HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! y, \* u8 i4 _+ W9 k5 ^7 \. a> >                     Effective January 2007
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( r0 X! R9 {8 h- o4 Q& _> > Dress Code7 k- m8 P, c3 U7 \" H/ P$ B& M
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 d& F( @! N* v1 v# K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 z6 E7 M; _- @1 b8 Q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, w- h/ E7 `( y9 h; l
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# C+ u- ?: R, N9 l! y/ }4 ~! b4 v$ [> > need a pay raise.
' U9 b- x5 D+ {: t" K2 q, C/ W  `' k> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; h4 r4 X( l  F2 o! {0 Y0 T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 |  E, q: w( T5 H- v! k2 k
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
/ {6 [3 T+ X) Z5 e+ ^% I> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% c; z  J& X3 a" C! k8 h. L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 T4 Q2 c, `+ w8 ]> > raise." {8 ^$ `0 n7 G! f; \9 D
> >7 {% v4 N, ^3 P7 O; C
> > Sick Days
3 Y" u2 _- Z; V( O6 X/ G7 L: e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 w  D6 H0 [; f
> > proof of sickness.
/ w* h$ ~, U8 M( C. @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 O0 L- \. g; y8 @2 Y0 `/ Y: o
> > to come to work.& L3 |4 N* S  f* g- T: L. ^. K
> >, h3 g% v8 w$ S) g1 `, ^) g
> > Holiday Days. R/ l/ q8 m# b: J9 s, i  p
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 p4 t0 w1 _: D8 |0 \7 O  m$ q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 t& o1 Y' B  D- p
> >
* I" C, ^9 {) H+ Y# N: C9 \4 j> > Compassionate Leave
' X) y$ Q2 B0 I5 e& V> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: v! Z% g5 p0 Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
5 b# M# q8 t- z  S> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  [4 Y. ]9 ~" ?0 @5 i/ t$ }3 t> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 H6 j# j/ j. c; T: z# n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: |7 u" P1 E- N2 q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. C" z# p# s4 `& W9 C$ l- f> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) }, O! f, M+ |6 v7 E> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ u1 P% H; T9 E( J, O( w# m. e
> > hour early.$ C1 v7 r9 U' U- {, G
> >
. b. f% p; t4 L% G4 H3 z+ F9 H> > Toilet Use
' ^, @( Y2 e: E3 B3 @. p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, u, o% f- e% T, h# J
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% a+ [) Q9 `8 b; ]* n
> > in the cubicles.8 r, j( q' O+ X+ ~/ g; a2 m
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' l; D7 U' K* b0 d# {6 X4 E1 G  G
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. `% ~' ^5 D. F: x( |5 d
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 t4 L$ e! t2 j' y2 C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 _, ?- V% \: o4 v- A+ n4 P> > posted on the company notice board under the
, b. j4 l8 Y) i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& m9 d4 X! ^4 d7 r& b
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' h. |  L. H+ G2 }: y% r) H2 h> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 [1 k$ g2 Y$ U! O> > policy.
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# K/ Q6 {  R" |% m; c; ~> > Lunch Break
% @% Q8 y6 i- a> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( ~2 T, n& \" D4 K> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  o9 A: |, z" f
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# P' x: A* ]- _8 {* V> > maintain their average figure.
; Q, a0 F. x- A' m- d! G! E9 O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% _* N- i8 w/ L/ H3 K4 Q7 t( P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., {, p# Q7 Z: K: f* P" N2 w& k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! g" {; j/ X" F
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 M7 g) F5 W, m2 \8 v. I$ {> > employment experience.( Y. i3 v. z, X4 d  m$ S9 F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# G: j: v0 O% t8 i- I
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ D( e) ?' d8 {  C$ J- f> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
* o$ [8 L7 y3 [> > directed elsewhere.