HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ h) U. t  D) z6 p1 B, W> >                     Effective January 2007: v4 n) S. `0 F  J7 `
> >
8 d7 Z# O5 I, D, \, a> > Dress Code. y" u6 E$ b4 L/ V! k3 @8 [
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 k& R" X) `1 [% I: m; \2 G& f> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" b  Y  A4 A# k# w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ E; z8 E6 y: ^) e> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ X! k& V4 |7 f5 ^+ R& ]
> > need a pay raise.! ?9 K3 G5 s) k, N0 W- }7 \8 @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& H. O* x6 x3 a( L! L) I/ |> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, a" j9 g4 n: S$ v# d' `! t> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." ]7 [! Z3 P4 t# ?
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; w, y* b3 X0 }% ]0 U- B4 k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 M5 q( ~9 k/ ~  H
> > raise.* m& g3 }3 s. Q- |
> >1 |- F/ r: G- k% t& I; k
> > Sick Days
1 M" m2 i  s3 D* x8 ~9 t8 X4 L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 A8 l9 C. s( d! ^
> > proof of sickness.
. g/ r& {5 F( u7 e& L$ Z! N> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# g. v4 q! b( Y2 h6 N* d. {* S> > to come to work.. E  J) @4 o. D% j
> >+ Q; ^6 }  T8 V1 [: m  {
> > Holiday Days( s& ?( S! Q( L9 j; M& R- M' W
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; ^' ^4 i6 i3 E2 E: C) _4 a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& T. x4 e1 ?8 S* m% ~7 S+ j
> >  |' D1 @* m7 t& y/ D
> > Compassionate Leave. a% P6 _8 B& S% }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' k  b6 q: |& t& U) r% a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. b( g% x. m7 E8 E0 s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) D9 L1 o/ T, E: S! Q7 S
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 Q9 K4 w* H) S" P" n1 H9 ^
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
& d. ?; h# _1 D7 Z! R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 v1 ]4 A5 S3 O$ U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 Q1 H. h8 v, B1 M
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 ?( r) K  h5 ?> > hour early.0 t2 A# p) K; f! t, d) a
> >8 v. U1 P& L; V: C8 ?2 W& |* A
> > Toilet Use
# W# l% _  P3 B; ^% n; R& Z8 D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the% s3 z; ~/ G8 a' c$ i4 G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# X  I# b6 p4 ~
> > in the cubicles.
- Z: X% Z$ `( ~- E! ?5 G( v> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 y. I: h8 j# {, g/ d, t> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* @" I# k6 k% h
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: r) D# [1 g  t2 ]' k4 g( k& ?% r' `) z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 J5 x& y' ^/ R+ v3 p
> > posted on the company notice board under the& y8 b( G( Z  ]+ U+ c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ `% B, u4 r: C; P. [1 {> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 @5 m5 Q6 o, a- U. Z  _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' S; f- C7 r$ }# }! d' y
> > policy.. D7 M$ ?! b1 l1 s, F- f
> >
6 f2 H" i3 N1 p, O3 {2 [* X> > Lunch Break, \) L9 }8 x; A- m" c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 h% r+ y, \7 p" Y! c& i- @$ R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- ~+ p: B- u  J' C9 x
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 H) V/ H5 }1 \7 y) i  k
> > maintain their average figure.
7 S) b. [% d/ X0 X9 r; Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, c$ {: W* ], z7 I6 m; i0 T4 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 u4 U. x& W* Q+ |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: t4 M1 e( w& S' ]! A> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- Y( H3 z' r" T
> > employment experience.; @# Y- \% J8 \5 p) {
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! f: T! S- w* {( r0 r5 H+ M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; z* O& J( x+ N: ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# z1 _) O6 Y  |/ Z' W4 V! [
> > directed elsewhere.