To all Employees:0 V9 N$ }% Y0 u) ^0 Z
> > Effective January 20074 B9 \6 u( V& V9 e+ ^" W( y$ y
> > & U$ ]3 a4 z4 ^4 P' G> > Dress Code& l7 x5 C( b6 Q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! E" J, C- U3 L/ \ u% Y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ! p: v9 V9 {4 Y( h& _7 S. i+ L% S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- G" u# [* I0 p8 S: a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 2 B! J% @: S% F% L& E6 e> > need a pay raise. 8 j4 ^' i I& n$ E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage ( T. p, `% C1 H8 L' ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer & o9 I5 b8 ^6 O# q, _, b> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 z1 |% i4 B' ~- j/ o# n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, o# p& n+ R B. k& ` P8 N" @
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay , W' A- f- q0 K# a> > raise. ( d- N* k- N( }, k( @> >$ f0 j3 h& n- O. ]! @
> > Sick Days h" l. y5 v3 F; a0 H2 y. j8 I" E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 5 q3 K- C( y$ N5 w4 x> > proof of sickness. : z5 s0 ?; I. R2 S7 X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! ] Z- t/ H$ _% ^) Y
> > to come to work. ) v% \4 n" k8 T( L7 Q> > 0 p X }; K/ R% h% A5 W> > Holiday Days y6 w$ I; L- K2 {2 j; P3 L" P> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a , [, a0 p+ o( Q) D! P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. , s* c1 x4 A5 R8 O( T/ `- u7 U> >4 E4 v, l, g4 B, n: \2 K
> > Compassionate Leave4 r1 n% |- c: x
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ' C6 d, A7 d! d2 Y* j- g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 3 `& D8 k' D& p" G+ } r. j2 E9 f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- H+ P& m3 W, Y, d9 X
> > employees attend to the arrangements. / c7 ]: n5 j6 x. j7 R+ G" j @+ o> > In rare cases where employee involvement is % A1 ]3 k' ?' t/ x$ H> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 N5 m6 T; Y: w/ `! o8 l+ H
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work 5 F" E9 \8 e" r7 _: m% F> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 4 }" P, n |5 |: S> > hour early.; K3 u3 i( v1 {5 i( D( W
> > : M7 B5 a$ h/ X0 M> > Toilet Use ) E: P% C* W) O% f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' J% M' ~6 F1 S( V: z3 V
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit . T; V2 Z, e+ v4 x> > in the cubicles. ; {1 X; K- P$ ?; t6 d6 b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will - }% C& g( i ^! `: L> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. x' f# n# [9 }( L
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. , ~ {6 D" x5 w+ z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 6 }) A+ U! ^- }> > posted on the company notice board under the2 X* X! B. F; f) e; _( i
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 G- D" h: M; p3 D! a) C% t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ; K# {* _" ]# o7 B e> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 ]- i5 P: v. `1 T B! l3 A
> > policy. ) V5 y2 t8 g) ]> > + D+ u5 u' ~6 @' J2 c% `- D6 y( H( V> > Lunch Break2 w9 s. i+ d" Y2 b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they " t* ]! \6 s! s> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 A: q4 x8 S: N7 A3 x- z/ T
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 B' b9 Y0 n1 x
> > maintain their average figure.( H4 Y* T0 }+ v$ c+ m0 ?; y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( j$ s6 {3 ]& O, s; }( |
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 7 O# F) p& [" w* T> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 D3 a, A e& Q% Z( A
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive V' |* c* D) T3 X* L% O> > employment experience. 3 V0 Z1 Q. K& ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, ) k N: b% K% |! F: X- t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ Z* J# a' e7 Z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 V2 U4 r* R+ t: X+ H5 c: q: N
> > directed elsewhere.
