HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 A+ S; O6 D/ R1 _. e9 Z" Q( E1 D
> >                     Effective January 2007+ q1 `; {+ ~* Z8 r0 d
> >
, U) Z7 }8 I! ~9 W8 b9 I" z) G: L> > Dress Code
$ ~$ P6 a& m/ G7 E* A2 h> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' O+ c/ n6 o7 ~5 P" S; Y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ u: U3 c! s! z8 j; Y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ E* H4 p$ J2 t" A% h
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& v% L  S- q5 Y5 v  b7 N> > need a pay raise.5 ^: p. C; T$ E3 M4 s! R3 L' v
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage1 T9 Z6 A9 Z+ o; h* }
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! x  q- T: k- B. u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 ?7 G4 h- U6 k+ P$ i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 d& C" U5 E3 P> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 V$ s% ^0 @$ i- _> > raise.
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> > Sick Days- x. Z8 X7 O( o' S8 V: @
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) w: m7 f0 ~5 O. F& I9 T> > proof of sickness.! v9 s2 i( x3 T) f2 O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. L6 D% y0 ]% X( z4 t% F6 G- G' o0 q
> > to come to work." Y$ `4 @; F" `, Q/ G
> >/ F% A5 |. E5 I$ g3 j7 g# O
> > Holiday Days! Y; A" p/ U1 D$ c! T$ R5 n
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! T1 d1 I! p$ L( l4 I2 q+ B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
! n9 c: v" W4 _1 j" D4 _: m# l> >
7 n! V! ^9 v8 J3 _4 b3 z% d> > Compassionate Leave2 b0 F" J$ _' a% U% t* d$ D2 Z, O
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 M# W$ ^/ d# U2 t> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 n4 X' t, }7 c# S! V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, w* J4 i( K( E  A; G+ r# G
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 \. w  n$ ~" p5 P
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 L( {9 q% j% @6 G" Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: c, {4 U( W; F1 s0 g, B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) |* A' t+ \- v# C/ V; E. x: V
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* ?' b0 ^2 E  q. K
> > hour early.
0 }! s0 r1 Y. G0 R* Z2 U' ~5 t> >
( o9 \! }* ~- G> > Toilet Use2 g5 F3 o7 u; O1 T4 w4 ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 p- X6 R1 O. `; s3 y+ Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 t) p+ f! Q9 f* Y' P1 F> > in the cubicles.2 C3 m: u: [- Y3 P5 H& m, `. p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 g/ Y7 t# g/ E" K
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 ]: R0 W  ~& J3 `1 T/ Y0 s> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% V3 {* g: ~4 N/ V3 N0 f> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ G4 s. r1 a1 h1 M  v( b8 C, S! N1 o1 _- K> > posted on the company notice board under the
# \: @! f! T& S3 @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& [& |- o( s3 N. [# i  I' ~, Q7 e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, K, ~2 Q3 H$ ?# i: |
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 Z0 ]" j) C" w; ?; E% @: X> > policy.4 Q% ]: t- [0 }0 Y2 B
> >  n. t% N  ]; C1 a9 j# o0 f: Z
> > Lunch Break. e/ Q/ m! J9 ~! @2 W" j- m" A' S
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% V. Z9 P0 r5 M" Y! w! C" ]
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.9 ^- x6 ^/ z6 v3 f2 h8 i
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 j/ l5 F( M7 T
> > maintain their average figure.- l: D- {6 ]) r* a: s" f# V
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 G$ R1 l1 t$ ~& I+ L. D5 G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, T: o! ~4 a9 E& x# Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ e1 k- V! G: a& y0 V2 I> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 J! w9 L) B9 c7 k" z/ s2 ?3 X4 c
> > employment experience.9 O* Q0 k6 z- l# K7 b: _
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: k. S1 _7 V' s# k& i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. [2 j! J+ i- j3 |! S& m: w> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" w4 M3 k( F4 t3 ~+ }> > directed elsewhere.