HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:- D! T6 ^0 |# c9 z9 c- H$ ~' `
> >                     Effective January 2007
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& i4 k$ L$ ?( D' B2 l/ L> > Dress Code
' ^' s  M/ S1 z: t3 N! _  I> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 |* z* h* F' ]4 |. T. \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 X6 Z5 B' R7 m# V) |+ q$ f2 O> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" S0 F$ ~: j! w* |* n7 z, s# X> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  G8 Q+ I6 s* h. D" N> > need a pay raise.9 D" g( @' U! t# B, ~! O% j
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; Z2 C) Z% D  A6 N0 c9 _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 U! u3 Z( C' l) T+ R3 f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: F# [0 X/ B+ \) {, }
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; h5 o1 w4 s. a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 l' q6 l9 [7 _( ]) A3 ~6 E$ @> > raise.
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2 z0 W# S* F3 C( ~6 J> > Sick Days/ Z. T+ A. f% e( y3 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" z. I* c3 ?+ ?0 j
> > proof of sickness.% J9 g' Y* ^6 Q& j9 Z1 ~% Y8 S
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ ]+ @+ _3 f( a2 n2 b! M4 ^. P> > to come to work.! e2 l5 U8 g6 I. O: G4 }0 k$ [
> >
3 j5 l+ |( R) ^3 Z/ t$ j( A> > Holiday Days8 s9 C6 k5 d( }5 _4 m* \7 V% \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
  y2 [: I& c. E: r2 f6 @' {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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# W8 a% g3 G: X, ]' a# Y! K( W> > Compassionate Leave' g. j" a. B8 n8 O# z" ]! I' g. k
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% p: [* P# t3 y, b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 w  D7 ^; ~2 I: I$ u6 l! M$ u
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ Y% b8 z. ]% k$ l> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" Z7 y& g* k3 H$ X( X) b> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 W% G- N) S! {; {% m3 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 }- i: c# G( |3 _" R0 a" L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 h% l) Q; P+ W2 q3 X2 u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! B! ], }; O2 A  o/ m> > hour early.' H+ ^5 t( K8 m7 R( b  d/ ^  D
> >! A0 |4 B3 K  `
> > Toilet Use
% f5 x" t$ X3 Z, s$ a: ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
. R7 @) `$ _8 d( v0 a* s! t! T/ q* a> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 `  z1 d: @6 [# P> > in the cubicles." w; P8 {' `9 A7 t2 r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ H! B; j/ k; J0 D3 g' L
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, ?. k, ~) g9 |+ L# Q$ o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: L5 c5 z7 \; {2 j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ c3 W7 w3 m6 r/ M9 P# ^# S. f> > posted on the company notice board under the
' d1 S+ |% Z  c% e2 _, v/ O( g4 A> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 z6 M% A' G3 s$ v! S5 T
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 u+ C1 x; S) |# {) p" k& c, w8 i0 R6 v
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 Q1 c1 p. c5 Z3 K/ y3 q6 q> > policy.2 ?/ a+ }% G. y# Q  S
> >
  ~9 i+ V( H0 z( T+ I0 E, _8 n9 T> > Lunch Break7 w# E6 a) h' q# }7 f
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 m6 ^/ \( N. J' X9 W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 H5 J0 ^! Q, E% i1 Q% [# F' p
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 u5 l6 L4 U5 q
> > maintain their average figure.
6 `/ }" M- i9 z& l% U; L3 l& u8 Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* K# W0 }* L- N. j  G6 F
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 D- J1 @% X- K3 X* E: Q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 L3 f! M8 K  c" L' k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive  `1 f/ D) r, g8 h
> > employment experience.2 x9 f3 A7 p! V; Q$ `
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," W6 @0 f3 V$ Y- j% H: p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 c7 o/ l) s* I7 Q- a> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) u  r" i2 ~% P  y: N( V+ ?) z> > directed elsewhere.