HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! @, r9 Y- M# ^: D8 P9 ]> >                     Effective January 2007+ t1 S; F( p  N
> >
) K6 w9 u5 X! L: e$ b" e, _- ?> > Dress Code
& c+ z* K. j9 ~9 q9 ?. [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 n' Z4 T; }& q& k4 i. e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 I! U6 |5 |) Q' {) E  g> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 F# N, W+ O0 X0 I% n3 P> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 O. r5 _; b3 x6 i> > need a pay raise.( O' u3 F% y3 U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ Q; c- P2 z5 s, k
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ l. F7 P- t$ h/ r4 }! y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: [1 O( S: d6 Y! _* z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 y3 ]- n' u" f; |2 C' [4 Y4 {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 Z; u; j  B; @+ \- h
> > raise.8 {* h. j! n! o: c/ D! W
> >( s% [) |3 G% t( s9 N5 K8 j( _
> > Sick Days- C0 t! c* ]+ E- V+ U7 J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! M5 n+ a7 u. f9 x4 M. S$ r
> > proof of sickness.
2 `; B+ I# [  i3 B8 N> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. c! W( Y+ v( O) q! Q
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
! L2 W7 J( }! C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ m* |9 b' i# J6 @) [* o) A> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 y! O+ q, X' k" }& E
> >
3 P7 }& c+ h; h2 e  U; e> > Compassionate Leave8 G  z3 ~' V0 F3 I4 o3 V
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* m* q: V' ^/ ~: ]. E
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: s0 T! a8 E: e3 M$ a% I3 |3 u4 x
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: w6 g6 i8 u& r8 ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: U) x' v- d3 y" E8 l; q+ M
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 ?# O8 Q" C: A% B( g> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ C7 I+ v# e% h8 c7 W8 ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" v, w! d) [2 I' V$ b: K4 Q! D, W- {> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& N% x9 P% Q& ~; A: n2 r; |0 _1 ~
> > hour early.! F  {4 p6 _* I% m, \0 L
> >
( Z# F& }. m+ ?% p) B1 A> > Toilet Use
0 G  x8 h  |( j1 ~* S: e+ |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 K, r2 v- \' t) v8 ^4 B> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& i' K: f8 ?, O$ o> > in the cubicles.
5 }: k/ ~$ }# u- S4 d! b+ `+ W> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 _5 S8 p1 ]* ~0 B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 F( M8 Z# I8 R7 k3 B2 L1 o) N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" R2 ?  T2 m* N9 ^+ W> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# n5 ^' e- {8 G> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ M7 G5 Q$ r7 C: B# W5 b% F+ E5 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# a. [% J$ v% t: T> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  X/ C, ]0 f1 [9 X, R8 V6 U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 _$ k4 w4 I2 v( _& W( B
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break. Z: ?2 M8 Z* U3 W8 G
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, z# a) ~8 j5 n( a$ d/ n
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. H4 t4 X$ ]4 u1 `5 l. N& ?. H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 o- s1 [0 N2 F
> > maintain their average figure.
9 G- g  b& \7 y# n> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ C! C; \. E9 Z9 y. P# _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 i7 }; D. w# G3 c! Q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# g; v5 ~' R- ]: c' J9 }2 h# {2 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' n" L! Z* P; t8 b0 u/ ~> > employment experience.
5 f# k, s$ t+ S* S> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: K5 o& L# I6 p( k  {! q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 B* J! }+ T7 u" I! ?5 C4 a& Z: _) B: w; @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ G1 q0 S, y: f, J* N& W
> > directed elsewhere.