HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& I& u# s7 g! a4 @
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code# A7 v2 a9 l8 @8 r
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 X3 G" u& z3 {* A, o" A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; B4 g. Y/ \5 T- |. N> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- v, P; q) O* o" W> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# F' T" _# U- p+ ]/ y> > need a pay raise.
7 x: G. v" v  G/ f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 p$ N# E% D! i$ w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! ~+ q% E6 M) ]- B& u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, y) g+ b  L& s4 c7 J" U! c  V> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; @" P. p; F5 d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 \8 q' D9 e$ t- i7 {! C9 i
> > raise.3 S7 H3 ~% z5 G, c$ e. J" l; E
> >
- o7 ~6 s: ?# U% k> > Sick Days/ M' z) D2 @2 ]7 {% l" o# |- ~
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ [9 l3 f. P* g& a' S6 Q. d) j& ~> > proof of sickness.
/ G+ A+ n" Q! z8 V1 l> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 W7 g2 S* w, n1 M# |  N: F' J
> > to come to work.
9 {- E( ^4 `6 C' Q2 w: d> >
8 Y, Z# f8 m' l> > Holiday Days
0 n0 V$ v4 K0 P/ P5 |- J5 b& d: B> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) C- |' N. X9 ^% E0 b$ C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ `) o# F* [* `: l6 L
> >
0 [3 q2 q; w# r* i$ m6 E> > Compassionate Leave; B, H- L, \5 Q8 r0 z8 ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( T% I% T6 l4 G- [6 k
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- V" v( A0 f6 e' a> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 r3 O  v8 {, ]  l  O0 D6 k& A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ M! |* y! |+ U( A/ Q) _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" w- E( K. h0 J0 l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ r4 i7 d, _$ a% Z- t/ S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* |  K" B* ]4 Q& L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  f$ f* W1 }$ H% H) }> > hour early.) w) q( R" M" p
> >0 i% Z' Z" L+ v
> > Toilet Use  ^. @/ d/ _/ H! @+ m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 q. l: r/ o" f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 _" p# ]# q6 e! ~! }! Y> > in the cubicles.
9 J5 J6 U- _# Y3 b! S" I  {! ?$ Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: m- ]6 h6 s0 P( @9 p4 V7 V8 }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. G6 y( W5 j; A( W! s; i
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' W6 n0 b5 B, |* m1 g( P! ^& N5 i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  z+ y; V$ F; I
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, |& H# H* x1 C> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 m' V7 H: E8 d, u8 a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- Y; J- i* l1 A5 ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 Q2 U# O2 X7 W+ z
> > policy.- p' H! Z$ ~; @& ^7 p$ v. o- \/ e) v9 R
> >9 i9 a  v; x6 o- E
> > Lunch Break" R8 V( z1 ?5 F( O) [$ G! K4 O' r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( G& N. I4 U0 P6 W8 a# `! [> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 ]" ?% t. Q6 S/ j6 v% j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" Q0 n  \& Z0 |- O- b' }0 q3 b5 E
> > maintain their average figure.
2 k$ b7 J" Y' p) E. c> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: s5 K4 K  q# M7 P6 m' I6 d
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, o5 q+ g& x" \2 Q6 i, T> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( w  ~' b6 J6 d; Q. m> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% ^9 O. g6 ], p  r> > employment experience.) z# y/ P! B; |& [; M
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: n8 i3 \* y- c3 b' Y3 ?
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 W. ~9 w  n8 ^# V> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) h" ~% u: g' L( S! K> > directed elsewhere.