HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 i/ q8 t0 t# J  [
> >                     Effective January 2007
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  C. p2 f6 V. j+ Z. C+ G' s- b> > Dress Code
# t% q3 t7 v* @% i4 j1 g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! s1 c( a  Q6 D7 d> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 G2 J0 a4 V. x( R) Z  L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# }( X) [$ l- m  D1 e: T& L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 ?: _; Z, R1 f* b
> > need a pay raise.
' ^( ]! U) W3 z* K8 x) e9 q0 N& a9 m! p> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! l" w) U; g$ L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ f0 c1 E/ i" z( G4 S% [3 V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 U% e. ~; g8 B& P( Q3 F1 o" @8 Y' ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& y) C  \0 s# h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' Q5 b  |6 L: |' d> > raise./ x) l/ r1 c: l, {& {
> >8 r$ A. @0 F% S" N0 j+ Z  t" b
> > Sick Days/ H. M$ _' s# n/ z) j! m
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" l9 q! r  m* x+ B1 n6 Q2 V
> > proof of sickness.) v8 Z  S3 v4 N8 R2 e! J" d, J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 E! X% F" [: S* s7 d> > to come to work.$ u5 `9 s5 m' M! m
> >1 m+ ]9 w& t, t) w" g# n7 ]+ v- V# q
> > Holiday Days
* X2 f8 ?/ c& o! K: `2 v& `> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% L+ [0 E$ A$ `2 c
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
9 |. F/ L+ `# n5 O> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 M' r% g# _: ]8 }4 R: {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 s  {' {, R  }  U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; L# t+ c. g! U1 {! K* }
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
1 W/ C# r( J+ s: U' B> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. z" o/ Q5 X0 A0 s; S" f  t+ Y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- F7 r' x2 S% J; H
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, Q7 e8 `5 b1 n" \& W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% M3 s. ]; t+ d" S+ e5 ?+ ]> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use! s+ g' S, y; R+ h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ P5 Q0 L1 z; W/ p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ {( v4 T! ~) Z+ ~* ]+ E> > in the cubicles." V+ m' R$ \# s2 ~4 B' q5 w+ ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& w6 m8 D% H# h. p9 E2 ~$ f, \
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) A: L% L3 m4 w, t6 ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& p6 i- w7 W. h2 C2 h
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) T3 T5 E  |( m. D3 n2 e, M> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 k! p: j' a5 J9 i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: v- ]- Z6 m/ W: f4 {& n3 ^+ \
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 f3 y1 ^2 l4 W6 F  Z4 w> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  ]5 X0 B) r- [% Q6 v" |> > policy.& P. f- Z, l. C% |% [) D
> >! e3 b2 y( _1 t2 Y
> > Lunch Break" n" c" Q; e, V" J' a2 Z3 R+ Z$ h
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 H6 _' f3 M1 i8 R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 C% |( i! U! O% ^4 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; d6 p6 {3 R/ O/ n> > maintain their average figure.2 K* s5 d+ `: N4 K  r* a9 Z- V
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: b* T4 A/ \' [> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% _9 ~! C* D5 ^0 T0 u
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ {8 c9 U( H1 _/ b. j4 [& u
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) u5 m* Q) p9 t& [. [> > employment experience.7 y' R" o% G7 Q3 b% n; m- @- Q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* |% Q- ]; T, H& r9 L& d/ D> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ k6 A4 z$ k" w> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! D: f% ~1 I" A7 y# h
> > directed elsewhere.