HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:4 i/ }3 q& Q) o" r: Z4 G
> >                     Effective January 2007- h) ~7 P) \+ b/ D; f3 c0 |+ j- g
> >" N1 K0 `' V# Z4 D! p
> > Dress Code3 Z4 z2 i) y; S& n9 e9 ~$ E# x
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  S# ~9 R& [8 c" z# q4 D/ Q: l
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, L9 ?* T; D" K4 P, N+ {7 Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ ]5 R/ C! }& ^, Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& B9 K. g  {0 x  ^& f$ N3 i) A( p
> > need a pay raise.  `& g* U- P0 @# P* o1 R
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 E6 j; T) b' Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 i0 H8 V! m4 L$ a! Z. s& J( ]> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 H3 a5 F1 B" [1 ^
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. ~* S" a4 o* Z4 T3 n4 X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% z0 T, y* ]. ^3 t> > raise.- @4 U* ?& v0 v. ?8 t# _
> >
6 N0 b, }) I7 n" U( \( d% e> > Sick Days
- r3 q& N& y! R  ~: x( I- U+ i> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: h# v, C* ~8 _
> > proof of sickness.# S5 {& H+ E" ]( `2 X9 ~- Y7 ]4 w( D7 I
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able0 S- _& [- w! v& [3 ~/ V9 H
> > to come to work.
: d2 b- s" F" R1 o; {; N' q9 |" \> >7 w+ a! q  P1 k
> > Holiday Days% K- d& y/ s% p) v7 s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! q" t! D# \+ D
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
. [+ F( f) r) `  e& e1 x- A> >
) ?1 }* f7 e# h; y/ X% B> > Compassionate Leave
) e# |- ]8 B/ U2 Z0 l/ E> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ t' f$ Z# Z; E> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-$ A$ Q9 w  s; v: I
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. G9 Q- I! z! [  Q* H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 {4 P( U; b% t  ~' w  X> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" J% o$ `" C  j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 _3 ?- N9 _. k$ I3 ^9 \; G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 \) N8 L" a7 G* e4 ?, w4 P0 t* K8 e> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; f2 l7 W7 p$ _9 k0 @
> > hour early.
* t) v* D" k; S4 V- Y( K> >
/ O3 }* |" e2 |> > Toilet Use& }1 E1 O& d/ A% T6 e
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' D# ]/ D1 o$ K5 s: B4 E  b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' r* g% a1 ]3 `. J" `" [! \
> > in the cubicles.6 G7 t  s9 x" n6 T
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( ]6 e7 |! o- O& s% \0 @
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) I; I, a+ I4 J* g3 q! ]3 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 q# F" ~! f. _8 a4 W; a+ d
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ O: m) Y: ^& F( t, P
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% ~5 F0 ~3 ~  D: u; E' h0 Z) q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 D7 t7 s' R: d' Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 H5 N: B8 p: m' E5 o7 z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* T) \( W) d6 q  g> > policy.
1 |! M2 o" Y0 T1 s4 B( I> >% Z1 ?+ R5 A6 [9 r8 w
> > Lunch Break
- F# Y7 q! d* l  G& V' V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& `2 u0 b) A4 U3 }9 c! q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; M" S  U5 x& Q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 j2 e% J9 L, J> > maintain their average figure.2 |/ w' i0 ]- E, W& x! T% j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. s9 b* H7 T0 n1 L2 l! W> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; z- z- P, Q* a) {1 H, P8 w> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& W* z# }9 |, |# @& g3 i6 v* X9 R
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" z: I; t9 }  C. V  d> > employment experience.% q" g" x$ r# N6 v! q* K3 A$ w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& c0 g3 E: a1 Y' ~8 m: l% _: M. W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) N) Z& A5 Q$ a: V  T3 c
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( `% `' A7 i. q# i$ g, t- D* f( |2 y
> > directed elsewhere.