HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 N! G/ r: a& y* c: U> >                     Effective January 2007
3 K& l0 U  T$ Y% L  U6 `' y3 d7 D> >
: ~+ i6 D* {* y* I( ^: G> > Dress Code
+ ?" j2 p% w0 s8 t- \2 n: F> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 D! Q& h  z& Q+ E1 t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 o3 Y0 m: ~0 V8 S$ ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( g( S& E& |, k1 _> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ ?" V( j! Y, ~/ @& [7 Y! O> > need a pay raise.8 _8 n  i& w  y/ G& @1 |. U7 Y  f' E; p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ Q* D+ l, d+ \4 |8 x9 c7 c" m> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: m6 I' ]' z' v1 s! S
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- N3 x7 |6 t  Z! p, T; p' o> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 O1 o) c3 V+ E/ _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* M& d7 W( A0 c8 Y* ~
> > raise.. }. j8 }' r& \$ a
> >8 }4 ?1 |% T( L/ o, w, t6 M, n
> > Sick Days! S) \. C8 |. O$ I2 J' S$ O
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* L! w3 e1 T! z
> > proof of sickness./ P) v) o+ i& [0 n! W6 }
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! F. O' W! f# T  Q& u- f* c4 v
> > to come to work.: G" E0 f4 s; i: C9 N+ v  K
> >
2 `9 ?/ Y4 L) w! E( u! w% g> > Holiday Days9 I5 o( c" t) U4 U: t. [6 x  g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' x, Y$ H  j- X! Q6 ^
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
7 X; X+ l$ o4 a- E9 e* R> >. e( {* N7 y; w7 Z  ^" i8 W
> > Compassionate Leave7 I/ ]  l6 p# z# O7 T7 n, f
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 O5 K; \. G+ `" Q' ~7 p
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 q' q, m$ M1 ]9 L4 w# ?* |3 q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- ~3 c; L  i3 k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ S) n4 S0 a4 }/ j- B5 t6 K& O> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 y1 H& T  o( g4 |" W/ n' e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" @: ~6 Q0 p% {% N7 l: E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! a$ r% a7 B9 s: ?4 k+ ?1 ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 J. ^: p$ y/ j& y" v* {> > hour early.2 y# X4 ?. O  W! @! m5 o. E
> >
! ~, v( r- k' I  Y1 s> > Toilet Use
" @6 ~' S. e0 o6 J" e$ _. b9 m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# m! U; ^) r$ v3 u> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( v- j! p0 r0 t% ~" X4 y> > in the cubicles.
. A- ^+ c" W0 X; Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- l6 a6 D  U! `
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ h0 U8 ?5 m" z) W/ b$ c! Z7 X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: ^! s- P  p7 P- O+ p7 i1 g; Q# q+ V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( f- w1 i/ C# x% _' r
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  K. R  J$ B2 F& r; j7 j> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ Y6 S! q8 v+ v% ]9 Q, x9 v# c
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 d7 a+ n  K2 R$ d% z5 x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' p5 _4 |+ I- I" e# n, P( q) z5 \9 v" ]> > policy.! t, B0 s1 A  b6 e
> >
- y1 G- r& ?" l! o& Z  k> > Lunch Break( e3 i* H4 R, m' }; q: f: `/ L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: }# F, H% y  Z/ k- J/ D5 F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 F, }! ?( Y# [> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to5 G, z3 n# ^  u  [, F- T" f* }
> > maintain their average figure.& w% A4 Y' k: P9 M; X$ p4 h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 \! v7 |1 R) p1 V3 O% Y# F> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 H" s  H2 \$ B; U> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; d' M! f+ F8 H. N& i> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  ^6 _; C0 g7 V7 Z) S6 V> > employment experience.6 t+ p( N! t3 O) X# X  ~: L6 i$ K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 L1 n, m% G0 ~! {9 f- v  T( U6 c> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( D, {2 W. }3 N3 c> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 g* C) S, _- a. @* i) k& U$ X> > directed elsewhere.