HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ e+ q) e: J# W& Z: H9 Z5 A> >                     Effective January 2007' p$ |; K" @) t3 j% O& o1 Y1 P
> >
' Y3 E6 j) F9 P/ y+ S> > Dress Code9 }" d: X- l" W/ n* h6 y$ M/ B+ X2 {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- X4 e& N* U8 Z; d/ @6 `% k( E
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( A% Z! E9 Q: r9 L2 C( s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; ~* c* X4 P+ k% p+ |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% p6 b$ M1 R/ f- _/ b) ^> > need a pay raise.
5 A3 G$ @1 M: c) h+ r: i, w7 H> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! j5 C  d/ }$ b- A0 p  A0 `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- z; J. i& y+ v7 ?& o) Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 c: l7 J: `  j/ P7 b8 H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( F  {" J+ t- j; D* i9 Z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& e% ], ^$ Q* |5 y& X
> > raise.3 N: B/ P) V' b% o$ Y
> >) B$ c/ r4 H4 G8 J6 g: S0 ^1 Y1 R
> > Sick Days
1 i2 u' s; e5 v3 |- a9 X0 ?> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 x" P2 V- R. |% K> > proof of sickness.
1 Y! p# u$ Q( W# @9 s% w% l> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. T9 x* I: N5 R& E0 C6 T> > to come to work.) B3 t  Z, Q6 W" K. I
> >
0 M1 Y* P6 m/ ~: `; E% W. _> > Holiday Days
  Q8 f! e7 y" e" Y; A> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 q  s# X5 `+ K4 q; Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
2 |- f# l3 F( o% H> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; I: K( C! \" N: _3 X
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 L/ X: _* t' p5 ?> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 a. r8 D+ ?2 l6 P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. Y( a: F9 V. [4 \5 K/ V) Y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is% f6 t( e$ p9 r+ O9 `* L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 Q! J, F* V( ]! \: ]& ?> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% D% u8 Q# @6 e) ?2 h, Z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, q2 J0 N6 h7 @1 l> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use+ Z0 V1 b: e+ C9 J, G+ S" m( R
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# N4 ^1 C. N3 X, ^3 _; |! R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ j1 b2 c- ^+ H2 B! L2 U> > in the cubicles.: ~" E/ Y8 v) J4 b8 L0 F- x
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ Z+ i3 o$ s6 W% J/ E/ w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- E  r4 g9 V- r, P' [( q" j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% t8 ]6 p3 j6 _% W: c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, _+ t2 G1 X9 O% ?5 [
> > posted on the company notice board under the
; ^3 P" F; J" e: d0 Z% @# X> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 q: V5 v( G8 R! [/ u. J- b( d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  ~- p5 D1 c- A7 `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, M" s& x; ^4 T, g  m! P
> > policy.$ `$ x7 I- X7 u
> >  l6 @8 l* n8 v/ Y  Q
> > Lunch Break
  J9 \5 O& c$ J  G> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
2 n  n/ @$ L8 z6 E2 c> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ c" n4 O; c: ~" x6 c* X' g
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: V9 S; k! t; V+ r: I5 K7 x# b> > maintain their average figure.* y3 J# S* z9 I9 M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
7 {; h+ F2 ~' c, {* e  d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  g$ e7 L& }* V5 y* H
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% b3 ~! ^3 H5 p8 ]% _* L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 c2 H* \4 ^: \; A' P4 q
> > employment experience.8 B! W2 _$ S/ Q, v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ q$ a5 a1 o4 F: j, M0 j
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! p1 G3 j) q. l> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' l% W9 j) ~+ _4 Y# ~> > directed elsewhere.