HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 K8 `* D6 {' C% ]) Y) f
> >                     Effective January 2007! h# L' E- O* n: W  m& x/ H4 x
> >
7 f% S0 a5 Z7 H1 |" a. o: _> > Dress Code
) x" L3 d1 V' }8 K- d> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 x% h  m) n/ I5 e/ y0 [! g  w0 z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- W& A6 j  t/ J! x! U7 W" j> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 Z$ D4 i8 T5 ~) h
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% V  @& y) q& w% @
> > need a pay raise.% i+ D4 q: _  v
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" H8 ^% A' n! P' y9 T1 L% r' n# r
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 @6 g# X6 t- F% ^) ]! J! O& A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( X3 x$ |; }7 \8 r- r7 D% v5 ?3 b/ w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 N/ @1 ~: ^( l5 Z/ W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* S) a: h/ Z, N
> > raise.
8 J; K, x3 B/ i1 x! \! x, e> >
1 }5 ^% S  y7 r1 M' ~5 T, P5 r> > Sick Days
  {0 z# O. k% w/ B. F3 q- `/ E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. W+ h& x+ P/ h4 }9 J4 a> > proof of sickness.0 o0 a7 U/ e# |) R8 t) Q9 |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( p1 t$ t/ A! o0 H) i> > to come to work.
5 W9 x/ ?; E4 C$ P1 w> ># n$ F7 d* Q( k
> > Holiday Days0 L' k- X; N1 J6 g& m' r! n
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) E! {0 _8 k' g5 s8 \! N
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ u) j) s% a6 R3 ?> >
' Q% M! u, q" s; d1 t( v> > Compassionate Leave
+ g0 J; f7 G* \1 j; u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' e/ k& D2 m; Z$ e$ I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 w6 w1 i- {, y6 i" W4 f' K: Y. ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" w5 [$ p7 K( J; ~2 X( {> > employees attend to the arrangements.. o: Y0 j4 O; R1 V. `" A8 {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. L- m6 A. E: ]; q2 G> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 \' s- R4 }, I& W5 D. h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 O: y8 }* A- n
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 ?1 q: V4 g' m! a; u; t& a> > hour early.# }+ d# d' u( A6 c' k# u% i
> >" h9 K4 F+ M' m6 I/ A; u: a
> > Toilet Use
/ U3 c$ R4 }6 V& P- L9 ]0 U> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# N: e$ A1 k! {8 I: z: }1 x( f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 W4 x" u- [" q# X> > in the cubicles.) B! k  B" Z9 a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! ]1 D& W- d+ L( \8 j: k> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 c) o! f0 g' k: o- I6 c. T1 R
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.1 U1 S, D) h0 g7 h5 Z0 a
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! p3 B& t2 c5 }& [) K5 A4 B* S> > posted on the company notice board under the+ Y/ W3 x" |; o* z3 \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 a( w  w! G8 d7 T6 l, j
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 v3 C4 f6 X, S9 Y* z1 G> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 P$ W2 {1 U7 G$ A- S> > policy.
  G' B& @& ?2 _> >" w1 a$ B$ R. q7 y* o
> > Lunch Break
4 h! X0 a& f; C' \9 ^& J> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ J9 w8 y" t$ ~& t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 Z! ~$ L, ^* \- C& n> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ W  a( w/ S5 {9 v) z
> > maintain their average figure.  g2 q. h: @9 o6 L/ {9 E" J. Z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 n0 R1 y: x5 e/ x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, ^  Y" j: C/ s( {9 {' }: [; O! {> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( ?, M  G" ?5 z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 s# e9 D% v9 u- }, \. x> > employment experience.4 D0 V/ @; L0 C
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 r! g. w4 m  }# t# Y3 S7 W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ s5 e% z! a" s7 x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 `5 e1 Z8 o, X$ {& _( ]
> > directed elsewhere.