HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! Y7 Y) @& W; z/ G* l4 G
> >                     Effective January 2007, S4 u) U- t5 K( v0 ~
> >
* q! d0 Z+ r5 v  n- F. O, q; ?6 I> > Dress Code0 m3 G. a  N% w" S2 y9 s  a0 v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ T8 H, j) I* Q# o: z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 a1 b: m( N* W+ r6 E& X& |4 E
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 G: r& {% R7 x" B% J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 j4 A; I* T1 [/ V; _, N9 C5 g
> > need a pay raise.2 I% J" I' o" |/ v, a/ _
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 G) V/ {8 L& q: L1 @. V. y( N
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- R4 u% s  S2 @3 j, n1 V
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ E" l9 I5 ~6 r1 Y/ z1 a- o( c
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 ?8 }( J  F3 t5 O6 k$ K: l$ @/ L4 S
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" o6 v% u' q' o: U9 `
> > raise.
* {5 q" B9 I6 h0 S> >
) N! g$ X, }3 o; V8 T, d> > Sick Days' M# s& D- T5 q" `
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, Y: V4 u" j: r) C) r5 w$ ]. \
> > proof of sickness.
% z! ~3 g, X  O4 E& r. m> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 R. U1 Z" r) [9 C5 J6 O/ `. w2 {> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days( u- u, |$ r/ B: d# w9 {
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 J) w+ k0 y3 g, `: A" V* G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# Z# `6 K9 G  B/ H! y! Y7 @" A
> >2 v2 F4 D4 K& b: n6 H+ }
> > Compassionate Leave5 ?! q3 Q. G/ [% v$ a! r, |6 J, Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* U7 Y2 P5 s$ J( ^  |0 A
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 y, I. ?% }! ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) Q3 p  Z( \) z" l4 \/ c> > employees attend to the arrangements.
! }& L/ [# D; O( j% Q# d> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' ~9 _2 n. E* ]$ T
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  w% m5 M; F9 h2 i9 v- U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. m# R9 Q( ^) S' B$ d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 y! @. O0 f2 Q8 ?+ j* E( M. t
> > hour early.- s6 n& h& j7 E+ y
> >
2 Z% p/ v1 y1 X0 T> > Toilet Use* X2 G  z1 o* B( e" r' l; ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- ?: ^% x9 J% T/ d6 g! O3 b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 ~: I/ E/ E4 V$ O* t6 R* \> > in the cubicles.9 N8 _4 ^& H) ~6 C# S1 w9 q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 V) A7 K& J2 b- z( O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" B6 P# ?% C) z( L/ F+ L+ Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* n( B2 y# _- W9 ]+ e5 D. n8 W
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# S7 G: ~% s* v; ]4 N8 S
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, d: E' c- t2 \+ A5 d" n! h. l8 Q! D> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) T& e" f6 v6 d> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, }( j2 V  ^" G: o) v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 V) F) [+ W8 J- X% U3 A3 J
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
) q- j1 W. D% X  K3 l> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; J: ~+ X1 X7 y1 E. g1 Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ D. D5 u' Q+ F$ B2 G
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 X  ~% w1 |: H+ o+ ?. H
> > maintain their average figure.1 h8 Q- ]! e! |$ l  _! W$ ?) Q, i4 p
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 c7 g* c- H4 Q# l) A& ]. F$ c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- h! p7 F/ [( y0 r0 O3 j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' P  f: Q3 I7 V' T7 r2 U2 `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 C& b2 F6 W# i" W: K; \$ ~/ y$ y3 v( n> > employment experience.
  k6 J8 Y- s8 M+ h! Z. X# s> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' [: U2 c2 W% I2 T0 M) R> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ ?7 `5 E% y* p4 n, z  {& }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 U9 q# X/ y8 p- [6 T, Y/ w! f# z; I> > directed elsewhere.