HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ I$ a# ^0 N7 a3 t# g/ C> >                     Effective January 20078 f; Y5 v6 u" w, h2 S8 u+ t6 D
> >
0 }% w6 d6 X1 G! o$ n( P> > Dress Code2 T* e7 [3 K2 a8 S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, `6 |- z% ~9 |. E# m) w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' q* r3 _/ G! B4 x$ t* ^' s
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" m7 b2 g+ }" ]6 s
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% C  \0 b- W, v( l- v> > need a pay raise.9 i9 E0 U( }' o8 ?2 X4 O8 H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# R$ C. Z( D  P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( p/ [3 d1 J; I8 R; }7 x, D  q- U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ `, k/ M5 t; h* x- U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) Z0 C# j3 o% r7 c! F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 B! ]( \. e$ b> > raise.7 ~, ]4 v0 \2 q# n, y) G
> >
. t) l) Q; m* `" v' B, t. `> > Sick Days# i/ ~7 `; ~5 q% e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- q/ e: F. i; n: Y. V* u& z0 y  |> > proof of sickness.+ ^$ a: T) ?. x% g
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  R/ l" {% Z0 |( E& i6 l
> > to come to work.! _+ I9 ~9 ~$ Q% l
> >
. b5 q# l/ A$ M$ |, J$ P( Y> > Holiday Days" X8 j! B* b7 D, V1 u- C3 y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* @5 ^% h: {2 n' B- W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% G' P; J/ V3 f+ |, v7 A- E
> >
, T( H& o0 r$ D3 `. u> > Compassionate Leave
6 \2 h. \) }( d5 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ k' m2 y7 i0 d1 Y: f& S# m2 k
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. z2 B3 c' q$ y; B% j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* j  e% W: D; {- f) Y( A7 c" ]3 c> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 }/ d! H  l4 O5 l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) x6 C  ~2 x+ X. K% t6 h8 a( S& Z' r" M> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. d; K) v- D, ~0 \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
6 m( f8 F5 H. ]: b9 }, t! Y  X> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* o+ B3 _& {& N! Q> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use3 y; R7 l6 `4 o1 y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 i. {: k, N/ w8 m  j/ Y# }( T) L8 M> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ D! ?# R% V* \4 h0 N% m0 D3 g> > in the cubicles.
3 e) s8 {. N2 Q1 G> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ ?9 g+ x" c  `- w/ G; C: u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 L1 Z$ Y5 X+ R) i2 t0 z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- ~! p% v0 [3 z9 I> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 W( G- B: [  ^- ^2 E! a- x4 i" l
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ T! w& V& h9 d( Z: g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" k3 g- ~. C% Q5 v> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 J( P  n. F: H
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ T6 }6 \" L# q1 ]- i7 }
> > policy." s0 M; G1 m3 {5 k
> >4 O, b- F& N( ]  p% o
> > Lunch Break
: s0 H1 z4 Q$ [& h' U> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ L! I2 b2 Z$ j: w9 l7 b0 x0 o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 x" d7 Z$ F( r0 |0 q1 Z* Y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) J$ |. ~1 [# V, j$ s
> > maintain their average figure.
  J  _5 A5 a+ `* d# [/ _> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" t( W  |: W# S5 J! r8 w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# M* ~& v. j/ M0 {( h! _- n> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) q$ G3 Y" W! w# \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 }. x& X9 S# V& k# S> > employment experience.
& ^/ H+ w2 ?/ k+ n, t7 t) x> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 Z4 A5 ]; R- e/ ~9 r> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& S, L$ _2 p0 L, ^4 [  p
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  K. U5 a9 ^9 L
> > directed elsewhere.