HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 {7 r" }. ~- X> >                     Effective January 2007) [, z7 u7 I  }
> >
8 }( h" B: G5 g+ `$ M7 K' a& n> > Dress Code9 V+ ]. e8 Y" L: p6 b, S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& v& m: I1 z/ a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: k# ]6 x! U% U( `; T' O% N% ?> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: T3 U, P1 j' `
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. R( o( c+ z* c; C. R
> > need a pay raise.' c+ j8 m+ a8 N! d5 P. N
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 d4 ^- o2 j6 Z! f. A- u+ h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* k( o' W: C7 {8 _. t> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% I, e. M0 d9 a: g' H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ ?" I3 ]+ Y" B  A5 {) o! l/ t& E
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  @" g& I# J; G# Q
> > raise.: o* T6 {9 w+ I/ L
> >
6 t8 d8 n6 k4 q3 v> > Sick Days, Z( i* G5 E' h0 N! Z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 L' X) F# A3 ~6 c6 W: ?' B> > proof of sickness.
. B6 I9 z$ r+ v) q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 R) F0 O/ e" f; }> > to come to work.( J& z8 \9 B" t0 g7 P2 ^
> >
/ x: z5 O: w2 Z, b> > Holiday Days, G4 b7 {8 g7 [# X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
! ]! ~( n" N8 C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' f/ r! U8 u, i6 h' {> >  f1 I/ L$ D; e
> > Compassionate Leave
4 K8 _* }; o/ G  ?0 y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; d" _5 E  h# G7 }& I+ e6 U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& ~# ]. n% t1 I5 c' r0 i
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 w% W6 _9 f) t# r, t- q> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ A3 L% s( S7 t> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 {+ M: E; i1 \8 u8 O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; G( D8 U# M. [# G$ Z# V& b4 w6 M" w
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 f* n. a: N% ?. d, w2 I: ~8 D> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* v' x# i/ D% m0 M> > hour early.
8 m' s2 `4 T; ~' R$ b' M2 y2 w> >
/ g3 j3 H5 M7 A> > Toilet Use6 b- u0 r) T" S- w- w
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 I! j5 g$ o% G  ~" S, _
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ Z! n3 `3 B9 r; W+ h  v0 p
> > in the cubicles.2 M9 d- p8 Q" N& b6 y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" V& L. r0 i3 x9 u1 b2 o% D. W: m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' k9 ]; c4 }2 L! O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 T. Q% l& x& J1 S% |1 j/ U
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 @# R3 b+ W, ]+ y! `0 V% ~> > posted on the company notice board under the  k$ j& _5 b0 [% w" h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 l/ }5 l2 m2 T( b% Y. F; `1 l> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ M3 z8 E6 ~' b2 V; j6 b
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 J, c' |- {* T/ E3 e: q
> > policy.
1 U* I' @  j8 n0 l$ _3 {> >8 r3 E! A$ c1 `' h3 h; F6 q: E
> > Lunch Break
+ }7 s; \2 {/ O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" [; ^; Q; R* A5 z' y# U- L% ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% _( H2 K! u0 Y% ?3 l2 k7 [. Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( Z: H" I2 l& w* v8 w% v4 I
> > maintain their average figure.
# a: b% C' O4 Y: V# h0 X. n3 p> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( p& F: d3 n, R* |( a
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) A4 S  k$ J6 C: L; v
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; R; a) j* j) R$ o> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 I. e4 V  x0 [7 f2 o3 u& G9 P% P( o
> > employment experience.
! _/ l$ [/ x3 [' I1 D> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) ]) b9 f( I1 X- V  x- t" E5 F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
1 E. v1 [: ^( J8 D> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% O5 X6 \" F0 ^8 }) V> > directed elsewhere.