HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ T' ?4 O/ _# j+ h$ O) V> >                     Effective January 2007+ H( {0 p5 M. n1 {
> >
  r) a& C& y" ]/ }/ j> > Dress Code9 h0 C  O3 v. h7 p' b' z0 u
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 S- F. B- m1 {
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, k" `+ X1 U! @$ S  G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# Y) B, g- @) C; S6 }/ T: T2 a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 a/ v0 X* a! j
> > need a pay raise.
# I- ?5 v. A' _* p0 l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, z, `* [. e" B3 R8 _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( |* l" @. C' P% P  d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; c  l  Z% w) ]# J% n: `; r
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) R5 g5 F: J' M' @
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  V& {" I2 b9 i) r> > raise.
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) O! [2 P* z( C: X2 j% V" q> > Sick Days; S6 k( N5 y+ b; y3 S! X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 c- t* ~* C) P. T
> > proof of sickness.( u: s+ c/ c' l# x  _! D  R
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ _+ ]2 G' q! C* M
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
$ W7 N" H: l0 q% J7 D3 P> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 h4 j9 B, ?& U0 d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ [: v6 e" J/ M. i> >
$ T  R; u- z/ q$ i; x0 D> > Compassionate Leave( J, d0 [% L' U  n) D3 _
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; k+ G2 Q; u& \: J( {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  |# g& I0 H  j0 ^1 V> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" A2 `; Z3 a$ T1 b6 ?, Q& L> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 W  {9 {3 O4 L: I& d3 h) C# Z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! s/ u, O- J: J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ A. x, v. b: x/ q& E
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* I8 _4 N; ?% M' K' d2 z# z2 C1 R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 t$ z% k/ M' F! n3 }# k. ~& C> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use+ p: e! @0 j( D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 x; |+ L0 M3 G- w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. j' L- T. u$ }; G! Z, Q  s0 T2 v
> > in the cubicles.
$ e8 ]! o( a  h- c+ c6 c& E. a+ [> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ `% x3 d; Z) h  X/ R; O" L' a> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 y% H& q  I0 \- C7 E( }4 [' S1 X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ g2 Z; V9 i  [. j- Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 k( p3 z9 M$ Y0 L$ X* r> > posted on the company notice board under the& u( }# P! y  M7 H3 [6 g. A
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& k1 l/ F. ^: Z4 p+ P) E* k
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 f* ~9 C8 t; B- M3 k- H  v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) }' o' a" x3 n# [3 j; _> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
* h5 }  p' A) C6 \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 W2 s# g! U. u6 y7 m
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) X  U' i; `( G3 S. W# ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 ]9 n% K, v/ a! W+ [! s. l) w
> > maintain their average figure.$ G: S9 N2 j- G7 ?" r# N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! r& Q! E6 x3 l7 K. s9 L
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 H% c8 y  v8 r4 N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, T6 A6 p! ^. |- H& Q; T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! I" G% q& x. F% y3 {2 N/ I
> > employment experience./ p! \. d" p1 u! b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& X9 }" D9 G( M6 e% M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 {1 M5 ~! G4 J
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 O- X- x$ ]* S6 V3 T. o8 c) w0 X+ ~
> > directed elsewhere.