HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ I0 t2 O& Q. a# {; b> >                     Effective January 2007
. B; `9 @& J2 o+ q* M, W& K( j> >" x2 d) }+ l' f4 N2 D
> > Dress Code
  y& h+ w7 w7 M- Z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 t6 Q7 [" |) }% s- G( Z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  ]; c. V8 }) ^3 W+ H/ s
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* X5 i$ d/ z6 i2 k# J$ L* a/ K> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ e+ o; D- M8 j7 k: B  Q
> > need a pay raise.
4 R5 T& ^7 J3 m: E$ ]  }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, G! i. X6 D" r0 @$ h% h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" d7 x/ e# E5 m3 x* O> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ ?* ?- u  c- O6 P# U: n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 x: o/ M2 A; ]  F: C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& x+ h/ x& X: Y4 r> > raise., I3 n( M% I9 |9 s
> >2 Z( ]/ ]) _0 R" t
> > Sick Days
4 a& Y- m; L2 X% ]> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 p" b- ?5 L5 X/ I  x> > proof of sickness." B1 B8 B, l# ?( d
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 M8 x" {( r& [$ X! G
> > to come to work.5 [! D' ^: |0 Z/ w) M, I
> >
6 j) F9 v6 M# X* u> > Holiday Days
1 K7 O1 N9 B8 S% @  r; g0 k+ q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ J; J/ d9 X5 v0 |+ ?- ^/ ]; p
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" j1 w) }- C( Y) K> >+ B0 U, N4 s+ q9 ]! K
> > Compassionate Leave
$ i/ }+ t. r5 C0 E; [> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) k+ }; z) u8 k' Y8 |; ~5 Q  I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( r0 }" I. M+ R8 ^, e
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; b" Y# H* Q4 }3 Z> > employees attend to the arrangements." t  K9 E- ~( t. b7 u! E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: o% ?1 Z; j; o& F1 b
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 A9 B* u' k+ \  u8 k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 H8 ]) D! Q) t8 A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; \6 ?4 |9 b5 h" o> > hour early.
& {, k6 A7 s+ s9 F  v> >
6 U% n" N! u3 u) c> > Toilet Use
3 A6 q, ^) M0 ^" _> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; Z/ m) K* b1 t' l9 E
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) P+ h( Q9 D; L, `- N1 \/ S> > in the cubicles.
4 @$ n9 O- ]! `4 j$ n8 P> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- L$ K" b1 m# \! ]. M( ^, W5 |4 T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" ^% z: J& j8 C# @3 a  D, a
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' I" K4 `+ N0 P, q; R. D0 x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 G% c/ U4 q# P' L> > posted on the company notice board under the+ @) C9 L* x& g  [" l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 [; |# p* h& b$ X> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 @7 c* d$ C- p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- z2 A) J2 h7 J) m5 H, Z. L
> > policy.3 T& h, U, Y- u$ p6 p
> >
% h' k+ j6 J1 j1 x. G> > Lunch Break
7 E6 O$ Q, f+ x( A> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 i; V- b' z) t/ ~' n8 R' R: f
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: t, b" Z1 B; O  y0 F1 e' t+ X> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ K/ v# K' `5 N& z( h4 s7 x> > maintain their average figure.
- Q7 h( G7 D* P2 S3 Q9 G6 u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 i# J$ `3 I$ p* t. b# Q, l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) B! g( w0 u( V; G* w
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& i. t8 |3 ^/ [, D$ I" H9 g> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ f8 j7 o+ K8 @! Q+ ]- y1 v
> > employment experience.
$ x7 {- M- u: J" H, l> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& C2 a) d. K, e2 j9 I7 \  {' a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" m- ~# O% _; |0 [> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  ]3 z( d0 {6 p+ |9 t> > directed elsewhere.