HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 p4 e& N1 e: R. U> >                     Effective January 2007( j" P% S0 Z) k1 d0 y& ~. a
> >9 F7 V. d; Q/ J" j9 [: @) v& N1 F
> > Dress Code- m  Z' _! X3 J" d2 K
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 S+ f3 L/ Z5 i' z8 ^+ m& w> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( t2 F9 ~5 w" D1 C% E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ D. s- A) t; |2 o6 o0 M+ N
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: e) _2 s3 [  o' o' S5 \> > need a pay raise.
; }3 \. S* e2 q& c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ n& g; V% D! q  }4 `  n: z' \9 `: A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) ~' e! X2 y" S2 L  V/ `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& V1 t$ l5 _+ f1 _8 o" _> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! m! \1 D' O- B> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. S1 z! s; E& [$ S9 G> > raise.
' O) R* e" L" W! l> >
  f+ d: \! U' s  i3 B> > Sick Days
  U- j, v; R6 k5 v0 M: h& g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 C# A( I0 M( h; X: ?. B4 z> > proof of sickness.5 @# J- W) q4 O7 ~& n1 i6 l) Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; {9 V- e/ E( _/ Y* N' R& d> > to come to work.$ ^" T  [* |' H. _& |
> >
. i% C+ v" f  M8 m' e) P> > Holiday Days/ `3 J% F  E1 C# ?: j
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' t, p# v+ M: n, a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* I7 G) M5 @; A! j
> >
8 [& e+ e$ a8 e# R8 ?> > Compassionate Leave' J* ]( p+ }# _- n
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ d$ y  s/ S# m( }( _9 a2 k- P
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) _1 \0 f1 A: M" y% E$ a1 Q$ q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
9 h3 s( @. P$ v. G( I8 ^( l> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 Z8 \8 ~5 M" s# S7 T6 f9 i4 t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 R, C! W8 J* W1 g, n
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 B' S! }& Y, W4 @> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 [3 i+ v" P+ S( s2 P7 k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- M6 }/ S' @7 t8 @  T> > hour early.
9 u! w+ a  |" @1 W6 {> >
8 p3 D; R1 H. c; ^2 ~> > Toilet Use9 S8 |  R5 c3 M6 J- I4 x( G
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 L1 }; }; M% G4 h- }& M2 d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 H' L4 }8 K. h
> > in the cubicles.8 [4 t! O( u! T; l- J
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ B$ N/ E$ n' i, O, h> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) f( l% Q  O4 |; k8 g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 E8 E! f! o: \0 M& e) L
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  f5 u: Y0 s' L* c
> > posted on the company notice board under the) H4 u& i3 x! e. D" `! v
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. T9 L7 \; P: B5 d3 B% L* z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' L2 s5 G" u" X- {; Q  j
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: c! C+ f3 ^* ?
> > policy.
/ I; z  [* H% b! T# p3 r5 \# S8 p> >
4 u9 K  \3 s2 \9 o' v> > Lunch Break
6 C7 Z; n7 j7 l+ C+ k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, K. o' l( B% G5 V" k# m8 Z4 i> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- o) S0 `( i& |8 l$ h# g- k: {; ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 Z" r* i: ^1 R& a% ~7 {5 k; b> > maintain their average figure.8 o& k" d) s9 f% a
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# N, ]! V0 J! F* P6 P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) }8 U; H) K+ N+ e" R> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# x4 E- d! w4 s2 {- ^- y. T1 x> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 \  P3 N( h$ s4 O1 g( W4 b! X% h> > employment experience.
5 f7 `; t2 y, t1 U! ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 L( s, I2 _/ p; L> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# N- u3 M- T# U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 o& ?: D, j9 o2 [> > directed elsewhere.