HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! S1 n! p) U3 p# Q> >                     Effective January 2007
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) R0 ?* T, ]) u+ B> > Dress Code/ @% _% i! T2 I5 Q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 @+ j- H* S) V- d# x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: r: n1 T5 z  e2 E( |- q( O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& B( S' @! K) ]" l" f6 C4 |: Q8 I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* D- Z- k- c1 v/ @> > need a pay raise.3 V# q- E. E1 _$ q% @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# d8 L, c: w# g! e( c& Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 `# n/ S: r3 F) F  q6 f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 c  d& T6 {; H& i) E, ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ C) u  H* r; d8 x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 P: o: N/ @9 E> > raise.
6 V: M. p% V6 s, N% S/ L  ]$ W3 u> >
( L" ?9 j) t) y  u4 v$ M> > Sick Days
' H1 n+ Q; w2 _8 p> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- t/ Y# R+ ?) a3 _6 `7 x
> > proof of sickness.
0 z9 t( g! a2 Y# G9 E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
, ^& u' c4 f1 H8 }4 u8 [> > to come to work.
! ]; W9 E  }; ~' Z> >
5 m; V1 z  O; h0 T2 w4 b  g> > Holiday Days5 F& r, |3 J+ ^  _
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ w, {" p$ Y( F+ A) x/ [6 `4 l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 s) c: w# w  n$ H7 P2 ~" g
> >) J; U+ i. @. ^. X' ]$ ], e
> > Compassionate Leave/ `) a) k& d: D: K0 l' }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) o/ f2 T5 O% Y, x> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: h- P. I' g$ [; s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. Q/ n% a# b2 v8 _- V" }0 Y  Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements., h6 ?4 v* T+ H0 N/ l5 D" I7 ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& Y( V5 G! I& M0 R! P  z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" X) M+ H" G( j6 c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 X$ f' |/ {$ s: ^" j* {! X
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 m; m) e9 D2 r: x" [
> > hour early.
, }, B8 T! B* x8 v  ]> >
. w, W% z1 I/ M0 G4 r! z4 R+ G> > Toilet Use
" S4 ]5 U& C& N, H> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( N) z4 z9 N; n) z4 n/ e% |> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- P4 R0 K1 x/ H2 p, Q> > in the cubicles.
9 D! R* P8 U; x' A# A> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ Q8 h9 |. n6 J/ ^& C+ L' z) p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- U: h% w' ~& y) l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* x' d- q6 r& I+ N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 Z3 o+ r- |7 B
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ f3 ~+ u- P# ]. Y9 o" S> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: Y0 n# s  l. I& L1 f' a) O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, f1 V4 a" u8 p( N1 a2 q* p> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 P7 p. `2 ~  s! N: [
> > policy.
$ j5 S; A' z; r  [; u> >
  M% X- J  f$ Q( B> > Lunch Break
- L. ]* L% \* H  b> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ O. c* H0 x$ q* x/ T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; z) Z2 ^; i- ~) ~- O+ |* a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: d. ]- s' O7 }6 [0 {- Q
> > maintain their average figure.
" p7 ]; T6 _+ \7 H, I# I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) I/ E5 P* t) C; ~7 }
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  Z: @' D' n1 b" J! K2 Q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 }/ w4 H$ {1 u2 T9 n. _> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ s1 e4 s# z9 }/ w> > employment experience.
8 {9 T) S/ m  P2 n5 H" E7 F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) n3 r# n6 D3 A: ^  O4 Y2 X* u# Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( o" Z$ A0 j% P- a) `, e7 O% e1 V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: B/ ]! ~% K$ D& |% Y( i> > directed elsewhere.