HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
* f# G6 H6 A# U+ }; u> >                     Effective January 2007% [0 p% l1 r2 F- G. }+ s3 V
> >
4 |- N1 I+ P  F* P- S6 a> > Dress Code+ T) z+ o7 [/ e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ N8 u* o: j" y# u, s9 _8 {
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 K! u# F! ~1 _4 w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 q) F1 k$ X# [' q/ S4 z3 e
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% C- ~7 }5 G5 n' s3 u! [
> > need a pay raise.
1 g8 u0 h7 M( Z9 X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) C: M: o% C% X3 O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" k8 ~% F2 S, H2 z" ^$ x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 o& t! @/ S  Z  D; O, t
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 V- m3 n  o# ?% p$ p: Z7 s/ ~
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 ?, `0 N, z7 s5 C3 _3 Y) e
> > raise.
6 g; \* n- ^- \- z& X> >/ ^4 O& I+ O& U; [+ U! x
> > Sick Days& K  `, |9 p9 J4 }% y. E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 A5 I+ `2 `  R" z> > proof of sickness.# B8 K/ V) w. e. X  y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 @- |. [' M& g- B+ m* E
> > to come to work.1 j1 @& p3 A2 w  z! G$ H
> >- J. D' Y& f9 E' g7 B3 h0 A+ r
> > Holiday Days
( t( z  j# f  c+ [! U# Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ G6 f' H4 T' y. R+ a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
( @* t+ ~. r5 \* K! d) {7 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- v- L$ W: \& M
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- [  x1 w" ?# P0 G/ s6 n
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 V  _& ], W  ^4 ?  o& U- ?! d6 U
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% I* D4 R5 R3 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) b& H8 r1 J) w/ S- l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, |5 l( q' |- _> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( ~* I! Y8 {( d4 q) M# u  O> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! C$ {  Z1 {  s> > hour early.2 j) @# c0 i4 ^
> >
; z) ~# ]$ u; b( K' u> > Toilet Use$ N' c+ k: C& q% G
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* ]" H# J5 O, n, j7 y2 K. E
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; T9 x7 A. b6 s0 l) O> > in the cubicles.3 K# N4 R" z$ y1 F( g
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 E+ O. M% Z( R& A8 r" m: A( {> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 M, x5 e/ H$ R, o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& _- y9 a; X9 X! D% D# B1 U3 o$ w
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- `2 T2 s/ b9 S9 s> > posted on the company notice board under the, G6 E+ H1 s5 F8 h4 Z9 U) M6 D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- D) [6 N! E2 F8 T9 r0 ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; w. e! D& t; K$ L6 D! e> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# C8 y5 ^/ I, N3 J> > policy.! ]+ y" U% z+ a; R
> >
2 j' M" l2 E0 h, y+ ]$ G/ S> > Lunch Break
& D( d4 H3 @8 G5 [) M> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* R" U9 r7 ^0 U; ]& U& N
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 I* I$ n6 M8 V" R2 R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 m! U, U! A9 P& n5 V/ @8 S  Z( V% l> > maintain their average figure.
6 b, p9 }* R, H; m# _) G> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" [* d: [+ T8 u" V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ M' E5 e0 E& I. F/ w* w; ^. Y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 u8 e7 [+ I, [/ p3 D; [& j> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ c* y& R- \) E6 m6 o+ _5 r& Z
> > employment experience.
) }2 p1 g  u, h5 P0 a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ f) |. z% s! a9 h4 }7 A
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" m+ u& c" g/ g. S6 e/ p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ i! y7 u" l  m% |. o* E> > directed elsewhere.