HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! x( k* C5 k+ s1 I" [1 h
> >                     Effective January 2007( q  a5 Y* C" l4 n
> >8 L+ N7 K8 m; E( [6 e0 ~
> > Dress Code5 |9 T: \7 {* w4 N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. ?( x* s8 k9 v* ~8 [
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& E* d7 \! W7 O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 G, C6 w4 s% [! ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ F$ B( p$ w* K9 w* |# F
> > need a pay raise.0 e) `& X0 j$ m! n' ], d
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* {$ M" ]% \- G$ P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& \& W! }6 T) p& B
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 m; U  r6 B! N& P# M  J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: {( E* ^' T' F0 |+ s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ J. G  B7 u; }  @4 W# t; m/ }> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
7 X" u) v$ ?6 o  {7 r/ S( E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 i9 B4 |/ T: K# W& I5 i5 \  O7 \
> > proof of sickness.
* k7 |* {; l0 _8 {# x3 \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- W6 U" O0 J: @: j) e% B0 \
> > to come to work.1 H; }  V" N" R& L1 H+ Q8 ?/ }' x
> >
, t: x6 ?# m3 Z- i$ |* a> > Holiday Days
+ p( b$ X( {3 M8 ^> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  r: J8 S5 x! k6 K+ E- V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: K  g1 \: w+ H6 }) F+ ]9 Q
> >5 y! f: \6 o; X! z- g% a( k5 ?
> > Compassionate Leave; z# k9 s6 {. ^) o
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  m  v4 h5 e, v" e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 |3 G' U+ |6 P% m
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 z9 v4 r1 v5 |4 ~, J, d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. r! Y3 n% I7 l1 R> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" D  ^  Q% }/ `9 ~+ d> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* S4 Y- m% M$ ~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* m$ z$ V% [3 y* m( W
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* d: ^: [/ K2 v6 }9 G. G7 |5 o/ ?> > hour early.! a2 r* t/ k' m5 V" o. R* ?2 F
> >
% g" k, `' X0 V0 \> > Toilet Use
2 g, |! {$ |# j/ r, U5 @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; e0 j) E8 K$ S, l0 u
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 [5 a4 b' p6 d; v1 n
> > in the cubicles.
3 r' ]- O) y/ n3 _: R4 a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" t" U  J  D1 ?> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 g  {! @% i$ l% x) g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." k# ~7 \( [  w% n( d' S
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ ?4 J5 I3 }4 W: O  r2 B/ g* a0 ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the( |' e3 E, D/ T( U* d
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- w; X1 y  L; C& e0 F> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- m& B2 \& @# W- ^8 V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. \3 {( n0 k3 Z* E4 b( M4 @
> > policy.$ K1 T$ _9 `; u9 \. ]- t0 E: {
> >
6 f, w5 g. K6 c4 C2 A7 r0 W> > Lunch Break
: {/ M+ p+ ]* r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 n! A0 V1 @6 Z( i/ r2 n5 ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., a, x7 V$ d- O/ H2 r  D" l
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 e, i; d2 p+ b, `8 u% o+ H9 Z; i: J> > maintain their average figure.
- I% g/ R% d( o7 G6 M( q/ Z3 U5 C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. T$ q3 G4 f9 O( H) P! n  U# m> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 s8 [; t5 j' ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 F# G7 }( u3 G4 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, h0 w3 O& O9 k) i( C7 A> > employment experience." \; u3 [/ K2 L3 Q3 B
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 `5 L  h+ f- O; B
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, r7 k9 ~% }# b' l0 h$ y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 q8 Q3 G2 ~1 v) n) t: m
> > directed elsewhere.