To all Employees: 9 {8 ^; [# h- h7 w4 w) r8 n/ |> > Effective January 2007 / V& Z, Q3 p7 |> > ; `1 t& x5 w8 M) R> > Dress Code( k( f+ c% ~- h d& W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 0 ]3 `8 S( n* `, ]" X; z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 9 b2 e( |+ |* g/ R& c8 L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume : G1 M9 x o4 G- ]0 r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ( ~4 T" y+ [" y0 e" J* l> > need a pay raise. 9 ]: v: @0 d5 X& i4 j> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage $ _) G2 C1 G" g4 r& [0 `" B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: @! ^+ U; o8 y/ t, ]! t" p
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. - q7 J, m5 _/ R6 R. z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% d* c5 C4 l& G8 Q& @. L S- f
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay % K/ D j' E/ }3 L> > raise.& n5 J! N! N7 O3 J0 x. k" `& q
> > ) `+ {2 i* M5 R" g4 L' D8 s> > Sick Days4 L* T8 R( a8 p2 H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as , h5 `5 n" f3 k( T+ y9 ?: L> > proof of sickness. 0 U- U* U+ A' G5 l8 g5 g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 J x3 E7 V! J, H6 v; }
> > to come to work., ]9 ^6 J& H! X1 X
> >' m! z) C; E" {1 F( a' x; f
> > Holiday Days / e% o4 G$ L5 E [5 G3 D, G> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 L. n( c, _' d' i5 c0 h
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 1 e! s' J# x% f' A> > 9 Q5 _3 q7 h9 y+ e> > Compassionate Leave - j" i* X6 {% l> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 G) a. ]$ C* v* G' n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 V( m' `" t8 S; V7 V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- F) {/ Y1 D5 O- X: n> > employees attend to the arrangements.% P& u* U! c) X* d( K
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is ' N' Q2 M4 w9 t# @! t- j. z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! d! E8 H, w+ j8 J7 q' [
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work 0 X2 k; _/ o/ ~3 I+ w, l7 ~( k, \9 l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ U, F6 f7 _2 y& M
> > hour early. , D2 t) f2 R+ q) H4 j$ b> >3 y" ~$ S" S4 H+ B# ~
> > Toilet Use1 Z6 A3 a3 r+ ^
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& b8 S% e# {! g. e! x% S* q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 q4 n" \: _. g/ |% U
> > in the cubicles.( f5 s$ b+ a' A. R1 H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will & o0 r4 L$ w' m, H5 ~# ?> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ) f9 |2 }/ H& D3 J N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. / N1 D% Q, H4 M> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* y$ l2 {0 C$ D' o
> > posted on the company notice board under the 9 Z3 v1 p1 V- X5 @/ o> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 5 [' c' z- e/ ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" E4 ]+ I% U0 Y) f% f% z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 6 ~6 I- A3 n2 |( E. d> > policy. 0 t* i' D2 o: r$ R. |# I5 `9 W> > " y; O/ Z! z, X6 G, x5 l) X> > Lunch Break* R4 n. O# N/ L4 q# J
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they - B$ d+ d1 \' N9 K9 Y9 O" y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* f4 u0 x! @: \3 p/ l# D- h
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 f1 {" x' e9 c8 N1 `5 o: e
> > maintain their average figure. ' o& B4 e9 y3 k6 J> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 6 }7 A1 W- T6 q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' u/ t* _# l+ P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" T% o2 ?0 ?* ^! Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 4 {/ x3 g3 J$ D> > employment experience. y9 m& g, H" O6 w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, . c7 r. |+ k! w; l0 h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 A, E8 g# {6 J5 ?9 x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be ' [2 s% w" R B: Q3 }* r( l> > directed elsewhere.
