To all Employees:5 |& V" `. g' Z" X
> > Effective January 2007; ~$ J/ J; X& A, B
> > 3 n a, x" J4 J- ]' G> > Dress Code 1 U: F, K0 U2 Q1 r4 R- I0 _> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 n- Q: P' {! }5 C" l) p6 o
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing * t. u6 T2 T7 i' I8 L: e> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume / |- Y* E ^* {> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 ?! N" ^/ d% E3 \! [( m6 w
> > need a pay raise.! M7 v! f5 H% }9 K d! J6 R
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" I1 J; G& [0 E" r$ D2 F2 Z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer " H) y- f7 K( ~8 b> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. ! r. R2 i& q) P6 k7 D! ?' Z% y: X> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# q$ |4 @/ O$ \$ l) u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay - j: A: n; g/ y. ^" \0 O. G> > raise. a8 V, S+ D+ T
> >) v) D, B, ]$ b$ f! ~( `4 V
> > Sick Days 4 K. \9 c3 |5 o& N' @% W. @/ e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- L1 k- @' h* R0 _, [8 W# c6 _" f
> > proof of sickness.4 F/ W) r/ e, d9 Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 0 R! ?0 s' O( K5 z" I> > to come to work. 2 T' k% z3 ?" O! Q> > & u$ @& e8 l. S6 v0 N> > Holiday Days h* p# V9 |4 c0 x& i/ U: W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a * z h* p) \& g: e! r; u2 M> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: o% P/ M0 g& ? A% D
> > 2 q( H' u( D4 z) @> > Compassionate Leave 4 F* z5 } K% q5 y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 9 I- O# D l& Z8 q: \* h2 b7 d7 w: ^> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ O0 v: g/ k# t6 b0 U
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- \7 w2 c5 C1 N: i4 |, ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements. 0 u' `% ~1 q7 y: Y! }3 a6 R& t2 n> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: L: K; J L {, ^
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the & ]+ \0 ]0 D' h8 t; F' n> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work ( X4 Z2 m6 ]3 B; a3 N> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one . d N2 [$ ~' a& b! q1 _: S> > hour early. ' i' P. H# r' }5 ~1 i> > + \3 b; _! m% y. [> > Toilet Use ; n8 w& H) Z: v/ m# z' @ s0 Z8 i> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 c: w' ^ V% H% r# k% D: G( w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 Z' A2 L; q8 E0 o( `
> > in the cubicles.$ v2 O- s' s8 [: ~/ F; Y- b
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will " o: t5 f1 q2 t. |> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# i9 I' j7 @. L# g5 t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 9 k) x+ Q' ~ B9 i7 _$ a/ G5 d4 d$ c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ |. V; M5 H4 `) r
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ Y7 j) g7 e0 E, G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. " Q! C! c/ @7 I7 V. s. f> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 r; I( e0 ^) E: i( E' u; Y- f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health ; F5 b% ^2 ?, S& h! Y. ]% a% ]> > policy. 3 `/ `! D: i9 p% p8 B8 Y> > 3 f( T( E! K7 `' t' W {, E> > Lunch Break 7 P% }9 i( H0 J8 _1 J> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they : a5 _# Y8 c" U7 d; v> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. f2 l; z1 ~! u
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 9 I# A" }5 v2 p \6 \> > maintain their average figure. ; E+ ^. X; [) T> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 1 L( i( ?7 ?6 H2 h1 |; u# M> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 O* T0 X3 n. |/ X) c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are : r: e8 q5 [9 n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 Y T% \6 a" \: V% T
> > employment experience.4 M: W7 K' r4 C9 g4 B" p9 o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ S% C% C0 X! y: e: f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, * x2 W$ K9 a! R! Z% m7 `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ T, h" `( t7 r8 A. a) {
> > directed elsewhere.
