HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( [. [% Y" f0 c0 [
> >                     Effective January 2007- L+ C; _2 E9 x0 s6 q
> >
5 r( V8 V* K: D! `, K> > Dress Code$ R" g- Q3 X! G7 _& x
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 m! s4 U- |- [) I" \> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 W$ @2 J. h5 W+ c! F7 r, b" L9 {> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" B. C- Y9 H( R. @2 G
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, r# B& U2 u2 y1 o6 Y
> > need a pay raise.! A' {* ]) ~: L2 P
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 [! J/ W+ {& N2 |0 P* T1 B3 R> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. t- a/ R- b. l# z- [" x& O, y. T
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& [' I! g% w/ s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% p7 r7 v0 e& u& X/ `. m2 f$ f/ X
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" Z7 \3 _# ]' m( H) ~$ J+ U7 r+ N> > raise.
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2 n- W: Q9 m( R5 X! C> > Sick Days
* |  p7 h( Z3 Z7 W5 P" \. j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 ~) h4 }- d( Y# P
> > proof of sickness.: q3 T+ o  T1 u! f' m8 x
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 B5 y, a. A. C> > to come to work.
# V5 U8 Z5 y* B! c  e+ `> >6 \. }4 ?# I! D8 t/ ?, R! z
> > Holiday Days! v% |& O, q: {. m
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 n! n% k/ Y: v3 s4 w& W  W) |
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave7 j( {' ?, ]5 x9 j2 n
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: W1 k; F  m6 c7 V
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 L2 ]# f6 n. ?8 a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 c9 i$ I, `. d. G+ Y> > employees attend to the arrangements.  y  d7 S! [) I) U3 Q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ |9 l& n# p4 \1 p
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% |/ o6 i1 O! u. n
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 W6 Y5 K/ V/ _$ P# g
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. i- I" P% J& l) c  V
> > hour early.
. F5 ^4 E; M% m! {> >
% D: G, x; m0 O> > Toilet Use, |1 h5 F/ W* h- E" I: ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 o& g; W( }; Y8 g. y+ h9 P, J> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
7 x; {7 x* G# U8 B7 [> > in the cubicles.
  o5 b* P0 y* s" Y> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* V! x* k' h$ y$ `* D% p; j$ ^) o. q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 p, s% s# z1 P/ ?7 y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 A1 ]4 S; `3 K
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 ]2 `# B. k/ o: P! E5 {1 x5 h! F  e; @> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 I2 V0 I: f3 g) y7 O3 O> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 P2 V. k0 V" K" {. g3 W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- \" m* B# U$ z/ \! D' k! z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! r* g, W9 ~/ }: D! O
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break- l- p( }; Q* M' w, A  Z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. h# ^: T' S, m1 U> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( D" g5 U: u2 K8 g" G1 W( Y. A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, x* v" Q+ h* a$ a- d> > maintain their average figure.
5 O* X/ h2 B# Q% T> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) v9 D1 g6 I  }1 c+ D! O# H3 J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; \; Q$ F/ o* N, Y0 c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 _6 Y1 h2 |' ^- e/ ]> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 s' d8 V0 d5 J
> > employment experience.0 s5 n9 S# O# U4 O
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: ^  m* }( _6 R# H* s% K> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 `' B, N5 T! g+ l3 e8 j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 Q, n/ s6 @1 l7 x; i7 v+ }* F> > directed elsewhere.