To all Employees: }5 @1 J3 q% h9 W. w% ]* g
> > Effective January 2007 * [: z0 i$ N* c, l6 l0 y. `> > q4 H) N a- n4 `: K- ?
> > Dress Code - l/ B I2 |9 V7 j3 P: z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, C4 Q$ O, R/ s% M' F
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing * O+ x. B' d& W- L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 9 K( y9 R8 A: k8 D: ]3 x& o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# z; G9 X. B& i' a! u; k
> > need a pay raise.6 q; e/ V* |" \- q- j3 W0 b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage ) O# g7 m7 ]! E( d. [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 v ^2 N6 q6 J4 U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' t" W7 g$ V" D" ?* \ {3 K+ i
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you % [5 O2 s. i9 [! W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 g' z+ y+ B, O v7 i
> > raise.5 B8 L. ?4 ~( }
> >: d# U2 q: a3 W) c$ n
> > Sick Days7 b' k2 z* D8 g' H9 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) i3 i, T' ^; F( b4 N; [
> > proof of sickness. H, [- s: b5 g; T> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able & A/ G. n. b: T, f5 W& P> > to come to work./ X9 ]& g3 |5 n/ s' o. J
> > 3 b* N" S9 z% R. n> > Holiday Days& G; Z% G" X( T# [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ) N- Y9 _3 Z- H1 ?' h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. - Y; O0 ~* S1 E/ S8 G4 h> > - y9 q6 k4 Z/ A$ A; S, k> > Compassionate Leave! W( C4 ` @- I \' K( H( r5 w( z4 |
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing : W" h4 ?8 G- w. p2 M) }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! p+ B+ |( j5 ^: }
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% _0 s: p, @1 }6 S* X. I3 n
> > employees attend to the arrangements. ; g) m% |/ r9 `6 ~+ s; m0 M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( g7 A" E, l/ N- Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the + \1 T5 r2 P" Z1 J7 A: F8 o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work : |8 a# k" m# Z7 C/ j/ p4 i> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' j" @3 h' Q4 G0 O4 I
> > hour early. * Q, y5 b0 U8 S9 i- M2 S> > - O; W) ~( d p) N> > Toilet Use $ E; H' f# V$ B> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- V+ R/ D/ A- W8 L. J: V/ K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 9 l( W# s8 }+ Q4 `- R> > in the cubicles., P1 ]2 G% I! Y$ d7 k3 o# r4 s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will % [# Z- \6 o% O+ A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) L) q; a, `9 N" t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 0 u3 {7 s5 c8 m h+ U+ _& w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 K) f& {8 u! A# Q
> > posted on the company notice board under the 6 d1 q& p5 r! K> > "Chronic Offenders" category. # k3 E0 v9 I$ n1 c7 X0 I1 _> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- \4 G- ?% s, ~# b) W( _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health ! O$ P, o7 h9 R/ k# _3 S6 I' @> > policy. 7 @4 P: T6 n& |6 B5 k> > 7 H9 O4 g9 c! f. Z& s> > Lunch Break & j' f* h) t3 g7 r {5 ]/ ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( N y1 Q3 k1 d7 p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ; l9 I3 |8 J! J( A. F8 d% y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 w! H# U$ t. o& j, H
> > maintain their average figure. ) E. ^+ }: N6 c, y* y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% G% M' x, ~& e9 G5 w, g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. + D `5 D, E3 f( T, n/ X) K( p> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) [% e( l+ E; r) I5 w
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- a; g3 ]$ U4 [: q; x8 I4 I! x. N0 m
> > employment experience.) I( x. g5 A2 _3 K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, + C6 ]2 w5 c _6 X> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- S+ {! A; M8 Q% A/ S: y/ D
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be ; r' E: j* z- o v> > directed elsewhere.
