HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! U) l, c7 E% v2 x2 {1 S3 {6 f3 V
> >                     Effective January 2007. V6 j2 |& e3 P2 P1 G  F9 r
> >: m% S" O1 ?) x5 @  x
> > Dress Code
+ x# s, u1 V: |4 _1 k3 P7 ?6 C> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  _: h  ?4 U5 k0 K4 z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: C8 D& x+ D+ f: P! {5 V> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 u+ K3 q7 T1 k/ H( @2 U+ l> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% _/ e. a, r( r3 r- ~> > need a pay raise.  Y6 H, w; B6 S
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 Q9 a* B" Y) p
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 Y7 m$ e: o$ N5 U3 h5 B1 x> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: U9 g: p* F, {% Q, E, A> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 l* _. ^$ x& b> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: g1 e* g# t' e$ J+ A! S7 Z> > raise.( i( p) C, u7 H- c7 L2 K. X
> >7 }. N5 V$ ~( h/ D
> > Sick Days' H1 y9 D/ j) A. l5 h
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( e% `" `. Z+ ?7 u% @1 ?: o
> > proof of sickness.8 x! K2 V6 Q2 \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 W, U& F6 p5 V* x6 V! B
> > to come to work.
& Z, Y( Q$ g- q8 C. ~. ]  M> >8 m* B2 |+ r( w" X  F' r$ Z# j1 Q- U
> > Holiday Days6 R8 A! {0 l8 }" C7 {- q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 ]& h5 w& I! I% Q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 O. f- [/ d9 P' Z# }) a
> >3 m& ]0 R( }  o
> > Compassionate Leave' d3 f1 [: }0 R( N, R" h; |: `$ j' z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, {/ U8 n4 w0 c5 d1 O2 N
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 }2 p0 A) _9 `% @3 }1 J
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  L1 B" T8 W9 A1 U, g: c; Z: I5 @: N5 O> > employees attend to the arrangements.# J+ o# I: K7 }- p
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( y+ o7 }9 Y1 h8 \' Z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; z; J! @. B. Q; n2 _
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) n  r; }) Y+ j3 k8 b
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' f$ O& L6 b& }6 G' x> > hour early.
9 w; w- G1 ^- ~5 O> >
+ w9 m2 K4 X% w# @6 h- F7 `4 {> > Toilet Use3 L* S6 I3 q. N( B, Z& c3 A8 l! y& F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 w! k% x. c! D/ K; B
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 T% d: `  ~% v6 e- d8 l
> > in the cubicles.. B+ t$ Y7 L" c7 ^6 h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 X1 p7 C: B& s) p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 i3 b; q0 ?; j) ]1 `, @
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.% _0 f% H) m" ^6 U1 Y7 z" E% {
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 P, J$ ?2 ]& X
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) I9 I9 [' L2 @1 ]) g# |# v9 a' K> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 H+ H1 i3 W! J( g2 H; B0 U" N> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) y: Q" R7 J( ]1 [7 P) o( R# I* S
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* a5 |9 X3 d9 P; }2 e  ?
> > policy.
' \# X1 t. j' r! F2 @6 v: A; I> >! {3 g. A; f3 f$ y
> > Lunch Break
$ W* p. E1 Z! L+ u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; W# D! e' }% M+ g> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 S9 o- g* F! _% Q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 D( _( @% b9 E* R> > maintain their average figure.. m4 N# n* ]3 W. [7 g4 E% q" j4 _
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 [4 J. N# x; N' h7 y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: g% ~: y  H9 J5 w( J8 k$ H( P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' j6 E; ^, l% w2 e4 s4 \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  P; R/ `* G: L. u0 h, G  u> > employment experience.
2 B7 B* m1 L6 H> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( W  B( f! [' q4 f# q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 f' Q: z6 p4 S; g) Z4 t5 O& @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# H+ e' u* f) p. ~9 g& D  M# X> > directed elsewhere.