HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  ^- K: h. D) h( ]! A  w> >                     Effective January 20078 F& D8 o% \1 E5 h$ p
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> > Dress Code
  \/ M# r  e6 @9 v> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% V: D. V: V- s6 T0 [  f5 B1 I0 U  l
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, @$ i$ I' d! J8 E; C" ?> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 S0 z6 `, O, S3 ]# [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 P/ p3 u$ d  h" g* j  ^> > need a pay raise.. n( `- c9 x; {/ r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage* W/ U( X$ V7 L0 r: h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 w/ G. ]- a# v' h3 K5 }, }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' X+ Z) l6 j- M( d: {% x& r+ ~! v
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  x0 d' y0 w* L; e> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 p! g: S! h. U1 k
> > raise./ [, _$ W- ]& R8 B$ Z! J$ I
> >
! ^0 Z) o9 H7 u5 Y. ?" c4 ^6 S6 B> > Sick Days# f  |" a3 t' L# f" s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 T/ ]5 E: x2 H% x% V
> > proof of sickness.
* [1 g' j8 f4 m> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ i( d) c! q& I
> > to come to work.* @  Q; j7 e- C0 p" j
> >& \. u' i# U$ b% f' g
> > Holiday Days
- }" t# G7 X- A/ }) |. N  o+ T> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 K! G) s& A! ]: e- v2 p! X, l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave' T5 n2 d6 @# r& h0 A. J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' Q4 m5 Z% B6 d; x; m8 k: d. p1 E> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 M# `6 u+ j: D# D
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. M( C9 r, Z9 ^+ b6 w! g, n> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 `" k; Q6 l6 z% E4 _
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: m/ w! C4 k! l  W8 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" s# ~  ^9 h$ U7 x9 N5 [3 t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ b# l1 S2 Q; R% V- W+ J4 p# K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ x: x$ w6 g1 ?8 ?* `' t
> > hour early.: C! V8 K- U) c: Q3 p
> >
' T! q1 e# }; E4 |  E" I2 _3 n6 k* R> > Toilet Use8 b, o1 T7 f6 s2 b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 G0 n4 g! q* {- F7 ~* Z$ S
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( Z! Y" }4 O9 t: N> > in the cubicles.2 `4 {/ L1 W9 |  T# O4 t
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
* L1 [( x( e3 ]3 r3 ^" l* Z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. f( Y; p& J' w/ s! F
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ @0 ?0 C# x' K3 D/ h$ o> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 s. e# D3 T  b> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 p7 i1 x2 V5 z, I0 m* V9 K6 X' d) n> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 H4 B5 M9 C8 T. J9 M* @
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% E7 D$ e) U, {1 m- ~/ v2 v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; K8 p8 p5 |. k! `, H, G
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
+ f1 j/ g  D' X7 c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ ?" K  i+ A1 C4 D; V; V# Z, J  M& w
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 z  V$ Y' ?2 d3 J  k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ `- j/ ~2 `; C7 _
> > maintain their average figure.$ W9 u* @. G2 f" n# u& z9 v! o5 \
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 I. M/ Z) ]9 f3 H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% x  B4 _9 r7 D* N. {) J0 ~$ M
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 C5 W. r6 f. T- N* K/ d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 W/ B9 _; _6 L8 n) ?# m: ~
> > employment experience.
0 l; [2 K, i# H# d( l: C0 f: e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! C+ a4 m( n. |& |* v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ H, n5 n7 A8 Y7 U2 w( W> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 U  Y0 |) f0 x: P% M0 {: [6 ?
> > directed elsewhere.