To all Employees:6 F+ f/ F8 b7 E; P
> > Effective January 20070 C& Q h% R/ V
> >; S W. G! b3 j$ u
> > Dress Code 0 f+ T& S. ?6 Q# x A! X) {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed . _. ~, `# Y0 A: P6 V* ~5 F% x$ R> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& R/ S+ v, H Y; w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' n2 h# K4 k2 [2 Z7 C
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ j& u; q4 w0 J% R
> > need a pay raise.& K( y1 i" `8 A3 B9 e3 l, l7 G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 9 X( c! z/ D# u* e$ X+ q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer - e" f$ f7 ]% ^% K. f! f0 d+ {, a! J> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 F: X8 q4 I3 z# r
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! @: X J. X% e
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. }& k1 Q# J0 N% `) n3 T: F
> > raise.9 W. Y: t' e# w P& P
> > 7 ]' k d* K' R. y2 B' h8 O$ t> > Sick Days 6 V- t2 r7 d% ^7 L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. ]( B* j, @' v& a
> > proof of sickness.: W: x: G @9 G- n2 R6 L! A
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able , ?: f% b/ b- N% F# M+ e- C! @2 Y* @+ B> > to come to work.! ]8 A) g: `$ `: \
> > 9 g$ u' \ `, C6 B' I m+ R) V> > Holiday Days . }- M+ M% w# s) a; A2 _( C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 j. Y7 a& Q1 @
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 N4 \! a9 n6 p1 R) H7 I
> > 9 B% z# L! K: y0 K! L$ i+ t/ Z( ~> > Compassionate Leave5 y, {7 T4 ]6 T+ ~- a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ; V" I' X! ]* o+ D- K1 d8 F> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! V# Z; j7 e5 X) T/ B2 N
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( }: o5 Q1 n5 A" K( v" V* {6 o
> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 s, ~7 L7 C+ r5 Y! {, f! q, _
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; v8 B0 k* q7 R8 z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- i7 R' D: [" `( F1 d! Z( j/ S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work 1 n* R/ l. O0 t5 t4 K> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one ! I" @4 Q6 I3 X0 k> > hour early.; C- f$ M3 B% r- x3 E& {
> >7 O+ e! F! R/ ]/ a
> > Toilet Use ; x: Z x( F6 Y: r/ J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ N$ x: {# i1 i7 _$ H5 i
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit : z4 a, } F) G: `2 i( |> > in the cubicles. * e% d$ X3 ?( R0 H; G" L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, N1 B0 D% T0 Q$ q) u9 n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle 8 `+ B, h4 x/ y7 t6 w! D2 g: Q3 _> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 5 K, G( X2 j" _- T. S% g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be ) }6 }/ x& d h5 a: F3 h> > posted on the company notice board under the 7 j9 Q& Q0 [6 n2 S( D: h% z) f& C> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 M# |5 E" c( n. p; j$ `7 y) o
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be O, E6 P4 Z* ]+ A
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% I( [2 E7 _) V! v+ p0 Y
> > policy.& |* ?6 @8 M& X2 a5 k/ j
> >, y7 c K7 r, M! C# p
> > Lunch Break . v8 ]( }- e6 P, n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 d- p" u! I' X+ v
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. + [* b) Q) e3 v3 I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 4 H a% y$ Z: C, C$ P% H1 {# Y> > maintain their average figure.! h+ B; ]: Z' S) K9 s2 s( b8 q \( }
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time % d; Y5 |$ W3 H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 5 \& R& d2 v* X9 ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are / t+ a/ V+ \& P> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive n4 r3 F* V) z> > employment experience.% @$ V1 L6 o7 J9 x) o0 S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 0 e2 s' R4 S2 m& G; ?7 @# G3 t9 N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ) e! P- f' e) n$ ]. Z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be $ }, O3 b$ P2 N> > directed elsewhere.
