HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ y9 N% F+ }' C4 s
> >                     Effective January 2007" q, I/ d/ I/ \( ]
> >
- \, n% H& r9 N/ e. @> > Dress Code
8 N; C4 y" ^, x5 F: p3 B) D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 ^6 O' v3 g) q4 Z) U7 Z: H7 e: J+ k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 e" @! o5 d$ P8 c
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ B* M- L, G- [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 d( K, K: t; i7 T2 ]- J
> > need a pay raise.
8 @: k( P1 A9 n7 [* M# q3 m> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 r- V  r$ I' {* F1 F: p
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* b; A% J5 U6 W3 {) }7 k$ p1 e> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* k7 a( f: p3 S0 E  Y! w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* ~6 A2 D2 G* |2 t' S# s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* j% S5 f% [- a
> > raise.
: y$ e4 ?. d3 G* m> >0 c" h& R1 `  S; T9 i
> > Sick Days( H( L" I5 e! s* k; x
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" n, n6 B" k: y/ w> > proof of sickness.# d6 H3 r. \8 Q7 l" o
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ i7 J* T# p, y3 j
> > to come to work.1 m) o' o2 d# K' j) `. l
> >
, Z' s' X+ r  e> > Holiday Days
" l* D* c' c- {3 u0 A> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& N* r( H* P9 J2 E, C4 b3 L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ Y% w. e' q2 b' n
> >. e! U" |6 \9 j; p8 e
> > Compassionate Leave; S0 ^# L; y5 G6 l9 a! S" d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 G2 T$ J  b. y, `1 G2 F# I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 i9 k: O2 v+ }( R- @$ l$ h+ C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 p( t$ c3 O8 C$ L9 }: q" g( M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
1 R% s+ h2 D. ?: L> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 W' j, }! W/ C0 f$ L* `% Z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 V, A' y$ S/ Z8 ~! J* c9 \: I
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ Y; G0 F# e' j1 c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) b! G5 j: Q) N
> > hour early.
; Q+ l0 T# O% q> >& `" ]/ ?  x  C* S
> > Toilet Use
+ B1 T( W5 l/ Q' o0 r' T> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! J; q) l# P! j% X: @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' z! C" {- i. F9 a# u! @  p
> > in the cubicles.* `- i) Y* N+ N5 A# U% x7 X" i3 l4 i
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- `, v2 Z- [7 p( v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ T) h) O( J# h4 W$ S) L8 U1 u9 @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." n" F2 }/ u2 A5 E& Z1 L% [
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 |' c5 P3 p9 H& g7 c> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 Z' I: {( N' G- }+ C$ P> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  b6 ?% |- R7 ~> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
+ g; c9 [5 ~( x5 N/ D+ z0 ^5 C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 b: }8 i5 I1 Z7 U2 w+ p> > policy.& \3 i) S+ H- N; H1 @$ r* Z3 E
> >
# H# x3 R! {2 ^* Z# w4 }> > Lunch Break
$ q8 Z9 {8 D' I4 y" V% _8 r6 h> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 x$ j  ^* {: q! o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 ?; Q5 \1 ?7 g' B+ y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: @* o. W; j/ y4 n) C' X> > maintain their average figure.. S8 C% ^, s9 Y# b: k% Q+ E+ P
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 O* `! R8 s; G: G; k
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& O( b+ P" ?) ~) G% t2 v7 c7 w> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! F) C8 F0 B- K/ `1 h! n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 L; x# m# r4 g2 _  o% j
> > employment experience.
4 ]# M; I, [: I/ J> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 P2 d& L/ \" d8 ]# V> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; I9 M5 Z7 V0 D+ l  i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 Q" @/ a1 R2 j$ e# l7 s! P$ X$ k> > directed elsewhere.