HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  {3 @) I4 i; A$ |) z- j$ y
> >                     Effective January 20075 U9 p; P& D  m% V* b
> >7 o- Y- k# D% h$ {% o0 u- d% q
> > Dress Code8 l" ~. g) C3 p) y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* {" O: }/ L: O( K' {8 t
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 D( V& k# C9 k5 X* p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* l7 L% I7 [9 Z) F; O; [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ T# U, H& J/ h% R' m; o, C> > need a pay raise.0 G! p% r9 C4 |; G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: F3 k& D3 W& C* }9 h, Y9 g% y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! Z; r2 t7 `' k0 G# G" s> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ j* e( ?7 Z% B; c
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 c/ E) ?- e! u, L( H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 f0 O& M; s  u- l1 ]> > raise.
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> > Sick Days; @% ?6 M+ H: f3 s/ F1 A3 N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! \7 B8 O& N! l0 c" C> > proof of sickness.
$ j: F; Y$ _& d: y6 J, J. K/ |  m1 o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! K  n1 d2 |; t
> > to come to work.5 {/ b5 \8 }# K% B0 ~, m# H2 R
> >$ ]) F2 o& A; w1 E1 h9 F$ y  b
> > Holiday Days. G5 M: J' E# }- h. N3 ~: [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 M  g$ s5 o. {! |$ ]" ]# R6 D> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- s6 N+ g) o7 I% _0 s7 Z- Y+ y* @3 e
> >& M# U5 F- L" X! f
> > Compassionate Leave% j9 ?2 k' v2 g3 r/ }/ H
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- k: g3 V  `7 ]  E( k> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; }5 B+ a8 x* D, I1 x. {
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 S  m1 }- @2 A* n2 A> > employees attend to the arrangements.
3 J+ X! D: `! R) U4 i9 P* v+ {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: ~) r4 T+ m5 u9 R, S* v> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- l$ J6 W& f" n! w% D8 e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# b( a/ F8 q7 }5 f7 C. v; G& A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! p3 f! U2 W$ Y" B
> > hour early.4 E: W' s& S! D2 B+ B4 l
> >2 i; v3 p, h- c* m
> > Toilet Use% [0 b; S; D# V) V# c9 `0 X
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: `. l+ ~: U# C2 j> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" W+ a. c! T9 g> > in the cubicles./ \7 _2 x9 |( E/ R
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 J  }5 q, K$ p1 S3 R9 w6 o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ [, I1 ?! o$ A' R0 J4 j- g1 _
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- @$ j! C3 H* A! V. w+ L> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: ?) p7 e& m6 k) q
> > posted on the company notice board under the# A- F9 g" g- M9 a1 L
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 x* k9 X: v& B# r4 A- H" w! j
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& V2 ~+ }  X* K) A( v2 O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 @& I- e# I4 @4 w; n0 y> > policy.
$ Q) A( n( {) |1 r> >
; S! j: Y% G! N2 [6 B+ T6 Q> > Lunch Break# B# ~5 r* f6 V' p& f
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
2 f3 |' W' s/ V- E> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., I0 D1 p/ G" Q7 w/ P: |4 @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! Q. u5 Y& _# H1 ~0 |> > maintain their average figure.
" ]! R7 h9 }7 s) F( p> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& I% d3 H' \. ^' h! c: s$ B2 y9 c
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" H1 a5 u+ t; @1 T8 u/ `  q1 v8 f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 p; X0 u, n  J7 a' r" {% |7 Q: R; |8 O
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 o7 c& F2 g% a& n# d0 z0 l. z
> > employment experience.4 [% o, l7 I3 R+ R
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. H5 {' h  @! y! b- q0 u
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 D% _9 H+ r! {7 H9 D, t+ `
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 H. R2 m* k* c6 o/ ~$ e* ~> > directed elsewhere.