HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
- \# I, u8 g3 ~5 Y2 y7 B5 L* J> >                     Effective January 2007
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& N9 s* f, V. s% [3 n6 s> > Dress Code
' x. g& m% q' z  \# W2 ^& }! D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, {# `6 u/ y- p+ S> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 z0 k1 b5 r  K% u" N2 [$ I
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( {+ y" I3 b' b  O/ W: h) e8 ^> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 D; Y& D& F7 X5 B$ m
> > need a pay raise.& a2 `0 x' m/ a
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( [& `6 b7 n0 k) ~
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
# ~: \# k1 V& ^* G5 R/ W4 D> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 Z( v6 N4 z9 C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. Y! _: g- c+ h$ C
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 ^. c: d! \. r> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
0 f3 M, K; g  v( ~8 {7 j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 k, a( G. h* L1 Z) n, I  Y* `> > proof of sickness.0 a: e/ s+ w# }2 R
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% K5 N  p& h1 k5 x; \> > to come to work.
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. T- ]" {( {; R+ I! l# K# b> > Holiday Days
+ m# G, \" V! C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 H( @/ h! U/ m: u. b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave8 t% U9 l) S( U, [2 U) z: k
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( V3 [8 f# \9 h9 H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 d9 ?/ t+ n( c8 i- y2 |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' g4 H2 B/ l) V% d  }> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 T! i2 F( j: d% j3 Q0 Y# Y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 ]: ?, F$ K: D0 y/ M; n3 M, n! d9 v
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ G3 j5 i, ?# y- c0 `/ O
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) k  G* m: y) B- v; z( B7 _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 ^$ S% o4 W% N4 U* X/ u
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
$ M5 W+ V4 t+ _" {$ h6 j, P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 ^/ n% [/ s; j3 V' b2 `- p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# c' ?$ C* h7 Z  R! C; W2 n> > in the cubicles.9 W: R* u) z9 q7 _6 k' a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 [' u" S; O' S
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 r) F+ d8 }5 t0 \6 T. S
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& v4 A2 }8 n& k5 J+ C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. P% V; m9 q2 X3 @' w$ V. O> > posted on the company notice board under the. O5 c; r0 T  d8 }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
% q: w, I/ O2 y2 l0 @! R& M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be( J( V# i, ?9 t* j, V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 W: d& n6 [5 I5 |
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break' ]) q& T% m" ^0 N' T9 Q* N8 q. O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 n- @! G: E$ s* U, W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. Y. U$ }7 T% `& S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; S. C8 h+ m1 Z  s7 _> > maintain their average figure.
* ^! z* b! O0 z+ \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 ^7 g# v7 e1 h. L3 @( C1 V$ R2 Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 p6 V2 C  k, L5 A( C1 L+ |
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, l4 n& z* m* G! i
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 |9 j( d8 r/ C0 [
> > employment experience.
8 l- W& w+ T1 ~% ~! H9 d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 M# H6 Z; H" e4 S, K0 I' X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 }9 Z% |, R* i! z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ L4 J+ g; @& S  q> > directed elsewhere.