HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 ?; G, [/ o5 Z  l> >                     Effective January 20077 j) ]7 \8 \; o# I* \
> >
, B. `) }( W' h1 T* m  V6 c0 f0 p> > Dress Code
7 R- u( _1 ]! p6 Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" F2 V! m$ W8 D& W" r  j9 c
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# j0 q/ g6 H1 g> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 n  X8 w( K6 T0 [> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 V8 y4 G  B. n! ]> > need a pay raise.% n8 S5 _- ]1 U. @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& ^& y8 l* S& T, h8 [  P* ?
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 N$ B. c1 ]. Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 N) n) }4 a) m( j' Y% |( @
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you* t; z( d" N) d1 O: m. |3 }
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- J# t" m) u+ v
> > raise.
# X- U! u) |4 @' M6 }> >$ B% x$ N3 d6 \
> > Sick Days
' S' C. `/ \) C; J+ Y4 [7 X> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' N4 y5 P5 f8 ]) b3 c7 ^> > proof of sickness.- L7 y% R6 L) q4 B+ k. r# W9 ?
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 n7 X+ |. `! X% p- [( M) {% C3 g> > to come to work.
/ Z, R, t) x+ K" f> >) `& k) s5 P& r' V& a( A! P
> > Holiday Days
3 A. D3 U1 ^. s, B5 _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* S, j- O2 Z) L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. ^) Y  v2 }# T0 D* }  G- u9 O8 \
> >2 S: e5 q: E1 `1 a
> > Compassionate Leave
. N; H6 F( X7 p" X0 T; x% G. H! X: n> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' {8 d' y! T; h$ D> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* [# Z# k$ e' T1 W" [4 B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- R6 t$ @, \* n; U$ c> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 ?+ q( c' Z/ m% H, V4 X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 N" ~+ r% c+ m# K; F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 ^" b, P* A& H. a' c" E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. T3 x3 t  r  |/ s1 y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 B+ o( u* H6 L9 a" q' J> > hour early.
/ r, K( b) z) u: W0 i> >9 y! _3 H' f' e$ E9 l% e
> > Toilet Use  D& P  k6 w* a0 K, G1 t/ s5 ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 \( a. K% M1 N+ g; a+ J! N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& j( F$ e7 q) O( e. E) [/ k! y' Y
> > in the cubicles.: f, }2 ?- y9 \+ P( Y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# [. g9 K" v( c5 ~( Z3 A0 e0 n( \  V> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 }: x; G% |2 W3 ~+ I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) j8 l, ]' B9 t" I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' j4 G) ~: C4 N7 \# v: U" a7 i# p> > posted on the company notice board under the
) J* y6 H, e. X* p> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ F0 |2 o& S. e# A! f5 c$ P6 K4 p/ I2 l> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) O5 {- e' f" `& n8 _4 g3 @# v0 z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 b) G( b& \; k
> > policy.0 [' t. g% r3 m8 d3 N
> >8 u# G1 ^/ `5 \$ T0 |1 E
> > Lunch Break' w5 Z8 N1 A, z4 Z7 D% z) c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* G( E& C$ P+ `6 Y+ W3 h
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  b" y% t/ H, b% M/ F, ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 J+ b9 _6 C* z  }0 T
> > maintain their average figure.2 T6 D8 j* f( k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' A: R; u& ]4 ]2 T
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., F# f9 v# U2 I4 L, b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ g  G- Y0 s9 v> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* u# {1 J8 @1 A8 Q- \+ i$ f7 W4 l> > employment experience.' n8 P0 V/ W9 W- r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," E) d7 U1 W# [% r$ D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 ]4 I' |  {8 Q  e  R1 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) E$ x, h; f4 Y1 f3 ~> > directed elsewhere.