HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 r( p+ G5 ~* T8 I3 D7 a/ I
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
+ O; j5 n8 V  B> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ t/ a- P" [7 r; m> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. V" Z% B6 n/ C8 W$ Z' ]) I- C: s8 }; @> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ L1 s7 p  S2 z0 z  T% r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  r/ K8 x  i8 G, v- r> > need a pay raise.% F8 c0 o0 J- g+ V0 I7 l; [
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# \4 O" i) l+ ?" w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. a  n: ~. L$ F9 O4 S" g. c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 m) ]  L0 g9 T7 n8 l+ ^! O> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ A8 \7 _3 L" q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* w3 t5 J$ J  |# c" z: N) w' O: ^, ?2 \> > raise.
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> > Sick Days- F) H3 D( J  _
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 s, b' Q  X- `9 Q
> > proof of sickness.7 i9 _8 N1 ]+ o. A$ C
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' V* d. T* e2 W5 O) ?0 Q7 K
> > to come to work." d4 ^9 D" h& V. ^& z- f5 ]
> >
+ N; q2 Q* j. ]- X> > Holiday Days# w4 b- l  @# t3 p' |
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 `# h. l2 |# }# Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
2 B! O. j9 I3 z5 ~/ v> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) O! R9 \; \6 ~9 e6 p/ J7 T& c9 V" ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" m' O3 T* n+ D, B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  v- q+ t3 \1 B" p% o0 g* x8 `
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 h3 w* B! b/ s0 _' Z- z; b> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' ^8 p' |, p# E' {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; d0 h  t# j1 B6 w5 g* C8 o- Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 q3 w7 |, U" L> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ M0 Q" |4 T/ W: |& ~
> > hour early.
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! l0 U+ X  Z; d  [) C1 D> > Toilet Use
; p/ e- B* K+ h( V; C5 f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ d+ `" p5 @. `7 l( ~6 N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 v( M+ p0 O/ R0 T0 A4 H
> > in the cubicles.* Q& [3 x7 h- A# B6 ^! ]$ W
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 e  o' A+ C, x: f1 k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 ~3 @5 |4 x9 k8 x1 ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. ]! n; `  I6 C$ u+ e: M8 g: O, |9 ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 R4 G6 h( L9 m( F# T. A> > posted on the company notice board under the& f4 o7 t5 Y6 x4 m8 j( N$ a; K$ ^3 e
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; M1 n8 Z% G" N4 i$ _> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 w: Y  d& V1 D8 k/ j" \> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ ^' G+ E: W7 N' {' D* U. |2 [
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break& X7 h; A7 `: n& J0 `& q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 B& U6 P; @; z: N  K7 n> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- g2 v) r9 o1 I; }9 U> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 ~* J; \: t8 k# O3 J: g! \> > maintain their average figure.
/ S/ t* e- H# t! u# X# R* K> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ z7 g; b. H$ H" N4 Q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  m/ U; t* z+ c/ H, A" j( b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 z% _% o/ M( U' D4 m7 c2 M0 t> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' u4 Q( @: A1 U6 O( r$ }> > employment experience.( \- t8 u* V2 A# @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. m# Y& E4 H  G* m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( U( X6 N3 v4 W) I5 [> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 Z% M& R' W+ A. W. w
> > directed elsewhere.