HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% A" ?7 b. [) z$ Z# w> >                     Effective January 20076 v4 G2 ?4 m, c8 \- y" O; K( f5 P
> >
9 {. s& s, K9 g) P> > Dress Code$ r- b) v6 Q9 g% j
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 ^5 M3 W7 C# |& z6 Y/ Z0 p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ t4 e$ p+ {) i> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. ]6 q" ~" S: |4 g- i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 M, U3 U  j4 _' y2 s+ T
> > need a pay raise.( c- Q6 m, }& u$ ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. y) K3 z1 W0 K: A* E8 G, W
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* `9 G  [5 T  }' Y5 @: a3 r$ @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 ~5 c2 O) w! B# b3 P
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! I4 A# F2 @6 E& Y0 p7 q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- ]2 s, ~$ R& g2 p2 v> > raise.# i3 D: a# o. C/ z
> >
" s* o' t. X4 D: A> > Sick Days
$ L' K5 f% Z& y* M4 L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( T: Q% k) F0 X( m- o( e
> > proof of sickness.
; t8 z2 V5 N/ ]* W5 i+ h> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" @3 x1 O8 o5 V' C> > to come to work.# ^( z2 u9 k' M4 d7 z% K
> >+ q4 G& i- l6 Z. X1 d
> > Holiday Days
8 l8 g3 q$ E8 f8 c  ?" z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! W, |7 d# m3 R( j" P
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& e9 N7 }* `+ t# g& [3 B/ b$ c> >
! I3 ~) q+ t7 S9 ?( R> > Compassionate Leave9 n, D0 B2 h  o
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  `. I' @: t) M" n> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 K- j+ Y& O9 y# _> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 ?# E# {' i! u% h; t/ @6 S
> > employees attend to the arrangements.# f5 u+ d  e# z' Y5 V5 M7 ?* B9 U
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 ^- w1 s$ Y1 V+ }0 |# E8 n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ N% H- [# H; |7 X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# J( ~' Z2 Y6 f8 V& T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 `$ X/ y8 t# L$ i9 U$ C* N( u, W4 b+ N
> > hour early.
+ s1 n) n' \/ ^) {, \; X% e8 j4 l% O> >
* x% |% @  S" [, k> > Toilet Use3 x/ Y* O/ O* W* M+ {9 _2 o: y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& S& P0 [0 P4 o. h* M0 c& t) |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 o! r3 y5 w  c! b1 Z4 V
> > in the cubicles.
! d% t, g/ O" E6 l& a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. f$ T6 P( j1 f> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! B1 K' U8 Q4 w; V- l' H> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 Z, s4 q9 \0 G' ?  `
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 C8 z& q8 v+ y2 W0 _( Z% A> > posted on the company notice board under the
  a, B3 X: N+ Z$ z% t( s& Q9 z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 v* T( c8 G+ H: W+ f3 H
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  Q* [" o* S9 }. l  o1 T) |( r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# U3 k, h9 d- T' i/ u7 _
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
" b2 @! W- S; |> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 Z! d1 b% e# \5 P) D( R* B> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 j# A0 y% p9 i# i3 z, Q+ J, h
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 ^. V9 _# z# h9 W/ D% u> > maintain their average figure.
1 |% @/ i& T) Y4 b7 l# O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, [9 S) [; D+ L- A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 c- {' B9 J! U2 m
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 m8 v. m  l- e: Y3 b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
- ~6 G( L, q* w& c3 v4 y% Q7 s> > employment experience.
" J: B7 Z0 ^- l7 _4 a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ P, |4 E5 C, U2 C0 g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 N! Y9 o* c0 y, B9 o9 Z5 I> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 b5 X9 D/ G, q1 C9 I$ Y> > directed elsewhere.