HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 }/ Z9 x& F7 ]4 M  |> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code& ^, c4 z/ E. S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; n3 {9 w+ [; g+ Z. p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 i1 v9 A- a3 Q* x! Y, V) ?! y6 c
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 p3 C* z( s" P, x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 G6 N  v7 n6 I) T0 W
> > need a pay raise.
" S+ v3 s5 v1 q0 i> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# i0 y2 Q: Z/ I1 \+ }0 ?7 g" D0 @
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: l, L; _3 t& W3 l; d+ Z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# e# f! s  b! K. M> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, s$ p# ?& c6 x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. J7 z! u% x8 R8 I: u
> > raise.+ [. A7 U9 r/ K' C, o$ Q
> >7 f  h4 \& @- V, x: l$ }
> > Sick Days/ S6 o7 u& D" p5 w3 A7 A% C) F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 s/ D6 z* ]& J> > proof of sickness.! @- B0 f: Y9 j4 c( B. ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! T5 S/ C- Z2 L5 Z> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days& q( h6 N$ E$ \4 y+ L. e
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: K) w* r" V8 k4 n" W4 d* U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# u$ S) N" K# W5 ^> >
/ n0 }0 t( g0 D  c( g5 g( U> > Compassionate Leave2 [( n0 n7 Z( \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 A" Z8 L* G# u) k2 A! |% j> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 \7 e' I  \7 W. ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 X" R1 r  }2 ]& G> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ z& v9 l7 m; p. o9 c: _0 H6 j! y5 p) [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 h! x* ~! Z+ _& _+ I  R7 y- M
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 L( J6 u, |1 R1 a2 ]
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 f& _% m1 x6 C9 W! Y# x  U. T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 r+ D4 d  j; _6 s3 y7 Z
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use4 r- m: _: j6 ]* }% N
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& M4 h9 S7 F; `4 }( [) p9 J& f+ M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 A  t0 e# T/ S  X8 k* }. Y% s% }> > in the cubicles.4 Q. z% d+ A( j/ ?# d& w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ a# v& Y& o# D5 k& p1 d" T" r6 E; z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 [0 X: U' X, H
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ q/ @7 C) l4 L* S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
  }: {: \0 k/ J" u$ {> > posted on the company notice board under the3 J  S* [7 t' i- w5 p
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." C! J; R1 P& u2 n
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- [/ B7 P: U* b& }( f" `( D> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ C' B( O/ y0 k4 Q
> > policy.
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/ h! H. A* ^% N: A+ O3 g+ P+ d, d: N> > Lunch Break$ f) c8 }! L+ ~( d# L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 k2 C" m, U( J2 v4 p> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. U# V, C& F$ [' c( n3 \# ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* l; p! F! H$ B> > maintain their average figure.
3 F6 @8 K1 I& Q2 q: Q; U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# y% F4 t3 g$ J* |9 \# [2 P, z4 ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& _2 w# w5 R0 X1 t# \/ P2 h> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; {) k4 Z4 o* o; Y3 W7 ]
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) n3 H( ]$ S. v0 k; A; n) E" _& D
> > employment experience.
2 x" ^1 q- G$ I% {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. ^8 I! B! ~5 ~& E: x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  O% j8 {5 ]+ @2 }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! u* r8 L3 ^+ o& Z5 [. M+ V> > directed elsewhere.