HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% G7 l1 H( }& ?- o5 u4 e& E* |> >                     Effective January 20074 Q3 ^. z* S' |3 j% J0 M
> >1 U0 c4 D: ?+ b, Y% _  E1 `) G4 q% Z) Z
> > Dress Code# A1 r3 Y; N, G, `7 }
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
% k5 X  u' Q8 J9 ~( x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. V! l8 [% B& y8 l: F. E
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! @: J' y. J% e- q" G6 D# }) Q6 n: R( B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) z$ n  b: l& ~0 w& O  V> > need a pay raise.
8 P/ g2 @# y" q' S8 ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. K! o0 X1 N! V# b5 O
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% e. y$ e8 U- D. r) Q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* P2 Q1 \( k( y( S6 Q7 W3 b- y8 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# H6 P6 Y2 |# `: x/ v/ r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 b/ B8 z8 _) {7 S: a, ]% @( {
> > raise.6 A! Z( z. W; p: M# z  E
> >
# V9 `) M# s- s: H: \> > Sick Days% D- l; m/ m6 c: k! {- J( K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ b2 V8 o0 n2 z7 ~5 w> > proof of sickness.( z: D/ v2 W5 [, q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" ]: _& o1 B0 _' }2 r9 [> > to come to work.
1 z' I# _2 o0 o> >
$ {, i! ]& ?0 Q8 a2 S* m> > Holiday Days
; W3 p; f& r$ v; Q0 J- _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# c0 _# B- r# c5 S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
4 a/ U. J2 U* N> >3 o, i# m2 Q0 _' u- {# ?7 A2 i
> > Compassionate Leave
# D5 A+ V- D2 E7 x% f> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 n5 Q7 P  Z# }# H6 v; Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* L5 Q) e, l% y& c" @, t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( k( @  D7 d+ p5 a3 V0 ?( T2 d8 h8 C
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
3 }1 c+ P; i! d# q2 N8 K2 [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 h8 `$ V  n7 m; x: K! H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! i0 y2 `2 {2 ~2 Y! \# }5 `* B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 g; a2 d2 e! d. _8 X
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 ~, U! a9 _5 Z
> > hour early.
. U5 o  Q/ O: N0 S+ u0 [' l8 M> >) p. c9 e$ r3 X$ r9 P7 R
> > Toilet Use
$ @2 W8 |9 ?+ p) x6 j; v! |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ R  [8 {+ D! L# t
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 F7 A' r2 g( X8 J# z+ @$ I$ K> > in the cubicles.
+ ?0 @3 A& X7 ?* O8 h> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 F. Y5 }% v" }6 a1 x  i
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( G& x9 ^! W: a8 t> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ O9 a- N/ |" |5 h5 s7 x& j
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 j" F0 V6 i' A5 N; c
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ ?( |! F0 y' \: j4 W
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( r6 w. O/ q5 q6 |3 V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ c, v, B" F7 i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* }- g( o1 Z: v! W
> > policy./ ?: @8 ~. h" T2 v
> >1 }; A3 S3 d/ i. A1 `! {; J9 S# h
> > Lunch Break
3 j* A3 v3 O: F# R1 P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  ~: Y. i0 g- O! h1 O4 X" i' t# A, Z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
! a8 w% m, v2 e: {) ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 X/ ~8 [# Q5 r) d! B  H( d+ V
> > maintain their average figure.& a! w3 P8 P. r. h' n& e0 J/ L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( o! g2 ^* s* _( Q7 e, o> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* ]7 Y3 N- ~6 u. S7 a& K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' S8 R* g8 u: ^! E8 l* X2 R, g" Y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ i4 ~7 c/ }) }4 a4 \' T
> > employment experience.; C" K- h6 O; r( L7 b1 u
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, W+ z6 ^, ~( H0 D2 z+ y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ D" ?2 p6 z  x8 b1 V9 b9 V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& a: v) n5 _) N* F6 u> > directed elsewhere.