HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: E3 [% O8 X4 e( U! J> >                     Effective January 2007$ K+ h" i& ~* r
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> > Dress Code
8 Q4 v) u3 ?) n1 ^1 U2 C1 [' b> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 T/ F6 P; J! H+ Q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' }) V* Q4 v4 P6 ]' o; r! ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 S7 K* j9 {1 i9 ~1 C1 ?
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; }, N( ]  B0 f- C/ p: z. N# U> > need a pay raise.
. z6 f+ I* q4 Y2 w# d; ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 k6 x1 N& g, l- k0 s7 n1 A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. a0 X% O' L4 a
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& F. O0 w- e5 }; l# `% u' y2 d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# I5 ^& H, n5 s" b. t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. m6 a, w& _8 b! o- n6 S3 l
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days0 o; k% N1 F9 T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: s3 q7 J" |. g0 c> > proof of sickness.2 n1 L$ i1 f' [) U/ S
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" W2 o0 n- o. V+ U% B5 c2 h> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days; ~* M( I0 {' c" O1 _
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, a. Y3 f& w4 C, X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 \- G8 v( e% V) e+ [$ `$ \- l
> >  r$ V8 G) }  K& N  [$ L
> > Compassionate Leave0 V7 ]8 _, U8 }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 j6 I4 m- N) m/ g( L7 |/ M3 \
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% d6 o7 T  T( h; r  [
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. Y- o5 Z/ k  U7 f- T> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 R3 L) b: C/ A  ^7 p4 B
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" M: T% ^% Z2 ?, L! [
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) e( F/ v, ?6 H. ^% Z; L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ H; Q/ ]& P! S' Q0 F. E
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 J2 V$ E7 j& X' a9 Y- C7 S* l/ `
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
4 K0 s8 T, y- M" s" N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& n/ H; f. C' U6 k2 l* S5 M: Y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 j" E8 |" p7 k! I> > in the cubicles.5 [( H- ]0 w. d& y5 `2 U1 D- t* G
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 {. F+ c& }; U% A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 E$ e6 E2 A2 a& H* X( c) N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 z4 f. t+ x+ e: w6 ~5 g( P2 n
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" N& ^) S8 V, c; J# o6 r, q3 [' u5 `
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ o+ l# [$ L  N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 U- K# L) k4 g" B9 e( q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# A4 R- l; @6 q: [9 H* S# V5 e; t> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ T, P! d; q9 {! G: m# H; q
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break8 i, R2 {- n- P' o, q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 d  c& H# _$ y5 G8 V- S> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- H, x0 i, ?3 a+ R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; [0 S/ d3 S* F
> > maintain their average figure.5 _. K9 b) U+ }) G0 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% n8 F1 J$ Q4 _4 @' z3 c% l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 q- m% v+ _! Z+ m% P0 i- L0 E4 n1 r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 V3 j0 K% P7 l; J" g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ c$ y: Q3 ?  [! i
> > employment experience.9 O7 J% G3 _+ a6 R* m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 n' h0 y& k8 D1 j% P! F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 i' P2 n" \4 w3 I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 b9 ^" s. z0 }( \, J4 _' k> > directed elsewhere.