HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& |  v$ n% M6 o' f3 V3 ?% p$ W- l> >                     Effective January 2007& b+ B. D& B- S  |
> >
2 ?0 m5 P( O- h7 k& w> > Dress Code# h8 a0 F  T7 T. t+ ?
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" E8 M# v9 f5 ~  |> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# I* V; _9 y% Y- T
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' H  Y" X% o2 i% H( y: `# b
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. O! e5 P6 c( Q% c3 P
> > need a pay raise.! C4 U% d, ]0 s( J" A# p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; U7 H! r, h5 [# V6 G. L> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# V- X% ?+ {+ W6 t
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) W+ n! ~$ M; ^+ T* p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 L6 {' H1 e2 s! M7 C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ S7 D  Y2 B  v8 V4 ~
> > raise.
8 y5 H; ]: m9 L& N" K> >& j& d, W5 [9 m. K5 O/ Z' k
> > Sick Days
# }) X0 J9 i! o5 O  z8 N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& s0 _1 @& w" c4 n: }> > proof of sickness.0 ^" e- c; G' q2 b! z" g
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 J3 R/ X5 c+ B( z  s; e# G; L/ v
> > to come to work." Y- m: Z) L7 b" O6 y8 a9 H& w7 Q
> >
5 _5 C; P% {! v  T/ v5 Z> > Holiday Days1 |1 P6 l0 L2 ^$ f+ k, `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
! k0 {: l- Y, x8 b: x% P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; `. i1 ?. N0 W3 T> >
* k  l: {. ?, ?' f( \/ D> > Compassionate Leave
# B+ r; F* J% w> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 X; k! M# H  G, [# D1 X5 Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 X! r+ m. X" ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 F& q+ D6 C; w- s1 j> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% l# R" \$ ?% ?: ^: t+ k5 K1 d> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ d. `, f9 W6 p" w4 t# m- }> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ I3 y- s1 P( A% E( \- W
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% ^) z6 L+ \& W# x9 }$ L9 M% ]2 {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. k- j7 b" [% F0 k! M> > hour early.
# o5 w" g- s% B/ N> >
/ c+ I0 ^& j0 Z+ ^# r> > Toilet Use
2 P! i2 T9 I+ M7 x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 `! o. A% z6 a> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- Y! H2 w) D' Z: e) n
> > in the cubicles.
$ @" J6 X  w# H$ D% y7 \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& L6 O6 `/ E1 g1 m/ o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 D2 k! r8 e) Y: U4 _0 t2 [* r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. x$ \! J# Z6 B# F' y6 D0 o" y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% P8 ^5 R3 _# K$ p2 w! V" v0 K> > posted on the company notice board under the% S6 ^: r1 G+ V5 F# L0 n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 D' }; q% |6 i0 s4 e1 N8 o> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
* }5 \9 m! j2 O" r3 q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 `  F9 @5 E0 w$ s
> > policy.
5 r7 U% b1 t+ A$ ]2 Z, ^> >
- C7 b4 D  z) I. R) {5 t) }: A> > Lunch Break& ?& ]: Z' C0 J  N$ k
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: z( k4 N  h. H0 g3 w, m
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" e4 A8 t1 N( J> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 x* g! `4 Z& x> > maintain their average figure.+ R  U' v# }' H* x) f& h: k2 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  m) `( P5 j0 E0 t7 m( ^> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- q4 L: U3 I, Q+ W/ W1 @> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; q$ l: W6 Y: T. A. o> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 S/ M0 K* O( \5 m3 m7 D
> > employment experience." V/ i, I; P0 Q" s! f
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" r% E" @. H" b1 I; t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 ]8 r# i( }( m. R* `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 e2 m0 Z* A2 Z$ W- C7 l
> > directed elsewhere.