M/ s- a3 \* ?0 o> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& m# I, e. ^' A( e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% }$ o$ t/ B7 R) d5 E% f, ~: ^) Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( Y! o3 X2 q; r. Q) ~, `1 z- @+ R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& f3 `9 @" x" ?7 k> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
o& d4 d" v% f9 C: y+ V) g> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ k! n' k9 C( ^3 M+ m1 }> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
7 @2 E! ]# R: m" k T) a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 s0 T& r9 [) u$ R- @
> > hour early.1 {; p4 X S6 [1 ]4 f
> ># e3 a5 O a& o) l( N Z1 B
> > Toilet Use
# w/ S! L X: R: ~. p% U' W w2 N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ `8 r% c8 m+ v# Y. d s( E> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 Y( e; W1 ?4 ^/ T* o- Q> > in the cubicles.$ e2 z. l+ R* [; N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) o& O8 z& r9 ^* M> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle W2 I1 B& z: d7 w6 R& @
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 N) U% d+ Q8 h$ N: }" s8 l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ ?( j4 Y* t+ A0 Q> > posted on the company notice board under the& ? f7 Q: Z! P, H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." _( B( @4 v" Z% h9 a/ x
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 }! \# g5 c$ S5 Z- P
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 F' e! t$ w( [
> > policy.
8 F3 V1 l# W% R% Q2 Q0 H/ m& n% K> >
2 ^; R% Y0 [9 f1 U> > Lunch Break0 q6 q7 W1 d; G, c8 Y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
' E& t: \& D: ?7 V> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( Y- Z) b# _& {, i- G" T! l
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' P- l* g+ U2 ~6 \4 g0 U> > maintain their average figure.( i7 A2 T! V0 b) u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ W6 i: b1 v9 P" A. M7 \* ?5 S
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 e0 `$ Q ~8 v# M# l7 L6 ~1 \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 Z& }' u1 v1 c7 Y1 R" Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& e" m( H$ w6 Z7 d, T' E2 D> > employment experience.
$ ~& }+ ?7 x0 F. F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" t' j- z( R) p/ C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 D# \& O1 k* U& A+ o" i8 @, }> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% W2 m9 o+ T6 s1 ~# ^, o, C
> > directed elsewhere. |
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