HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! B! I% ]8 G1 Y! o( f+ g2 M
> >                     Effective January 2007
2 F% L; A; c$ h. [- w4 I> >3 U5 x+ W( ?' V9 l4 |* \8 n
> > Dress Code
2 W- h, P+ T. l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# ~! C, f0 ?+ s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 X: R" ]) c4 d8 A  \. @3 z3 |> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 V7 m% z$ T5 T1 p
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& F  n  a! E3 o+ E2 w6 |- @7 b
> > need a pay raise.
$ n# d* _. _% V0 `' F! W* F> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# x- q+ J' Y* b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* _+ `9 M2 J. O. T> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 O& J0 \) R9 d1 W9 T8 o
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ I: e8 D  L+ ?7 Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; b, V& \; t. P0 Q+ F> > raise.7 _6 @  R' T$ p
> >
4 m& a: r# X9 P: i0 e+ H: J> > Sick Days
6 q0 _  X# R! ]# x8 W+ S, C4 P2 ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 v$ k/ E3 e' b0 d> > proof of sickness.' ^2 _; t4 b6 T2 I
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ q0 h: b- ~  }' M1 M
> > to come to work.( U. ^7 D, O6 p* e: G4 Z
> >
! [: Y+ ?: J+ g> > Holiday Days
& ~. n  }8 V1 y- F3 D& Z( {> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 u; K: z1 G2 E8 v) C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# C8 I0 u- j' C$ p* m/ K$ c1 {> >
8 K) C3 Q1 L) A! @3 T% R( J  a5 e> > Compassionate Leave0 \7 v! P8 A7 |6 k8 f$ [
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% ~1 a8 g& y; z8 E' _; y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 H* A" K2 V$ e% {> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' h- \: X* l8 C# W% \' j9 ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.  y$ T) Y  `. K' k$ X$ F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 u+ I1 q. L& H* ]; S4 t
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: Q5 K' }/ ^$ A/ ^. ?6 u7 n6 k& W4 e+ o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ u7 Y2 O. @# p# k, y, j  x> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 F" w# y' R/ b
> > hour early.
1 z5 b* t7 F0 e. G> >
" _8 N" h; R3 x) M6 `& f5 B5 y> > Toilet Use  O2 j$ f( |: B6 s( T- ]$ n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* Z9 |" G! U# M* G5 v7 ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# P1 x3 n3 _6 r' P# H1 l% F
> > in the cubicles.3 n+ p. H0 Y( x& F
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' g6 ~& l" M/ k" m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( ?2 f8 z* D+ X- `$ S0 w1 z- y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 F+ h# F! |* W$ t/ P> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ t' s/ {( }! [+ T
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ ?$ ~3 K/ F8 ^0 ]2 |4 p
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 B' s1 A4 @6 j* x
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 z; _& M7 ]- |; C9 n0 J  m6 n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 k- _3 a3 }4 C9 q6 L> > policy.7 q) w- G7 E* z4 i; G( c: D+ V$ ^
> >
9 ?- N  m" G  s3 m# |> > Lunch Break
! @/ q& \: M6 y' E# P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 s8 d8 h$ m& o6 f
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 E# B  ]& N& L* F! F7 ~8 J+ ^1 Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! m8 }; I! V4 \  _; F9 J> > maintain their average figure.6 {0 I& Y: x: X8 k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, |+ t3 m. v) n5 [% d9 {  M9 n" S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  V8 g2 T( J; U" j# \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; e7 ~$ o4 `9 O  o1 k* O1 r* s5 z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. ?' V: O, h3 e: ?" G
> > employment experience.2 o8 [+ ~. ?+ F' A( ], M2 R3 r  c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ B2 n5 k4 ^0 k- y; b1 s
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% Z+ }1 w  M* E8 D' Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# g+ M& B0 |+ i( X  d4 y> > directed elsewhere.