To all Employees: % V( C" D8 H, }; y, a. j> > Effective January 2007/ v& ?: T; x1 k4 t
> > : V$ R% ~$ U' U> > Dress Code: l8 P. L; v8 r; a. ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 6 k# @' W' N9 |/ c, k1 `) M! z, ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ( N4 S8 U3 g/ X1 o9 e& E( ~> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" {/ G3 y4 \, f% ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 0 T9 }: M, M1 L$ K6 V% @9 m> > need a pay raise. " }: q9 u1 v' {; U> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage ) l: {# r1 M" r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& H9 O7 |3 W3 \" }
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.# `4 N2 N0 @3 k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. p! o0 b1 [+ b z9 y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 7 |' a4 l* p0 c8 V8 ]. X4 y8 u& |> > raise. 0 `0 f8 s* h7 K; m> >+ U. \* u: k! S! P' o" I* l$ c
> > Sick Days 0 w& N4 `) L5 j c$ `> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as / C, o5 T, z# `( y( ?' S> > proof of sickness.0 k# Z9 L) R& G/ t* z4 e3 l
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& v% w& ]' @7 ?9 k) G$ M' _# |
> > to come to work. 3 m% ^ ~' p3 f9 J, o2 Q/ G. t> >' ?7 y0 O8 E5 z' l
> > Holiday Days$ e4 k3 X3 t6 ~/ |% {$ R+ v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 2 R( g/ W- S- k+ N: S' Q4 V$ m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 ^2 Y3 F1 C; q* H5 ]
> > " }) Y" o U. w: I3 w) O> > Compassionate Leave8 U5 P3 r6 p ^8 I1 n6 h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing % W1 k; N$ m" m+ Y7 q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- ! m: W( C* E6 `* I+ l* u: e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 0 \ G: m8 N) i2 F> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 T* c$ T, b5 A3 ?9 k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 5 t3 J' m' Z; N# G' O* f> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( g9 ~- z( x1 _3 t& z( b# U. j- m
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# X! W# Y& E! W% h" Z9 o A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one I: o+ P9 ^; Q( _7 r> > hour early.9 }/ f4 B8 k' p4 H
> >6 `* V3 L( t# j! F0 O6 w
> > Toilet Use3 Z+ h/ B5 w O) o$ C) d
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the - n' s. @& s# B5 s3 A# F# w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit ; [4 R+ c: J. }; [; O1 D> > in the cubicles.' I/ u. D4 L% t8 d- C
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 c6 b9 u: t5 F8 M8 j
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle # [* ?. t, W+ M! A* `* ~> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., w2 b( M9 a* t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be # j7 f d3 ^4 W> > posted on the company notice board under the 3 u6 V4 n* N: L# Z- e> > "Chronic Offenders" category. / A" \% X6 l. l2 m) w. `6 D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 G* p- j! L! X: N. W
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health , k" n Q/ |2 F; H> > policy. 0 j' [2 {' d6 o! [> >6 x7 H1 n; F7 s
> > Lunch Break$ \' j+ a$ J6 P1 `' z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( d( T9 N9 r0 z6 T
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. - U* T! y5 |( M- F7 T3 {$ R1 o% \> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to - k5 N% e; o6 q! N> > maintain their average figure.- K, U6 }0 J( o; X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# r8 w1 Q! z4 x! r5 C2 X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. : t% |# `& _2 @1 g) ]> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- ?9 N* I4 |7 [2 o4 y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive ' o7 o( [2 d1 _! [> > employment experience.& F, j3 s$ {* D1 W5 u/ F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 1 h/ t" v! \ T8 i4 B4 q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, : ^7 ]5 b' c" U$ R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 B& e! s1 C$ x# q
> > directed elsewhere.
