To all Employees: " B# p* z* n. `( e8 t> > Effective January 2007 2 Y' |/ e+ }) L/ j0 p. z: h> > 7 R, a) N8 {- X. U2 h3 S9 c/ n. |> > Dress Code0 I- T. h5 C% b' c% j9 ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# y; r8 O+ X3 }2 G5 M; G
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, F9 e/ g! S. r% W$ o) w4 v
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 o7 J4 @' |; E* q
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not z4 @2 D: e0 V
> > need a pay raise.6 _7 S9 |4 y$ {2 g' Z' n# \, H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, W( m8 |5 ?" G& q+ d- z3 x# R6 A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; H9 m& N& @9 b5 t, e
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. ! u+ U$ Y+ C0 |9 Y k- P" L7 L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 x8 U5 A% V" B7 }( K1 _1 u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay & {$ C+ ~/ ?1 b8 W6 ?> > raise.8 Y4 G% H/ T, c( a4 O# V A
> >7 k; L5 s5 P a
> > Sick Days ) C" f6 e z0 M0 y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 2 g5 B9 \1 _ ^2 s: b3 H- r> > proof of sickness.' q6 q% U: s3 Y- {7 } Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* I, O3 S \. V( x( D& P
> > to come to work. . D) d+ ]/ Z1 m, x) J> >* o0 _4 u7 b$ U: H9 `
> > Holiday Days . ]$ N) @ o3 A6 j& ~7 A+ o( U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# s' D; Z" M8 L2 j0 J
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. & L1 o( G& J; G% [+ E8 V3 K! n> > % K5 F0 X. x) @7 x& }' }) d$ O: l> > Compassionate Leave0 z I/ `3 I- {2 S, O) }; d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing + H6 a k; u3 O2 \0 t* N: ?6 v> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 ^3 v+ h( R5 L4 n2 H9 S9 q$ T
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 c- B; { Z+ D3 a/ _: i( x1 d
> > employees attend to the arrangements. # j% x1 o* V# x: ^> > In rare cases where employee involvement is - L3 H8 b! V" t> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' d' h0 G! v6 P8 b+ c& o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" \2 g+ c" F% [( _1 S* p+ M3 ^* H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 7 D5 b# m; n2 H) M# y> > hour early.2 w# P. }: t9 ]$ } \. k
> > ( E- R c0 _; r, h; m$ D1 `# R> > Toilet Use1 M( y; r3 i/ L6 B0 K( T9 w
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 4 N7 O& e+ g! M8 N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 1 ]; _7 v7 h# w; B3 G& v; y> > in the cubicles. % }3 e( l, c) c" s9 d> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will % M9 I6 w1 q1 U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle 1 y6 E: t+ o l> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 0 K1 t( w! c0 _3 `( c5 ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be , y+ F3 N: c( r, }+ p> > posted on the company notice board under the ' l* C3 x5 u: c> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( N1 `- v+ f& T: O4 D
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) J) S: G d: r! k5 e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* J7 j. z3 O8 C6 M+ Z
> > policy. & |/ U/ {, |; |. d; e> > 2 D0 w$ t; U' y( Z" V7 p& w( G e$ g> > Lunch Break + i& T. X1 R: F) ~3 |" _. J* K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 3 V" L& h. W$ `0 V6 f1 l0 w> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 4 H2 u: c3 w8 H, k+ ? T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! K0 a9 ^$ f4 M, |
> > maintain their average figure./ S4 J. \5 {, b
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time b+ e/ h1 Q5 P9 w9 h/ `
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. * n! `: I& \4 I* P& P6 [0 N( J; Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are 4 c* T. e% V* @: a9 Y' a' \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive ' b# ^' f/ E6 G3 m# h, J> > employment experience.4 R9 |3 R: S1 R0 r+ X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 G/ V- }9 ~/ |7 U1 g0 R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 5 q; n( V! S$ ]7 @6 M& L# p' g> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ g+ F$ _3 N$ ? c4 U* I
> > directed elsewhere.
