HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. j; P! ^2 O/ c! K5 \3 m! p
> >                     Effective January 2007" c/ g# o; a" I9 E+ z; Z
> >1 @2 y" ~5 f$ c% v8 b  [
> > Dress Code
! Q8 j/ c" w' C. ^9 U, f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 c: S* \! V( S, u" D5 J
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 E. _) |# V/ J8 b# c5 ~( \) k" n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- I/ ^3 f5 Q5 w2 ]> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 u; [: @/ V& t7 P) e8 c3 [> > need a pay raise.
6 E) g- B5 o1 |9 ]> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' G6 s# D! F! W( I; }& l> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' c. Q8 S* z8 z/ T* J
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." W$ [  O  k/ g" M9 G& n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( ]3 b  ~, t0 V) H2 B" s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 [* k' _" E7 ~8 i+ A7 r" `> > raise.- E( |. N% B1 I; v, A( Z
> >  @$ k' J5 D0 K0 d; o' b1 o
> > Sick Days+ l1 {" n( t- f
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  A' F. N) R3 d7 b
> > proof of sickness.2 ?; b: r4 i& c9 M0 d& e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 Z5 h8 n! g  u7 Q> > to come to work.
& y% g4 m3 l6 I5 X. T> >
7 ^! X! C" c  z, D( q9 Z> > Holiday Days+ C3 w4 [1 g) t2 m4 t
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ t/ `9 Z% M) j! a  ~1 `: n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 k4 Z, Z! _0 q$ P, U7 p7 m. ]9 L# _
> >, J# S6 T9 \! X% ]% d/ L3 m4 ?
> > Compassionate Leave7 V0 ^* ~/ T1 @2 R6 |, t
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ v% t, O) k- q$ @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 q" W8 V7 U* P7 Y+ b5 d5 ~3 b> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  J9 P/ n: c3 \8 ~2 N/ J> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 w* z( }1 v/ p
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 V% x6 G: [  ?8 H1 [; D7 w" a> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" \4 A  ~) h& h# H# X. l9 W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- w. i- M% S0 t- b+ C5 r/ a1 Z. o> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& r0 j/ ~. b5 g4 B: X; _8 n
> > hour early.3 K5 _, j8 P8 R: I7 X" b9 h
> >9 v% _; K; A# Q1 y7 a  J
> > Toilet Use( _  k# }# w& ]1 j) I9 Z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 P5 r, U# D4 J> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! W! Z# t/ d- H4 x1 z! i> > in the cubicles.
( U9 L' J* j: j> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& S3 U" G; U2 r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# y7 ]; I8 [3 g' q9 S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 H# R7 S" r4 Z7 p9 \* X& p> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 m6 L6 N4 y  {8 C
> > posted on the company notice board under the# N5 C- i, t: U5 J3 Q( T. P! X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 O2 _- L2 w. ?# h8 j
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  b, ^* \; D7 I- s4 c
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" Q4 M' |: _( L% Y/ r/ E, }> > policy.! Q; I# x- _5 d+ H) w, u( q
> >. _7 I+ I( w3 L9 C$ _6 l
> > Lunch Break/ Z5 [5 r; t' g( E$ z" H% `
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ M6 A7 k9 K) o% _  b* i0 i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 f8 ?. m  T( C$ ^+ O5 _8 b' Z/ c
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 L  n% m( S, F  i# q$ M> > maintain their average figure.
2 Z9 T3 p2 V4 R6 s& D9 t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ h7 B- j9 ~4 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., j% E8 s% g  |2 a/ K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- y7 s$ T; Q, _) w9 L  ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, `( q/ r( `" y" T. Y) H
> > employment experience.
8 X$ _  B- q7 S# S0 a, [> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 k5 M/ O; O5 K' @6 p# \. T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 Z4 w7 X% U2 ]- m7 @0 c7 i5 S
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 }$ d1 h; [( }
> > directed elsewhere.