HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: t( z: j/ o" y5 f> >                     Effective January 2007
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' t6 J8 l  ?3 A: Q; F) L> > Dress Code
. i* m: o. B" L" s" |* S( r3 t> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 e9 Q& V. R3 i3 a) \" ~: o* l
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. a3 `" ~9 h! b$ R6 p> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. `& k( U' O* L1 `9 J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) B7 J' j2 _! S. P0 a, T) N; P  @
> > need a pay raise., u/ o4 u# L9 t0 l' x
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' O; N1 e7 {1 v7 |" k' d9 |8 {/ |2 [4 I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 X! x$ [9 H8 R) o: x& v> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: R2 |1 H) X8 p' n4 \# Z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& S# j* n  y/ ?; D0 |> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; S3 l' F& p  t7 b' \4 H4 u
> > raise.6 D* b) S4 W; G% V( Q
> >8 @7 {" Z) m2 J: S. v  R+ }
> > Sick Days4 I6 g* R' ^! R* @0 t# _0 a& B
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 Q5 y0 h; L- b) Y0 L4 K
> > proof of sickness.
: d* M- p- K+ i. M$ b. K> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' B1 r3 ^1 L- F' v0 i
> > to come to work.: R6 b% m, H- j) _0 U' ~- f
> >
6 q7 A) X0 Q- ^4 t4 b  v& i" h> > Holiday Days
! w6 n2 v3 F- J1 F3 l# P4 W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ R: I! V; a9 O* A> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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  a7 {% @2 I( [, T& K+ k> > Compassionate Leave
* D" }7 w' d- G& u  M7 G; `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: r, k3 r) J/ ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 w/ m8 |# \1 k6 U' f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ m9 W8 v' q; ^" k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 C. r# O3 X6 b) g) J# \& W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 n7 E$ g/ S) B- I
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ K- q9 d& x$ P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 Q) L. K9 x; F' R
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. N" A$ n1 |, N& H> > hour early.. D( o5 M8 b, \$ Q& G$ Q
> >
9 q! F$ u$ z1 H) F0 A7 I> > Toilet Use
* s  {9 ?' Z8 p: S5 v  ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 f' y5 c: g8 e1 s1 J4 S  ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 R# }. M1 Q- G, s& Z9 s5 b& {; m> > in the cubicles./ z2 J9 z6 I, d" B) B" V
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# u+ H  L% A( v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 c/ [: |2 j7 a2 _* m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
4 d' d% A: r1 x4 J1 s> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 e: x5 G; W% D
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 s5 j! A8 D# O: P9 Z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! y, g; P& d: H, \3 D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  q. \. N. K+ ~2 h( i# |
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& s+ v0 v% U$ J6 {# I) X, D> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
$ P$ F' L5 ^  k* h+ L5 I  D; R> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) D/ D* c, ]4 ]
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 _2 K8 Z9 T0 C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 _0 |. C; O' `- [% J
> > maintain their average figure.
: |8 R1 n6 e& t$ x* c# N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
+ s, v4 B/ t6 R1 Q* Z# r6 d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 S: y6 Z1 y/ |9 W' L8 q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% z5 E  C+ z% o6 n
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 N' b+ c- a: z, z9 f/ B3 P$ p
> > employment experience.$ n" z9 c. m" V  i, B
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 S, O5 w# t- d$ f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- R' R3 U3 j1 e1 q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" u% f5 x& Z$ F' F, H# l> > directed elsewhere.