To all Employees: ' }" ]$ u2 T" T& S> > Effective January 2007$ g3 ~4 i9 j; K; A3 U3 g
> > 9 ?" o1 u: d( m* h' ^. W% U# p, Y> > Dress Code , e2 E" a8 z) ^ N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: Q9 j. V- \ s" D5 V9 p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ; ?: w# h- k! w8 N% e, J> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 {2 h- x6 {7 E7 J: b
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ' y& F' ~9 j1 K- G+ u8 R W> > need a pay raise.: ^* k7 X/ b. ?1 M* M
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& }9 y5 A' ?5 J# W0 P- B5 S' X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer $ E5 z: s% k K: b* V! G> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. & s9 L% X, @; K' k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you ) \8 N% I0 i& Z( j7 o# j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay , C ~) v; d C0 m( b5 Y- W. \% \> > raise. $ a7 m8 R. ~; Q Z- W9 d* g. P$ ~& j> > Q. Z- N( u J4 c" e
> > Sick Days: f8 }8 k2 l2 m: C0 e! q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" ] p$ F% W: o. U N v3 d
> > proof of sickness. 3 ]& [- Z- O: ~) G> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able ! E0 M/ f2 h. A* ~/ _( `6 G4 J: C> > to come to work.: F' V( M" C; A$ X4 m& x
> >* Z# }) e& E1 i4 U( W4 n4 \! m
> > Holiday Days' y1 F1 Y# j# X; t$ x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ |! F( G) i; a/ A9 U* O5 g
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.9 b9 {- M' z+ a; A2 B: ~- f
> >; k# Z8 F+ Y* ?( h. d: F
> > Compassionate Leave ( W7 H8 _+ `$ ?! O+ H> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 ^. s0 P3 k/ k# o: G6 I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- / |8 d6 y: F$ \9 S) m3 ~+ `3 G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ! p* d+ [; E5 o( i$ @% I7 w' @> > employees attend to the arrangements. 4 W# B2 a; A Z+ g3 Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 o- ~) e5 T4 B4 U1 u* r
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& F) w$ ^. F+ C; R2 h; A& p
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work , \, J. a; `5 K& s! `0 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one % `3 O) ?: `! m, P- b! y> > hour early. # w+ c- K; u5 h4 u1 ]> >+ r0 i+ K1 \8 e1 N5 t$ Z& R9 p
> > Toilet Use [$ C' U7 q4 p$ e+ w c+ F/ I> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 e2 |. W% X8 y/ s/ W
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit . r& k$ f9 T# M1 p. p5 i> > in the cubicles.+ S6 {) q7 y; Q' g$ s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) f% n9 E+ O, l
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ i1 ~6 |; @; M% M: ~+ _# W
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 j1 o9 k3 c8 u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" {1 b {+ [9 s- F
> > posted on the company notice board under the( p, \' ]- J" H7 r) ?
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- @$ Y' t+ T- r+ u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 F2 Z8 t/ Z6 v% ~$ t. Z/ o; }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 B0 K6 n+ i% V" V5 q; d
> > policy.5 ]& h- q" m! M8 ^
> ># r) O: b1 Y& N; o2 Z' Z
> > Lunch Break ( |+ J9 Y% w/ u- R, R# F% O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, P3 Y0 [7 L7 f) K
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- F" T( }* w$ s* H$ k$ H7 A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to / e8 G! L; }$ K, t8 O& l1 i> > maintain their average figure.0 [! {* t& X, w( r; E! N3 u! y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ H& B& G6 }" Y/ Y9 I$ h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. % u4 x: M+ b9 n2 ?7 x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are 5 b5 `- X# N( H+ j9 q/ Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 4 G6 y" _$ X9 ^/ R> > employment experience. \7 S, a9 L7 u) V0 D> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, * i" R( u4 Q0 N, m> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 H* `, c D, W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 2 I) M- o# _# X$ P4 i% a8 G> > directed elsewhere.
