HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& X( X+ v% H- ^3 g7 e/ A
> >                     Effective January 20072 y: |# O/ v- u$ ?3 D4 `
> >
5 r8 R4 C' w) x0 m2 @> > Dress Code
3 Y* D) p3 @4 c7 c> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* H& ?$ n0 Y! Y) u$ {* ]3 o( j, U
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& m1 u( k6 F3 T" P. @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 Y; k4 f  o% Z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  ~, [) v4 J# J4 M> > need a pay raise., G( v  K8 H1 ~1 J7 d" k. m- I
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 T* p6 c4 y4 l' U7 `+ @! `$ A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. @; x% K( X1 D1 P
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 m& O- U( W  ^, @- C( w, K( j$ g! N
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! {8 N2 u: U  w% H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 t1 k7 l2 `9 W3 I: i! b# L> > raise.; d, C0 d) S0 i8 [  d- E
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> > Sick Days
. J$ F' c- |' ?! A3 t> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' v8 s1 {/ h! E+ T+ R; \- u5 Y> > proof of sickness.
* U/ j/ v1 L1 e" ?$ \: [& Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 ~4 Y. P4 L, {) h> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days: ]. A0 {7 S( n2 [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ W0 z: l* [  W6 s0 I! p$ v> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., K$ h2 i, s4 U1 \0 @$ }4 ^
> >
( s" Q' O+ G- A; ]/ U6 I> > Compassionate Leave
/ d4 Y% ^. f8 f: K* W+ S; e0 d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 ]3 h, _8 K" R8 E% b# x3 d> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: h4 P/ h. Q2 h3 |/ r  T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, N4 W" t( }6 E4 d/ r- v) B
> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 u; V6 K; g$ W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& j5 y5 e8 u; N6 b" t! Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ e/ ?* J& V1 O* \# N! }4 X- Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; g, G1 X( f! |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  G! O1 z% z! |" P% p! j3 L> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
  K1 a# S9 O/ T; j" e/ v( x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 g$ a$ @) P! E8 p2 A1 m> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 _  N7 H. z; t; |> > in the cubicles.  J# v2 \7 V2 @0 t! r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ l6 a) i, v3 k* U# o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 K# |( E- o- c. m. T> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ E, Y" ]  e! E' T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 G4 C6 r) Q+ b  i% F& n, r& Q7 Y. \
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) f9 z. M, V9 C) B8 ]/ _> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 M; X% }" i/ s. G0 e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ f) c6 o' d" x% ?% F
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 {% c! Q1 V3 D  s5 H7 {# C
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
6 F* i  D/ j" H3 Q5 f# K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- L+ O# L, m* z9 m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 \( a4 o) Y6 H, F0 A2 E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& f' ^& @2 ^* e0 `! y# g
> > maintain their average figure.
- e% L8 w9 X/ T3 o5 M) `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
) e* J( @' Q1 X1 S4 p9 N9 F> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, q8 m9 ?6 {) Y* y8 t  D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 g; r4 h4 f. @" ~% q7 [" Q( f, j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 H) w- `/ p7 V
> > employment experience.) V5 _' _+ U2 {9 [0 r2 |7 l5 V) h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 _8 O, J; {: w& Z> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' K5 W" a5 A! |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 W+ R# L0 l7 V4 G; C* ?> > directed elsewhere.