HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 |' z1 p- D5 G0 s! _> >                     Effective January 2007- D1 y# L4 [1 d" h4 U; R
> >
6 I! g0 G. f2 h, A5 {4 b& |> > Dress Code
2 {3 }  K/ r- l/ g) j1 n* K3 [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ ]+ o4 ?: S% w3 s7 \7 g5 V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, X, w$ D6 k6 O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: A' t; Z& _" M- |8 D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- y( f/ t# N/ t1 b
> > need a pay raise.# _2 r0 d# y4 W! Z1 {  @+ \; b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 Y5 c0 Z7 {# V6 I* I0 m> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! U$ D% `( n* S+ w
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; V8 J, t/ D3 S6 V, X( F
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ d. ?9 i! Y3 \9 A  b> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' k5 B6 m6 @. I  N* ~% D( v: O9 D> > raise.2 U+ `- T5 r+ s% \
> >
: m. L+ o5 x& O5 [: c  U> > Sick Days
  t) [9 p$ t: u6 }6 @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 S. }; k6 a: f& H/ J! \
> > proof of sickness.
* w7 Z. \: Q4 N4 |/ E8 a1 N# ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ d6 g0 d, L! _( v/ e: b' [
> > to come to work.! x* y6 `& s) V& h! A# s% u/ `; k
> >
  e/ _6 B2 P% B7 D3 ^8 V4 @7 G> > Holiday Days. ]# g% m( A& S* m8 K- a4 ~4 u0 J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. Z3 _, N/ k0 X" p) X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% L7 [4 }& q. Z0 @$ l0 u# _> >
& p9 F  K9 t- O, e0 E> > Compassionate Leave
( [9 F( i& q$ W$ Q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* D6 O& L7 W9 \7 h; y3 a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 h5 a6 |6 }1 S* c  W2 p; w$ J
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& h  N- r; V# m' ^- n7 v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.' _- |% C9 q; J, S* \: C3 m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# q3 A" |& R) v. t9 J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 k8 s# g" e7 o3 J3 e$ v/ d$ j. L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# p* o0 l" H9 W+ `! G1 L! Q) S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, c3 i/ }; x% T& F! e> > hour early.5 l. M+ {/ n' K9 @& y
> >
+ b) d. B, q7 M0 R" U2 Y. X> > Toilet Use  I, x  [# Q5 r  D; R! g3 M& F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& b; G' x. Z1 b* ~4 R' ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 D, z# k* Z7 n! F5 U# x2 b6 I> > in the cubicles.
3 J9 W0 B4 @- z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" D( }1 w2 G1 S8 R6 y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 m7 t7 ^+ M/ \( W1 ?# v0 H
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 j' X! R% K# q& n' @4 L
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" L+ G0 s: f# U4 q> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 g$ z% \+ O+ J  l# z  n7 t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) y3 {/ g/ S! H# t* M; K. i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* x6 D+ z# Y" E4 M3 }1 q' k0 @" ]- x* ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ x6 b+ r5 M* a, i. }2 G& k/ l
> > policy.' P/ G* b* j- Z" B* q
> >
' o/ U0 ]7 B' f" D> > Lunch Break6 J& |4 j! P2 |9 T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! i3 @, ]  x6 E+ K& ^; L
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* [' J7 `5 W+ j9 V' O/ Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 w9 r  E2 g5 y! w) Q> > maintain their average figure.
- ^* M* w1 K4 C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ }1 X& a3 f6 }/ }> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 r3 C( t( O( N5 Z* x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( Z. Y3 [) |% G% Y) [0 O& z/ @* }" {> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 u; h! c0 b/ w1 q$ ?> > employment experience.
" }3 C2 A. N- e" S9 ?0 J3 h) d1 W: e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% t; H% O7 N* L
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) Q/ I) m; v! `+ k( n. E
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ _9 p. p; n- N
> > directed elsewhere.