HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! j  a- g0 D# A, `$ J" l& F2 G7 a> >                     Effective January 2007) l' o- u+ d* u8 y8 V8 a
> >
, l- v/ C9 P  a0 \> > Dress Code
+ u/ j  o3 |5 x, V; a: W) E3 k+ n$ l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& f9 I1 r. a1 h/ Z$ e# i! q& O
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ Y( H* o( ]" l- I0 p0 o" E. B> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; F! ^2 X0 q% A) M
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, v" U. Z. Z+ l, C, ]0 [! V> > need a pay raise.5 c5 g; ?6 A. q( C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ k5 V( o4 d" [/ W' u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' c! V. C: u: |6 G
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& K. J9 A5 @# j+ f! y- G. l3 s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* T) ^- ~& N& Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* v/ y& H9 i$ U: G2 k> > raise.2 Q7 y1 {7 ~  u1 d" ^. P- ~; M6 }
> >
/ J- v! p6 _8 I5 W7 D> > Sick Days  h9 |; ?. A& {& V: @3 n+ d/ o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 |, E& a5 T$ ]5 t: ~# W& F. O> > proof of sickness.  N; Z3 U8 @8 r4 X4 D( `1 r8 n0 Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 s8 @1 W$ v3 ^& D; [& s> > to come to work.- m. i% D" N/ n5 O5 k) y+ U, P
> >. h) q: X: N6 `" ]8 w6 X- M6 G. O/ v& V1 E
> > Holiday Days( ~* E2 I& m3 t1 O8 ]8 ?9 Z4 a! v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- o$ ~3 \; B8 |/ t3 V# L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ K1 b6 S  }# q1 k- `/ r3 o> >
: I' h  C, D  z* |) ?% g> > Compassionate Leave
! n0 Q3 H1 i$ h  j, q3 H- c# B5 r> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 P! c$ _! {! n8 f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. [% [2 I" ?  W> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-$ `* |0 e7 y& G; E! v2 l2 U
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 y5 r$ N8 Y  _4 Z$ J4 x> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 k; c9 ^  m$ y7 s/ z" o: }> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 ~2 l4 s$ g3 y) ?. C7 g
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* T/ {9 }7 d" t  @8 Y  T/ Z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: F! ?$ M6 q1 h) a1 j4 O* g) Z3 h/ a
> > hour early.
: ^2 @7 z. B. N0 z> >
9 V8 N0 e4 b. U2 |7 X> > Toilet Use: H6 q8 |0 D4 W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% \& m: z! x4 H5 `: m> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. j8 o( L# H9 K; C  @- L- [: r> > in the cubicles.
" e0 P) F" [1 b' P: _! P' |3 k> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 n$ _5 q' t0 M, N> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% s3 O5 q8 X! {> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 b* [$ ?7 Z" E3 i. r9 o3 \> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# r( C6 n, m. Y4 C6 _6 `/ L# ]# t. f> > posted on the company notice board under the' n) i: \8 A% J+ |: x  m, f$ u, T$ t
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  t* ~: z+ Z( [
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) M6 \$ X3 l* u; U! W
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! X- ~  {! j: C" u$ G
> > policy., E4 B" C9 }8 Y9 {/ L1 v
> >% i6 E/ q! a# P% J* r2 x& l
> > Lunch Break
& j9 {) N% ]3 f> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 C. w; `/ `5 S8 d9 a# {  X' Q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% K, p3 [- q4 X' [! ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ u" `5 T$ s7 g/ k( {0 \8 `* I
> > maintain their average figure.9 W1 X4 u0 y2 V6 W0 k% Q' k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. I  o9 A8 S! \' v( ?9 Z& O> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ B) D5 n& `8 Z2 C& \: E( f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ N, H: _  i* ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
1 P3 B( J" f* G1 B0 e> > employment experience.
' r' ]- W, V4 E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 _7 \# o% Y# R% _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! R" {$ p, O; ~) I: p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 k, N/ H- q5 e, Y, P% b0 F
> > directed elsewhere.