HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& o# M5 ^7 L1 K' b> >                     Effective January 2007
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3 c' f/ O/ D) L+ G! H> > Dress Code
6 O) D. \, y" _> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' C, m4 v# s( r+ o7 G
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# O/ a0 h( ~1 I) i( h0 f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- c; V, f3 u, u% ], x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% H' }* G; ^" d8 L> > need a pay raise.
0 j/ q" C. ]! }# N2 M> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) _! {0 }$ h( k* @* Y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% Z+ N: ]! c3 G6 k  s# j9 X  B
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 J  ~! y. T# z9 v8 s0 C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, m! w, A; V/ I' [! i
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 G% I: X+ E' a2 Q% L6 c> > raise.4 T* D) ^6 N/ X  e
> >" k4 t- q+ b( Y7 g
> > Sick Days
7 P. Y. z: @  `) f2 ?9 N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 q7 O9 J( d1 h0 k4 k& S# O: L
> > proof of sickness.
; v- \1 d' M2 e  b! ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- a  Q6 a% P4 H+ \> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days7 B2 }- b! P6 C$ c6 _8 k3 B9 a
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 c+ f8 f; s6 w# u) o+ u5 ]$ ^% I
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: k) f1 C0 p/ h$ ^+ y+ C3 R7 B$ L: E
> >8 k8 B7 h4 m" d0 O  E
> > Compassionate Leave5 p7 n' W5 [( D8 \" ?9 A# D( k: N$ }7 U
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; {! L& L6 t! o, w$ a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 z1 e5 D$ \, Y! n> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 g$ D* f* s  R, c* M( f> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 X* e4 K2 A$ v
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: a" C& T) O: {) ~0 B
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! v+ ^& |! v, _2 t7 J4 y! c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 u- ]( @$ r0 Q1 X$ m" N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 Z: s& s" Y$ _; I7 `> > hour early.+ [/ x. T* {8 b8 L; L' h( b
> >
8 B1 @9 g* }2 R! l: G> > Toilet Use( h3 V( ~4 m6 {, o) h  W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ K. _. E" Y2 y+ }( [1 F
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! j: F' S) K) ?> > in the cubicles.
, D8 z6 V; e6 H) a6 E% z3 D8 n. `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 i# l4 D8 e! G! P/ P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 M* U4 ]/ ]! _1 Y- m2 m, ~> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 o. J) T0 G2 T( M, X> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 k0 p$ _# t$ m& r> > posted on the company notice board under the* Q9 @' I( W# Y( \& N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 ]9 g, K# b  u3 b3 F2 \8 v
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 o/ ~0 i6 l, B' _# ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
% s4 q! e) [' M5 _, d' a  b- ^! R$ V> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
* s9 R2 }5 K9 h% D# ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* l* P  w7 {" ?7 P; i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; X5 Z  Y/ W+ G( [, Y& U7 H) q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ V3 Y  L6 {( }) z' Y$ b6 n
> > maintain their average figure.
% M$ o  M0 }* B' J2 c, c$ E* }> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& M  v, y& C, f7 ~# f& w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' L, }' w& b- F$ Y! }9 L) O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ }- O+ A8 m, a  q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, t5 v6 f) a% m, Q
> > employment experience.
9 s: w3 ~3 n4 z: Z* w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- ^% u5 j, D# |> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ n& s( N2 R/ }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 {* r- ]# p7 D* ~9 t
> > directed elsewhere.