HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 D& B4 Z" b6 Z
> >                     Effective January 20079 V/ p' q% D+ J7 I! L3 r
> >) R0 ]" j2 w/ U: o5 ~* G$ x- M2 z
> > Dress Code% e2 a2 f" x/ b9 h$ ~- Y3 O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  M6 f! _0 T2 P
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 d, D) ]! d5 k5 S
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% \( s+ j; n# x0 M( K' w+ w1 w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* P( e9 k- G. |> > need a pay raise.
% N+ W4 H* _( e" a' x> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) W+ m1 {$ M. x, y' Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 C. }2 F) l* t
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' b& C8 O" ^- X9 k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: Q5 _( l7 Y. |  [4 r+ c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: T' l# P7 G2 n4 n, y4 Q# [
> > raise.% {& c" u- g  h
> >  j% m7 g3 u* \+ D. P  U* i# j  n" H
> > Sick Days, c3 d, k8 o; d4 M) A3 |1 A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! k# K  E& `: g3 }; L1 u* Y> > proof of sickness.
- [7 X# j  k# r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  j2 }9 c0 ]6 x> > to come to work." V9 Y6 J0 d: S7 h8 n
> >
8 n* f0 Z; k0 g- R  X/ k' ^$ v) _2 r> > Holiday Days
& h2 ?# j7 T) G2 v' U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ |$ ?$ r. G0 c' P+ B3 w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ y9 x5 f5 O  q* f
> >- N. T; _8 V( d. {* l/ D& U1 o7 M
> > Compassionate Leave
  n$ C- Y2 Y& {$ x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  e& Y$ w$ C0 @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: A; W/ v+ D6 I/ Y% H' t
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ }. M+ [  X% t$ d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 X. C. @2 f7 \: E6 k; D1 O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; \* k( }# t! H* U; }1 I: S2 [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' ~& x. a; v& u  x% \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& i  e! b* \$ E) k4 w0 V> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 v+ o" J9 c$ h# h0 Z+ k> > hour early.
% V& W1 z' W' `# I3 U> >
4 R3 R4 I) v) c> > Toilet Use
3 M4 s/ x: k  @: i, ~3 S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) \$ w3 Q) k' E8 D) ?. T' E2 A6 e2 L> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 e7 Z7 W+ E1 U! j1 s
> > in the cubicles.3 j; h+ B- n& l. \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 I" Z2 V4 g7 E0 W* U' C
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# ?  U! }# W: y1 g( T; O
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., t  f8 w5 n* q( T; g
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 v! f8 `* G$ \9 O7 ~> > posted on the company notice board under the, |+ _, M0 R, j
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- P. w* o! b  M7 B/ V) g: l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# W) g$ q) v8 C, U: V+ v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ s; G# {5 _7 p. k
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
; O" X) c- R( c3 O2 U> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 Z8 b1 m3 G5 R9 r' ?8 a- ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- M" ^* e0 N3 U0 e2 i5 m7 x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: T, L& U1 W- J, W, c$ ]$ O2 N> > maintain their average figure.
& c+ g7 ?! b( Q8 y1 E0 f# S  F> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" A6 Z% y; n" W) w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, \3 u+ d2 d1 l' E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ K: |6 Z- }3 B2 K2 f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 M/ t  \# ^1 Q1 V0 [> > employment experience.
) k7 c1 O/ @& R! `> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- C2 g5 |9 R% T# W( K: f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& k; m# v9 K+ v7 x; b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ H5 |: ?& ^+ t> > directed elsewhere.