HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: m) `( D; Z5 x! k# ?6 J
> >                     Effective January 2007: `3 z( Y7 f9 a2 Z' M
> >
9 @% f) S  p& p0 G7 W' p> > Dress Code
4 {6 K0 t% p7 l) T( v6 L& x> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 s1 Y5 x% A: l1 N5 ^. y5 _1 E" s7 l" D> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 y# o$ x. p$ g( o1 z  a
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) J4 h9 m. J+ V) j. [( F/ v0 h. E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" M" J9 J+ W8 z+ {' A$ U7 ?/ c> > need a pay raise.
4 p0 C  f2 s9 q* @! f- V1 e$ M2 P> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 H6 @" z+ C* U0 i: f, R1 o& K+ I) G
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" y$ f9 T9 h! `  }. e6 s! f. Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# }1 W& @8 f) B; t* c& y$ p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. Y+ I( D* x8 z& z% b( T2 t' T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  s: C5 l. s+ i# J0 s, D; E> > raise.( U. C. M  Q' \
> >
* F; `8 M2 k- A> > Sick Days4 e$ H: v) \$ b; B) a! P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" }+ n+ z  |6 u/ _8 K
> > proof of sickness.) r3 J2 {" h1 X% A2 i: e5 j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. D1 ]( p  T, ~; B2 O# c4 E" q
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days6 ]- A/ L" ]6 J: N, _$ [# x. K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) s& o; b8 o6 F4 e6 {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
8 U; K  Z! w6 j% T> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ f6 _& [: f6 p/ Y& h, V' b> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 R9 c6 F* h( \3 l3 u5 R" X
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 q$ ?" d- p2 o2 |0 e/ m8 ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  _8 k4 i1 f# H> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& N7 p( c" `, F/ a* G5 g( `
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, K5 `$ W) L, x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# ]5 Z9 b$ x; h* h1 D5 D: S( {8 k7 p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& m2 N4 A6 M! ^# @5 W( z
> > hour early.1 |7 ^* `2 c4 O; ]" i1 g/ _
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> > Toilet Use
( f5 u$ Z% ?6 v! g9 q' d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 U) \+ g, x2 x4 N3 b5 v7 |9 p5 H> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( Z6 A7 \% ?& p2 Y
> > in the cubicles.1 I3 t; O- h% c
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ s+ L+ H, D4 E- l8 ^: v+ P5 d9 E
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; `2 b' x# C$ w" A> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ E8 @9 d( h3 P1 q4 b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( I( J) T) Y+ _1 h$ T
> > posted on the company notice board under the
" s3 R7 p. E* q, k* d> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 @, @# O) @- K0 j# l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, N4 v: o9 S; W" _$ C8 D; |# ~$ s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 H, u8 Q4 p" Q* [* W: o- S  c
> > policy.1 \, q2 s3 q* S4 P& @5 X9 J8 j* o: k
> >
# T' h' C7 d& N% r/ o1 d# I> > Lunch Break' Z* Z- L% D5 [
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% K7 @5 j& U  T3 g8 H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 V6 r( F3 S$ W4 g' h9 s> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ U( l. }& u% t% f: d
> > maintain their average figure.
/ o- ], Y7 f0 u! n: O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( O7 L; j) ]  S8 _' M
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. o6 A2 P8 s" s, X7 u6 ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, S7 \  ^& J1 P6 \2 ]8 s: p> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, p. J9 _+ D9 a$ p$ Q. x
> > employment experience.1 I( `& P' I; F" k" h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 D. {1 b7 A* U5 |6 c> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," T, i) c) T" {6 B% q2 _
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* u- O; F6 ?9 g" z
> > directed elsewhere.