HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, u! _8 W: T  L# |% @1 _0 w1 R> >                     Effective January 20070 q8 [' E5 r0 s" P1 x* x0 N/ ^
> >
2 R! T$ P+ _8 j# |( A5 I2 q2 l$ G& M> > Dress Code6 u: S: k( [+ Q0 l( T1 O! s! r
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. C2 R# ]3 [' K2 E- U1 C( H- \+ @) `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, p: ^  `* j* r6 r$ g2 H* q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" c  {  V4 V/ Y6 R' w$ U2 }& M
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 y1 m* V! p/ A, @> > need a pay raise.4 p. U$ [" Q5 j# C3 B
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ c) _5 ?  a, F. p! f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& R# H% G3 j4 [4 s2 l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; L! f  v* d* S2 @0 P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 F6 ]8 t0 Y8 S7 [/ X8 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 f3 I; K, u! z* ]& y
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
) }0 T5 V2 K5 |, }> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; k7 b  T. z) \% i  t3 H
> > proof of sickness.! |" ?7 _- q, G5 B2 g! ?  l! f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
: E" q& d" C  j6 t> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
% P" Q2 r' H3 M1 U( s> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ k- N7 a" T7 ?8 W" K! F  k' N
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." f8 b) R9 k0 A% E$ @6 x; u
> >7 v% w" e% V1 ^1 H  f) q1 n
> > Compassionate Leave& u1 v6 B( W4 G! q8 Y/ B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; ]$ A- S& f: s! j# @) K3 c+ M2 U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, D: Y+ y" X5 T/ Z6 n+ `5 L+ ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ ~. A8 N* W4 d8 u0 n, |" o
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  \, x, t0 w( W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ ?: ^6 W  y- H8 k" Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 A( `- @2 @% m0 k6 U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& }& @1 a% e  m2 E1 q$ {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 o2 u/ ]6 t; ~# a  A4 S% g3 D
> > hour early.
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, c4 w! p8 s' x& z! |. O> > Toilet Use
6 w8 K+ x" [2 u9 Y( L+ \; X& [5 l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 E' a- d; P! O5 }$ ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% s' b5 G* w: T1 Q4 O> > in the cubicles.
$ P# v& Y& L: R4 f; Y  P. a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 c9 |4 [" r# m2 U3 z) H6 v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 \) y% d) j" Q9 s
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 b2 c! M  L! i4 Q7 _' p$ w
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* ?: v5 \" U+ J+ s% C
> > posted on the company notice board under the
! @. w& {& a& l* c9 f0 i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ ~  N8 }4 z& N1 ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 r+ v+ {" \1 ~; b& p> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 o8 m" ^6 U: h" v6 d
> > policy.
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. [" ]3 G1 h" u, S, t> > Lunch Break! r, |" K0 y. U0 u1 g
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' H, |+ P3 K- H+ [% k5 ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 O/ A  ^/ e( R- o1 J" Z; T
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# w0 m4 _+ a) J: p: q* V0 |2 j
> > maintain their average figure./ t- v* e6 [( o  @& |
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& ]9 ^- [/ }; R* G/ o
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: w) X' `3 H* m8 N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) g0 {' X  @& E2 p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( s- A6 |! o2 H- g' N
> > employment experience.
: _9 k; {1 D( H0 z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,  M" q/ N6 D& n$ j! X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 M6 ]9 r5 b' h- t" T. ?! R
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ O. [+ C, Z  \2 h9 ~" h: r> > directed elsewhere.