HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( z; x3 h2 A4 e! O+ ~+ [. p/ i* W
> >                     Effective January 2007
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3 |1 J) }7 b! W7 R9 X9 I> > Dress Code. o7 C# R8 N! m) a% Q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: H6 ]7 @( ]) m* @' \> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 K0 j0 d2 j, D; b+ f> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' J' j0 ^" S4 h) ?# z* L) T
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# G# P  d7 R5 g8 M* \8 ]> > need a pay raise.
0 _5 J- j8 F4 U> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
3 u5 L+ u, D7 S/ r$ P6 a$ D> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* O# W$ ~% y9 F1 b! v) d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' `# ?- ?5 Z$ {$ w: E' N> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 X  c- Y4 {* q  B: a" ~& h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 X6 b8 l1 x. [  b' G
> > raise.( F% }/ t) z. O: w% |5 c& m
> >9 [" e6 X# V- h; Q4 B
> > Sick Days; O8 N8 M" E& q9 @! R4 _7 c6 R8 l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" f' v! M. Y) C( k2 j. F7 Z* U  O. U
> > proof of sickness.
! N1 s: K2 `8 [# w, J$ E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ x5 E- S+ j1 |5 |8 u( ?, f> > to come to work.
( N* o+ R/ A- a1 i# ~> >
$ B* ?3 p$ }2 i0 d2 _3 U> > Holiday Days$ {1 u# u; y: \" K9 [! ~7 Z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 x3 A! x- c4 H( W- ?  ?0 C  r> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2 }7 Y8 V7 F4 K7 A, x4 I> >
0 Z. I& u% r+ `8 |+ v> > Compassionate Leave2 G- ?- m4 B( j/ ?8 }& F
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 N) N( i; m, o0 {# x9 a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) l1 F" q1 o2 }, u$ ^/ M( Z( i> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 z$ p2 Y7 [. \1 I% Z; B" E
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 d7 T0 A  s, t8 }
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) M+ @, V6 J1 u6 i" z8 d> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 {/ @+ U" a9 Y- J( X7 h6 S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
5 V  F3 w' m5 E> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ s6 B5 p% F1 ~" k# ?" H> > hour early.
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8 I& P) C) \( `3 j> > Toilet Use+ \' d" _3 I; F* f5 J1 P' F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 r( t- R7 F* U+ Z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 C; [7 d( y% _+ V0 }6 ~8 n7 @
> > in the cubicles.
- s% V  l, X4 f- Y0 W> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 L( V. t/ [5 p* P6 E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* o+ `$ r' N# J( f6 w2 e) O9 o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, S9 @8 i" B, a7 `> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) T! `$ O# Z7 w3 M+ m% ?) e# c
> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 J# V1 C6 A' p; C) q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" i* X1 D: b' Y. i, i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; |4 d/ b' E8 G; Y: ^# x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 u, j& K2 G# L( e# M> > policy.
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, u9 B3 o3 s6 N6 y5 g' X. ^8 t  ~> > Lunch Break% M4 r; L; i1 m" a3 N8 D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; _8 G( M$ B( p- _" P9 n# h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% c  L( _, B1 i
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 I7 O6 N+ g4 L6 m! R# D
> > maintain their average figure.
0 g8 @  D7 y# N, y  W, i* Z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# K3 L  q/ t. B: R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. z3 x* v% r8 A# l, }$ B
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) E4 w* g2 e8 I; R+ ]) V" N
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# h; n  ~5 Y3 ~' y! k$ F1 L> > employment experience.7 _! i  T  e2 P3 n1 m7 J
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" W" j' c$ Y3 K& R/ J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ k9 |0 G" E, m% D8 ]- x+ E9 ?$ P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& D1 J2 {! K) S7 e2 D1 c> > directed elsewhere.