To all Employees:7 d0 o3 o8 u9 \7 e- C
> > Effective January 2007* z/ t+ j# L0 K9 R0 U8 |( g
> > f; o" h9 n4 H
> > Dress Code ( i) m$ Y7 d4 L. d( z' \3 `9 Y7 M> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed # r, z8 m; V( q8 x/ x, @% b& m4 Q8 q9 t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing + h, ~. V; ]* F) s" M> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume " B" C6 }+ n1 U9 k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 5 k: Y$ s9 G6 Z& ]> > need a pay raise.6 S M: P% P4 O/ _3 {: ?0 O% e c
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage $ q/ P& I- `& I> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ' k- X4 i, K) |5 D> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. * P6 o$ E1 {5 Z0 V1 n3 O2 x# E# }$ y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you % n5 W8 K& l! c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 E- J) i0 e1 q
> > raise. , _. H/ h, B1 q4 k/ X& o8 x> >/ O0 Z& }2 `% F, T
> > Sick Days ( ?1 i7 T$ I; @4 F' @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* y3 e% j0 H0 k/ J' K( a1 c
> > proof of sickness.; O! [! B( \) R1 E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 4 h. J6 `5 e7 k0 W3 ~* O4 b7 w0 R> > to come to work.0 @& ~$ A3 V8 K5 m
> > 3 d2 n7 c% K/ Z4 q8 ^/ Z. w> > Holiday Days- ^$ S2 `! w3 A7 v. E# v* A
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a , |4 C2 x7 s" l) Q! k6 m! c g: j> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* ^7 }. ?- V% ~, s3 v. G4 C
> >( ]" @7 x y8 }6 t* _# e# T* G
> > Compassionate Leave( |, \$ E9 b* u; I7 S2 G
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 9 R2 t' A: y7 \, j> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- * ]' r9 h8 u" S4 e( V> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 G) D; U1 C# l4 C8 }
> > employees attend to the arrangements. 9 i# x5 |& {- H8 G: U6 n> > In rare cases where employee involvement is - `' n7 v' t7 Q+ p6 k; I# y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) U! A/ r, z$ ^! x
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 j/ w2 ?& h: ?0 u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 2 t1 S" R& M6 ~. m> > hour early. , E/ g X R: N s* {( A1 ]> > - q. { b. Y0 ~3 k' }6 u5 o> > Toilet Use ( k4 T' n' K, ?% F' M. g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 f( U/ ]: M. I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 B& \$ g- l0 Z# c* v8 e
> > in the cubicles. 3 u$ e- U& L1 m6 b3 I) r% }# K> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 Y {0 D; M- L) }5 D
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle * f5 ^' l: R6 f- O2 A- @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 {' ?1 \4 O. n+ H h
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be & M. b L6 T" F |8 F" [7 }3 g> > posted on the company notice board under the% p9 x- {0 O9 |/ m/ b0 }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* ?& Z' R9 Y( A8 X
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 z2 L7 h, s" p) {: A, T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 r W: s6 Y8 j& q0 ^
> > policy.: |6 e, Y# {7 p6 P. C) |8 |) y! s
> >4 d8 b1 Z: u+ i" `, d+ C
> > Lunch Break: U$ t4 |# t8 a0 r$ @7 T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ; m1 c# `+ L: T% \) ~6 ?- P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. . Q2 |* L; ]& a) T5 ` t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to : \8 ~3 E+ W' P( K" j) W7 l> > maintain their average figure.0 I* s; @: ?5 ~8 ]5 k/ k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 9 k5 e/ J r- u% U0 S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. , }) q7 V+ n. _5 B) D$ N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, U! }3 ^7 |1 |9 O
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ F( H% }1 d2 i# }4 Q2 _
> > employment experience. ! }# ^5 E' M, m' Q- O/ v1 |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 5 l( S7 Z- I; ?) M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ z/ `% x, K* O9 @0 p( ]
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( v% w! D. [4 ^1 |, {0 u5 w/ q
> > directed elsewhere.
