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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
# K) S1 [8 q9 `$ b$ Y7 T' C> > Effective January 2007
3 ~$ k5 V9 a4 J4 Z8 a: R> >
# s+ p4 q0 B- w- ?/ E; I> > Dress Code9 H0 v+ h& v% q t
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. j2 S7 a& V s7 O8 Y) k1 p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 Q# [! H) |% k, ~4 L7 |
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 {( J/ E$ i; f* P' U! @( L: d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 B4 V; [8 g( N& G/ p
> > need a pay raise.( H" u+ I( ?- V/ O: k1 h p0 n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( L$ T; Q- ~, l' \( S/ y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' W1 Q( M- @3 L* p
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 r( Z0 d- i: z; z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 R1 r/ H$ `% Z; f, ^- l
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' A: U" X$ A9 K7 z
> > raise.
0 E$ T1 p" ]1 v9 k9 `# F, G> >- y* t: I3 @7 |6 e A# z9 x
> > Sick Days4 `; V2 a4 N( J8 y% X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% G" Z+ d& H- D5 r# r" K% S% h
> > proof of sickness.
. T& k, o" |3 V6 ]> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 p& e9 b( C. d5 y
> > to come to work.
. g4 m m# n2 ?6 b" i> >
3 {. u/ `( F- k0 d9 @> > Holiday Days6 A3 z' d+ v' e/ m9 o
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 L: _( T T3 _$ O% c# o) q" q1 ~* G
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ V v. a! u( n$ q% E$ Z! h, m
> >3 C, Z+ Q+ {- I# K
> > Compassionate Leave8 M8 [, e0 Y0 T$ Z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, S, ^, p( d v, K6 e4 u5 \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: X7 @4 X9 }7 q5 R y; G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 w5 U4 E2 n7 k> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ I; l% |+ b8 M' q" }% u> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
2 }% \8 U1 a, h9 x. P4 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ Q7 @2 X% d8 Y7 c6 y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* A7 a8 R* K- t$ k/ b1 g* H* {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 h4 }+ G$ D R
> > hour early.
0 h" e+ z5 t* z, Z' F> >/ I* p, `% s2 q$ [
> > Toilet Use; D# ~" x7 M+ w% j6 U' B& }! V
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 U+ P& s4 B9 H. D% e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 Z& m: K e0 E) s& W# t
> > in the cubicles.
, h- v2 u3 j$ E: V> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ R# ^0 `# u9 C0 y6 X& W; l7 n6 ^
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 @7 w6 m6 Y3 N- E a( L5 u7 X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: s4 j$ ]( [- H" n
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ [, z- |) h; g' d# F7 |> > posted on the company notice board under the6 E% u3 h& Y2 U7 M# [% o3 p
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; }5 \$ x5 S+ m- e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& I4 ~% x9 s f/ X$ i( h Y, s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) |" Z0 r4 x. e+ O5 f7 p> > policy.- t; R: q% |7 K/ G8 e( t
> >
9 V0 G: r2 O4 V' |( @> > Lunch Break
/ H& W$ O1 Y8 D; @/ l2 ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
9 S) _0 z7 G5 A3 ~; G2 A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ H+ C% w; {3 x2 z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' i" c5 m9 T* k2 u/ `: _ S! H( L
> > maintain their average figure.* o" G6 h( W/ _' D/ e" k' r8 w
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: v; ^" g* n# P8 Z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- {5 d/ ^0 j( {4 H/ P0 H( c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. {( W( r: A8 E0 m& {8 e> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% \7 n# p( A9 y, @& g, \> > employment experience.. j3 }! d7 P) i- e% m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* ~) f5 d' I. n/ D3 l, T
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 m! z+ u) P+ y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: b: g% R: e% v/ D3 {8 F9 @/ I
> > directed elsewhere. |
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