HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! ^* |* R) T! Y  Q0 |> >                     Effective January 2007
- `6 z7 v' ~' k  J* L) Y8 s) z> >
/ v; Z/ C  V' R, }7 D- q* @2 E# z> > Dress Code1 B+ V* w6 a# |% v' H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  p. Y6 Y6 O% I! C> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ t: Z' }) y& E9 Y3 H
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, u; O$ C2 j0 I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" Z7 @8 C" f, S2 _
> > need a pay raise.
- X% A5 b/ _! ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 C+ `8 b$ F, H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: `* N( q1 Y0 k# R# p/ R% _/ [5 _6 K> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* Q2 \4 f/ m7 n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, L0 @1 W  `2 s) X$ b: j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 q% t+ x! r5 ]/ R, ^. b: K* n
> > raise.
# W: J8 d% t3 U, Q> >
$ x/ S1 B3 B) {1 X; c4 r. j> > Sick Days& {8 D4 `% H8 G3 }
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 m! i2 F* n% ~( t. N7 y
> > proof of sickness.' z1 P9 S! W9 A7 v* o2 q0 ~
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 O3 I. O+ k$ f! F, U, e> > to come to work.
+ g. ?6 g( \5 m# \* \2 k3 Y: x> >
! s9 Z2 s/ [5 }- w9 |> > Holiday Days7 @3 y1 Q0 d6 x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, v& d0 f8 A$ _3 u> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' _; ^4 ^" I6 Z: h+ C) A, ?> >
: C. O- ?; ?( i0 ^0 m> > Compassionate Leave$ K5 a; X" Y0 n$ r- O! O
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 ~0 @, ~8 o) e2 p> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ Z# ~8 B: `6 A, V: f& V% h0 Q* n> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( s. m' X3 x5 L4 @+ b: E> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& h9 J* {! I' t5 F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; @# B; @9 i4 U' H0 W# L- c8 ]( O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* h8 [# ^! c% _  F+ P! n> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: p  k9 V$ L1 x" `# ~: ~
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) q6 _! D" N4 g+ D8 j) g% j> > hour early.5 V6 l$ U: _, Q6 a% C
> >
( |' Z. a* f$ }. l. H3 r9 |> > Toilet Use
; r/ S4 |4 j) p2 G) }( s> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) H% i5 K% M4 V0 V7 v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- e+ C7 ^2 o5 K
> > in the cubicles.6 g; o7 w, z/ o: U, j
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  r3 W3 \; |+ i. F
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% x* n6 H1 W9 K* `# r% S, ]4 }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& ^8 N5 \% V, S& h3 a( R7 F( M9 e3 ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 u3 A# y6 @0 N7 C! ]$ z8 L> > posted on the company notice board under the6 p, B) C$ ^) }: L5 y; L6 b7 X7 \! M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category., g! E0 w& O1 l6 l/ T0 P4 o
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 Y) b. F/ K7 w( ]& |" V( g& ]4 |> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 U7 `0 y2 Q% p8 E> > policy.
2 t9 F6 a, B, _> >
. g0 A" l4 l  U8 n5 R7 b> > Lunch Break
8 `6 u8 Y; S; _, u. F" c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) W6 m0 I( X0 I4 l/ t5 N5 _6 O% k
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# i& x2 l7 v5 p' l, h2 l$ R
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% a8 T: U% B' \# W8 l1 ?; P; x> > maintain their average figure.4 V* S9 o7 V$ k  P" j$ W, |" o+ p
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 R4 S) e& j4 o( i2 d3 V( a> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! }" O. T: v& G/ V( ?9 U) L
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 k0 \2 z- y! F6 F8 a3 m/ f* _
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& ?0 [( L  F8 J
> > employment experience.7 _& `/ e+ q/ _" X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. w& f* `$ t/ E9 e' B+ u: w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,: U1 n. g9 q2 d% {" q' r
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ ?4 z  P8 h7 ^> > directed elsewhere.