To all Employees: # y" W. W' ~5 B4 ]! f7 M7 D> > Effective January 2007 ) [7 x4 h3 `+ R9 S; M> > * ~6 O; [" x" r> > Dress Code . b0 x6 L( ?) a. F> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* A7 E* _% w1 i9 W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ d6 f" y# B0 Y. |
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume * {# m. ~% q3 s1 P1 |- b# C> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 2 P) k9 M- h: F/ d> > need a pay raise. y6 B1 S! B$ I% |0 P> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 ` F( G' }/ H) k! C6 F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 0 [; d5 {! S7 a: j' N6 S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. % p# W2 P7 @7 O$ m! }; i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 } N o% @& z/ K- G
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! S8 B1 \ {2 F, J n
> > raise.7 D2 o/ f8 E; _! o: U4 `
> > . \5 D2 ^! J. G& X8 S* z> > Sick Days ( s8 A5 ?/ @: S, h+ R> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) M/ I2 x3 U c1 A
> > proof of sickness. ~4 |. B9 Z$ ]4 k' `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able - M0 x) K* O) k! Y> > to come to work.; W, ^- F1 f7 ^0 p- \
> > 9 U# w$ J0 J2 q8 H8 g, }> > Holiday Days 2 K* q1 C/ Q( B( j> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ z* S% M/ |3 i- J- C; F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 \( a! l' s& ?% o8 C0 Z, V
> > ; E% k+ e( F3 ^$ C( k, C4 b6 n> > Compassionate Leave9 |. ^$ s/ g1 x; o7 h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 k3 L( w8 e* D9 }$ } \& m2 ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- ( d5 B" ]2 X2 }3 t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 8 e- ~5 Z9 G7 ]/ o> > employees attend to the arrangements. + s0 G9 p7 h m4 ]- F+ I> > In rare cases where employee involvement is - F& ^* b0 t' @, Q- y, [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 B7 e# Y# B$ m# X
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# \# U1 o6 Z. d }& s( x6 l: O
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 e. y4 b1 L$ T* _2 N
> > hour early. ) q' v6 y/ f( e) ^> > 9 M$ }* H/ F3 s> > Toilet Use& h# i: {% k f2 z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the , W% U: ~8 W2 w# D4 ~. L> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit # @) C( z6 F R+ T, E U> > in the cubicles. g8 \5 H3 L% d. o0 a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: Y4 V, I3 u- }6 k+ ]4 {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- L5 R( B( n/ b
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. # Y4 O7 J4 v$ Z' o) W> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be % k C0 d A g> > posted on the company notice board under the, l# Z: m' D* B. e2 [- X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' e8 Q; B3 o4 D
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# ?8 j# k5 k! G. u% ?8 v# B8 s
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health + @ L% L0 g. D! @1 y" m> > policy. 8 l) w, p) z/ I7 Z) g/ f8 d> > " ?3 |2 z6 z+ B& G8 g t> > Lunch Break , ^) _7 h" A# h: W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 t5 z: [7 o& r% P" e, E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.7 o# T2 R+ @9 w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to * Y. H1 q' v5 V8 D' t$ y> > maintain their average figure.+ ^4 E2 b, h% ?
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time ( M* F) z' ]) d* E> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. % m p/ t- W+ H# O" E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 V- q5 A. F/ Q0 e2 x, s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 0 w1 s% Q" V+ B0 E& d> > employment experience." p; i0 ~# Q/ P8 _ l0 {
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," P# @) Z6 J, r9 H' _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ! ]1 g1 F( ~+ D3 q6 k% ?> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ v/ m$ T: y; S0 C
> > directed elsewhere.
