HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! [3 r+ ^7 C9 I% u# t5 J. J1 ?
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
3 k2 b( Q5 \. ~" w/ U: _> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 o" {- s: Y- z% k' {2 d+ c- H
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% \7 i# ^% W/ C+ w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 m& p6 R# I( o  @% j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; @/ x+ p! m& E2 q/ \" p+ B  O. v> > need a pay raise.
( V9 b3 }& c) ^" i, H# u, n, V> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ Q2 D' ?/ e) I7 h( G( F/ R- U" l> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ H( R, Q% u. E
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 m5 M& O" i, o* n# F, _- ^( `> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, M5 F* ?  \- t, V0 F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ b5 N$ T# w, K& e) t4 Y
> > raise.) }3 X0 j" _$ P
> >
; B. x" q% h# b> > Sick Days
0 |5 H; L" i3 [7 i1 S% c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 S- _& M- `  I$ A7 x+ ^> > proof of sickness.
0 d* z/ w% C1 A' @: |# ]* z5 X' X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ T, j" ^( s3 c, i$ U8 a> > to come to work.
& R0 E! v" V$ N8 K> >
0 j& m2 `% B2 V9 W> > Holiday Days
9 F% x8 J; g+ f( w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: J9 s" U0 F8 N+ m! h. J9 [$ i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( X8 q5 X* ~# P% [3 O7 E> >
7 D. e4 i+ v& u4 w: Y% Z+ H> > Compassionate Leave: I! L7 H6 q- x
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ _7 D6 X. @# L
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 b2 j9 j# N& R! X  S& ^( f& D> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 j, [8 p9 R* w  q9 a- d' j> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 y, W4 z, q9 W  ?; i5 M$ D/ T
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( U3 v+ b! U$ b, C, d  W
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) p, l, h% C5 b3 b* l
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 n- N$ Q  Q) q) o( r9 `8 p* Z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' a# e& o! _8 [7 S5 M8 ?5 L6 A> > hour early.
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1 C) O6 {, V. I6 C3 |$ Y! ]. N% b> > Toilet Use
: m7 P; L' ]6 T1 C7 V> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' T2 N  M! N% ?% w$ n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 T' ~. S7 u. p' s3 ~$ }6 D
> > in the cubicles.
, d, b8 v1 a$ j: W0 q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 f9 R8 b7 E+ a9 T' H4 t> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 S9 M3 n+ L; g& }- f: n6 L+ u
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 S: p3 w7 [. `$ ~, a8 ?5 o
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 p) r/ O) w6 I
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  O5 G9 z+ {# Y6 Y) L" Q8 F/ a> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 g! O0 S% o. w( H1 Q  a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; q9 Z$ E  \7 y6 s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# H1 a9 w7 s! O* h0 ^" X5 ^# R> > policy.4 k" w4 H3 ~7 U. Z* M2 s
> >
4 \0 B3 t0 s3 H2 j- o> > Lunch Break
% t& c) ?/ W& Y8 V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 h6 f, P: x' \2 _( \
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.7 g8 J' u& d! R4 X
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. G' _0 i0 x5 i> > maintain their average figure.
$ c4 a4 D7 Q6 o8 ^4 o4 ?5 T# I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; B5 Q8 Q& Z" |# |( J( x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." r7 q5 ^4 w, ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' e" I7 S4 j3 H. j- w/ ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) @1 T+ W! V. }0 Y
> > employment experience.
7 H7 \1 x$ `3 }" I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- L/ ?4 u( ~$ L" l5 H
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* ]) J& T3 ]. A0 n$ l$ h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- u2 S* {0 T* [2 a3 h4 N> > directed elsewhere.