HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:# P& v: d0 O/ L
> >                     Effective January 2007
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5 ~0 A. ~! [$ a) G. H> > Dress Code
/ S$ k% a( `# o8 c( i( y# i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( Q" q% S: Z) q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. a) a( r1 N3 A8 b* b7 y; W
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" z& P/ S7 V" K6 G+ |& y* U
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 _0 ?" U2 p# `9 y
> > need a pay raise.
8 T7 z8 a5 |* o: R) c/ @' e> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ a0 H3 \. {  ?5 f8 S9 y) Y7 ~
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! [/ N  g7 Y9 `: Y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: x+ |. n( v5 m5 M6 u: Q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 g8 Y- @+ L0 u5 T
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 E. G% S' |2 F* ?) h, a: Z
> > raise.( I3 K7 _% N5 z7 l
> >
) X# U0 F$ P/ N; n' `3 B> > Sick Days; ]" Y5 ?2 C3 W; }0 n& j2 S: K- {
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ H" ?) c' O; d0 C( w> > proof of sickness.+ @% {, ^) w6 o, `& H: d
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! Q7 e, R: R9 L* Z1 v! T> > to come to work.
& a4 Z7 j9 W0 l% M1 `# b> >
' O0 {( M4 U% I* S> > Holiday Days
: T' G7 h+ c3 h" C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 J- w8 a2 \/ ?( H& I> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  R  I& o1 ^- X0 }9 ~( n
> >
3 E/ m$ N: F1 w& S7 N' l1 @/ h> > Compassionate Leave
4 h! \9 d' F1 Z. P> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% @$ M* l' u5 t/ n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) j9 N# O7 \- k/ V' {3 J& y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* }& I, J2 K, F# w" y$ B- b> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ |+ R. k% q: m! {4 n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" E; |1 I9 y$ S' j2 l( `" Z7 O6 y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ u4 }! S* a6 @$ v+ y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( z) f, L# s+ [+ l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 M/ a1 d# A+ u  c2 \, s/ T. m" V( A& y> > hour early.
8 V' W$ C& O/ E3 r$ X$ E" A! O> >, P5 ~$ {, o/ ]( [
> > Toilet Use
8 x* e$ [8 ^& V( j% f, l" ?> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 l: V* e9 ]+ B4 n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 v2 I" F$ z" [* X$ k> > in the cubicles.
  n9 Y3 H7 J& l8 Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 u6 W: Y& M5 {; S. y8 }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 q) O# K$ E( d* U3 y$ W8 ?. s% u> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; ^6 ]) w9 r2 l1 S7 K" X- T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% ^, I( O+ G5 Q9 s8 A3 ?
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 b. d- o; s& ]1 L$ w
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 `, e/ V4 }6 D! u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  _2 l  r* t! M6 m$ ?> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 ?0 ?. Q0 _" ]4 S" A> > policy.; P; s8 s6 l8 C6 `! Y% Y
> >
+ m7 ?8 w" u% r- X> > Lunch Break
% E. a: H2 B4 G! Q# j+ }# w  ]> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 J0 |$ o3 s7 a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( F( a- f: z* Z5 N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& L; O+ n7 m. s
> > maintain their average figure.
) l3 |3 m4 a0 r6 \& P9 h> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% {# \2 ?$ e$ Q1 @/ K1 H
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' X$ P1 t( I5 B9 R; h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# f1 s! f( C. V$ _3 P/ R) O" p> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, Q6 ~. }: d  R0 H- w
> > employment experience.0 s8 X* v; s1 O: K* [9 D9 _
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 h! o' c' P! ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 X' b. I: d9 {* O: _8 i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 u1 W' m' p( O/ @- z9 a: K3 M> > directed elsewhere.