HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ d6 \; k. T) Q> >                     Effective January 20075 a1 h' ]6 o* p* ^
> >/ [: N; a( K6 Z& E$ {
> > Dress Code
; p7 n# {* h# S+ o+ \$ w> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; [( j, g" q) D6 |$ }# s; t
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 _6 u  c3 b' U6 K! N, d# p3 w/ i' a> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 ]! T+ g) g4 K( O
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 P0 T0 V0 r6 G, E1 j
> > need a pay raise.3 @6 d" K0 p; i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. x. m' M' G7 Z6 p8 y% x
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" r* _9 v* x- e( E. b7 D1 \3 g+ k
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. B+ E% q# z' n6 _' X. L
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( |7 R4 m2 `9 X7 V. h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& G0 X  C2 Q2 w% B6 ^$ q> > raise.
) T; q2 a* z" [, u> >( `* r5 A- [; K
> > Sick Days2 B7 ~; A  y/ x% t' Y
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! w1 @9 V6 r7 H, e3 N$ d" O" G/ g) \" ?> > proof of sickness.' [* b$ F' Z- u' d7 n
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% W: d: N" w+ ], F0 ?: [) J5 Q6 m
> > to come to work.
( F. C7 C8 f9 s$ R$ k2 I1 T" _> >  R6 `: B3 Q6 K9 }* \
> > Holiday Days
# h% j9 }% z: V9 t; Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* r/ u$ {" O8 w> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% p. t& e) d6 U" E
> >
  D- e3 m5 {1 G4 Q: F* Y> > Compassionate Leave
/ f' @. T- E, l+ I! P> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 Z0 B% l5 x: }) X1 N
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ k* \- J/ \5 ]; y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& I9 K9 i& ?, Z7 k- J8 A> > employees attend to the arrangements.! q9 D$ I7 E  V1 D$ S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' c3 V: U' M3 \6 r/ E. K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 e) t% z6 j; N) n4 r2 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& v# m7 [# P! p% m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 r+ F  N; X2 y4 F' M, u> > hour early.8 X- y7 Q% R" C6 c
> >% W8 k1 x9 |  U0 P% n
> > Toilet Use. ~) ]- j8 _2 M1 f% _6 g) G" k, q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
, }. k5 J0 y, E6 ^- K> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' r$ h% ~2 M6 @* O# H
> > in the cubicles.0 m! n: c* K* \/ A8 o: l) s- L
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" l$ }* L! p" ?% Z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 k% w) a! B' p3 }- C! J: b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( e9 A! j1 q" p% @- U: i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 B: n: B( K+ n, P( i  H> > posted on the company notice board under the
( Q! y- N3 F' K  @7 T" O% }> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* }4 }; |0 R# ]2 E) e& x9 `
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. {: L& s# |8 K9 K+ J> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ z  L& @6 r; |
> > policy.% A+ \$ ~: ^3 S8 _: M6 p% ^; _
> >: m( c* y/ [, v# h
> > Lunch Break  p1 V" M: u6 Z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 V- i+ e4 _: z' A; f> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. H" F4 H! L/ c( L  n+ x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 u' W! x- x3 X' i0 [
> > maintain their average figure., I9 V0 N" c7 w$ X1 ^
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* o* }. z* p% P" V2 b7 o
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 B+ Y; T5 Y. x4 V  r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: m- ?. T$ @! E- y" \- h% ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 J* T9 @! H$ M2 d
> > employment experience.
) w2 w5 ]/ W' f& N1 B+ {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% a+ L$ |" e7 b/ l/ I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% _4 o% j+ q3 S) R3 O# Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: x# b* u& ^3 P4 r> > directed elsewhere.