HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
4 b4 u) F/ k& F% q> >                     Effective January 2007
9 J! z$ K$ h0 w9 [; {% M> >  ~3 T# i  m. X" f* J0 `$ Q1 z
> > Dress Code
% C: E2 M0 l0 z0 D0 L( o. m6 B- T6 j+ g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* E' ]" x1 t: C3 i' e> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" q) i. i* J% T9 t0 d8 j! j: [) `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# g* @& c$ }% \> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ r8 c( c0 S5 j+ @; j  ]" \0 R> > need a pay raise.  g# h* ~' |  K" z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& q9 r; H6 I3 `: z5 i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 O0 x' g. Q+ J) ~0 P> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: t1 M  X9 |( D$ V/ t1 J0 z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, X6 z$ k1 C% N; U# Z/ f/ t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- P4 D2 [& N0 U  Y( e; ^> > raise.
; x5 D0 H+ T9 ?- M- m4 \> >
8 @3 L8 _2 o9 }" B/ j; S0 h/ b> > Sick Days6 T0 `5 a: R& F+ j+ k9 Z! T$ k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  h% j. n' [  s& T
> > proof of sickness.
( a+ n9 W2 b/ B: k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; A$ {0 `+ n! |$ F  A% g. o> > to come to work.
0 X9 p* q. {( Y% k> >
: T% S$ a& K. ]  }3 R> > Holiday Days8 s# L1 P! @9 f( z- l* z" o3 Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; T1 ]( P& l0 O. d. t> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.8 m5 s" _( z" d( K* _3 N3 y
> >
( \' O8 E# Z7 o6 m4 G0 h7 v5 ?! u> > Compassionate Leave+ X$ y, u  g9 H+ K3 m, k
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 N; J; I0 r' g  ?' s% N& Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 Z) m5 O+ [) t
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( ^) O: b/ w$ M2 |4 P. l+ A- H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
3 D8 \% i/ ^1 s* [# g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' ~$ t! C9 J+ D
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ |9 D4 h. o& A. }4 K  A$ B# {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  O1 m4 s  {$ m8 e2 b& q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# i) G7 K7 i2 W
> > hour early.0 t, E) ~9 q8 p" d' A
> >$ M. Q, z( w) U
> > Toilet Use
$ G6 A0 q7 s- m; {> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 I/ ~3 e$ ?2 w$ t/ O3 s: Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 ^/ E' w3 [( a$ W! ?- d7 ?
> > in the cubicles.4 m  l% W1 F7 ]" n6 {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& o( Q3 J: U8 t% Z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" x# k) v8 S0 |4 m$ ?* h6 R: V> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 U) A5 K6 d1 [1 P4 W4 i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# T& t8 ^) U9 W; f1 e2 E> > posted on the company notice board under the- t" E* l- B# d8 L% I! [
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( l. J/ \! T' X: i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# I% p# I, @' S8 q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& i) z3 f8 D0 ~8 c' A> > policy.
& [' m8 P% l$ ~% @> >
5 _! L; o* [0 u* Z& Z5 h' @& _> > Lunch Break% D. D: j3 {$ }% N
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they  o+ c/ l1 i& Q8 |# u8 X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# F4 U: j* O' |/ t  V1 c3 q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 g# b+ @% W, Y7 u8 T$ O3 \! H> > maintain their average figure.& c* C/ h- o9 B. z$ `# a; B! X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  z$ k0 e- \9 m/ m. P> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& J( `& m- X2 L' d- s. J* ?" }> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ o8 M% R% Y( U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; T" s6 T, ~: D$ ?
> > employment experience.8 r+ ~/ p+ a& w7 v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 ~/ D4 ^: h& I% S* A! [; {; H* u) T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ w. l6 d6 Q- c% m+ C( D9 E* ?) j
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 _6 e# I6 {' b* ^
> > directed elsewhere.