HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, E0 O/ ]: S7 S8 s. e4 c' f8 _0 j> >                     Effective January 2007, w2 U  g6 m! @6 C9 U, B
> >( z# G4 ~, R  P
> > Dress Code7 p- p* j2 R' |$ a7 j1 t0 ]  s
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 \* i% O- M5 |0 Q% c% C5 L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 W$ ~0 }) G' J& x, t  G7 J
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% G, K( [; h5 M1 b> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 F3 \! u4 P- H
> > need a pay raise.
7 B5 z( M0 S3 U4 o& T! [> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 g; z4 l) l* c5 L  Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, I5 P: r: d5 R$ q- L
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ V# t! B. h3 Q# a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ v3 m7 `' v8 m  y- s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ n: z" i9 x, N5 {
> > raise.' e; Z4 {/ P: A& _0 {& c
> >
) L" }# M0 L) ~8 u5 T0 m. d/ K> > Sick Days" M! a' q3 `# O3 u8 U2 y% H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: n' Q2 Y$ i& F; [& Q& I/ o
> > proof of sickness.
7 ^+ m( J" {% |2 H, [! Y+ H+ |, z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 ?; B5 O) u5 [) V+ i+ Q3 ^/ j# @9 |, N> > to come to work.$ G& C: c4 \% x  }
> >
) _3 A" B# ~( E> > Holiday Days0 @! W1 O+ h/ ^# {$ n
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 i% W" o0 s7 ^: X: n" [> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 [/ _! q" T: {' a; _- f
> >" v5 f$ V* J0 N  O0 u0 j2 a4 C
> > Compassionate Leave: N- V% c! z, n  h" z' A
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. }6 b6 L$ y/ h$ S> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 [! [$ G* T: S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. U7 Q9 Z! [( V/ N
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 q$ @8 H9 N6 F: Y! Z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 o* V1 I! G+ [9 \# `( A" b2 I> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ V( a# ]2 b% a+ V$ u7 a5 |> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% Z7 c! Q$ W# p7 l6 v8 F
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' G  D8 G2 {7 F* d* b. C) K> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use0 E' Q$ x4 d0 |9 i* v
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ E' H" I+ P/ X6 c# j4 e5 `7 B# F% Z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" ?8 x! ~2 q2 Z/ h
> > in the cubicles.
  t8 V1 ?+ d1 W3 Y2 ]8 R8 F: K> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 c7 {* Q/ Y3 s$ I9 a' A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( V' i7 q% K  a# F
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- k& V' v2 x% b7 s* J" Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. r  D9 R1 D- M  C> > posted on the company notice board under the: k; T' t' L2 U& P- k$ g  z( F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 [3 [8 D! ]9 ^7 x) `& z5 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. T# ~- D( c: D* v, }5 \
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 c. U% L) t) R# {/ b
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
. u- w1 N  F4 i0 C$ r. c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# Z; T7 k* |; L! ~+ j. X> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% B8 M6 E% d% h" Q$ M
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ [; u: {- s3 P> > maintain their average figure.% t, c: C9 L5 \$ D  h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ V7 B6 u3 Z: ^3 l. f$ b
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ A8 q5 X% Q) P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( d% k2 x8 q( I& x3 Y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" v0 y6 K6 z+ I2 `2 Z# H> > employment experience.
( [! F, a8 s1 ^5 b> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
5 m+ l( c! I' P1 s, b; a4 h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! r6 C* i4 f  v+ `
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 Q- U: s/ \- }: h' i0 A> > directed elsewhere.